And thus, after spending the first weekend in August in Wisconsin Dells, I was inspired! Started as another "bonus", but it kinda morphed into a chapter all it's own. A nice long one, too. Like the last "bonus", not 100% pleased with this one, but I think it holds it's own. I only proof read it twice, though, so please let me know if there are errors I missed.
Illana is almost through her first year of school and Bethany wonders – not for the first time, either – if her daughter is entirely too smart for her own good.
"Hey, pumpkin, you have a good day at school?" she asks as Illana climbs into the back seat, still young enough to actually want to talk about it, and Bethany is determined to enjoy that particular novelty while it last. As usual, the question set Illana off at a rapid chatter, and she lets her daughter's cheerful voice wash over her as they start the short drive back home.
"It was fun!" Illana chirps, flush with another day of learning. "We made paper flower masks – see?" – and she proudly holds up a slightly battered paper plate with bright yellow construction paper petals going all the way around the edges – "I got the sunflower, which can grow to more than ten feet – that's taller than you, Mama, and the birds like to eat the seeds that grow in the middle. Hamsters like them, too – Miss Peabody showed us by pouring some into Arthur's food dish, and he went all crazy and stuffed them all into his mouth at once and then he ran up into his hamster house. Then she gave us all a few to eat ourselves, and we had to crack the shell to get to the seed inside. Then there was this new boy, Jarod Rodregez – but he goes by Daz, because he says there were like five Jarods at his old school and it got too confusing – who got up in front of the class and talked about where he's from and how his mom got a new job here, so that's why he moved, and he grew up in Hershey, Mom, the town where all the chocolate is made! He brought in a giant chocolate bar and shared it with all the rest of us, only he didn't have any himself because he's weird and doesn't like chocolate, but that's okay because I shared my orange with him during snack time. Then Miss Peabody read us the first chapter of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – she said that she was going to start that instead of Charlotte's Web because it fit in so well with what we had just heard about. Then we learned about shapes from Mr. Jones and we had to count how many we saw in these pictures he gave us, which was super easy because I already know my shapes and my numbers, but it was still fun coloring the pictures in, and then we learned about the states and how we lived in Illinois and how Wisconsin is another state and how it's the closest one to where we live – aside from Illinois, of course, because we live here."
All of this is said in one giant rush, and Bethany once again takes a moment to marvel at her daughter's lung capacity.
"You're learning about geography already? Aren't you a little young for that stuff?" Of course, all Bethany can remember of Kindergarten is learning colors and numbers, which probably didn't take an entire year. States might've been in there somewhere.
Illana looks at her like she is stupid. "You're never too young to learn something new, Mom."
"I stand corrected," Bethany replies solemnly, holding back a smile. If Illana's giving her attitude at age five, she can only imagine how much worse it'll be during her teenage years. "So what else did you learn about Wisconsin today?"
Satisfied for the time being that her mother was not, in fact, and idiot, Illana happily continued. "It used to be covered by really tall trees – all of the northern states did, Illinois too – but now most of them have been cut down and it's just covered by regular trees and lots of farms. Also, they get around four or five feet of snow in the wintertime – even more than we do, we only get two or three usually. But! Even with all of the snow, they still have this huge water park that is open in the summertime – one of the biggest in the whole country, Mommy, and it's called Noah's Ark. Like from the Bible!"
"It's isn't exactly like the one from the Bible, sweetie," Bethany protests.
Illana rolls her eyes. "Duh, Mom, I know that; I saw the pictures on the internet. Anyway, we should still go there because it's still kinda from the Bible, so it'd be like I was learning about our history, you know? And there's other stuff to do, too – I want to ride on a duck-" Bethany can almost hear Illana equate 'duck' with 'giant bath toy' as she says it "-and they have a carriage with horses you can go on that'll teach me more about gee…ogg...ra…fee and rocks and stuff, and then there's this museum with a big glass ball with lightning in it that makes everyone's hair stand up and we should go and we should take Liz with us. And Rab and Mary should be invited, but I dunno if they'll be able to come because the restaurant is going to be super busy that week. And Rufus, too, but he'll say no because he doesn't swim and the only screaming child he likes to be around is me."
Bethany sighs, any hope of derailing Illana from this particular train-of-thought quickly fading . "I haven't said yes yet, you know."
"But you're going to. Trust me, Mama, I know these things," her daughter replies, looking as pure and innocent as an angel – something that might've been more effective before Bethany had met a few.
"Remind me to give you the spiel about only using your powers for good one of these days, because I'm pretty sure 'manipulation' does not fall under that category," she replies, pulling into their driveway.
Illana's pout is about as honest as her innocent angel look, but Bethany lets herself be convinced. Shaking her head and smiling, she turns the car off and meets her daughter's eyes in the rearview mirror. "Okay, Miss Foresight… so when will we be going?"
She jumps about a foot into the air when the passenger side door suddenly opens and Metatron gets in. "July, mid-month, and if we go earlier in the week instead of the weekend, it won't be near as busy."
