For all of the light that I shut out
For all of the innocent things that I've doubt
For all of the bruises that I've caused and the tears
For all of the things that I've done all these years

-I'll Be Good, Jaymes Young

John walked into the store first, earning himself a few odd looks but nothing out of the ordinary. He just looked like a homeless person coming in to purchase some shoes or a jacket for the cold nights. We had chosen the Salvation Army – yes, I know, we're horrible people – because of the lack of security and the fact that John wouldn't stick out too much. So far, as I watched from in an alley across the street, the plan was going accordingly.

John browsed through the shelves, picking out a few things for himself before moving on to the women's rack. As I watched from my hiding spot, he reached for a pink dress, pulling it off the rack and examining it. Even from across the street, I could see the smug grin on his face as he toyed with the idea of forcing me to wear it. Thankfully, he put the monstrosity back on the rack before pulling out a few more items.

I watched as John walked back to the change rooms and disappeared behind the corner as he tried on the outfit. "Wait two minutes before making your entrance," is what John had said. He needed time to actually try on the outfit and shove my clothes under his jacket before I could make my grand appearance. I didn't really question it because John seemed so sure of himself and whenever I try to plan anything, it ends up disastrously.

When I pointed that out, John laughed and agreed. But then he also brought up how I wasn't completely useless at paintball just to make me feel better. 'Thanks John.'

As I counted down the final seconds, my heart started racing and sweat sprung from my hands. I had always loathed being the centre of attention and now, one of my biggest fears was becoming a reality. Taking a deep breath, I counted to ten in my head, just as my mother had taught me to calm myself.

One…Two…Three…Four….Five….Six….Seven….Eight…Nine….Ten…

Showtime.

The double door slammed open as I threw my weight into it, landing on the linoleum ground on all fours. The transformation was quick, only lasting a few seconds before a wolf was standing in the middle of the Salvation Army.

At first, everyone just stared, unsure of what to do. Blood drained from the faces, one woman's bags dropped from her hands, and a wad of half-chewed bubble gum fell from a man's mouth. And then, after three slow seconds, someone finally screamed.

"Wolf!"

And that was about the time all hell broke loose.

I lunged forward, snapping at the Bubble Gum man but purposely missing him by an inch. He fell back, landing hard on his butt as he scrambled to get away. A snarl ripped from my throat as I lunged again, towering over him with my teeth bared. I almost didn't notice a dark stain wash over the crotch of his pants… almost.

Sadly that small detail hadn't escaped me.

I was about to give him a hard bite or two – just to scare him, I promise – when I noticed most of the customers racing towards the door. If they got out this early, there was no doubt the police would be here within minutes; or worse, the men who attacked us in the first place.

I leapt off the man and threw my body into the doors just as someone reached for it. The woman jumped away with a shriek as I snarled. She held up her hands, backing away like I was a criminal, not an animal.

"Please don't hurt me," she sobbed, streams of tears rushing down her face. The way she was acting; she wasn't treating me like a wolf, she was treating me like a person. She knew I was a mutant. Whether she had seen me transform or had just realized how illogical a wolf in New York was, I would never know, but in that moment, I knew that I never wanted anyone to look at me like that again.

Even though I didn't want it, I knew damn well I would have to grow used to the look.

My ears fell against my head and I took a few steps back just as I spotted John coming out of the change room. I barely had time to take in his appearance before he was running for the door, pretending to look terrified at the big, black wolf in the middle of the store.

John ripped open door and rushed into the street, along with about five other screaming people. He bolted down the street, disappearing from my view as he turned the corner just as we had planned.

I turned back to where the woman was standing to see she had disappeared. There was only a couple of people in the store, both hiding behind the counter. I snarled at them once before running to the door, as if to chase after the escaped pieces of prey.

'They're not prey, Violet. This is all part of the plan,' I had to remind myself. I had been in my wolf form for too long and I could tell Apex was getting stronger by the minute.

The only way I could open the door was by pulling at it and that whole no-opposable-thumbs thing was a problem here. I would have to change back to my human form if I ever wanted to get out of the store.

Since I couldn't let anyone see my face, I transformed into my transitional stage so I had all the characteristics of a wolf, only I could stand on two feet like a human. I whipped the door open, glancing one last time back at the remaining people in the store to take in their horrified faces. Sadly, they looked even more scared than they did when they thought I was an actual wolf.

