Chapter 14

The next day wasn't pleasant at all. I couldn't bring myself to speak to anyone or do anything. I could've just lost Brady and now this whole situation with James was throwing confusion in my way. I thought he was dead and now that whole "trap" with the kraang was making me question what I saw a few weeks ago and what I knew had happened. He could be alive and that could've been him but... Donnie would know too because he monitors the kraang. And he would tell me if James was alive wouldn't he? I wasn't sure whether to be angry or sad or confused. So I was just kind of numb to everything. Nothing was changing what I felt. No music that Mikey played, no video games he tried to invite me to, no offer from Raph to use his punching bag. Nothing was changing this non-feeling that I had.

I was still on the sofa and hadn't moved since I was put there yesterday. I hadn't the will nor the energy, and pain was a companion that reminded me to stay down. My neck was so stiff from the whiplash that I couldn't even lift my own head. The only company I had was Mark and the occasional passing by of a turtle or Splinter coming to check on me. The long day dragged on sorrowfully until dinner, when Leo finally decided to try and talk to me. He came over and gingerly sat down by the sofa in front of me.

"Hey." He greeted softly.

I turned my attention from inside my head to him to acknowledge he was there, and that I was listening.

A moment of silence passed with him just looking at me trying to read my face. "You holding up okay?"

I looked away, I didn't want to talk. And he knew that. I just wanted to go back to my silence, my numbness. It was all I felt capable of doing. Hopeless was probably the only feeling I could even find within myself right now.

Leo sighed in a defeated manner as his shoulders dropped. "I can't help you know. If you won't talk." He stated. A long silence filled the air. I wanted to speak, wanted someone to just hug me and tell me it was all okay. But I just wasn't feeling anything. "I want to help." Leo said almost pleadingly.

I drew my eyes back to him, seeing him trying to pry something out of me with his concerned stare. I went to talk, but I just didn't know where to start so I just let the numbness fill my thoughts once more and I shut my mouth. There was nothing but emptiness in my words to give. But Leo's patience was rock solid as always as he almost seemed to cement himself in place, unwilling to be shut out.

"Dinner is in a few minutes. You haven't eaten in a while. Why don't you come get something to eat?" He offered. I tried to turn my gaze away once more but Leo simply glued himself to a new spot so he was in my line of sight. "You can't ignore me forever." He said trying to crack a smile. His smile always broke me out of any silence, it was big and goofy for someone so serious.

Still with now expression to give, I finally caved in. "I'm not ignoring you. I just... don't- have anything to say."

"That's okay. I don't expect you to be talkative." He put a hand on my shoulder. "I just want to see you okay. I don't want to see you so... broken." He said softly.

I gave a small sigh. I just didn't know what to do.

"How about you come get some dinner. Doing something will help fill the emptiness you're feeling. Trust me, I know." Leo said patting my shoulder.

After a moment of contemplation, I decided to try and fill my numbness. I was hungry after all. "Okay." I agreed. I pushed myself up before Leo could get the chance to help me. It hurt but I clenched my teeth to keep quiet as my neck protested with a throbbing pain. Leo just stood partly and held his hands below me to make sure I didn't slip and injure my neck further. After I was up and standing. Leo gave a small grin and lead me towards the kitchen.

"You'll feel better." Leo assured quietly before we got to the kitchen.

Before long, I was seated at the table among the others and met with encouraging smiles from everyone. They were trying to be happy, despite witnessing what they had yesterday and me feeling like I was draining the happy out of them. I almost wanted to slip away back to the couch, or even better, behind a closed door in my room.

"Here Koda, I made some chicken soup because I know you don't like pizza." Mikey said handing a bowl to me from across the table. I took it graciously with an attempted smile for thanks. I really did appreciate a home made meal over pizza, which was all these guys had half the time. It wasn't long before we were all eating in an uncomfortable silence. No one seemed willing to blow away the thick air that surrounded us.

"The soup is good, Mikey." I finally commented, dunking another piece of bread into the broth. Mikey looked up, his eyes suddenly bright with pride and glee that I spoke.

"Thank you. I followed a recipe off the internet. But you know, I made it with that extra Michelangelo love." He boasted proudly.

"Oh great that means it must have some kind of weird ingredient in it." Raph sarcastically remarked.

"It does not." Mikey defended happily. Raph rolled eyes jokingly. "I saw that."

"You were supposed to, genius."

"Yeah Mikey if I find out there's like, a rotten sewer apple in here. I'll throw up. On your bed." Donnie laughed.

"Same here." Raph added.

"I will be quick to do so as well, Michelangelo." Splinter said before taking another bite, gathering smiles from everyone at his remark

Mikey whined. "Aw come on, I don't wanna clean that up."

"Well as long as there ain't anything in the soup. Then you got nothing to worry 'bout bro." Raph stated as he also continued eating.

"No. The only thing I put in there was love."

"What kind of love." Raph snickered. Mikey's face dropped to a confused one as we broke out in laughter.

"Raph come on." Leo half scolded. Leo looked over to me and a smile grew on his face as he saw that I had perked up. I glanced back as a silent thanks for getting me up off the couch.

After dinner, I had retreated to my room with Mark, trying to cling to the happiness that came from dinner, but the numbness was slowly consuming it. Leo wasn't hesitant to come to my room and enter upon knocking.

"Hey." He greeted the same way as before.

"Hey." I replied quietly from my spot on the bed where I lay curled up with my brother's fox.

Leo sat on the edge. "I was glad to see you up and about this evening. I just wanted to see you do something other than think about... you know." He said pulling an ice pack from his other hand and handing to to me to place on my neck. Grateful, I placed the ice right on my painfully hot neck and felt the instant relief.

"I know. Thank you."

Leo tapped his fingers on his knees in the silence. "If you ever need to talk, just remember I'm on the other end of the lair. We all are if you need anything." Leo said with a warm smile.

I nodded slightly. "I know, I just... I don't have anything to say right now. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do or say... I feel nothing."

"I've been there." Leo said comfortingly. "You'll feel again. You'll be alright. We'll make sure of it."

"Thank you." I said finally feeling something other than nothing: sadness.

"But I bet right now, you just want a hug."

I looked up to Leo who opened his arms and I flew into them, letting the ice pack fall. Leo's big arms wrapped around me and I quivered as I let the first strong emotion I felt all day take over me.

"Yeah." I said barely audible as tears dripped down my face.

I don't know how Leo knew what I needed so much. But I was thankful for him right here and right now.