"Are you fucking kidding me?"

I screamed at Doctor Li, throwing down my foot in an angry stomp.

"No. He just left a few days ago."

"And you let him? You didn't think?"

"He said you were safe in the vault. We didn't…"

"No! You didn't! You fucking stupid bitch! I can't believe you would do that! Just let him take off! Where the fuck did he go?"

"Jefferson Memorial."

"You bitch, you stupid bitch."

I spun around and stormed out of the Rivet City Science Lab. I slammed the door in Charon's face, and heard him reopen it. I stormed down the hall, and kicked open the door leading to the stairs. Charon loyally followed me, and it was getting annoying.

"Stop following me!"

I turned and stomped my foot. Charon didn't even flinch at my loud shouting as it echoed and banged off the steel stairs.

"Is that an order?"

"I don't know!"

I turned around again and kept storming up the stairs. I ignored the Rivet City security as I made my way to the observation deck. There was an old man up there, but I didn't care for him. I shoved past him and walked over to where the boat was broken off. I screamed at the top of my lungs and beat the steel with my fists.

"You fucking bastard! You cock! You bitch you whore!"

I screamed and hit the metal like it was the thing that had done me wrong. Like it was my father who had left me, my mother who had died, and the entire Capitol Wasteland who depended on me when I can't even depend on myself. Everyone was counting on me, everyone was asking me to do something. Even Dr. Li and her fucking bitchiness was asking me for help. I knew it, I knew she was going to but didn't want to outright ask it. Especially since I had flipped out on her. She hadn't seen me since the days I was born, and now she had, and she'd seen me at my worst.

"Fuck!"

I yelled, hitting the steel once more. I cannot do this. I cannot be running all over the desert and city looking for my father. It was simply impossible! What about my life? What about me? Had anyone ever asked me what I wanted? I never wanted to leave the vault, I never wanted to be here now and doing this. I sobbed loudly, letting everything out except tears. I could scream, kick and fight, but I would not cry again. I will not be weak and vulnerable anymore.

Shaking my head, I looked over at the old man. Charon was standing a ways behind me, smoking a cigarette. I walked over to the old man, and as I got closer I heard him rambling to himself.

"Don't do it."

I said, standing next to him.

"You are wanted, people do care. Don't let your vices take over you. You matter, old man."

He looked at me. His face was wrinkled and dry, and he smelt like liquor. He nodded at me, and went back inside. I felt I had done a good deed. I felt like shit for doing it. Why do I continue to be nice to people who I don't know? Who I don't even care about? I clenched and unclenched my fists at my sides, and looked down. The river of water flowed and splashed against the boat. I wanted to dive into that water. Dive in to the very bottom and never come up.

Turning, I saw Charon was watching me. I walked over to him, anger still fresh in my eyes.

"I don't want you following me anymore."

He flicked his cigarette to the side and blew smoke out.

"You are the holder of my contract."

"Go to Megaton and take it. I don't want you around."
He eyed me up and down. I wanted him around, but I couldn't have him. I couldn't have someone around who lied to me like he had. Who had fooled me and pretended he gave a damn about my life. He only cared about himself.

"I will be in Underworld if you need my services."

"I'm not going to go there and get you, Charon. You need to go and get your contract."

"I think you can deliver it to me, if you are so adamant."

"I am not your delivery girl."

He smirked at me, crossing his arms and spreading his legs.

"So, you are saying you are no longer my employer then?"

"That's right, Charon."

I felt him reach out and touch my shoulder. Quickly, I pulled away from him, and shoved him into the wall he was standing against.

"Don't you ever touch me again!"

He is stronger than me. He always has been, and I know he always will be. I am not one for combat, I am not good at it. I prefer guns and ammunition rather than fist-to-fist. He shoved me off of him, and I fell onto the steel floor.

"You are my employer, and until I receive my contract that is the agreement."

I glared up at him, still sitting on the ground.

"I said leave!"

He leaned back against the wall, and shook his head.

"No."

"That is an order!"

"Where would you wish me to go?"

"Away from me! Far away! Don't follow me! Take your stupid contract and go!"

"Very well."

I watched him as he went back into the ship. I let out a wail that could be matched to a dying animal's cry. I pounded the floor with my bare hands, over and over again. Why did this fucking place condemn me so much? Had I been so rotten and evil since leaving the vault that I deserved all of this? Had I been so…so cruel?

I wailed and cried out to nothing. It hurt so much, it was so hard to breathe. I saw my hair on the side of my face as I stared at the steel floor. Charon was gone, it was for the better, the greater good of my own sanity. So why did it hurt so much? Looking up at the sun, at the edge of the boat, I heard the waves crashing against it. I stood up, and ran. I ran at full speed to the edge of Rivet City, and kicked off the edge. For the first time in my life, I'm flying.