Trying not to dwell on the thought, I sprinted down the street, in the direction that I had seen John disappear into. Alarmed civilians jumped out of the way as I raced past, shoving a few people out of the way if they didn't move fast enough.

The plan was to meet back in the forest where we had slept, but judging from the sirens I could hear growing closer in the distance, I wasn't so sure that would be possible. There was no way they wouldn't notice the monster running through the streets either.

I turned a corner, transforming fully into my human form now, but still standing out of place with my disheveled clothing. I realized my attempt at blending had failed miserably when I was suddenly surrounded by flashing red and blue lights; two police cars had pulled up in front of me. One had pulled up directly onto the sidewalk so my escape route had vanished.

"Put your hands up!" one of the officers yelled as he pointed a gun at me. There were four officers in total, all hiding behind their cars and pointing their guns directly at me. My eyes frantically searched around me, looking for any form of escape; I came up empty.

I slowly lifted my arms, backing away from the guns. I knew what I had to do but I really, really didn't want to.

I could see one of the officers reaching for his handcuffs and in that moment, I knew that my choices had all been used up. I slowly started to lower my hands, reaching for the sleeves of my shirt.

"Hey, freeze! Don't make us shoot!" the only female officer yelled. I sighed, rolling my eyes at her.

"Then just don't," I retorted, letting my hair fade to black and my eyes glow golden.

"I'm warning you!" she screamed, taking the safety off her gun. "Raise your hands and stay still."

"I'm sorry," I muttered, looking her directly in the eyes. "I just can't do that…"

In the following seconds, three things would happen: I would rip the sleeves off my shirt, a bullet would fire from the gun and graze my arm, and Apex would make himself well known.

Pain seared my arm as I let out a short scream, quickly being replaced by a howl as I lunged towards the officer, my teeth bared and no control over my body. My jaw closed around her hands, making her drop her gun as my teeth tore into her flesh.

'Kill, kill, kill,' Apex sang.

My teeth latched onto her shoulder; it would have been her throat had she not moved just in time. I had an iron hold on her and the taste of blood seeping into my mouth made it even harder to let go. The bullets shooting at me from all angles were good motivations though.

I turned, snarling at the police who had their shaking guns pointed directly at me. The woman underneath me was sobbing uncontrollably and weakly hitting me with her uninjured arm. It was more of a nuisance than anything and one quick bite to her biceps ended that. Another shot fired when my teeth sunk into her skin, this one narrowly missing my ear by an inch.

I leapt off the woman, jumping towards the man who had fired. His eyes widened and in his panic, the weapon fell from his hands. "Shit," he breathed, dropping to his knees to snatch up the gun. Before his hand could make contact with the metal, my teeth were latched onto his face and I was whipping my head back and forth, trying to shake the life out of him.

'Kill him!' Apex screamed. 'End his petty life!'

My heartbeat quickened as the thought of death grew closer to a reality. The blood, his spastic movements… it all made me feel so much more alive! It was so exhilarating, in fact, that I had forgot about the other two officers trying to shoot me dead.

When one of the bullets made contact with my skin, Apex's control vanished and I realized exactly what position I was in and that I needed to leave immediately. Ignoring the burning pain in my arm and back, I shoved myself off the ground, changing from a wolf into an eagle and soaring into the sky. Bullets whizzed past me, barely missing by millimetres as I flew higher and higher. Once I was high enough in the air, I started towards the forest where John was waiting for me.

I could still hear the firing of guns as the police tried to shoot me out of the air but I was simply too high and far for them to get a good shot in. For now, I was safe. A second after the relief set in, so did the pain. I had been shot twice, both bullets only grazing my arm and back, and the stress of transforming so much had resulted in a pounding migraine that made it hard to think, let alone fly. I didn't even notice I was starting to fall until I looked down and realized I was only about six feet from hitting the ground.

With any strength that I could muster, I flapped hard and fast, trying to break my fall before I hit the ground. It managed to slow me down, but not completely stop me as I hit the ground. Only seconds before I landed, I transformed back into my human form. My feet made contact with the ground first, quickly giving out from under me as my knees hit the pavement, skidding across the ground for a few feet until the rest of my body finally caught up with it and I went rolling onto a gravel road and skidding to a stop.

I was lucky the road wasn't very busy because it took me a good ten minutes of lying in the middle of that road, wallowing in my own pain before I was finally able to move. My entire body was on fire; not only was blood gushing from my arm and back, but my knees, elbows, chest, and chin were now shredded to hell with little pieces of skin hanging off. Long black scrapes covered my body wherever I had touched the gravel road, and dark bruises were already starting to form.

