Every mistake I make
From now on
I'll turn around
I'll make it, I'll make it right
And every truth I fake I
Might hurt someone
I'll make it, I'll make it alright

Make It Right by New Found Glory

For the 30th time that night her phone goes straight to voicemail.

"Mer, I'm sorry. I won't stop calling. Not until you talk to me. Please. I'm sorry. Please, just.. just let me explain. Please."

I snap the phone shut and chuck it on the bed next to me. I hear the door open and lift my head to see it's only Mark.

"Oh." I say flopping back down and staring at the ceiling.

"Well, thanks. Here." He says passing me a bottle of scotch.

"Thanks." I say ripping the lid off and taking a sip.

"I saw her."

"Yeah..?"

"She walked away. She wants.. she needs space. We have to give her space."

"We?"

"Yeah, seems she's just as pissed with me as you. Apparently sticking by you makes me on the same side, we both lied in her eyes. And she's right. We did."

I close my eyes. "I just. I couldn't admit the truth to her. I was away from Addison, while I was with Mer, the fact we had no pasts, it made it easier."

"I know. I don't blame you Derek." He says putting his hand on my shoulder.

"This just sucks."

"I know man. I know."

The next day I drive in to work with Mark, I barely ate, quickly showered and couldn't be bothered to shave either. Sleep last night was a long time coming so I know that I look a wreck. Especially after Mark so nicely pointed it out when I opened the trailer door for him this morning.

I take the chart for my first patient of the day and walk into the room to see the bed surrounded by Bailey and her five interns. After a few weeks a intern called Alex Karev, who dates Izzie, was transferred onto her group.

"Morning." I say, my voice husky from lack of sleep, to the group. Out of the corner of my eye I notice Izzie and Cristina glare at me, but my eyes are on Meredith. Or the little that I can see of her since the two guys are practically blocking her from me. I sigh and turn to the patient.

"Who's presenting?" I ask the room at large.

I look in shock as the two guys stand a little further apart allowing Meredith to speak up only talking to Bailey and ignoring me completely.

"Martin Handler, 34, complained of headaches, brought in for a Grand Mal seizure last night. Scan show a small tumour on the frontal lobe."

"How do we proceed?"

"Further scanning before taking into the OR for a removal of the tumour."

"Post op?"

"Post op treatment of radiation and chemotherapy with 6 month regular check up scans."

"Well done Grey. Prep him and I'll see you in the OR." I leave the room before the interns can glare at me any more. Standing outside Bailey walks past.

"Damn stupid man." She says shaking her head at me.

"I know."

She whirls round obviously not expecting me to answer. Squaring up to me she says "Good. You better know Shep. Now, you better fix my intern or I will make you're life a living hell. You get me?"

I nod.

"Good." She glares at me. Her eyes soften momentarily as she adds before walking away, "Don't mess her about Shepherd. She deserves better than that."

"I know." I repeat, closing my eyes and leaning back against the wall.

I'll make it right. At least I won't stop trying.