Okay….so just so everybody knows I had 2 HUGE meltdowns while writing this chapter. 1 for each half. So everybody thank EmeraldJewelSparkle for talking me off the ledge, and for magically appearing on twitter when I started screaming her name. And of course thank you to the freak circle who listened to me threaten to kill characters off if they didn't start behaving themselves.

Disclaimer: I do not have the rights to SOA and make no profit off my writing. Anything you don't recognize from the show I have created.

Content Warning: This fanfiction is rated M. Please respect that warning and do not read this if you do not want to read M rated material.

2022

Age 30

"Mommy why is Tom Tom here?" Suzie asked as her mother tucked her into bed.

"He's fixing our air conditioner." Becky answered and kissed her daughters forehead.

"Will Tom Tom come in and read a story to me?"

"No baby. But he's putting in a new air conditioner so it will be cooler. That will be nice, right? We can sleep in the living room tomorrow night; we can cover the whole floor in blankets and pillows. That sound good?"

Suzie nodded her head hugging her stuffed cat close. Becky smiled and pulled her sheet up, her quilt having been abandoned weeks ago. Suzie had already turned her fan on but Becky moved it closer to the bed and then closed her door. She and Tom Tom had some talking to do, and she didn't want to keep her daughter up.

Becky stood in the doorway of the living room watching Tom Tom finish up the air conditioner. The old one was in the box and he was securing the new one into the hole under the window. Besides the fact that it looked brand new she couldn't tell the difference between the two. Hopefully no one else would be able to either.

He plugged it in finally and turned it on, setting the temperature. He set it for 75 degrees; the thermostat read 92 in the room. That had to be why she was so flushed.

He stood up and saw her and cleared his throat. "Gonna run up the electric bill." He said with a nod to the now running air conditioner.

"Totally worth it. Thanks Tom Tom. What do I owe you?" She stepped into the room and reached for her purse.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." He shrugged and stepped closer to her.

"Tom Tom, that thing has to be a couple of hundred dollars."

"Don't worry about it. Really. When you move I'll switch them out again and I'll keep the new one."

Becky looked at him and started to fidget. "Thanks." She said again.

"You're welcome." He searched for something else to say and grabbed the window hardware out of his cut pocket. "I could put these on, if Suzie's still awake…never mind, she's probably not. I don't want to…to mess with that whole routine." He set the baggie of hardware on the coffee table.

"I can do it tomorrow. I just need a screwdriver, right?"

"I can come back tomorrow." He quickly assured her. "I mean…but yeah…for the locks just a screw driver. But I told you I'd do it, I will."

Becky nodded her head and sat down. "Okay."

He sat next to her, close but not touching. "Becky…" He started but trailed off. "I'm sorry." He stood again and wiped a hand over his face. "It's late. I should go." He walked to the front window and picked up the box with the broken A/C.

"Tom Tom…" Becky got up and walked over to him.

"Look Becky, I don't know what to say…I'm sorry alright?" He juggled the box in his arms with his knee and she started to grab it from him. "It's heavy." He said to stop her.

"Leave it here. In the closet, no use taking it and bringing it back."

He looked at the closet where she pointed and nodded his head. She made sure he had a good grip on the box before letting go and opening the closet door and clearing a spot on the floor.

He set it down and stood back up, his hands now free he shoved them back in his pockets. Jesus he was always nervous around Becky.

"I'm just gonna go." Tom Tom shrugged his shoulders and turned to go for the door.

"I don't get you." Becky mumbled to his back but he heard her and turned around. She took a step back slightly embarrassed and he took a step forward.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He snapped and instantly regretted his tone as she flinched.

"Never mind." She turned away but he caught her hand and tugged her back to face him.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

Becky rolled her eyes and pulled her hand away. "How about starting with what you're sorry for." She finally said.

Tom Tom took a step away and thought about the situation. He really had nothing planned after 'I'm sorry.'

