Title: Dying Message
Rating: T
Pairing: Shizuo x Izaya Shizuo x Psyche Shinra x Celty
Prompt from the Drrr Kink Meme: Inspired by Vocoloid Rin's Kokoro (heart) song and Vocoloid Len's Kiseki (memory) song.
PLEASE WATCH THESE TWO VIDEOS BEFORE YOU READ THIS FIC. IT DRAWS HEAVILY FROM IT.
Shizaya version:
youtube(dot)com/watch?v=0iZOl-2DiyM
youtube(dot)com/watch?v=H-3bVWeBSBI
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters!
THIS STORY CONTAINS MALExMALE RELATIONSHIPS. You have been warned.
[Present Day 7 - Night]
Shizuo breathed roughly as he sat down leaning up against a tree. The night air was cool. There were a few couples still walking about as the night was young. Though he was in unfamiliar surroundings, some parts of this park reminded Shizuo of the Ikebukuro park and he didn't mind it.
Psyche sat in front of him, not quite sure what he should do. Before he could decide Shizuo weakly reached out and touched his cheek. Psyche grabbed the hand that caressed him softly with both of his hands. The machine could still feel the beating heart that gently throbbed through Shizuo's veins.
After they searched each other's eyes as they spoke to each other silently, Psyche grimly took off his headset and put it on his master one last time. Shizuo closed his eyes as Psyche turned on the Project Psychedelic Dreamer.
As Shizuo drifted into sleep, Psyche held his master's hands, hoping that he knew that he was there for him even as he slept.
[A year and 10 days ago before Present Timeline]
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Izaya opened his eyes slowly. He had felt cold for a long time, drifting in and out of consciousness for who knows how long. But when something warm squeezed his hand, he used it like a lifeline as he climbed out of the dark dreary coldness that he was swimming in.
When he opened his eyes he was startled to see Shizu-chan sleeping by his bedside, holding his hand.
"Shizu-chan…" Izaya murmured, filled with conflicted emotions as he watched the blond sleep by his side, holding onto his hand firmly. Even in his sleep, Shizuo had not let him go. It was thanks to him Izaya was able to gather some energy to wake up briefly. Izaya couldn't help but smirk at the irony that it was Shizuo who had given him the energy to fight against death one last time.
"Ah Shizu-chan. How unexpected. Then again, since you're always unexpected, I should expect it by now huh?" Izaya quoted himself, the same lines he always told the debt collector.
"Though I must say, I don't know what to expect anymore. It is both unexpected to see you here and also to see you asleep. It's like you're with me, except not… I wish I could laugh at this irony."
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Izaya looked over at the machine that calculated his heart beats. It was beeping faster than usual, even as his heart struggled to pump blood throughout his weakened body.
"Damn machine. It's worse than a lie detector." Izaya looked over at the hateful mechanism, wishing he could kick it, but his legs refused to listen to him. He turned his head back to the sleeping blond.
"I wish you came earlier Shizu-chan, before I was hooked up to one of these… or came alone. It's quite embarrassing you know, when everyone can look into my heart so openly," Izaya chuckled weakly. He continued to watch Shizuo sleep, his fingers tingling with warm sensation as he could feel the blond's heart throb and mingle with Izaya's own heart's rhythm.
"Showing your weak side in front of me, that's no good Shizu-chan… what if I attacked you while you were sleeping?"
Izaya tried to reach forward with his other hand to brush the blond hair but he could not move his torso anymore. Izaya chuckled again weakly at his failed attempt.
"Ah I know. What if I drew on your face and marked you with a permanent marker? I wonder what I would write?"
Tears started to form around the corners of Izaya's ruby eyes as he continued to talk. Memories of the past flooded Izaya as spoke filled with regret. A lump formed in his throat that betrayed Izaya's teasing tone of voice.
"Ne~ Shizu-chan. Shizu-chan~ Can you hear me? Does my voice grate your ears? Does my face make you angry? You know, this is my second time seeing you this peaceful in front of me. It's… quite something I must say."
By now tears started to roll down Izaya's pale thin cheeks.
"When you sleep, you don't look like a monster, Shizu-chan," Izaya breathed softly as he continued to watch the man sleep next to him, holding onto his hand tightly.
"How I wish you were awake back then Shizu-chan… if only you were awake, things would have been different. You always sleep when it matters the most, Shizu-chan. It's too late now, isn't it?"
Shizuo made no sound as he continued to sleep next to Izaya.
"Shizu-chan is an idiot."
[Present Day 7 – Night-]
Shizuo blinked open his eyes, forcing his sleep to dissipate. His eyelids were heavy and his body wanted to sleep longer. He looked around to notice that not a single human was around them.
"How long did I sleep, Psyche?"
"Five hours, Shizu-chan," the robot replied with worrisome eyes. Normally the Psychedelic Dreamer took 2 hours, but when Shizuo did not wake up after the usual allocated time, Psyche was slightly panicking as he waited patiently.
"Ah… I see," was all the blond said as he weakly turned his head to stare at the pink light that read 78%. He smiled faintly as he turned to Psyche.
"Psyche. It's alright. I think it's time that I move on from my past and face the present. You don't have to try to become Izaya anymore. Let's forget about this heart chip."
"No, Shizu-chan. No. Please~" Psyche pleaded.
"I'm not doing you any justice by doing this. I created you out of my selfishness. And now I'm about to leave you behind."
"You aren't leaving me behind, Shizu-chan." The robot had learned to whine now, as Psyche clutched the front of his master's shirt.
