Hi guys, I'm really really sorry for the long absence. I've been trying to get my stories updated but just couldn't find the time. Luckily I managed to squeeze in a few hours to update this one. I hope you guys haven't bailed out on me yet. Let me know what you think of this chapter. Hugs! xoxo
Chapter 14
Haley picked up the last stack of plates on the table and started to walk towards the kitchen when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Here, let me help you with those." She wasn't surprised when she saw Nathan next to her. All through dinner she could feel his eyes on her, and it made her nervous.
"You don't have to. They're not that heavy," she protested.
"It's okay. I want to help," he said stubbornly and took the plates from her hands, their fingers brushing slightly. She followed him into the kitchen and directed him to the sink.
"Just leave them there. I'll do the dishes. Haley, you should rest. It's been a long day for you," Karen piped in as she strolled into the kitchen, carrying another stack of dishes.
Haley looked at her, her arms akimbo and rolled her eyes. "Karen, for the hundredth time, I'm fine."
Karen patted her arm affectionately. "I know you are. I just want you to rest. Now go. I'll handle this. By the way, Jamie's sleeping in Brooke's room. I think he's had enough excitement for one day." She saw Haley's hesitation and looked back and forth between her and Nathan. "Nathan, will you take this woman away from the kitchen please?"
"Gladly," he said with a grin, and took Haley's arm and led her out of the kitchen. "Come on, let's take a walk. We need to talk."
Her heart pounded as soon as she heard those words. "I can't. Not right now. Jamie-"
"Jamie's sleeping. He'll be fine. I'll tell Lucas. Stay right there," he commanded. She had no choice but to stay put. She had been dreading this moment all night, and now that it had arrived, she was terrified.
"Here," Nathan said and handed her her jacket. "Lucas knows we're going out. Come on."
They walked in silence. She waited for him to start speaking. He tried to find the right words to start the conversation. "It's a beautiful night," he started.
"Yeah, it is," she agreed softly. "Although I think it's going to rain," she pointed out. He looked up and saw the dark clouds clustering in the night sky.
"Nah," he said and shook his head. "It happens a lot lately. Just when you think it's going to rain, it doesn't," he commented. "Are you alright? Are you warm enough?" he asked.
"I'm fine Nathan," she said. She slowed her pace and came to a standstill soon after. He turned around, a confused look etched on his face. Before he could ask, she said, "Nathan, you said you wanted to talk."
He appeared stunned at hearing her words. He had almost forgotten the reason why they were out here. Being with her did this to him. Made him forget everything else.
"Yeah, I did," he said carefully. He made a step closer to her and studied her face. "I want you to know that Peyton told me everything," he said slowly.
She felt as if she had been punched in the gut. She knew that he knew. It was just that hearing those words coming out from his mouth made it more painful.
"Haley, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. For what I did to you," he said, feeling as if he would break down any moment now.
She tried to hold her ground and stood stiffly. "It's okay. It happened four years ago."
"No, it's not okay!" he exclaimed. "How can you say it's okay?!" he said angrily.
"What do you want me to say Nathan?" she said, her voice rising. "That I hate you for what you did to me? For sleeping with another woman while we were still together? For abandoning me when I was carrying you child? For not being there when our baby died? What? Huh?!"
"You left me!"
"No Nathan. You left me first. You left me the moment you decided to sleep with Kelly." Angry tears were starting to form in her eyes.
"Haley stop. That was a mistake. A mistake that I'm hoping to forget, but I can't because it gave me Jamie. It gave us Jamie."
"You're wrong. It gave you Jamie. Not me," she said as her tears started to spill down her cheeks. "I love that boy, with all my heart I do. But he doesn't carry my DNA."
"So what? You're his mother. The only mother he knows." He saw her wiping her tears away. It broke his heart knowing that he had caused her this much pain.
"I knew back then that I wasn't enough for you. I could never be enough for you," she said sadly.
He placed his hands on her arms and looked at her intently. "What are you talking about?"
"We were so different, Nathan. You the jock that every girl wanted to sleep with, and I was Haley the Tutor Girl," she said softly. "How could I be enough? I gave my heart to you. hat really should have been enough, but it wasn't."