"Are you sorry you came here tonight? Are you sorry about fighting V-Lin? Are you sorry you ruined my chances with him? Are you sorry you didn't make a move on me sooner? Are you sorry you led me on?" She took a breath before continuing. "I mean, come on Tom Tom! You flirt with me like crazy. You tracked down Suzie's dad and got him to pay child support. You hate when Shark flirts with me and you beat the shit out of the first visiting patch that showed interest in me. What am I supposed to think? Am I wrong thinking you like me?"

"No." He grabbed her hand and held it, rubbing it with his thumb. "No, you're not wrong. I like you."

Becky sighed heavily. "Then what the hell Tom Tom? I mean okay, I get the whole 'if you can't have me no one can' thing. But you don't seem to want me. You never make a move."

"I'm here right now aren't I?" He snapped and threw her hand down.

"Because Gabby told you to make it right. Which you were gonna do by playing handyman without me here." She threw back in his face.

"Jesus Becky what do you want from me? I'm here, I'm trying. I suck at the whole relationship thing."

Becky sighed again and walked back to the couch. She stood behind it and leaned on the back. "You and Karen were in a relationship."

Tom Tom huffed. "Karen was a booty call. We dated once for about three weeks. She realized I sucked at being a boyfriend, hated the club, and only calls me up when she gets lonely."

"Fine you like me but you don't want a relationship with me. That's what I'm supposed to leave this conversation with? So what? Every time I get close to a guy you're gonna beat him up but we're never gonna be together either?"

Tom Tom was truly taken aback. He'd never heard meek little Becky talk like this, he supposed he had truly pushed her to her breaking point. He turned and looked at the door. He shouldn't have come. He should leave. But if he left he might not get a chance to come back.

"What do you want me to say?" Tom Tom turned back around and walked to the couch, facing Becky.

"Nothing Tom Tom. I don't want you to say anything." She shrugged her shoulders and walked to the new air conditioner standing in the blast of cool air.

Tom Tom stood and watched her. The room was starting to cool; it had already gone down to 87 degrees. He walked up and stood behind her, he wanted to reach out and touch her; put a hand on her back, rub her shoulders, smooth down her hair. He took half a step closer and reached out and grazed her arm with the back of his finger.

"If we try this, and it doesn't work…what would that look like?" He asked quietly.

She turned around and looked at him. "You mean will I hate you?"

"I mean, fuck Becky I don't know what I mean. I just don't want to be the reason you leave the club. The guys would hate me. Gabby would kill me."

"That's what you're afraid of. That if things don't work out you'll get blamed. Jesus. Get out."

"What?" He asked astonished.

"You don't want to be with me because you might fuck it up and the cub might get mad at you? If that's your biggest concern, get out."

"It's not. It's…Becky…" Tom Tom started to plead.

"Go." She said calmly and crossed her arms.

"Fine." Tom Tom said forcefully and strode directly to the door. He almost slammed it closed, but he stopped himself, he knew it would wake Suzie.

He ran down the staircase to the tow truck he had borrowed to haul the A/C. He yanked on the door and laughed at himself. Of course it was locked, he had nearly dropped the A/C double checking that it was locked, he was in a horrible fucking part of town. He grabbed the keys off his belt and slammed his fist against the window before putting them back on, that was his bike and dorm key. He dug in his jean pockets, and then his cut pockets. He pulled out the ring of spares, but no other keys. The ring didn't have spares for vehicles, it was strictly for houses. He banged his head against the truck window and kicked the tire.

He had to go back up.

Fucking fantastic.

He went back up the stairs and took a deep breath before knocking tentatively on the door. Becky whipped the door open, "WHAT?"

Tom Tom took a deep breath. "I left my keys." He stated in a measured tone.

Becky rolled her eyes. "They're on your belt." She went to slam the door and he caught it.

"Not the right keys." She pressed harder on the door but he wasn't fazed. He could force it open if he wanted to, but he didn't want that. "I can't leave without them. I'll sleep against your fucking door."

She huffed and bit her lip. "Stay here. I will get them." She tried to shut the door but Tom Tom's foot was in the way. She rolled her eyes and turned to the living room scanning the coffee table and floor. She turned back. "Where are they?" She asked impatiently.