"Geezes Christ, don't do that!" Bethany screeches, rubbing her head where she bumped it on the ceiling and ignoring Illana as she laughs at her from the back seat. "Why are you so interested anyway," she grumps.
"Oh, please, you aren't even going to have a bump to show for it, so stop complaining," he replies. "And I need a bloody vacation, that's why. With the horror in Yelwa, the ongoing terrorist attacks of all those crazy religious zealots in the Middle East, the mess in Chechnya, the Madrid train wreck, and all the other bleedin' events you apes get up to that the media in this country doesn't see fit to inform you of, I am in dire need of a reminder or two on why we shouldn't pull another giant fucking flood on your collective arse and save ourselves eons of trouble!"
Even Illana is shocked into silence at the outburst, and that's saying something.
"Sooo…" Bethany squeaks before the silence in the car can get any thicker. "Noah's Ark?"
Metatron shrugs, smoothing down the front of his silk shirt, calm and collected once again. "Name caught my eye when it first opened up, and I've always wanted to go. God gets his yearly skeeball fix, so it's about damned time I got my own day off."
With that, he blinks back out again, almost as if he wasn't there in the first place.
"Mom," Illana whispers about thirty seconds later, like she's afraid someone might overhear. "Poppy said a bad word."
Bethany, still not entirely sure the last few minutes actually happened, has to take a few seconds before she is capable of a coherent reply.
"I think Poppy is having a bad millennium, so we'll let it slide just this once."
...
Rufus responds to their invitation almost word for word as Illana predicted; Rab and Mary do in fact have a crazy week at the restaurant because it's the same week of the Woodstock Folk Festival, so they turn down the invitation as well. Liz accepts, and the three of them pile into a car well stocked with road trip munchies, lots of sun screen, and enough books and puzzles to amuse Illana for the three hour drive.
Metatron meets them at the entrance to the park, and Bethany does a double take when she sees what he is wearing. Despite the fact that they were going to spend the entire day at a water park, it's hard to get her brain to link the man dressed in a pair of loose swim trunks and a well-worn t-shirt with 'Sky-Bowl Championships, 1519' written across the front with the all seeing, all knowing, always perfectly pressed and proper angel she'd known for the last six years. Even when he was changing Illana's diapers or had spit-up on his sleeve, Bethany had never seen Metatron as anything less than otherworldly, kind of like one views the stars at night – beautiful and out of reach, but it's nice to know they're there. Seeing him look like a normal 30 or 40-something and, well, hot … it just does not compute.
Illana, however, doesn't seem to have the same setback. "Poppy!" she shrieks gleefully, launching herself into his arms as soon as she sees him.
"'Ello, love," he replies, scooping her up with ease, and Bethany's ovaries do a weird sort of flip flop. Yeah, okay, so he's an angel and it's never going to happen, even if it were physically possible, but damn!
Then he makes her pay for his ticket - "Angels don't get paid squat, so fork it over" – and the brief moment of insanity passes. Significantly poorer than when she arrived ($36 per ticket will do that to you), she gives in to curiosity and asks him about the t-shirt just as they're entering the park.
"Ten pin," he replies, matter-of-fact, "been playing it for centuries. We really do bowl during lightning storms, too – what better time to fill up the heavens with an awful lot of racket?"
...
"You know, Wisconsin really isn't half bad," Bethany comments several hours later while she and Metatron take a break from the sunshine and the swimming, leaning against a table beneath one of the picnic shelters and waiting for Liz and Illana to return from their trip to the nearest concession stand. Bethany is sunburned and tired, but otherwise surprisingly cheerful considering she spent the day chasing her daughter around a massive water park. She's also relaxed enough to get a bit whimsical, something she never used to do before Illana came along. "Quite pretty, actually – on the drive up, I noticed that these guys seem pretty big on maintaining the landscape rather than clogging it up with tall buildings and fossil fuel emissions. I suppose the winter is kind of long, but with all these trees, rolling hills, and scenic cliffs, I imagine the place has its charms even when there's three feet of snow on the ground. Eternity here doesn't seem like that big a punishment."
"You say that now, but wait until the mosquitoes come out," Metatron replies, dead-pan. Bethany elbows him in the side, and he rolls his eyes. "Of course it's not that bad – God was vengeful, not sadistic. Granted, He had His temper tantrums, but ultimately He takes care of His own, even if they do piss Him off. Heaven, for your information, is climate-controlled; Wisconsin is about as extreme as you can get when it comes to climate variation. He figured months of subzero temperatures in the winter and weeks of humid, uncomfortable heat every summer was punishment enough for Bartlby and Loki after spending all of their former existence within Heaven's pearly gates. It took them less than a century to adapt before they were just as hearty and thick-blooded as the crazy Northern types who spend their entire lives up here – who actually take pride in the climate extremes, of all things."