"Psyche. Listen to me," Shizuo breathed in, his throat raspy. The night air was chilly and foreign.
"Like hell I do! I fucking hate you Izaya. I wish you were never born!" Shizuo shouted his usual banter to Izaya's words. "If you fucking dropped and died, I couldn't be ever happier."
It pained Shizuo to remember his past mistakes.
"You were born to be loved Psyche. No matter what, even if I die, engrave that into your heart. I love you very much."
"Yes, Shizu-chan."
"Whatever! It's still a machine! A robot! Not a human made with flesh and bones like you and me! You'll really regret this. Mark my words."
Shizuo gritted his teeth.
"Psyche, I did create you out of my selfish wish. But know that I have never regretted it. If there is one thing I regret, it's that I wish I wasn't so stupid to chase after this impossible dream and couldn't spend my entire time with you as much as I could have. And now I don't think I can last much, I wish I could have been with you until the end. I'm sorry I'm leaving earlier, Psyche. But please… know that I love you very much."
Shizuo was rambling. There was still so much more to say, and so little time left. There was still too much regret, too many things he could not do at the right place at the right time. Once again Shizuo felt like a failure.
"Shizu-chan…"
Shizuo tried to think hard with what little energy he had left. The darkness was closing in on him fast. It was harder and harder to concentrate, harder to breathe one more breath.
"Why do I keep making the same mistakes? I should have… I should have focused more on the present. I should have focused more on you! I should have realized… that since you're a robot, you will outlive me. Why do I always waste my time?"
Shizuo held Psyche tightly, and the robot could feel his shoulder getting wet from his master's tears. He looked down at the blinking pink lights that read 78%.
"Shizu-chan… don't give up please. We still have one more hope."
Shizuo shook his head. "No, I should give up! I should have given up long time ago, and spent more-"
"Shizu-chan!"
Shizuo looked up at Psyche, slightly stunned to hear such a commanding voice for the first time from those lips.
"There's still my memory."
"Your memory?" Shizuo looked at him confused.
"Yes. My observation and analysis of humans. If everyone's memories alone cannot duplicate Izaya-san's heart, then I thought perhaps my analysis can make up for the missing parts."
"I… don't understand…" Shizuo tilted his head.
"It's a bit dangerous, but it's worth a try. 78% isn't that bad Shizu-chan. Let's try to activate it."
Shizuo looked at Psyche alarmed.
"Wait, you said it's dangerous. How dangerous?"
"We don't know until we try now won't we Shizu-chan? I might short-circuit a bit by running this incomplete chip, but my statistics say we have more to gain than to lose."
Shizuo's eyes widened. "No wait, I forbid this! You're not doing anything dangerous! I'm not losing you over a possibility… or some damn lunatic theory…!"
"Shizu-chan," Psyche smiled as he placed a finger on Shizuo's lips to quiet him.
"Don't let anyone tell you what's impossible or possible. Don't let anyone tell you what you can or can't do. Don't let anyone tell you where you can and can't go."
How funny the roads of life turned and twisted for Shizuo, as he heard Psyche repeat Izaya's words back to him in the informant's voice. Psyche's face merged with Izaya's for that moment.
"You told me those words Shizu-chan. I think, I understand them a bit now. Shizu-chan, you don't want me to be forever stuck with a sad memory of you, do you? You look so sad Shizu-chan. And more than anything, I want you to be happy." Psyche squeezed Shizuo's hands. Those once warm hands filled with vigor were now cool as the blood circulated in his body slower than before. Shizuo's heart wasn't going to last much longer and the robot knew this.
"I… don't approve of this…" Shizuo hesitated, still concerned. Gently, Psyche took the headset off the blond's head and put it on his own.
"No matter what happens Shizu-chan, don't unplug me. Please. It might do more harm if you unplug me prematurely," Psyche warned him.
Shizuo watched with an anxious heart. Something told him that this was a bad idea. But he wanted to trust the robot. No, not just a robot. Psyche was Psyche. Psyche was not just a robot to Shizuo. He was no different from a human no matter what others told him.
"Shizu-chan."
Shizuo looked up at him with trust, yet concern for his well-being. Psyche smiled.
"Let me be the connecting link to your past, present and future, Shizu-chan," and with that, the robot pressed 'PLAY' for the first time.
Author's Note:
Xhaey18: Sorry for the wait. As for Psyche, I've sent you a reply. But for those who don't know, it's based on the cover art for the Durarara OST Psychedelic Dreams. The Japanese fandom gave him the exact 'OPPOSITE' personality to Izaya because he's wearing white instead of black (and pink lol)
Angel of 513: I'm so happy that you watched the amv and remembered my fic ;_; thank you!
Nata: Thank you so much, I'm happy to hear that it's one of the more moving fics you've read.
enixfire: wow... I'm so sorry you cried so much but I'm glad this fic was able to move you too.
Sweet Misfortune119: so sorry about the time set ahahaha it is rather confusing at first i know. It's not so bad when posting it on lj. But for ff net format it is too weird orz... but there was no other way to slowly tell the story without giving away everything. (Or made all the chapters shorter) I'm glad you still read all the way through. Thank you so much!
All your comments move me guys. I'm so happy to hear that this fic gave off strong emotions for some or most of you. I hope you guys enjoy the rest of the ending too~ It's the first fanfic I wrote that I poured ALL of my soul into it. Like I felt so drained afterward. Such a haunted feeling, I couldn't eat, sleep or do anything else, just write and write. It has a lot of errors and mistakes but I hope you enjoy the final ride. Thank you again. I can't say enough how much thankful I am. I love you guys~!