XIV: Helene

I pace the space of my room, taking turn's between staring at the window and wall near the door. The hostel room isn't quite big enough to pace more than an few times each way, but it's better than sitting still. The sun has already set, casting long shadows along the walls and floor. I turn back to the window, watching the steady blackness outside before turning back to the door again. A knock echoes through the room and I'm over at the door in a matter of moments.

Faris stands in the hall, his hair a shrew and a stack of papers in his hand. A sad smile creeps up his face. "I thought you might still be up."

"I'm surprised you are too," I answer opening the door to let him in. Faris steps around me, close enough I can smell the sweet perfume clinging to his skin. I chuckle under my breath as he passes by and in turn he glares back at me. "Well you certainty weren't sleeping."

"And I got rudely interrupted." He sits on the corner the small desk.

"How horrible."

Faris nods solemnly then shakes his head as if remembering why he came here. "I'm supposed to give you these."

He hands me the thin stack of papers. "What are they?"

"Reports, everything we gathered from the villagers on Elias and the girl."

"Which doesn't seem to be a lot," I mumble, flipping through paper after paper of scribbled writing all saying the same thing. You'd think after a day or two we could have gathered better information.

"Well we were hoping that lady would crack, but we couldn't get anything out of her." Had that lady talked it could have been the lead I need to find him, now the chances of finding him were dwindling.

"Who talked to her? Did you try everything, bribing?"

"Helene," Faris snaps. I realize I've started pacing again. He cocks an eyebrow at me from the corner of the desk and I stop, sliding down to sit on the edge of the bed. "We tried everything. She wouldn't talk, but we sent out a squadron so hopefully they can catch on to their trail."

I snap my head up. "You what."

"I sent out a squadron," Faris mumbles, eyeing me like I look like I'm going to bite his head off, which I might just do.

"Under who's orders?"

"Mine, I'm Second in commander."

"I'm First and I didn't give you the right to make that call," I snap. Suddenly the bed is no longer under me and I'm standing over Faris, scarlet in the face. Normally I'm shorter than him but since he's sitting I tower over him.

"Well it's done now and it's going to help us find him," Faris snaps back. He stands and we're face to face, noses almost touching. "That is what you want isn't."

I stare at him up through my eyelashes daring him to make a move. He knows I could take him and probably win, but instead he steps back, leaning against the desk again. He watches me, a look of solitude on his face.

"You don't want to find him," Faris mumbles coming to a realization. I keep my face as still as stone as he watches me, waiting to get a reaction. I won't give him one.

"I never said that," I tell him.

"But you're not denying it." I cast my eyes down once and that's all he needs to jump. "Helene you can't disobey orders. Marcus can't kill you, but he could do much worse. We come back empty handed and Dex and I pay for it. It will be our heads on a stick is that what you want?"

My eyes stay casted down. I don't want to see him, I don't want to see the look of pity in his eyes, pity directed at me. "Faris…"

He steps closer. "Is that what you want?"

"You know that's not what I want!"

"Do I?"

The room grows silent and I wish desperately for a distraction. Faris keeps watching me, making my skin crawl. All his usual humor is gone and his face is only stone cold. I contemplate if I could escape to the door without him taking me down. "You know me, Faris."

"Not like I thought I did."

"And how did you think you knew me."

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, and steps closer again. The smell of that god awful perfume is overwhelming now. "I thought you would always follow orders. I thought you would do what's best for the majority, but I guess you're just set on protecting him."

"If I don't who will?"

"He left us, Helene!"

"If he stayed he would have died!"

"You never run from a fight."

My jaw drops to the floor. "Just like you're not supposed to leave a man behind? You left him to die, Faris. We left him to die. I was going to kill him!" My voice cracks at the last words and without meaning to I slide down to sit on the bed. "I would have killed him."

"Helene," Faris mumbles. He bends down so we're eye to eye again and I watch his he lightly brushes his fingers against mine, but I don't want his comfort.

"If that squadron finds him and kills him it's on your head, Faris," I mutter. "You'll be responsible for his death." The room grows silent after that and I watch as he slowly gets up and leaves, leaving me alone in the room. It's only when the door clicks shut and dark shadows fill the space Faris was standing in that I realize a single tear has slide down my cheek.

I avoid Faris in the morning, which proves to very easy considering a collection of girls have latched on to him. He's probably slept with all of them, I think to myself, bypassing him in the dining hall. The group of girls giggle as Faris jokes, but I feel his eyes track me as I cross the dining hall to where Dex stands waiting for food.

"Morning," I mumble, avoiding Faris's gaze. Dex casts me a look but doesn't say anything. Instead he grunts and passes me a cup of coffee. I watch Faris's back as he flirts with every girl in the room and I absent mindedly wonder which of their perfume I smelt last night.

"Helene?"

I cast my attention to Dex. He's holding out a plate me. "You okay?"