He wiped the tears from her face tenderly. "You were everything to me Hales. I loved you. I still do. I can't put into words the way I feel about you, and back then when you told me that you were going on tour with some Chris Keller, I thought that I was losing you. I held on to you so tightly that when you told me you were going on that stupid tour I flipped. I know all this does not excuse the fact that I slept with Kelly, but you have to know how sorry I am."
She shook her head in despair. "Nathan, I would have asked you to come with me but you were so angry that I didn't get the chance to. I never wanted us to be apart. Back then I thought that I couldn't live without you not being with me-"
"And now?" he asked.
She looked up to him and saw the hope in his eyes. "Nathan, I've been living without you for four years. You told me at the Rivercourt that it's too late for us and I'm starting to believe that."
"Don't say that!" he said adamantly. "I know I screwed up Hales!"
"It's not about that Nathan. I'm trying to let go-"
"Let go of us. Of our feelings for each other? I tried that Hales, and it didn't work. It can't work. You know why? Because we belong together. Always and forever, remember?"
"That was just a childish dream Nathan. We were young. We thought that nothing could break us part. Well we did. And here we are," she said. She couldn't believe she was saying all these things when just a few months ago, she was pining for him to come back to her. "I don't know know what else you want from me."
"I was hoping for forgiveness," he said, his voice raw with emotion. He knew that this would be a tough conversation but now he felt as if she was slipping further away from him.
She looked at him and gave him a wry smile. "I've forgiven you a long time ago, but that doesn't make it hurt any less."
"God Hales," he said and ran his fingers through his hair. "You and me. It's not supposed to end this way."
"Maybe it is. You're just refusing to believe it," she said, her voice wavering slightly.
"And do you?" he asked.
"Do I what?"
"Believe it? Believe that we're over? Believe that there's no room in your heart for me anymore?"
"How can you say that?" she said, as tears began to form in her eyes again. "Nathan, there's an ache in my heart where you used to be. And that is not going away. You were my first love. My only love."
"So why can't we try again?" he urged. "I love you Hales," he said and looked deeply into her eyes. His eyes were so intense, so full of love and hope that she had to turn away.
"I can't. I cannot go through the pain again," she said.
"I'll never hurt you again Hales," he said and touched her face. "You may not trust me now, but you will. One day. And when that day comes, I'll be here."
She shook her head in denial. "We're done. I have to get back."
"Hales-" he begged. He felt so helpless looking into those determined eyes. He knew it would take a lot to change her mind, and just as he promised her moments before, he was ready to do anything to make her want him back.
She ignored his plea and strode back to where they came from. She could feel a chill in her bones as she walked. She pulled her jacket closer and stared ahead as tears continued to stream down her face. If she were to be honest with herself, she believed that Nathan still loved her. That he he had never stopped. But she couldn't allow herself to get hurt again. She could hear him catching up to her. She then felt his hand on her elbow.
"Hales, stop. Look at me. Please," she heard her say. She hesitated before allowing herself to turn and face him.
Brown met blue as they continued to gaze at each other. For a moment she could feel the world stop turning. That everything halted around them. Before she knew it, he cupped her chin and lowered his lips, touching hers ever so gently. She stood in shock at the touch.
"Kiss me," he whispered against her lips.
She closed her eyes, telling herself that she shouldn't allow this to happen. "Kiss me," he said gruffly.
A small sigh escaped her lips as she felt herself unable to stop what was happening. She touched his lips with hers, feeling him shudder at the touch. He couldn't stop himself. He kissed her gently and passionately, loving the feel of her lips against his. He wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss, probing her lips, begging her for entrance. And when she finally did, he felt himself spiraling downwards at the sensation.
"It's you. It's always you," he breathed. He kissed her with all the love he felt for her. He expected her to push him away and was thankful when she did not. Nothing else mattered at that moment. Just the feel of their bodies clinging together, his mouth devouring hers. He flicked his tongue against her lips, seeking for her tongue and when he found what he was looking for, he felt as if he could explode. Only she could make him feel this way. Only his Hales. He felt a sudden sadness, remembering what he had done to hurt her. The damage that he had done.
"I love you so much," he sobbed as he felt a tear sliding down his cheek. "I'm so sorry. I need you. Don't leave me, please," he begged.
She began crying herself at his heartbreaking words. She placed both her palms against his face. "You will always have me in your heart. But I can't be with you. I'm so sorry," she said brokenly.
