After.
Chapter Fourteen: A gift
Joker limped down the small shopping district, eyes scanning the large windows of the stores. He wasn't sure why he had left the ship – but he felt compelled to. Shepard got out of the med-bay for the first time in a month later today – a bit faster than Chakwas had been expecting. Something compelled Joker to get her a little something. Some sort of 'welcome back to the world of the living' present. His mind wandered as he watched Miranda – decked out in a short-cut dress, and Kaidan walk by and head for a delicious smelling restaurant. Joker frowned at them, before his green eyes slid to the right. The shop beside him was a pet store, having a cat adoption fair. A smile tugged at his cheeks at the thought of a kitten. Mindlessly, he wandered in – quickly greeted by the young asari behind the counter.
"Looking for anything specific today, sir?" she delicately asked, as he walked over to the cages filled with cats and kittens.
"Just looking. Is it okay if I just bat at your cats for awhile?" he asked, carefully lowering himself in front of the cages.
"Go for it! I do it whenever I have a break," she admitted with a smile, before another customer came in and began speaking to her.
Joker's eyes scanned the various cats – most of which were sleeping. A small dark-gray kitten sat in the middle of its cage – staring at him. He sat squarely in front of the bottom cage, and stared back, pulling at the bill of his hat with a grin. It mewed at him – walking to the front of its cage. Joker's eyes jumped to the little tag of information about the kitten. It was a boy, five months old – currently going by 'Fuzzy.'
He batted at the cage, causing the little light-gray-eyed kitten to bat back at him. Joker smiled, petting the tiny thing through its cage. His mind wandered back to one of the many conversations he had with Shepard over the past month. One was actually about cats.
"I actually grew up with them," she smiled, "Stray cats technically when I was older. But when I lived in the orphanage, there was a local cat. He was named Potato."
"Potato?" Joker asked, laughing, as he helped slide her water closer to her.
"Yeah. All brown. Fat. Loved to snuggle. Best cat ever."
Joker's smile grew wider – his eyes sliding to a display of collars. There was a small adjustable one that was white – with a red-strip in the center. That cat could be N7 armor in adorable form. His eyes sparkled at the idea. Carefully pulling himself to his feet, he limped back to the asari.
"I...think I shall be getting Fuzzy today," Joker smiled, causing the asari's expression to brighten.
"Yes! I love that little thing! He's so tiny and fluffy," her blue hands balled into fists, "I thought I saw him playing with you."
She studied Joker slightly in a fashion that he had caught Kelly doing the day before he had called her Shepard in bed.
"Ha...yeah. I can't resist anything that cute, I have to admit," he sheepishly added, pulling at his hat.
"Do you need all the extras with the cat?" she asked, walking out from behind the counter.
"Yeah – minus collar. Already picked that out."
The asari smiled warmly at him, before helping him choose a bed, toys, waste-box, food and water dish, and scratching post. She included food for free in the deal.
With the items on the counter, she walked over to the cage and pulled out Fuzzy – resting him against her shoulder. The little kitten mewed – staring right at Joker. He couldn't help but smile at the little thing.
She placed the kitten in a temporary cardboard carrying cage, sliding a blanket for him to snuggle and one of his new toys.
After all things were gathered, the asari informed him that all would be delivered in about ten minutes.
Joker thanked her, and limped back to the Normandy, excited to see Shepard's expression at her new little friend.
–
"See? He loves the fish," Joker smiled, sitting on Shepard's couch as the new kitten explored. EDI had actually helped him by letting him into Shepard's quarters and even made suggestions to help the kitten feel more comfortable. Apparently EDI had a soft-spot for kittens.
The N7 cat sat in front of the fish tank, happily watching his friends swim around. Occasionally he'd bat at one, but the fish seemed to be uncaring about the tiny fuzz-ball that wanted to eat them.
"The kitten is exhibiting signs of comfort for this new area," EDI stated, causing the kitten to stare at her hologram near by.
"Where's Shepard?"
"She's currently leaving the medical bay, and headed for the lift. The words she is currently speaking are, 'Freedom sweet fucking freedom,'" EDI played back Shepard's voice, causing Joker to laugh – though he swore he could hear a weird clicking in the background. Was she on crutches?
After a few moment, the lift opened and Shepard entered her room – jumping slightly at Joker's appearance.