I felt the wind in my hair as I tumbled down the boat. I could feel my heart racing, pounding over and over in my chest. I smiled up at the sky as my body turned on its back, free-falling. Closing my eyes, I felt myself made contact with the water. It hit me hard, knocking the wind out of me. I couldn't bear the shame of the world anymore. I just couldn't.

The piano was in front of me. It played beautiful notes and made noises that made my heart bleed. I was in the vault, singing along with the music. I looked up as a set of hands appeared beside mine. She was dark-skinned, with white hair.

"Mom?"

I heard myself say. She looked at me, smiling. Jesus fuck she's beautiful. I smiled back at her, my fingers not missing a note.

"You have my smile, love."

"I didn't know that."

"You do, love, you do."

"I miss you momma…I miss you."

"I know you do sweetheart, I know."

I felt so warm sitting next to her. I looked back at my hands, and saw how small they were. I was in the vault suit, and I was small. I was a little girl again, playing music with my mother. I felt so warm here, like for the first time I could taste true happiness.

"You have so much to live for, baby."

I looked up at my mother as we played together. Neither one of us missed a note, as if we were in unison with one another.

"No I don't momma. I don't. Dad left me, I don't have anything anymore."

"Oh honey, you don't even know what lies ahead of you."

"Nothing, momma. Nothing."

"You are meant for so much more than this."

"Can't I just stay here, with you? I love it here so much. It's so warm and peaceful…"

"I'm afraid not, honey. You're needed back home."

"I don't have a home anymore, mom. They all left me."

I hit the keys effortlessly. My mother smiled at me, her eyes shining. They're deep brown, just like mine. She's perfect, you know. She is.

"You'll see in time, baby. But you must go back now. People need you."

"No, momma. I want to stay with you."

"Not now, but you can come back later. It's too soon now."

"Please momma, let me stay…"

I felt my hands slipping off the keys. I felt wet all over like I was sweating. The warmth from the room became unbearably hot. I started breathing heavy, and shaking.

"Momma don't leave me!"

She smiled at me, the room began to fade. I tried to reach out and touch her, but I couldn't. She kept drifting away and fazing out. I cried, hearing my small voice in my ears.

"I miss you momma! I miss you! Don't leave me!"

It all vanished. Like it never had been. I shook my head, closing my eyes. My body burnt, hot and wet. I felt pain and pressure on my chest, pressing down hard. Up and down, up and down. I moved my arms, my eyes still closed. Soft soil moved under me. I heard my legs splashing in water. I felt someone's mouth cover mine and breathe into me, filling my lungs with air. I wanted to tell them to stop, to leave me alone, but I couldn't speak. I couldn't open my eyes.

I felt the pressure again, hard, hurting my ribcage. I kicked my leg, trying to tell whomever it was, or whatever it was, to just leave. I felt pressure closing my nose, and more air coming in through my mouth. Finally, as they pulled away from my mouth, I coughed. Water flowed out of my mouth, and I opened my eyes. The bright, setting sun blinded me, and I felt them roll around in my head. Someone began slapping my face, not hard, but trying to get me to focus.

"Dez…Dez can you hear me? Dez are you alright?"

I moved my head, blinking hard. I wanted to talk, but I couldn't find my voice just yet. I wanted to tell them to leave me here. Leave me and let me soak in this warm, warm sun. I could still hear that piano way back in my mind. The pressure returned to my chest, and I lifted my arm, hitting them.

"No…"

I muttered, shaking. I blinked again, and everything came into focus. Rivet City was above me, mocking me. Did I try to kill myself? No…No I just wanted to fly. I didn't want to die yet. My body ached all over, but it was bearable. I looked to my left, at the person who was annoyingly close. Who had almost snapped my ribcage during CPR. I spit more water out and took a big gulp of air in. I felt my body come back to life. Charon sat on his knees next to me.

"Dez, are you alright?"

I sat up, still groggy. I looked at him.

"Wha…what?"

"Jesus fuck Dezbe! What the hell were you thinking? You could've gotten yourself killed!"

His voice echoed in my water-logged ears.

"My…my mother…I saw my mom…"

"Oh great now you're telling me you're on drugs? What is it? More Jet?"

I looked at Charon, too tired for angry arguments.

"No…No move."

He got up and I stood. Shakily, but I stood. I rubbed my head, and my back was horribly sore. I had taken quite the fall. I guess water can hurt, if you're going fast enough.