Just then, she felt a drop of rain on the skin of her arm. Looking up, she saw that the rain was starting to come down hard. "We'd better head back," she said as she tried to compose herself.
He looked at her with such sadness that she could almost feel her heart breaking all over again. "Yeah we should," he said. With that they both started running, leaving with the memory of that kiss etched in their hearts.
They were soaked by the time they got home. "I'm sorry. I should have known that it was going to really rain," Nathan said quietly as they walked to the door.
"It's okay. You're not the weatherman," she said jokingly, although it didn't manage to make him smile. "We should probably go in and get ourselves out of these clothes," she said. He thought she looked beautiful with her cheeks flushed and her hair wet and unkempt. She opened the door and was surprised when she was greeted with a familiar face.
"Connor," she stammered.
A sudden wave of jealousy coursed through Nathan's veins as he laid his eyes for the first time on Connor. "What are you doing here?" he heard her ask.
"I decided to take up on Peyton's offer to spend Christmas in Tree Hill," Connor said. He seemed to have noticed Nathan standing in the doorway. "Hey, I'm Connor," he said and stuck out his hand to shake Nathan's.
"Yeah, I'm sure you are," Nathan said through gritted teeth. "Hi, I'm Nathan," he said.
"Haley, you're soaked through!" Connor commented as he noticed her drenched.
"Yeah, any git could see that, you moron," Nathan said under his breath. Haley heard him and threw him a questioning look. "Come on Hales, we'd better get you out of those clothes before you catch a cold."
"Uh yeah," Haley agreed. "Wait, Peyton's offer?" She looked at Peyton who was looking guilty as hell. Haley was still reeling from the shock of seeing Connor. For some reason, she felt nervous at his presence. She knew that she and Nathan had to find a way to work things out between them, and she also knew that Connor being there was going to make things more difficult.
"So, um have you met everybody?" Haley asked and looked around the house. She saw that everybody was standing in the hall, nervousness and uncertainty etched on everyone's faces.
"Yeah, I have. They told me that you were out with-" He looked at Nathan. "Nathan." A sudden look of comprehension dawned on him. "Nathan? Nathan Scott? THE Nathan Scott?? Oh my God, it's really you!" he gushed.
Nathan couldn't help but feel amused at his enthusiasm. "Yeah, that's me."
"What are you doing here in Tree Hill?" Connor asked in confusion. "And how do you know Haley?"
"Ermm, I live here. And Haley and I, we used to be married," he said the last part of the sentence with difficulty.
"Oh," Connor said. A sudden air or discomfort permeated the room. Haley broke the silence and clapped her hand once before saying, "okay, Nathan you should change too. Peyton, can I talk to you?" she said and grabbed Peyton's hand before leading her to the kitchen. It wasn't long before Brooke followed suit.
"What the hell are you doing inviting him over for Christmas. Have you gone insane?!" she demanded.
"Yeah, P. Sawyer. I have to agree with Tutor Girl on this one. What the hell?" Brooke exclaimed in a low voice.
Peyton shrugged her shoulders guiltily. "I don't know. I was talking to him one day on the phone while you guys were doing your European tour just to find out how you guys were doing and he said something about his family going on holiday for Christmas and how he won't be able to join them because of work. And I kind of invited him over."
"How could you 'kind of invited him over'?" Brooke hissed. She didn't like where this was going. She had been hoping that Nathan and Haley could reconcile and she could already see that the path towards reconciliation would be filled with obstacles.
"It kind of happened," Peyton said defensively. "And Hales, why are you so worked up? Just a few hours ago you were gushing at how great Connor is."
"He is great Peyton, but-" She couldn't finish her sentence. "You know what? It's fine. We can't just turn him away right?"
"I can," Brooke said.
"Brooke Davis Scott, you will do no such thing," Peyton said in reprimand. "Come on, we'd better get out there. And you Hales, could do with a change of clothes. You can tell us what happened between you and Nathan on your walk later."
"Oh yeah what happened?" Brooke asked nosily.
"Get out of the kitchen right now, you two," Haley said and pointed a finger towards the hall. She was not ready to discuss what happened with her two best friends yet. Not when she herself was confused. She was glad when they obeyed her order and walking out towards the hall, she could already see that Nathan had changed and was now eyeing Connor suspiciously. This cannot be good, she mused.