He looks around in mild distain as a small boy runs past in a pair of Green Bay Packer swim trunks, his mother and older sister trailing behind with their own Packer paraphernalia, fair skin turning slightly pink under the July sunshine. A second or two later, another family passes, this time with a plate of the deep fried cheese chunks that the area is famous for. He looks down his nose at the display of blatant Wisconsinisim, but continues. "Despite their unhealthy obsession with dairy products and sporting teams, there are far worse places to spend your eternity."
"Besides, as you were lucky enough to discover the hard way," he adds after a moment, condescending angel persona firmly back in place, "they were free to move around just as any human does. They can and did travel all over the world – they had an eternity to kill, after all. They chose to come back, over and over again; I can only assume they were just as crazy as the locals by the time Azreal went and made a mess of things."
Liz and Illana return at that point, bearing their spoils, just in time to catch the last sentence. "The locals might be crazy, but damned if don't have something going with the whole cheese thing," Liz comments, proudly wielding a steaming container of the same golden brown nougats Metatron had distained a few moments before. "Have you tried these things? I can practically feel my arteries clogging up just looking at them, but having a heart attack at age 45 might very well be worth it," she adds, popping another one into her mouth.
Metatron merely snorts at her observation before graciously accepting half of the ham and cheese sub Illana hands him. "Thank you, my dear," he says, giving Bethany the stink eye as she swoops in on Liz and the promise of deep fried bliss. "Good thing you got your Da's good sense on some things, otherwise you'd be as wide as you are tall by this point."
Bethany doesn't argue, just snatches the last cheese curd and dances swiftly out of reach before Liz can retaliate.
Liz lets out an annoyed "hmph" and tosses the empty cardboard container into a nearby wastebasket before turning to pointedly wipe her greasy fingers on Bethany's towel.
"You angels wouldn't know indulgence even if it bit you in the ass," she pouts, leaning against the table. "Don't you guys ever do anything for fun?"
"Babylon was a blast, but then God got a bit miffed that we were spending all our time there drinking - before He banned us from alcohol, that is - and taking bets on all those little wars you lot got up to instead of helping out around Heaven, so He torched the place. After that, we mostly got our jollies messing with the prophets. Samuel almost punched me once because I kept up the 'Pester Eli to get Sam out of bed' charade a bit too long. Good times, those," Metatron replies, reminiscent. "Anyway, I'm here, aren't I?" he finishes.
Liz's eyes light up with mischief at that last part, and she gives him an almost sultry smile. "You are indeed."
Then, because sometime she is a snot an just can't resist poking at the sleeping lion just to see what kind of reaction she can get, she leans in closer to him, stopping just shy of pressing her body against his side . "Score one more for the locals, M," she purrs, "because damned if it isn't nice to see you in a swimming suit."
Metatron straightens, putting space between them. Looking down his long nose at her and wrapping dignity around him like a cloak, he replies. "Madam, as you well know, even if I had the desire to pursue such frivolous human activities – which I do not – I lack the goods needed to return such affections."
Liz gives him one last lingering look, paying particular attention to how the damp t-shirt hugs the rather well-defined muscles of his arms and shoulders. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean a gal can't enjoy the view."
With that last parting comment, she sling her towel around her waist like a miniskirt and holds a hand out to Illana. "C'mon, shrimp, let's go down the Anaconda again."
"Yeah!" Illana yells, hopping off the bench and grabbing the offered hand in one motion. Liz gives the angel a final blatant head-to-toe assessment, then the two of them head toward the rest of the sunburned summer masses waiting to go on the giant waterslide. As she's passing behind him, Metatron jumps, eyes wide in shock (and maybe just a wee bit of smug satisfaction, but that could've been her imagination), and Bethany is torn between laughing at his expression or hiding her face in shame, because only Liz would have the balls to goose the Voice of God.
As one of those "crazy locals", I just couldn't resist puffing up my beloved state a bit - especially after that barb from the movie about Wisconsin being worse than Hell. In truth, Wisconsin is kind of awesome...though I suppose I might be biased. ;)
For more information on its awesomeness, my lovely friend Cristin wrote a whole Live Journal entry about our state (http: /ladysorka .livejournal .com/ 447667. html) a few years back that is very informative even if the political stuff is no longer up to date as of April last year (after which point you might've noticed us in the national news for a few weeks, marching on the capital in protest to our new governer. For the record, any rumors about it being anything other than a peaceful protest are blantently untrue. I was up there in May, and the protesters were singing church hymns in front of the capitol building. With an accordian to accompany them. Super obnoxious, right? Not peaceful at all. ;) ).
State pride aside, the news stories Metatron referred to were real, and you can find a brief summary of the news worthy events for April/May 2004 here (again, sans the spaces):
http : /www ./ events/ date/ 2004/april
Lastly, the Bible verses and stories mentioned:
Revelations 3:18-19, Fall of Babylon
1 Samuel 3:1-21, the Lord calls Samuel