"Fine," I mumble. "I'm not hungry." Then I push my way out of the food line and hurry to the exit. Fresh air, that's all I need; a little fresh air to clear my head.

The morning sun is bright, but inviting. I walk along the side of the building watching as soldiers march by, each of them saluting me as they go; me, their leader, except I don't feel like much of a leader. The path snakes up a hill and disappears into the forest. I keep walking hoping to get away from the people down the hill. I just want to be alone. Some fresh air and some time to think, that's what I need.

As I walk down the path the noise of the town starts to disappear and is replaced by the sound of rustling tree tops. I breathe in the deep smell of the pine, listening to the rhythmic crunching of my boots on the gravel path. It's the most at peace I've felt since leaving Blackcliff, although a small part of me misses the predictability of the place, how I could just get up in the morning and know where I needed to be and when.

The forest opens up to a clearing in which I plant myself down on one of the fallen logs. It's not like me, I think, to run away from my problems. Then I remind myself I'm not running away, I'm just taking a breather, a much needed breather. It hadn't sunk in what I was saying to Faris until after he left and now it terrifies me. It terrifies me to think that I had almost killed Elias, and I would have let him die, and for what, to appease Marcus? I would have let Elias die at Marcus's hands, and it wasn't even me who stopped it. It was that girl. The girl Elias ran away with and left me behind. But he didn't leave me behind did he? I forced him to go, he had to go, he even offered to take me with him, but I couldn't go. And in turn I said I would protect him, I would protect him that last time, but I was lying. I've been protecting him this whole time. We're supposed to be enemies since the moment he disappeared into the tunnel but the only thing I've done since then was protect him. All I've ever done was protect him, and by the way it's going its looks like that's what I'm going to be doing until the day I die. He was wrong about where my loyalties lie. He thought I was loyal to the Mask's, but he was wrong. It seems I'm only loyal to him.

A twig snaps and my attention drifts to the path I came from. I jump up from the log, drawing out a knife hidden up my sleeve. Another twig snaps down the path and I crouch low behind a tree keeping my eyes focused on the entrance of the clearing, expect no one comes. I don't risk stepping back out into the clearing; instead I snake around it keeping hidden by the trees. Once I'm in positioned at the entrance of the clearing I draw another blade from my boot. Whoever thinks they can sneak up on me is horribly mistaken. Another crunch and shadow crosses the path. I'm silent as feather drifting through the wind, leaping out of the trees. I hold a blade up to his throat and one up to his side, then tip the blade up his chin, bending his head all the way back until his throat is exposed.

"Helene," Faris sputters, holding up his hands in defense. I sigh, kicking him away. Faris stumbles, but rights himself and I realize the perfume stench is still clinging to his clothes.

"What do you want," I mutter watching as he brushes nonexistent dirty off his clothes.

"I want to talk, Helene."

I glare. "I think we've done enough of that."

"Helene-."

"Leave, Faris, before I decide to use my knives on you like I intended."

Faris moves away as I stepped around him, pretending to clean my blades on the end of my jacket. "Do you want to fight, Helene? Is that what you want?"

My back is to him, but I hear the snarl in his voice. I reel around, launching a blade through the air. It sails just past Faris's head, embedding itself in a tree behind him. I watch, satisfied, as a lock of his hair falls through the air. He turns back to look at the knife stuck in the trunk of the tree then looks back at me.

"I'm not going to fight you," Faris says and I realized I've pulled the exact same move on Marcus before.

"Why not, you just asked me to. Come on, Faris!" I draw another blade, my anger boiling over.

"Helene…" The knife sails past the opposite side of his head. He doesn't bother to look back at the blade this time. Instead he pulls out his own blade from the waistband of his trousers and steps back into his fight stance, knife held up to protect his face. I leap on him as fast as lightning, slashing the air with blades pulled from my jacket. He steps away, avoiding a hit that would have landed in his chest, but he doesn't step far enough back. I kick his leg back as he steps, catching him off guard. I stand and watch as he stumbles, but quickly regains his balance. He twists around, hair a floppy mess, and slashes at my left side. The blow was easy to block, a messy hit. He isn't trying.

"Come on, Faris. I said I wanted a fight," I shout, blocking another blow. I stab at his arm and he fumbles to recover. "Fight Faris!"

He shakes his head to push the hair away from his face and growls up at me. I smirk, finally having awoken the beast. He leaps on me, cutting at left side then my right. I block each blow, once with the sleeve of my jacket and the next with my blade. A growl escapes as I watch the fabric tear on my jacket. Faris steps back, thinking he's hurt me, but I jump on him, our blades clashing in the air.

"We don't need to do this," He pants while dodging an expertly place blow to his hip. I ignore him, striking again at his hip. "I just wanted to talk to you!"

