Yuki ran his eyes over Shuuichi's sleeping features, sighing softly. One could commented on how innocent a sleeping face looked, but Shuuichi's always held a certain innocence. Instead, he would describe it as calm. Shuuichi was always in the midst of some emotion, happiness or sadness, excitement or contentment. It was odd to see a simple expression of peace.
Within the tent they had their own separate sleeping mats, but space had them next to each other. The short distance seemed too close, yet too far away at the same time. It would take next to nothing for him to side up next to the other and pull Shuuichi's warm form against his own.
Yet he couldn't, and that fact tortured him.
He could still remember the feel of the youth's body under his hands from days ago, the lean muscles, the subtle dips, the smooth curve of Shuuichi's spine. He hadn't touched more than the boy's back or legs, but it had almost felt like they were making love. It would of taken just a slight sift of his body, a slight change in the position of his hands, and his actions would of become something far different from a simple massage. It had taken every ounce of his willpower not to lean down and press his lips against the bared curve of Shuuichi's neck.
Even now his eyes trailed over it, the gentle pulse he could see throbbing there, and again it almost became too much. He wanted to taste the line of Shuuichi's jaw, see if the flesh below was as sensitive as it appeared. He wanted to claim those lips a second time, and brand the youth his own in an entirely personal way.
He should of thought ahead of his actions. Three times now, he'd made that mistake. He had promised the youth to teach him to hunt. At the time, it had seemed like a perfectly innocent branch in the conversation.
But to place his body up against the other's, to guide Shuuichi's hands with his own and hold their cheeks together to show him aim... It would be a sweet torture. Slowly, Yuki was losing control of his thoughts and actions. He would have to try harder than ever to keep his hands and eyes from wandering. His irrational mind seemed to make it easier every time he got a little bit closer, allowed more and more faults in his behavior. Too often, he was able to think up an excuse for his actions, as though there could be a real reason for letting his eyes trail along the line Shuuichi's lips.
A moan brought him out of his thoughts, and Yuki's lips quirked as Shuuichi sprawled himself out over even more space. His blanket was tangled up around his right leg and over his waist, the rest of him stretched out and half off his mat.
Yuki caught the hand that swung by his face, intent on returning it to the area of Shuuichi's own bed, but found he couldn't release it. Shuuichi's palm was warm against his own, his fingers instinctively curling around Yuki's own. The blonde stared at their joined hands for a long moment, feeling something shift inside of him until he was almost reduced to tears from the contact.
He didn't know exactly what it was, didn't want to put a name to it, but the fact remained the same that he fell asleep holding Shuuichi's hand.
"When are you going to put that poor kid out of his misery?"
Yuki looked up from his breakfast as Tetsua plopped down beside him, his expression actually serious. The blonde stole a glance over at Shuuichi, but the youth was caught up in another non-English conversation with his friend. He was beginning to dislike Japanese, his curiosity getting the better of him with wanting to know what the youth was talking about.
"Yes, I'm talking about him," Tetsua declared, calling Yuki's attention back.
"Don't say such things so loudly," Yuki chided, despite the fact that the two servants were the only two even remotely close to them. Everyone had learned long ago that if Yuki wanted company, he would seek it out himself. Except for his brother, of course.
Tetsua rolled his eyes. "Please, as if anyone can't tell he's got a thing for you. He follows you around like a lost dog."
Yuki snorted at his brother's words. "He's supposed to."
Tetsua grinned. "Yes, I suppose so. But you just have to look at his face to be able to see it. He doesn't hide his emotions nearly as well as you do, Yuki. The fact that he's in love with you is as plain as day. After watching the two of you at supper last night, I think even Father has noticed."
This got his attention. "You're not serious?" he exclaimed.
"I wouldn't worry about it too much. Half the court is in love with you. The other half is in love with me. And all of it is in love with Father. It comes with the money. He'll probably shrug it off as admiration and forget all about it once we get back. As long as you keep it discrete when you finally cave in."
"Sometimes, I really hate you."
Tetsua grinned at him. "Hey, one of us has to say the obvious. It's only a matter of time, my brother. These 'exotic gifts of the East' have a way of wearing down your reservations."
Yuki snorted. "As if you had any reservations about it. I bet the two of you jumped in the sack the first night he was here."
"I've decided to disregard that comment," Tetsua stated, despite the fact his face flamed red.
He hadn't actually expected to be right! Yuki stared at his brother as the younger man tried to bluff away the blush by coughing. Tetsua had always been far more open with his emotions than Yuki ever had, but he hadn't expected anything quite this impetuous from his brother. How could anyone do something so recklessly, on the whim of the heart?
Tetsua looked so happy... He and Ryuuichi kept the necessary distance as was appropriate in public. Even so, he could see the subtleties of their relationship, little details as to how they behaved around each other that everyone else seemed to miss. The soft looks they would cast each other every once and a while, they way one or the other's hand would linger when they touched, the way both seemed to get complete satisfaction out of the other's company even when they were just sitting next to each other without saying a word.
"I saw the two of you wander off yesterday," Tetsua commented, probably more to change the subject than anything else. "Heading off for a little romantic walk in the woods? Perhaps a little alone time, just the two of you and the sound of the birds? On a day like this, you could have your way with him for hours in the forest, without anyone even noticing you're gone. Wouldn't it be nice?"
"You," Yuki replied sharply, "are a pervert. And I don't have to listen to this."
"Hey, I'm just offering up a few suggestions for you," Tetsua said, bringing his hands up in a defensive position as if he hadn't been the one to bring up the topic.
"Well, I don't need your suggestions. You may think that you can do whatever you like when the thought comes to you, but I'm not in that position. I have responsibilities that you could never understand, and I can't just take on any desire which comes over me."
Tetsua gave him a frustrated look. "Are you still spewing that crap?" he snapped. Yuki was visibly shocked at his words, but his brother didn't give him a chance to reply. "I don't buy it for a second that you really believe all of that. You know full well that what you do in private is your business, and no one else's. If it's what your heart wants, what is there really to stop you? Almost every king of the past has had a lover as well as a wife, and you know full well that some of those have been men. What makes you think it's so different for you?"
"Because I can't do something like that to the person I love," Yuki snapped. "How do you think he would feel, having me go off and lay with some woman after we've made such a commitment to each other? I could never betray him like that, and so it's best just to make sure the commitment is never there."
His brother studied his face, no doubt realizing even as Yuki did that he'd used the word 'love'. "Are you listening to yourself?" Tetsua asked him softly. "How can you just put those emotions aside and pretend they don't exist? How can you just ignore what your heart is telling you? Do you really think it's just going to go away? Why are you going to deny yourself the chance to be happy, Yuki? You've sacrificed so much for this court and for father. Isn't it about time you did something for yourself? Especially something as important as this?"
The blonde could only shake his head in frustration, trying to deny Tetsua's words.
"Look at him, Yuki."
Unwillingly, his eyes trailed up to the youth. Shuuichi's smile was brilliant as he laughed over something Ryuuichi was saying. He looked so happy, innocent, and endlessly desirable.
"What do you have to lose, except Shuuichi himself?"