A/N: I just want to take the time to thank everyone who has red and replied to this story. Without your support this story would not have made it past the fourth chapter. For more information on the implant go to Wikipedia. They have the more in depth information that I have found. This story picks up a few days after Lauren asked to get the implant. If I tell you anything more, I'll give away something very big. As always I own nothing. Anthony, Pam and Carol for President! Yes I think they can share the office!
Chapter 14: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
Danny Messer had a huge decision to make. Lauren's operation was going to be long and difficult process. From what he had been reading online and from other parents of his daughter's friends who had gotten the device, Lauren may not be a match for the program. Because Lauren had been deaf since birth, the process to retrain her brain was going to be hard. Harder than anything else they had ever gone through. Both he and Lindsay discussed it with Lauren that even though she has the desire to hear, desire might not be strong enough. For the past month Lauren had seen specialists, shrinks, talked to other people about the implant. Danny and Lindsay attended meetings of parents of children with the implant just to hear other sides of the arguments.
Finally the day arrived when Lauren's audiologist, Dr. Gregory Davis would give the three of them the good or bad news. Danny and Lindsay told Lauren not to get her hopes up of the thought of Dr. Davis saying yes. They wanted her prepared for either answer. Lauren understood the reasons why she wouldn't be allowed to receive the implant. She had a lot of factors working against her. She had no residual hearing. She had been deaf her entire life. She had very little language skills. But the things she had going for her to excel with the implant were invaluable. She had her parents, her extended family at the NYPD, Ryah and Henry, Nanna and Poppa Messer and Poppa Monroe. So many people who were willing to work with her everyday to help her retrain her brain.
Lauren sat in between her parents clutching their hands as Dr. Davis went over her large file. He set the chart down and began to both speak and sign. "I have it on good authority that we will be able to go through with the implant."
A smile engulfed Lauren's face. Tears stung Lindsay's eyes and Danny wasn't doing to well either. Lauren reached for her mother, hugging her tightly. She then turned to Danny, doing the same. Once they calmed, Dr. Davis began to discuss the actual operation with them.
"I think that it would be best for Lauren to have the implant in both ears," Dr. Davis began. "Because she has no residual hearing to begin with there is no danger to destroying what hearing she has left. The operation itself could take anywhere between an hour and five hours. I would like to keep her a few days in the hospital to watch for infection. Two to three weeks after the device is implanted she'll come back and we'll activate the device."
"How long will it be before I hear anything?" Lauren asked.
"The results will not be immediate," Dr. Davis answered. "It's going to take work. Intensive speech therapy will be needed. But you have the strength and the desire to go through with this that you will be hearing in no time at all."
Dr. Davis opened his scheduler and flipped ahead five weeks. They scheduled Lauren's operation and were free to go. Danny took them to his and Lindsay's special Italian place and they shared cannolis, coffee and tea. Later that night Danny and Lindsay cuddled together on the couch. Lindsay's mind was 2300 miles away at a small house in Montana. Despite being married for 13 years Lorna Monroe had yet to meet Danny and Lauren. Sam, her father made yearly trips to the city to visit but Lorna would never come with him, ever.
"I'm going to make my mother come to the city for Lauren's operation," Lindsay said, lying her head on Danny's shoulder.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Danny asked, playing with her hair. "We've invited her several times and she has never come once. What makes you think she's going to come now?"
"I don't know Danny," Lindsay sighed. "I haven't asked her for anything in my life. Nothing; not shoes or money for prom anything. I want her to see what she's been missing all my life. Danny she didn't even come to our wedding."
"I'm not saying to not tell her that you want here," Danny said, wiggling on the couch to look her in the eyes. "I think that you should sleep on it and follow your heart. We have to remember this is for that beautiful young lady upstairs and not about a long standing battle between mother and daughter." He lovingly placed his hand on her cheek.
"You don't get it, do you Danny?" Lindsay questioned, pulling his hand away. "Your parents supported and loved you the way parents are supposed to support and love their kids. My mother demeaned me, made me feel like I was worthless my entire life. Nothing I did was ever good enough for her. But it's because of her that I am the way that I am. She needs to see that."
"I know Lindsay," Danny murmured. "I understand completely. I'll be with you every step you decide to take.You won't have to face her alone."
"I love you Danny," Lindsay whispered, lying her head on his shoulder. "Have I said that enough today? I mean to Lauren and to you?"
"Yeah you have Linds," Danny whispered back. "I think you tell her that more than I do."
That next afternoon Lindsay picked up the phone to call her father. She was going to tell him about Lauren's operation and then ask to speak with her mother. She knew what she was going to say and she was prepared. With Danny by her side she dialed the numbers. In a quiet little country house the phone rang. Sam Monroe picked up the phone.
"Hello?" he answered.
"Hi Daddy," Lindsay greeted. "It's Lindsay."
"Lindsay! I was hoping you'd call? How did the meeting go with Dr. Davis?"
"That's actually why I'm calling," Lindsay said. "He gave the go ahead for Lauren's implants. She's going to get one in each ear. We thought that she would only the implant in one ear but Dr. Davis said that because Lauren has no residual hearing that it wouldn't do any harm to try the implant in both ears."
"That's great news, Lindsay!" Sam exclaimed. "When is the operation?"
"Thursday the 12th of November at 8:30am. Dr. Davis said it could take one to five hours."
"I'll be there," Sam said with no hesitation. "I'll try to talk your mother into coming as well, Lindsay but I wouldn't get your hopes up."
"Is she home now?" Lindsay asked, moving on to the real reason why she called.
"I think so," Sam answered. "Do you want to talk to her?"
Lindsay could hear the hesitation in her father's voice. She knew that he hated what her mother was like but in his upbringing, divorce was not an option. Had it been he would have left Lorna and taken Lindsay with him. If he had he knew that her life would have been so very different.
