Author's Note: Hi lovelies, thanks for reading! This chapter is dedicated to you and to the obscenely gorgeous man with the very old fashioned name that works in my office and talked to me today.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

Thirteen: Push, Pull

I said her name as if it were sustenance, the air I breathed. It was all my reasons and answers; it was in the choices I made. It was everything. For once I didn't know what was happening and I didn't care.

"Bella." I pressed into her further, at once pulling her hips toward me and pushing her back onto my desk. Push or pull, I still couldn't always tell who was doing which. I felt her legs wrap around me, her chest push against me, her kiss that was lips and tongue and warm and then teeth, dragging across the places she could reach. I groaned. "Fuck." She liked it I think, reducing me to single syllables and motions, showing her, touching her. She kept one hand in my hair and used the other to clutch at my shirt; and I liked it I think, feeling her hold onto me. So I leaned her back further just to feel her small hand tighten. When the new angle presented itself, I moved my mouth to her neck, that smell of flowers and something sweet was strongest there. I grazed my teeth over the spot at the bottom of her neck where it became her shoulder; she let out a small sound, breathed it really. My name.

"Edward."

I pulled her up and she smoothed her fingertips across my throat before fastening her lips there while I pushed my face into her hair. I could feel that the pace of her heart matched mine; I felt that if I listened closely enough, I would hear it, fluttering like bird's wings.

Very slowly, I began pulling back, kissing her temple, then her cheek, and then her lips. They were fuller and pink, wet. Because of me, because of what we'd done. I kissed her once, firm in it's finality. I'd already broken my time rule; we were supposed to stop before my next appointment. We were cutting it dangerously close, but it was Friday and I wouldn't see her again until the weekend was over; concessions had to be made. I touched my forehead to hers and ran my fingers down her arm until I connected with her hand.

"I hate this," she said, eyes closed.

I touched her chin with my free hand, tilting her head up. "What's the matter?" I waited for her eyes to open before I let go, settling that hand over hers on the desk.

"I'm not very good at goodbyes." There was a trace of sarcastic humor in her voice.

I leaned back just enough to look at her. "Don't think of it as goodbye."

She smiled wryly, "think of it as…see you later?" I chuckled and she tugged on my shirt, pulling me closer. I wrapped my arms around her middle and tucked in close, inhaling deeply. "Monday?" She asked.

I nodded into her hair and waited for her to say it.

"Blue," she said, touching my shirt collar, "like this color."

I helped her onto her feet and walked her to the door before we could be interrupted; she kissed me once more and grinned. "See you later."

I had kissed her for the first time on Monday, a few short days before. It didn't take long to be consumed and I knew we couldn't keep this up forever, but right then, I was in it. All the way. And when each moment with her was everything, how could I possibly think of all the other nothings?

Carlisle came to talk with me that afternoon. He asked about Bella's progress and I gave him just enough of the truth that I didn't feel so guilty about all my omissions. He smiled as he always did and shared stories about his research and I thought about how Esme must not have told him of her suspicions. Had I really swayed her so easily? He told me to have a good weekend and I wanted to ask what he was doing, but didn't.

I purposely waited until dinner time to make my last stop at the nurses' station before leaving, hoping to see Bella passing through on her way to the cafeteria. Not seeing her, I tried to satisfy myself on memories of the way she played with my shirt collar, the sounds she made when I kissed her, and her little smile when she told me she'd see me later.

I went home to wait for Monday.

It was something I never did, sleeping in on the weekends; it was impossible. My routine was so completely set that I didn't even need an alarm to wake up in the morning. But I found that getting up at my usual early hour made the day pass much more slowly, so Saturday night I took a sleeping pill, hoping that it would lull me into unconsciousness until at least nine or ten a.m.

I didn't dream like I had on Friday night, instead I slept hard and unmoving, swept completely under.

There was a noise coming from my nightstand, a buzzing. What time was it? Eyes closed against the morning light, I reached for it, hitting the answer button by memory. I cleared my throat, "hello?" I rolled onto my side and opened my eyes, looking for the clock, ten thirty; I rubbed my hand over my face and turned onto my back.

"Edward? It's Esme; I'm sorry to wake you, but there's a situation at the hospital."