To sum it up, I was a bloody mess but I had made it.

With a groan, I slowly peeled myself off the ground, standing onto my burning legs. Doing a quick look-around, I made sure no one was watching before I limped off the road and into the forest. I was a bit off my target and had to walk about fifteen minutes (which wasn't fun at all in my condition, mind you) but I finally made it to a familiar pine where John was impatiently waiting. When he saw me, at first he looked annoyed until he took in my entire appearance.

His eyes moved from my face, to my arm, then my chest, thighs, knees, and finally my feet. And because John is John, he lit up like a damn Christmas tree. "What happened to you?"

I scowled, crossing my arms over my chest and grinding my teeth together. "Well the police did that thing they like to do and tried arresting me, thanks for your concern."

John seemed to remember that I needed actual help and looked around, his eyes landing on the pile of clothes off to the side. He grabbed his old shirt that he had changed out of and ripped a decent sized chunk out of it. Balling up the cloth, he tossed it at me. "Here, use this for your face."

I shot him a confused look. "My face is fine." Other than my chin, which was pretty scraped up, my face had been the luckiest part of my body.

Now it was John's time to be confused. "Are you sure about that? You might have a little something on it," he said, pointing to his upper lip area. On instinct, I reached up and touched right under my nose, pulling it back to see crimson. And I'm not talking about just a little blood, it was gushing. The stress of transforming so much must have done more than just give me and migraine – which was finally starting to disappear.

"Oh crap," I muttered, pressing the cloth to my nose and wiping my bloody fingers on my shirt. "Thanks," I said as an afterthought.

I looked back to John to see him analyzing me again and out of habit, I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He seemed to notice my discomfort and his eyes met mine. "What happened to your sleeves?"

"I had to rip them off." My voice came out a little muffled from under the cloth. "I knew I'd have to change into an eagle to fly away and the sleeves would have gotten in the way." Honestly I was kind of proud of myself for actually thinking that far ahead, considering the situation. John seemed to be impressed too because he didn't make any snide comment, so I took it as a success.

"Your arm is bleeding pretty badly," John pointed out, nodding to my arm. The bullet had grazed my upper arm, nearing my shoulder, so everything below it was a healthy shade of red by now. I turned around to show off my back, which wasn't bleeding nearly as badly as my arm. Thankfully, the bullet had barely even scratched it, just enough to make me notice.

"Surprise, surprise, I got shot," I replied with a bitter laugh. "It looks worse than it is though. I've been shot before and this isn't nearly as bad, trust me."

"I know," John said as he tore a few more pieces from his old shirt. "You bleed all over my new jacket, remember?"

"How could I forget?" I snorted, shifting the cloth in my hand so it wasn't completely covering my mouth. I barely noticed John approach me until he was sitting beside me, holding my arm in his hand. "Uh, what are you doing there?"

"Bandaging it up, genius," he retorted. He looked closely at the wound, dabbing it a few times with his cloth to clean it before he finally came to his conclusion. "It's just a flesh wound, you should be fine."

"Thank you, Dr. Allerdyce," I joked and he chuckled quietly. We sat in silence for a few minutes as he started wrapping my arm tightly in the fabric, making sure every inch of the wound was covered before tying it up.

The back would was a little more complicated though, because it wasn't like he could just wrap over the shirt (obviously). I had to lift the hem of my shirt up high enough so he could bandage the wound, but also being careful enough that I didn't let him see anything too scandalous. So basically, we were both in very awkward positions but trying to keep it professional.

When my nose finally stopped bleeding, John showed me what he had picked up for me. He wasn't sure what I wanted so he just kind of grabbed everything but I'm not going to lie, he didn't do all that bad. He'd grabbed a simple, black V-neck, a black and white plaid flannel that was far too big for me, a baggy pair of gray sweatpants, and a pair of jeans that surprisingly fit. I opted for the V-neck and sweatpants, considering my track record with needing to transform lately. John had also been 'kind' enough to snatch me a pair of tennis shoes and a baseball cap; the shoes were a few sizes too big but I wasn't complaining.