"I don't know." He shrugged and stepped inside.

She glared at him. "I told you to wait."

"Becky!" He snapped and ran a hand through his hair. "Just, let me look so I can get the fuck away from you."

She looked hurt at his words and he sighed again. She had just kicked him out, how could she not want him to not want to be around her, this was why he was single, he didn't fucking understand women!

He ignored her and started looking for his keys, picking up couch cushions and searching the floor around the A/C he had installed. No keys. He hadn't thought to look outside her door, or on the stairs, or in the parking lot, but he sure as hell wasn't going admit to her that maybe the keys weren't actually here.

"Well?" Becky asked, tapping her foot. Tom Tom looked at her. She was once again in shorts and a tank top. The room was even cooler now, nearing 80, but she was still flushed. Her face, her neck, her chest, he wasn't sure anymore if it was heat or anger, but it was beautiful.

He took three long strides to her, grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her. It took her a few seconds to kiss him back but once she did he slid one hand to the back of her neck and slid the other down her side around her back to just above her ass and pulled her close against him. He loved the feel of her soft lips against his, he felt her tongue peak out and sweep across his bottom lip and he groaned and opened his mouth, granting her access. Her hands swept up into his shaggy hair and he moaned, pulling her closer and sweeping his own tongue into her mouth. He felt the need to consume her, to memorize every last bit of this kiss, of her, and backed her up into the wall, running his hand from her neck up into her hair. He pressed against her till she let out her own sweet moan and he groaned again in response.

He pulled away when his lungs burned for air and rested his forehead against hers. "You're worth the risk Becky." He said it without thinking, but it was true, and hopefully what she needed to hear.

She pulled back sharply and his face fell. That was probably the most romantic thing he had ever said, if it wasn't enough he was out, out and done.

She ran a hand down her hair to smooth it from his hand and looked around the apartment. She walked to the A/C and checked all around it and on it for his keys. "Becky?" He said and walked over to her. She circled the couch to avoid him and walked to the closet, yanking it open and searching the floor. She ripped the folded flaps of the box up and triumphantly snatched the keys out of it and stood back up.

"Becky…" He tried again. She walked up to him and dropped the keys in his outstretched hand, snatching her own away before he could touch her.

He looked down at the keys and back at her. "I'll leave." He held up the keys and then pocketed them "IF you tell me why."

"Why what?" She once again crossed her arms.

"Why after all of that you're still kicking me out. I want to try, I know I'm gonna fuck it up, but I want to try. You're worth it."

"I'm worth it?" She asked skeptically.

"Yes!"

"Are you?" She asked and he furrowed his brow. "Are YOU worth the risk?"

"I thought you wanted me. If you didn't want me why did you care if I wanted you?" He voice rose above a yelling whisper and he cringed.

"You want me. You don't want Suzie. We're a package deal Tom Tom. I'm not gonna let her get any more attached to you then she already is."

"I can get used to Suzie." He pleaded.

"My daughter isn't something you get used to Tom Tom! She is a little girl that you like and care about and grow to love. And I'm not gonna take the risk on a guy that I KNOW doesn't want her."

"Okay look, I used the wrong word. I didn't mean get used to her, I mean…she'll grow on me, I can…deal with her."

"You can deal with her?" Becky repeated.

"Okay…also the wrong word." Tom Tom put his hands up again.

"I already gave you the right word Tom Tom. Far as I can tell you can't even bring yourself to say it, let alone make me believe it might happen."

Tom Tom looked at her at a complete loss. She was staring at him, her face stoic, her lips still swollen from his own. God that kiss had been amazing. He couldn't see her every day and not be allowed to kiss her again.

"Tom Tom!" She hissed and he realized he had been silent for two long.

"Love her!" He finally realized. "I do love her, okay. I would die for her." He pointed to her bedroom door. "I don't… I like kids. I don't…know how to play with them or talk to them. But I like kids. I like Suzie. I know how much you care about her. I know everything you've sacrificed for her. Those are the qualities I like in you. Not all moms are like that."