"Yes Daddy," Lindsay said. "I want to tell her about Lauren's operation myself."
"Lorna!" Sam yelled. "Lindsay wants to talk to you!"
"I'm not here!" Lindsay heard her mother yell.
"You get down here and talk to your daughter Lorna Monroe!"
"Fine!" Lorna picks up the phone in her bedroom and sits down on the bed. She crosses her leg over the other. "What is it Lindsay?"
"Mother, I want you to come to New York with Dad and meet your son in law and granddaughter," Lindsay said.
"I don't think it will be possible. I have things to do," Lorna said.
"I have kept my mouth shut about a lot of things you have done to me in my life. I have let you control me, belittle me, blame me for things that were not at all my fault. But not anymore. You have missed out on so much of your granddaughter's life for what reasons I have no idea anymore. God damnit Mother, I'm your daughter too!"
Tears were brimming in her eyes as she was speaking to her mother. Her free hand was gripping Danny's tightly. He held her close, giving her what strength he could. Lindsay didn't wait for a response from her mother before she continued.
"What did I ever do to deserve the way you and Carrie treated me? All I ever wanted was you to accept me Mother. I know Carrie was beautiful and talented, but so was I. Maybe not in the ways that Carrie was but in my own way. Why? I want to know why."
"Because I didn't want another child," Lorna said, after a pause. "I had my boy and my girl and I was done. I went on the Pill and everything was fine. Until that winter we were snowed in and I couldn't get to the pharmacy to pick up the next months supply. You were an accident Lindsay. I never wanted you, at all."
Tears were catching in Lindsay's voice. She didn't know what to say.
"Mom, you don't mean that. Was there ever a time when you loved me at all, even for a brief moment?"
"There might have been in a weak moment when you were three and sound asleep."
"I know you don't care or even want to come out, but there is a wonderful, beautiful girl who longs to meet her grandmother. I have never asked you for anything in my entire life, Mother, but I am asking you now. Please, please come to New York to see me and my family. After that, if you choose to never be a part of my life ever again, I won't say a word. But please Mom, please come meet Lauren, your granddaughter. Please."
Lorna was silent on the other end of the line. She wasn't sure of what to do. Shutting Lindsay out was easier than dealing with everything. She didn't have any regrets about not going to Lindsay's wedding or sending anything on her own accord for her granddaughter. As far as Lorna Monroe was concerned she had two children, Tanner and Carrie. She hung up the phone and sighed. She got up from her bed and walked downstairs and faced her husband of forty plus years.
"I am getting on a plane November the first," Sam said, slowly. "I am going to go be with our daughter and her family. If you choose to not come with me, I will expect you to be moved out of this house and gone when I return in December. It's your choice Lorna."
With that Sam walked past his wife and didn't even look back. He climbed the stairs and slammed the door to their bedroom, the echo in the silent house was louder than the angeriest shout.
Lindsay dropped the phone to her lap and fell into the loving arms of the man she had fallen in love with so many years ago. Her one true pillar of strength and love. She cried into his shoulder, sobbing and punching the couch with all her might. Danny held her and soothed away her doubts and demons like he had done that first night she came to him, shaken from a nightmare.
Three weeks later a familiar face joined the Messer family. Poppa Monroe had arrived, alone. No one was surprised in the least. He of course didn't come empty handed. He brought gifts for everyone. For Lindsay, her brought seeds for the Indian Paintbrush flower to add to their garden. For Danny, he brought a cookbook with 700 different ways to make chili. And for his precious Lauren, he brought her a genuine Bald Eagle's feather that he had found on the range a few months back. The quill had been beaded by the old Lakota woman at the end of the road that his farm laid on.
The day arrived for Lauren to have her operation. It was like a small army invaded the small waiting room of Mercy's surgical floor. Mac, Stella, Peyton, Hawkes, Flack, Adam and even Sid sat in the waiting room with Danny and Lindsay. It was a tense time for the Messer parents. They knew that it could take longer than they had anticipated but still they waited. The extended family talked quietly amongst themselves. Olivia, Gino, Sam, Danny and Lindsay sat close to each other just waiting for the news that the operation was complete.
Four hours and thirty seven minutes later a man in blue scrubs came into the waiting room. "Mr. and Mrs. Messer?" he called.
Danny and Lindsay stood up and went over to the doctor. He led them away from the extended family to a quieter area of the surgical wing.
"Mr. and Mrs. Messer, my name Reggie Epps and I was the surgical resident assisting Dr. Davis," Reggie began. "Dr. Davis is observing Lauren at the moment and he will be able to go over the more detailed of the operation. Lauren did great and is in recovery. You may go see her shortly. At this time we are only allowing immediate family to visit."
"Thank you," Danny said shaking Reggie's hand. He put his arm around Lindsay and they walked back to the family. They retold what Dr. Epps had said and told them that only Danny's parents and Lindsay's dad would be allowed to visit Lauren at this time. The five of them followed Dr. Epps to the recovery ward. Sitting up in her bed reading one of the dozen books she had brought with her was Lauren. She looked a little funny with the large patches of hair missing from behind her ears. She set her book down for a moment and saw her parents and grandparents watching her. She waved at them.
They gathered around her and hugged her tightly, without damaging the IVs in her arm. They all wished her well. From that moment on, everyone who spoke to Lauren would use both their voice and sign.
"How are you feeling?" Lindsay asked.
"A little dopey," Lauren replied. "But other than that I feel fine."
"That's good," Danny replied. "Hopefully we'll be able to take you home soon. Nanna's made a huge dinner for us. Spaghetti, spinich alfredo for Mom, and enough cannolis to feed the entire lab five times."
"Daddy you're too weird," Lauren commented.