Once I was changed, bandaged, and more-or-less alive, I turned to John expectantly. He stared back at me and we just stood there in silence for a few moments wondering the exact same thing. "So… what now?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"I don't really know, to be honest," John admitted. "I mean, my plan was just to get money and clothes but I think it's too risky to go back into the city again to rob a bank or something if the police are already after us. Not to mention that Stryker guy has probably heard about all that by now and is on the lookout for us."

"Yeah, I probably could have been a bit stealthier," I muttered, shifting uncomfortably on my feet. I should have changed into an eagle the second I got out of the store, not waiting until the last second like I had. "But we still need a plan; even if we had money right now, what would we do with it? Honestly, I think money is the least of our worries."

"So what do you suggest, Oh Wise One?" John asked, looking at me expectantly.

"We need to find the others," I said confidently. "We can't just hide in the forest anymore playing fugitive. We need to find Storm or the Professor; hell, I'd be okay with finding Logan at this point. We just need to find someone."

"Yeah, we do," John agreed with a sigh. "But the thing about that is, I don't know where anyone is. Trust me, I've thought about this, Vi. But I didn't see anyone escape. They could be dead for all I know."

I felt my heart drop when he said those words, because the truth is, I didn't know either. I hadn't been in the school long enough to learn all the escape routes and what to do in a situation like this; for all I knew, everyone could be dead and I'd have no idea. I had been relying on John for having a plan and to know what to do, but he was as lost as I was.

"We need to find somewhere safe," I finally decided. "If Stryker is really on the hunt for us, he's going to start combing the forest surrounding the Institute and we'll be sitting ducks."

"Where? It's not like I have any friends or family around here," John said, running a hand through his hair. "And I don't mean to point this out, but your family is literally in another country."

I cringed slightly at the words; I had been doing so well at trying to shove my mother and Hugh to the back of my mind but John just had to go and bring them up. John seemed to pick up on my reaction and all he could do was nod his head in acknowledgement. At the Institute, situations like mine weren't uncommon. Students came in constantly and a lot of them had no other families other than the X-Men… and now that I think about it, I didn't even know if that was the same case for John or not.

Did he have any siblings? A mother? What about a father?

Father.

Oh shit, I completely forgot I have a father now!

My entire face lit up and I threw my arms in the air. John simply raised an eyebrow at my outburst and waited for me to speak. "We could stay with my father! He lives in New York."

"You have a dad in NYC," John repeated. "And you didn't think about this before when we were sleeping on the cold ground."

"I forgot," I explained shortly. "But I'm sure he'd let us stay at his house. He kind of owes me one." Or a thousand. I mean, how many favors would you owe the daughter that you abandoned?

"So you're from Canada, but your dad lives here in New York," John clarified and I nodded. "It kind of makes me wonder why you're living at the Institute, and what the hell happened to you when I found you covered in blood, when your father lives so close. And what else you aren't telling me."

There was a hint of emotion in John's eyes, but I couldn't place it. Was it anger? If it was, he had no right to be angry; I had no obligation to tell him about my past and it's not like he's told me anything about him. I didn't know about his family, his past, or even where he's from. "It's not your place to know," I said simply. "Look, we have more important things to deal with right now. Can't we just go find my father and figure out where the rest of the mutants are?"

John looked like he wanted to stay on the issue but he let it go for now.

We started walking back towards the city in silence; John was still curious about my past but it was clear that I wasn't going to be telling him any of my dirty little secrets anytime soon. I mean, it wasn't like he was telling me his life story, so why should I?

"Violet," John breathed and I sighed.

"Look John, I really don't want to talk about it," I snapped. I whirled around, my lips pursed together and ready to have a yelling match if I had to. But when I saw John's face, I instantly realized something was wrong. His face was pale and staring up at the sky. Slowly, he lifted his arm and pointed upwards.

Following his gaze, my gut dropped. There, in the sky, was three jets. One was large and black, clearly the X-Jet, and the other two were fighter jets trying to shoot down the X-Men. All we could do was watch as the sky darkened and the clouds thickened. I shared a brief look with John as the clouds started circling, coming together to form at least a dozen tornadoes reaching down from the sky like God's fingers.

The two fighter jets skillfully dodged the tornadoes, barely missing them by mere feet as they chased after the X-Jet. We watched as a tornado formed right on top of the jet, making it spin out of control. Pieces of metal were ripped from the wings as the jet plummeted; seconds later a pilot came flying from the plane, falling fast. He fell for a few seconds before a large parachute exploded from his back and started carrying him down to safety.

