I don't own Big Time Rush.
"How could he do this to me?"
That was the only sentence stringing from Carlos' mouth over and over as he drove down the black pavement, his hands gripping so tightly on the steering wheel it hurt. He was crying, his eyes beginning to sting as he attempted to follow the small yellow lines painted on the road as best he could. He knew he must look stupid to passersby.
Even though only one sentence was being said, there was two million things speeding through Carlos' mind. He tried to think up an alibi for the whole situation, but no explanation would supress the internal pain the raven haired man was feeling at the moment. How could James do this to him? They had been together for what seemed to be the longest time, the bond they were beginning to share growing stronger than ever, Carlos had thought.
Not even bothering to roll his window up, Carlos yanked his keys from the ignition of his car, slamming his door as he ran up the stairs of his apartment building.
Throwing himself into his home, Carlos leaned against the front door for a moment, staying still as if he was contemplating what to do. His dark brown eyes shifted from left to right, his chest beginning to well with depression. It hurt tremendously, hurling his breath into long, gasping cries.
"How could you do this to me?" Carlos sobbed as he slid to the hardwood floor, his butt softly hitting the surface as he pictured his adulterous boyfriend in the arms of their 'fallen' friend. He was sure he should be asking himself how in the world Kendall was even alive, but it seemed like a inadequate question at the moment. All that mattered was that his heart had been broken, his insides feeling as though they had been lit on fire and burning into ashes.
He thought about confronting James as soon as he walked through that door, shoving him and crying out obscenities as he proded for an explanation for his unfaithful ways. But really, he just wanted to scream at James for being so terrible, making Carlos feel like a good-for-nothing.
Surprisingly, being the agressor he was, Carlos found himself digressing from the idea of fighting with James. He felt as though it was pointless to put himself through any more hardships for the night, and thought it would best be delt with in the morning. Quite frankly, Carlos hadn't cried like that since Kendall had supposedly died, and he was exsauhsted.
Wiping his damp eyes on his sweat shirt's sleeve, Carlos propped himself up onto his feet, kicking off his Toms and walking into the kitchen.
He had promised James he would come home to his favorite meal.
xxxx
"Why can't I come home with you?" Kendall frowned softly into James' chest as they sat on the long swinging chair suspended above Logan's porch. James bit down across his bottom lip, stroking his fingers over Kendall's shaven head. It felt so different from his old, long golden hair.
"I just had it de-bugged, the crew probably left my apartment a wreck," James fed off of his earlier lie, giving himself a mental trophy for being able to keep up with his excuses. Over the past few hours, James' mind had shifted over to the thought of his current boyfriend, Carlos, who was at home now making him a delicious meal. The brunette sighed, feeling that onslaught of guilt wash over him once again. "And besides, I'm sure Katie wants you to stay over here, you know, to catch up with her big bro."
"That's true," Kendall started, his half lidded eyes watching over the swaying grass in Logan's front lawn. "I just wanted to be with you tonight,"
James knew that tone all too well, the blonde's voice sending a rushing wave of arousal through the taller man's body, making him feel even guiltier than before.
"I'll see you later Kendall," James sighed quickly before rising from the chair, making the chains holding it rattle. Kendall fell to the side at the loss of support on his body, then jumbled to his feet as well.
"You're leaving already?" The blonde's dark eyebrows turned upward in sadness, his fingers flicking his burnt out cigarette to the side. Smiling down at the shorter man, James placed a soft kiss to his pinkened lips. "I'm really tired. Love you though."
"I love you too. Oh, when did you say Carlos was coming back? I'd love to see him." James' throat seemed to tighten at this question, causing him to gulp down saliva unnecessarily.
"I-I don't know."
xxxx
"Carlos? I'm home," James announced as he entered his shared apartment nervously, chewing heavily on two pieces of gum. There was no way he was going to let Carlos taste his smoky breath, left on his tonuge by Kendall.
As he bent down to untie his shoe, he breathed in pleasantly, welcoming the delicious smell of Enchiladas into his nostrils. James smiled, forgetting his sins and remembering how Carlos had promised him to make his favorite dish. Kicking off his sneakers, James walked into the kitchen, seeing Carlos standing in front of the stove.
"Hey," James smiled at his boyfriend, before noticing that the Latino had headphones wedged into his ears. The faint sound of music was eminating from them as the tall man approached, leaning against the refrigerator to Carlos' left. Suddenly noticing James, Carlos tugged the earbuds out, staring up at his boyfriend with pinkish eyes.
"Hey James." Carlos averted his stare back down to the food, which was finished cooking. The black haired man reached up into the cupboard and grabbed a plate, placing the mexican dish carefully onto the ceramic surface with a spatula. James took the plate from him, fishing a fork from the drawer in front of him. "Thanks baby, I'm starving."
"De nada," Carlos commented in a faux happy voice, sounding a little more monotone than he had liked to. James unfortunately, seemed to notice.
"Why didn't you make yourself any?" The brunette set his food down on the kitchen table, walking back over to Carlos, who was now turning the stove off. "I'm not really that hungry. I think I'm just gonna go to bed."
"Hey, tell me what's wrong," James grabbed Carlos' forearm as the Hispanic man had begun to walk away. Stopping dredfully stiff in his spot, Carlos could feel the bottoms of his eyes swelling with tears again. Yet, he held back his pain.
"I'm just tired from work." Carlos was tired, but however, not from his day job at the ice rink teaching hockey, rather from crying for the past couple of hours. James heard a bit of shakiness in Carlos' voice, and turned him around to face him.
"Stop lying to me and tell me what's bothering my baby," James smiled down at him, seeing the wetness consuming Carlos' eyes.
"Stop lying to me..."
Carlos could have punched his boyfriend in the face at that very moment. Stop lying to him? Nevertheless, the shorter man plastered on a fake smile, just to amuse his lover.
"I just missed you, is all."