"Joker? What the hell...?"
He motioned with his chin to the very content N7-kitten, who was still happily watching fish. For a moment, Shepard was perfectly still – crutches hanging loosely under each arm.
"Is that a...?"
"It's a kitten. With N7 colors," Joker smiled, as she quickly swung herself toward the kitten. The little ball of fur mewed at her – allowing the woman to pick him up.
"Holy shit you got me and N7-kitten," her face practically glowed with happiness.
"I wanted to get you something as a 'welcome back' gift. Saw it while hobbling around the space-station," he shrugged.
The kitten purred loudly as Shepard held it, her eyes closing the sound.
"Joker..." she smiled, setting the kitten back in front of the fish tank.
"Shepard..." he mimicked, mocking her voice the best he could. It wasn't very good.
She moved herself over to him, pulling him into a tight embrace. The pilot remained frozen for a moment, before hugging her back. He rested his chin slightly on her shoulder – enjoying the softness of her N7 hoodie under the roughness of his beard. His mind danced back to his mistake with Kelly – realizing why he had done all of this for her. Suddenly, he felt incredibly awkward.
She pulled back, setting herself on the couch beside him – watching her new friend make friends with the fish.
"What are you going to name him?" Joker asked, as Shepard carefully propped her feet up on her end-table.
"Not sure yet," she admitted, glancing around the room as she noticed all the little kitten-features that were new. Waste-box just inside her bathroom door. Cat-bed beside her bed. Food and water bowl by her desk. A few toys lay within his bed.
"It's so nice to be out of the damn med-bay," she sighed, eyes following the kitten.
"I've been there."
"Right – you have that bone-weave thing right?"
"Yeah. Plus a childhood of constantly breaking things, meant a lot of bed-time."
Shepard silently nodded, before asking, "How have thing actually been going? You can actually tell me now that I'm free."
"No one but Kelly and occasionally Tali visit me in the cockpit. Miranda just sends messages."
"Impersonal."
"Yeah. The 'biotic squad' have been doing all the work, really. Don't even leave their channel open to me. They patch me in when they 'need me'. Mostly just have a shuttle near them."
"Biotic squad?"
"Miranda, Jacob, and Kaidan."
"I can almost taste the douche-baggery."
"No need to try to taste it. They pretty much shove it down our throats," Joker scoffed, as the kitten padded over to them – hopping up on the couch between them.
Shepard wiggled her fingers at the cat, causing the little ball to start purring and rubbing himself against her.
"I actually tried to inform Miranda I'm taking back some of my power – but she wasn't in her office," Shepard shrugged, "Didn't think she needed to leave the station to get supplies."
"Oh – she's out."
"Out?"
"For dinner."
"By herself?"
"...No..." Joker couldn't lie to her. But this...this was just hard to tell her.
"...With who?" Shepard frowned, lifting the cat into her arms for comfort. It mewed and purred louder.
"Kaidan."
Shepard was silent for a moment, before shrugged, "They're both surface level douches. They'd make perfect babies that would be that annoying popular kid in school,"she nodded, choosing to be unphased, "But how are things for you?" she nudged him slightly as the kitten fell asleep in her arms.
"Weird."
"Aw – why?"
"I...slept with Kelly again."
Why was he telling her this?
"Oh...?" Shepard appeared to be caught off-guard by the action, tilting her head to the side slightly.
"Everything was just sort of pissing me off. Seemed like a nice stress relief."
"Last time this happened, you were freaked out."
'And I still am,' he thought, before saying, "I talked to people and they made sex seem less serious then I was making it out to be."
"Sex is serious," Shepard replied slowly, petting the purring and sleeping blob in her arms.
"Yeah...I guess," his mind wandered to the fact he screamed her name, causing his cheeks to redden.
"Aw – Joker feeling awkward talking about sex?" she teased, rocking the kitten slowly, "You know what? It would be nice to have kids someday."
"What?"
"Commander," EDI began, causing the kitten to wake.
"EDI? What is it?"
"I'm sorry Commander, but the Lazarus Project – while revolutionary – wasn't perfect."
"Elaborate, EDI," Shepard narrowed her eyes.
"Commander, you are sterile."
There was a beat of silence in the room as Joker watched the strangest expression upon Shepard's face. It was only there for a second – but it was filled with such strange sorrow, he wanted to hold her.