I diverted my attention to the remaining fighter jet; it was clear that it was having a hard time manoeuvring around the tornadoes and would lose control soon. I crossed my fingers, praying that it would fly directly into a cyclone and spiral to its death – yes, a little morbid, but deserving. At the final second before the second pilot ejected himself, two missiles shot from the jet, aimed directly at the X-Jet.

"Oh God," I breathed, covering my mouth. I turned to John to see all the colour had drained from his face. I looked back up to the sky, and to my horror, the clouds had thinned and the sun shone through again. "They don't see the missiles."

"Go," John whispered. I could barely make out the single word but it was enough to send me shooting off the ground in the form of an eagle. Not even when I was flying from the police earlier today was my heart beating as fast as it was now. Because back then, I knew I would be okay. I knew I would heal from the bullet wounds and that the police couldn't catch me. But the X-Men… they couldn't heal like me. They would all die if I didn't save them.

I watched as one of the missiles twisted in the air, spinning out of control for a few seconds before exploding – no doubt the work of a mutant. The second missile however, stayed on track. I flapped my wings harder, flying as fast as I could to somehow intersect the missile before it hit the jet. I didn't know if my healing abilities would be able to withstand an explosion like that, but I had to try.

'Faster!' I ordered myself. 'You can't let them die!'

I was so close. Only a few more seconds and I would be between the missile and the jet – I would save them all. Mere seconds.

But I know from experience that it only takes a few seconds for everything to go to hell. All I could do was watch as the missile hit the back of the X-Jet, exploding and ripping a gaping hole in the back of the jet. Watch as the jet plummeted, smoke billowing from the back as it fell. Watch as a figure shot from the hole in the jet, a bloodcurdling scream emitting from her throat.

Rogue.

Without a second thought, I dove towards the falling girl, trying to ignore the voice in my head screaming at me to save the X-Jet. She was falling fast, but I was faster. My feet latched onto her arms, my talons digging slightly into her skin. There was a brief second were the falling halted before gravity caught up to us and her weight dragged us both down.

I flapped hard, trying to lift us higher in the air, but she was too heavy and I wasn't strong enough. Eagles hunt and carry fish and maybe the occasional dog or cat – they don't carry humans. No matter how hard or rapidly I flapped my wings, the girl was simply too heavy for me to carry.

I was focusing so hard on lifting Rogue that I didn't notice the draining sensation until my entire body suddenly froze. It was like my soul was draining through my feet where I was holding Rogue by her bare arms. My wings tensed, unable to keep us in the air, even though Apex screamed in my head to move. 'Let go of her or you'll both die,' Apex snarled. But even if I wanted to, my entire body was so frozen that I couldn't even release my grip on Rogue.

If my gut hadn't already dropped enough, it basically fell off a cliff when I could feel my feathers start to shrink back into my skin. Just as my black feathers began to disappear, I could see brown ones sprout from the arms of the girl below me. It was as if Apex had transferred from my body to Rogue's, leaving only his screaming voice in my mind.

'No, no, no...'

"NO!" My internal screams vocalized as I completely transformed from an eagle into my human body. Wind whipped at my face as I fell, feeling like a thousands knives, dragging their edges against my skin. My body twisted in the air as I fell, my arms thrashing as I tried to grab hold of something - anything - to catch me before I hit the ground.

My fingers stretched to grab onto Rogue, but as I fell next to the eagle, I recognized the look in her eyes. The pure animal had emerged and it was no longer Rogue in control; whether it was Apex or her own little monster, she was no longer in control of her mind. So now I was falling with no hope of being saved.

Seconds later, my body slammed into branches; first being whipped by the smaller ones before slamming into a thick branch and crushing my ribs. My body flipped over the branch, landing on a thicker one below and tumbling to the ground, taking down a million branches and twigs as I fell. I hit the ground hard, barely taking notice of the sound of my arms snapping under my body.

I barely registered two sets of feet running towards my twisted and broken body before my eyes lulled shut, hoping that when I woke up, I would be completely healed.

A/N: This chapter and the next one was originally supposed to be 1 chapter but it was already 9,000 words and I wasn't even finished yet so I just decided to cut it into two, which actually worked out quite nicely. It kind of makes me wonder how long AP is going to end up being if I keep cutting chapters in two! I mean, a 9,000+ chapter isn't necessarily a bad thing, but so much happens that I figured it would just be easier to read it over a span of two chapters rather than 1.