He scrubbed his hands over his face before looking at her again, her face was softer but her arms were still crossed.

"What do you need me to do?" He asked desperately. "What do I have to do to prove myself to you?"

"Prove yourself to Suzie."

"Gabby…hey." He waited on the porch till she moved aside and swept an inviting arm into the house.

She closed the door after he stepped inside. "You missed the kids, they're in bed." Tig nodded and looked around, he could hear lots of men in the living room, but none of them came to see who was at the door.

"Yeah, I uh…" He looked nervous and fidgeted.

"I thought you were going to call. Make plans for a visit." Gabby reminded him of his words when he left town after the funeral.

"Right, well this…isn't that. This… did Kristen lose a tooth?"

"Yes, today, why?" Gabby looked him over carefully.

"I got a call, from Shark, about you."

"About me not knowing who the tooth fairy was?" Gabby asked with a smirk, but inside she was furious at Shark for still butting in after she told him off.

"Yeah." Tig nodded his head.

"I got filled in." Gabby assured him.

"I figured. But…I really, really want to talk, just you and me." Tig stepped closer to Gabby but didn't reach out to her. Physical contact with Gabby was…complicated. It wasn't off limits, but it was uncomfortable.

"Love?" Casper came around the corner and stopped when he saw Tig. "Hey Tig." He took a deep breath and walked up to his wife, rubbing her back before wrapping his arm around her shoulders and holding out the other to shake Tig's hand. "What are you doing here?"

"Shark called him." Gabby looked up at her husband with an expression Tig couldn't read.

"Right… I'll…go get Shark." Casper turned for the living room and called Shark's name.

"Yeah?" Shark came around the corner. "Tig." He stopped and crossed his arms in the middle of the hallway. "What in the world are you doing here?"

Tig looked at the small group now forming in the hallway as Happy and Vin rose and came up behind Shark at the sound of his greeting.

Lenard and Bull groaned and swore at something and Gabby smirked. "Go back to the game boys. You hungry Tig?"

Tig looked at the men and nodded. Shark and Vin went back to the game, Casper and Happy stood in the hall, waiting for Gabby and Tig to pass before following them into the kitchen. Gabby busied herself fixing Tig a plate from the fridge. Casper pulled out a chair for Tig and sat next to him. Happy leaned against the center island, between Tig and Gabby.

Gabby noticed that. He hadn't been that forward about staying between the two in a long time, but he'd been on edge since Gabby confessed the much earlier start to her mother's abuse.

"Anyone else want more?" Gabby offered when she set Tig's plate down.

Happy nodded his head and Casper eyed her. "I do!" Shark yelled from the living room and Gabby rolled her eyes. She cut three more thick slices and through them in the microwave, sans side dishes.

"Wow. This is good. Is this Gemma's meatloaf?" Tig asked after his first bite.

Gabby slammed the microwave door shut as she took out the plate. "Yes. It's Gemma's meatloaf." Gabby answered shortly and doled the slices out on different plates for the guys.

Tig slowly chewed the bite in his mouth, he had obviously said something wrong, but he wasn't sure what.

"She gave you her secret recipe, that's like…an honor." Tig tried to correct himself.

"She didn't give me her recipe. I learned it after 10 years of making it for her family dinners. And it's not a secret. It's on the back of the Lipton onion soup mix box." She handed plates to Happy and Casper and walked out of the kitchen. She glared at Shark and slammed the third plate hard into his chest when he reached for it. He frowned and gave her a sympathetic eye. She continued to glare and he reached out to take the fork from her. She stabbed his palm with the prongs of the fork. He refused to say ouch but he cringed and sucked on the few bits of blood she drew.

She stood over him daring him to say anything and he just cleared his throat and picked up his meatloaf, eating it with his uninjured hand. She huffed and walked back to the kitchen, throwing the fork into the sink.

"Bitch is crazy." Bull mumbled to Lenard and Vin slapped him hard upside the head, knocking his teeth on his beer bottle he was drinking out of. "Gabby is your brother's old lady. You respect her Jackass."