"Yay unprotected sex..." her voice shallow, as she pet the kitten a bit too quickly, causing it to bat at her hand.
"You okay, Gaz?" her first name slipped past his lips before he could catch himself. She glanced over at him a bit too-quickly.
"Yeah...yeah I'm fine. Gaz?"
"Sorry."
"Nah – it's fine. I'm just 'Commander' or 'Shepard' to everyone. Weird to hear my first name."
"You first name is not 'Gaz' Shepard," EDI corrected, "It is Giselle."
Shepard frowned at the AI's words, throwing a pillow across the room at the AI's hologram – causing the sphere to quickly disappear.
"How are all your limbs?" Joker asked, as Shepard lowered her vision back to the fuzz-ball in her arms.
"My legs are a bit weird – mostly nerve damage still. All my muscles got fucked by the lack of usage. Bones are now back. Memories mostly back – and no longer having trouble remembering new things," she shrugged.
"Bout your brain, Commander?"
Gaz shot him a side-glance, "As I said – concussion is-"
"No, I meant how are you feeling."
"Like I've been stuck in the medical bay for an entire month," her voice low, "Thanks for visiting me though."
"Anyone else visit?"
"Garrus did every once in a while," she shrugged, slouching on the couch, "Tali was every-other day. Grunt was once a week. Legion came twice. That was weird. Samara gave me counseling a few times. Thane told me stories a few times. Kaidan came by..." her expression dropped.
"He's an asshole, Commander."
"I know...we've been over this..." something about her voice was different. The lack of contact and movement had somehow changed Shepard in a strange way. Like her shields were down.
Gaz's hand – balled into a fist, rested against her mouth – eyes looking in the opposite direction of Joker.
"...Shepard?"
"I'm sorry."
"Are you alright?"
She tightened her grip on the kitten, who purred to comfort her. The woman slowly turned her eyes back to Joker. Surprisingly, they were glassy.
"Aw...Gaz..." he frowned, realizing how hard this all was on her.
"For me, my relationship with Kaidan was only a few months ago," her voice quiet, "To go from falling asleep on someone's shoulder every night to..." her voice cracked, "being called a traitor. Being called 'not Shepard.' Being pushed away like a rotten bag of food. It hurts, Joker."
It was surreal to see his Commander so...vulnerable. Truthfully, he had no idea how to deal with it. Going with what he had seen in movies, he slid an arm around her shoulders – pulling her close to him in a half-hug. She didn't fight it – though her eyelids constantly kept the moisture in her eyes from falling. The ever-growing pool of water remained balanced on her bottom lids – distorting her pupil.
"I know..." he whispered, squeezing her shoulder.
"Suddenly he sends me a message back that makes me hopeful that it can go back. Then I actually get the chance...and I fucking push it away," her eyes slammed shut, finally releasing the built-up liquid down her freckled cheeks, "Because he just couldn't be nice to me. He couldn't be the same sweet guy that I fell for on the SR-1. He always has to prove something to me. Then I thought he was gone again. I was okay with that. Move on. Then...then that stupid merc attack," she shook her head – not looking at Joker. Instead, her eyes were focused on nothing in particular – yet pointed directly in front of her. The kitten jumped away to inspect her bed.
"That asshole had to save me. I woke up to see his goddamn face," her voice shook – Joker's hold on her tightened. He had seen her die...yet this was possibly more painful.
"I thought I had just been zapped by the Prothean beacon, by the way, when I woke up," she shook her head – her whole body shuttering slightly, "So I thought it was still there. That smile on his face. He held my hand," she clenched her jaw – her face dipping forward causing her auburn hair to block her features.
Joker remained silent – realizing how badly she needed to just vent all of this.
"Then he visits me," her voice barely above a whisper, "Daily. Sometimes more than once a day," she leaned her head against Joker's shoulder mindlessly, "We just talked about the old days. About all the stupid missions. The Mako. Wrex and Garrus. Poker-night on the SR-1. Hell, we even talked about Ashley," she bit her bottom lip, "Then...then he decides to just hang out with Miranda. No big deal. Dinner date? Sounds like fun. Hell – I bet they've already slept together. Miranda seems easy to me."
Joker remained silent.