"Dezbe, answer me. Are you alright?"

I looked at Charon, my hair matted to my skull.

"Yeah, yeah I'm alright."

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Charon stop…hang on…"

I wobbled on my own legs, trying to get my bearings. I had seen my mother. Looking up at Charon, he didn't seem recognizable to me. It was Charon, but my brain had a hard time processing it. I shook my head to each side, letting the water drip out.

"I'm…I'm cold, Charon."

I was overheating, but I was shivering. I didn't know what it all meant.

"Come, we'll get you fixed up."

He helped me up to Rivet City. People moved aside as we walked. He didn't touch me, like I had thought he would. He walked very close to me, and if I was about to fall he bumped me back up. He led me to Vera's and dug caps out of my bag. He rented a back room, and led me to it.

"Wait here."

He told me and left. I sat on the naval cot that hung from the wall, shaking in my wet leather. My mind was still coming back into it's usual set, but it was hard. I was mad at Charon still, undeniably so, but I couldn't act on it. I tried to remember how I had seen my mother, and what we were doing. It wouldn't come back to me. I couldn't recall anything but a fuzzy outline. I know she spoke to me, but I can't remember what she said.

I heard the door open, but I didn't look up. I kept shaking my head, trying to remember what I'd seen and heard.

"Here."

Charon tossed me a towel and some dry clothes. He stood against the far wall on the other side of the room, his arms crossed, his eyes closed. I didn't thank him, I just turned my back to him and undressed. I took the gauze off my stomach, and looked at the still angry hole. It would be fine without the gauze.

Rubbing the towel over my head, I closed my eyes. I felt the towel soaking up all the water, and I felt goose bumps going every which way. Picking up the warm clothes, I put them on. They were loose fitting Wastelander type shit, but I didn't care. They were warm. I glanced back at Charon, wiping my hands on the towel.

"Are you going to just stand there?"

I tossed the towel near the door. He opened his eyes and glared at me.

"What would you wish me to do?"

I shrugged. I was still angry with him, very angry, but I couldn't fight now. I was too damn tired. I laid on the naval cot, putting my hands behind my head.

"I'm going to the Jefferson Memorial tomorrow. You can come, if you want."

"Do you wish me to come?"

"I don't give two shits what you do, Charon."

I turned my body away from him, and curled in the fetal position. In my head, I played music from the piano keys. I could hear Charon's steady breathing over the creaking and groans of the ship. I didn't feel like sleeping. I just wanted to rest, to build up my energy. I held back the same tears that I had on the top of the landing deck area. I turned my head, and stole a glance at Charon. His eyes were closed, and his head was done. I put my head back and looked at my hands. My long fingered, wide-palmed, calloused hands. I rubbed my arm, feeling how my skin was becoming rough. I was alone on this bed.

I should be used to this hanging sense of loneliness, but…I wasn't. I had been, I had been fine and perfectly imperfect before I knocked heads with Charon. Before he had come into my life like a windstorm raging. Before he offered me his hand, his shoulder to lean on, his body for protection. In a few nights, I wasn't myself anymore. I had gotten lost in a false sense of security from a man who couldn't differentiate between contract and emotions. I curled my arms under me, warming them with the ragged clothes I wore.

Vault law was vicious. The Wastes were worse. Amata used to say love only comes once, if you're lucky. My father used to tell me that science could solve anything. Jonas used to tell me to keep my chin up. I don't remember what anyone else said to me. Maybe it wasn't important enough for me to remember. I clutched my stomach, trying to hold something down. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't going to come up. I growled at myself, and turned around to face Charon.

He stood, strong and silent. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his eyes were closed. He leaned against the steel wall, ignoring any form of pain the rivets in the steel might give him. I sighed, quietly so he wouldn't notice me. I didn't want him to notice me. I wanted to take in his appearance and try to submerge the rising mix of emotions that were about to surface.

"What are you staring at?"

I heard him ask in his gruff, guttural voice. I didn't even know he knew.

"You."

"Why?"

I sat up and pulled myself off the naval cot. My body ached everywhere, but I didn't care. I grabbed my gun and pack, and didn't bother changing back into my wet clothes.

"No reason."

I shoved my armor in my pack and slung it over my back. I shook my still-wet hair, and opened the door.

"Dez, where are you going?"

I looked at him, angry.

"The Jefferson Memorial. Where else?"

He didn't argue with me, and against my better internal judgment I let him follow me. Vera wasn't going to give us a refund, so I didn't bother asking. She didn't even give us a look as we walked out. I was glad for that. She was worse than Myra in Megaton. If that's even her name.