Casper looked at the fork in the sink and into the living room at his brother. "Wonder what the score is…" Casper grabbed his plate and nodded for Happy to follow him. Hap glared at him. Casper huffed and stared back. Happy didn't waver. Casper looked away finally, cleared his throat and looked at the living room. Gabby was closing Tupperware and stuffing leftovers back in the fridge.

"Hap." Casper pleaded and nodded towards the living room again. Happy stared back. Tig looked over and noticed, giving an amused chuckle. Casper squared his shoulders and grabbed Happy's plate of meatloaf, taking it into the living room with him.

Happy sighed and followed Casper, locking eyes with his daughter before he left the room. She gave him a small nod, silent understanding. He was upset, she was upset, he was worried, she was annoyed, he would be listening from the next room, she was grateful.

Gabby took a deep breath and sat down at the table adjacent from Tig. "So…Shark calls and you come running?" Gabby got to the 'fun' portion of the visit.

Tig put down his fork. He had wolfed down all of the meatloaf and potatoes, leaving his corn for last like a child. "Gabby…" He sighed and ran a hand down his face. "I have so many regrets. So many. You have no idea doll. I've tried forgetting things, pushing them aside, justifying them…" He took a deep breath; he was talking quietly, so as not to be overheard by the men in the living room. "I'm sorry Gabby."

Gabby sat quietly for a moment, one elbow on the table, head resting in her hand. She sighed and looked down at the table as the men in the other room cheered at the TV.

"Guys are watching the game if you want to join them." She finally spoke.

"Gabby?" Tig reached out, laying his hand on the table next to her arm, but didn't touch her. He was treading a fine line, pushing the well-established boundaries of his new found family; he knew the risk he was taking, losing all of it by trying to get more.

Gabby let out a long, deep, sigh and got up from the table. "Come on." She nodded her head towards the front door and Tig cringed but stood as well. He had approached that all wrong, he thought, too much too fast.

"Den." She nodded her head again to the door and opened it, walking into the den and waiting for him to follow before closing the door behind him.

She had just willingly closed herself into a room with Tig. That had never happened before. She took another deep breath and sat on Casper's computer chair, leaving the couch for Tig. This was not a side by side kind of conversation.

"You're sorry." She stated instead of asked.

"I am Gabby, I am. I am so sorry." He sat and leaned forward welcoming the chance to finally talk things through.

"What are you sorry for?" Gabby asked, her practiced, Happy taught, blank look and cold eyed staring into Tig's matching blue ones.

The question threw Tig for a loop. Obviously he was sorry for what happened to her. She understood that, didn't she? What was he sorry for? He was sorry for what she went through, what Emily did to her. Oh… "I'm sorry for what I did." He understood now, "I'm sorry for the way I treated you, but more so, I'm sorry that I let happen…what happened. It wasn't right. I should have stepped in."

Gabby leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "I need more than that." She shrugged.

Tig sat and looked at her. He felt like he should lie down on the couch and bare his soul, hell, revealing all of this to her was probably the closest thing to therapy he'd ever get.

"Emily was 19 when you were born. I was married. I had two kids. They were babies… my wife hated me. Honest to god, I thought if I walked away…from you…from your mother…" Gabby flinched, her first sign of emotion and Tig filed it away. Not her mother, Emily, check.

"I thought if I walked away Emily would leave. Leave the club, leave town, go back to her parents. I thought you'd have a pretty good life. But she didn't leave. JT took one look at you and you were the daughter he never had. He loved you, he loved you so much. It wasn't about giving you what I didn't, he wasn't trying to make up for me, he loved you."

Gabby's eyes grew wet but the rest of her face stayed blank. Tig sniffed away his own tears. He couldn't help his overly expressive eyes, and apparently neither could she no matter how hard she tried.

"Gemma hated how he spoiled you. He would take you places; he would carry you around and rock you to sleep. When he died, Gemma pushed you out. She was angry at Emily, but she hated you. She could have told Emily she wasn't welcome. She should have. I asked her to. I thought…I thought if she lost the club she'd leave."