His knife sails through the air, clipping the top of my ear, and lodging itself in the tree at my back. I feel the hot blood start to tickle down my neck.

"Listen to me," Faris shouts, panting. "I'm on your side, Helene. I am, but I'm not going to let you make a stupid choice that could end up getting you killed."

"It's my choice to make," I shout back. Blood drips on to the gravel at my feet. My blade flies through the air knocking the knife out of his hand. He's defenceless, but I'm too mad to care. He steps back to avoid my blows, but I'm relentless, striking at his side, his arms, and his legs.

"You can't protect him," Faris pants and stumbles back again. "Not anymore."

He's right, I know he's right. If I keep trying to protect Cain won't hold up his word and I just might end up hurting Elias further, but some part of me can't admit it. A part of me doesn't want him to be right. I keep hitting, and he keeps dodging until I hear a shout from down the path.

"Attacker!"

I watch as the dagger soars through the air and embeds itself in Faris's side

The blood comes fast and hot. Faris just stands there staring at the knife. He pulled it out and now the wound is gushing, but I can't move. The blood drips down his arm and stains the gravel path. Faris falls and the sound of his body hitting the ground is the most horrifying thing I've ever heard. It's a blur, everything's a blur, but I'm at his side and I don't know how I got there. My hands are coated with his blood.

"Faris," I whimper. "Faris?"

His chest shakes with ragged breathes and eyes dart up to the tree tops. My hands press into his side while the dagger lies still in his hand. I can feel the blood pumping through his veins, I can feel it leaving his body and soaking my hands. Someone pulls at my shoulders and suddenly my eyes are on the tree tops too. I'm shouting, but someone has me pinned down. Dex.

"Let me go! Let me go," I scream. "I can help him."

"You can't help him Helene," Dex snarls, turning his head to shout orders and the men crowding around Faris. Over his shoulder I see a solider standing by the trees, his hands shaking and look of utter fear in his eyes.

"You did this," I shout. "You stabbed him."

Dex looks back at me, eyes wide, blocking my view of the solider; a kid really, he looks far too young to be out in the field. "Stop shouting." I fight against him. "You're a leader, Helene. Act like it!"

I still and his hold on my shoulders eases. Dex eyes me as I straighten my breathing and start to sit up. He's kneeling in the gravel while members of my platoon haul Faris away back down the path.

"Where are they taking him?" He doesn't answer. "Where are they taking Faris? I can help him. I need to get to him!"

I launch off the gravel, but Dex has me in his grip to easily. I may be a better fighter but Dex is bigger and stronger than me. He grips my shoulders pushing me back until I'm back on the ground. Dex leans over me holding his arm against my throat to keep me from shouting. This time he doesn't shout at me, instead he lets me ride it out, lets me shake and argue until my fight is drained and I go limp in his grasp.

"I can save him," I whimper.

"You can't," Dex answers, he's head held low. "But they're going to do everything they can, okay?"

"No, no it's not enough!"

"Helene, you can't."

"Stop saying that."

Dex looks down at me in pity and I see how much it hurts him to hold me back. He wants to help Faris too, but he's staying here dealing me and my mess; this mess that I created. I notice the solider is still standing there, dumbstruck, staring at the place where Faris was lying. In one swift movement I knock Dex to the side. He groans as he hits the pathway and I bolt up, launching myself at the kid. He turns to look at me, but doesn't move.

I tackle him to the forest floor, stealing the knife from his hand and holding it to his throat. It's still stained with his blood. The kid's eyes are wide but all he says is "Do it."

"Helene," I hear Dex call from a far off place.

"Do it," the kid whispers again. "I deserve it, I did it." I don't do it; I can't, even though I know I should. He deserves it.

"Helene!" Dex pulls me off the kid so aggressively my feet leave the ground. He growls in my ear and tosses me to the ground away from the kid. I snarl, but don't get back up. Dex is staring at me, wildness in his eyes I've never seen. Then he turns away from me and helps the kid to his feet with a slight hesitation only I would notice. The kid scurries to his feet, taking one look at me and Dex, then runs off back to the town. Dex turns back to me then.

"What were you thinking," he yells.

"He stabbed Faris!"

"He was trying to protect you."

"It makes no difference," I shout back.

"It makes all the difference!"

Dex shakes his head and walks around me in a circle. "I need to get to him, I can help him."

He looks back at me again. "How?"

My voice catches. He wouldn't believe me even if I told him. Why would he, it's ridiculous. "I just can."

"No, you've done enough," He mutters and starts walking back to the town. I trail after him, back down the hill. As we walk I watch the path of blood made by Faris as they hauled him down the path. He's going to die, I think. They're going to let him die because they can't do anything to save him.

Dex stops at the hostel and looks back at me with more pity than I've ever seen in anyone's eyes.

"They took him to a healer down the street," he mumbles. I take off running before he's finished speaking.