I sat up, all grogginess gone while I listened to her speak. I was up and pulling on clothes before I was even off the phone. There wasn't time for a suit so I grabbed a pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt I usually went running in. I left my glasses on my nightstand, threw on my shoes, and left. Even my wallet was still on my dresser and I hoped somewhere in the back of my head that my speeding wouldn't attract police attention. There's been an altercation; you need to come in. Her voice was both eternally calm and rushed, nervous. Things like this didn't happen on her watch; she prided herself on being a safe harbor. For the both of us, this was intolerable and I'd be damned if I was going to let it go unpunished.

I parked and then ran into the hospital, making my way to Bella. They had her separated from the other patients, in an area usually reserved for those people that tended to injure themselves. They said she was alright, unusually quiet, and asking for me. I stopped outside the door to the sterile looking room; I knew she would hate being in there. Nurse Klein and Esme were waiting for me. "Has she said anything else?" I asked, impatient to speak with her myself. I looked through the small window in the door; Bella sat on the little bed, her legs hanging off the side. She pointed both feet, stretching, looking at the floor. To the untrained eye she looked almost bored. But I could see the way her hands clenched the sheets, the way it looked like she was trying to fold in on herself, disappear.

Esme stepped forward, "all she's said is that she wanted to see you. But she's more afraid than she's letting on."

"Where's Victoria?"

"Confined in the South Wing," Esme sighed. Victoria was difficult for all of us; we couldn't quite place her in any category. She had picked out Bella specifically to torment, but no one knew why. "You should go in; I don't know how much longer she'll keep quiet."

I could see the deep concern in her features, and the way she wanted to help everybody, even Victoria. I nodded to them both and watched until they left, heading to the intake office at the end of the hall. I let myself in and watched as Bella's head whipped in my direction, without hesitation she jumped off the bed and into my arms. I held her softly, not sure where all her injuries were. I could feel her shaking.

She mumbled into my shirt, "I'm not going to break," before tightening her grip.

I pulled her closer for another moment before letting go and guiding her back onto the bed. Her bottom lip was split, a tiny scab had formed there, and there were other marks too, on her neck. They looked like fingerprint bruises. I tilted her head in my hands, first back and then to either side. I let go and crossed my arms, my anger threatening to take over.

No one put their hands on Bella. "What happened?"

"I let my guard down," she shrugged.

I hated this, the way life had beaten her down so deeply she'd stopped trying. I waited for her to speak again.

"I skipped breakfast and she found me in my room. I think," she paused, searching her mind for something. "She must have known James, but I…I don't remember her. I have trouble sometimes, remembering things." Her brow creased and I let my arms relax, moving to lean on the bed next to her. "She says I killed him, that I should be the one that's dead," she shrugged again, like it was something she knew already.

I turned, facing her, "Bella, you didn't kill anybody; no one is dead because of you." She rolled her eyes so I grabbed her hand; I wanted to shake her. "Nothing is your fault; James was a very disturbed man. I don't think there was anything you could have done; he was -,"

She huffed quietly, "the only man that's ever loved me was disturbed."

I kept my voice low and I think I meant for her not to hear me. "Not the only man."

I glanced at the window in the door, willing it to remain empty and then kissed her, feeling the thrill that came from not just the feel of her, but the secret we had to keep in here. It was chaste and very light since I was afraid to hurt her, but she pushed back anyway and I had to muster the control to pull us apart. She looked at me, doe eyed and licking her lips and I almost came undone.

"I want to talk tomorrow, ok?" She asked it as if the worry I would say no was overwhelming. "I want…to know you," I could see a light blush rising in her cheeks.

I let my fingers graze over the warmth. "Anything, just promise me something, ok?" I waited for her to nod before continuing. "Don't wander by yourself…and don't stay in your room alone." I worried she would get angry with me, but she consented, absently running her fingertips over her bruised neck.

After leaving her in the care of Nurse Klein, I went to find Esme. She was waiting at the end of the hall with Carlisle; they were speaking in rushed whispers. I heard Victoria's name at least once. They greeted me quietly, arms crossed.

"I don't want Victoria near Bella ever again."

Author's Note: In case you haven't seen it, though I think most have, I have a new story up called Reality and Other Inconveniences; it's a little lighter in tone and despite some sadness, kinda funny.