Gabby sniffed and Tig wiped a hand over her face. "She wasn't using yet. She didn't use when she was pregnant. I don't know when it started, sometime after JT. Probably before you remember though. I should have stepped in. I should have, and part of me wanted to. I'm stubborn Gabby. I put my mind towards not being your father and I stuck to it. I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of knowing your mother was using and not stepping in. I'm not proud of seeing your bruises and letting her get away with hurting you."

"When you got older…Maybe 13 or so, a brother, from Phoenix, saw you in the club kitchen. The guy had a reputation for liking young girls. And he watched you. You were scrubbing dishes while the rest of us were eating. I watched him, standing in the door, watching you. I beat the shit out of him that night in the ring." He felt the need to assure her of that, redeem himself in the slightest. "I mean, I… Jesus Gabby I nearly killed the guy…"

"After that, I had to keep them away from you. All of them. And I couldn't do that, not on my own. So I thought I could keep you away from them. The older Charming guys would never touch you, but the others didn't know. And I couldn't….wouldn't let you…no way in hell Gabby. And I could have told them to back off. But… I didn't want to warn them off you. I wanted you terrified of them. Of the life. I wanted you gone. Not Gone gone, but Safe gone. I knew I couldn't take seeing you in the clubhouse. So I scared you, I scared the shit out of you every chance I got. I laughed it off to the brothers, but I hated it. I hated doing that to you."

Gabby remained quiet. She stared at him. Tears had yet to escape her eyes, but Tig could see them clearly. He waited for a response from her, but got none. That either meant she wasn't happy with what he had to say, or she needed, wanted, more.

"It...It wasn't just the guys Gabby. The club, it's a dangerous place. You were in Charming for some of the worst of it. The deaths, the lock downs, old ladies got hurt. Kids got hurt. Babies. Abel got kidnapped. Luanne was killed. Gemma… shit Gabby you being an old lady still scares the crap out of me."

Gabby looked around the room, she loved her life.

"Dawn." Tig said it, all alone, one syllable, and Gabby's head snapped back to look at him.

Tig looked at her. She had yet to cry, but her eyes were still welled up with tears.

"Dawn." Tig repeated. "Dawn died because of me." He paused to watch her, study her. But she just sat blankly. He didn't know how much she knew, how much Happy would have told her. "She died…a horrible horrible death because of me." He choked and lost control of his own tears, letting them fall freely down his face.

Gabby sat and watched him cry. She held her own tears back but her bottom lip quivered. "Tig." She called his name and he looked up at her again. His face was awash in pain and it finally cracked her. She pulled herself out of the chair and sat next to Tig on the couch, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

He grabbed both her hands in his, pulling them away from his face and then let go of them, wrapping her in a desperate hug. "I know I hurt you Gabby. But having me as a father…I promise you it wouldn't have been any better." He whispered into her hair.

Gabby pulled away at that. Tig looked at her and swallowed nervously.

"You left me to get slapped around by a crack whore. To be left alone at night, as a child, a baby, so she could go party. Going to bed hungry. Getting evicted from houses. I tried...I nearly killed myself."

"Oh god doll." Tig reached out and ran a hand down the side of her face.

"I found my mother, dead, when I was 18. Do you have any idea what that was like?"

"No, no I don't." He shook his head.

"The past is the past Tig. I can't keep reliving it. You want some huge grand show of forgiveness from me…you're not gonna get it. You know I forgive you." She shrugged and pulled away from him, his hand on her cheek dropping to his lap. "I've told you as much. You need to get stuff off your chest. I understand that. But you telling me why you did what you did doesn't make it okay, it doesn't help. It hurts. Thinking about it hurts. Talking about it hurts. I want you in my life. But if that means feeling all of this pain every time you're around, I can't do it."

"Gabby…" Tig started to plead.

"YOU have to move on Tig. You have to forgive yourself. What Emily did to me wasn't your fault. What YOU did to me was."

Thanks for reading :)