"God...dammit," Gaz cradled her face in her hands – wresting her elbows on her legs, "I was doing so good too. Just...going out with Miranda was...too much I guess," she slowly lifted her hands from her face, and looked over at Joker – shooting him a sheepish smile.
"I'm sorry you had to see my little melt-down," Gaz attempted to smile, "I'll be sure to have more exciting and less pathetic outbursts in the future."
"Yeah...like explode something in anger. Or set Kaidan on fire."
"I like the way you think, sir," she laughed, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.
"Hell, Mordin can set things on fire with his mind, right?"
"True."
"I'm sure he'd do that for you."
"This can only end well."
"Or just put Jack near him."
"Have they even talked yet?"
"I recall hearing her threaten to rip off his balls and shove them up whatever orifice she was feeling 'appropriate,'" Joker shrugged with a smile.
"God bless that woman."
Shepard's light brown eyes glanced up at Joker from his shoulder. She smiled at him, lifting her head slightly.
"Thank you, Joker."
"For what?"
Placing a hand on his cheek, she pressed her lips lightly against hers, before pulling away. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
"What did I earn that for?" Joker recovered, a bit in shock over Gaz's actions.
"Joker – look at everything. In my eyes, I lost everything for no reason. Suddenly my life, friends, ship, and crew were ripped away from me. But you never left," she laughed slightly, her gaze dropping.
"The best Commander needs the best pilot," he replied, attempting to not think. In this situation, if he thought too hard – he'd get scared, nervous, and awkward. Probably at all once. To counter his gut-instinct to ruin all moments ever, he concentrated on her eyes. The outside ring of the light brown was a bit darker – possibly even a bit green. It grew lighter as it got closer to the pupil – a ring of gray encircling the black sphere in the middle. Within the two rings of color, lay a field of light brown. Little flecks of yellow and green hid within the general light-brown hue – probably going unnoticed by most.
"Joker?" she asked, bringing him back to the present.
"What?"
"You still there, buddy?" she smiled, her hand on his arm.
"Yeah...just kind of got lost in thought."
"Did I make you uncomfortable?" she asked flatly, pulling her hand away from his arm.
"What? No," he smiled, "You're just..." he shrugged, "I'm basically forcing myself to not puke on my lap, fart, sneeze in your face, or somehow break something."
Shepard laughed, shaking her head, "Trying not to awkward yourself?"
"Exactly."
"How?"
He paused, "Honestly I was studying your eyes. Oh hey – that sounds smooth. Oh yeah, baby, I've been checkin' out them orbs."
Gaz snorted – laughing, before asking, "My eyes, huh?"
"Yeah, they're not just like a boring brown I see everywhere. They've got lots of colors. Really...pretty," he flinched slightly at the compliment – unsure how she'd take it.
Gaz leaned forward again, kissing him with slightly more intensity as before. Joker closed his eyes, delicately placing a hand on the side of her face. The kiss was soft. Delicate. It sent a shock from his brain to his spine. It felt...comforting. Not awkward and overly lusty like it had with Kelly.
It was...perfect.
–
AN: !
SHOKER. SHEP/JOKER. IN THIS CHAPTER. THEY KISSED. Okay, self control. It only took me over 24,000 words to get to this point. But...they kissed. Finally kissed. Gah – that was sweet. It was hard to make it unforced.
From experience, I can say that just being there for someone when they have a breakdown earns you SO MANY points in their mind. I've been slowly building their relationship in a way I've seen real ones go before. Sometimes people aren't both constantly thinking of each other in bed. Sometimes life distracts from the person who really is best for you. Also note how the last thing they talked about before the first kiss was Jack shoving Kaidan's balls down an orifice of her choice. Best. First. Kiss. Words. Ever.
Another note – Shepard being sterile is a head-canon of mine.
Also – how cute is the N7-kitten? Still thinking of a name for the fuzz-ball. Feel free to suggest in either the comments or in my PM box.
Last note – this is the last chapter I've had 'pre-written' – meaning there will actually be time between updates. Don't worry – I love this story. I'll be shooting for at least once a week for updates. Possibly more or less depending on how my 20-units of class are treating me. Yay...
Rated M for: Language, future sexual situations, future violence, and so I can have freedom without fear of scarring a teen for life.
Oh – and I don't own anything ever.