Violence Disclaimer: None in this chapter!
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Gabrielle was carried back to the hut in silence. Although whether she would have heard anything above the shots of joy and applause she received every step of the way was debateable. Xena gently placed her into bed and turned to get pain medicine. She had felt the tenseness of the bard's body and wanted to give her a dose quickly. It also gave her a few extra seconds to think, and sort out her thoughts.
"Xe, please. Talk to me," said the Bard.
Xena walked to the bed and handed Gabrielle the mug. She downed the drink in one and made a face. Xena took the mug and walked back to the table.
"Xena, please, yell at me, tell me how wrong I was, anything." Gabrielle's voice broke and she started to sob. In a flash Xena was perched on the bed with Gabrielle in her arms. "I want to tell you what a risk you took. How annoyed I am that you obviously went behind my back to arrange this? That all we wanted to do was to protect you and you could have ruined it. But all I can think of is how brave and courageous you are, and that I am so lucky to share my life with you." At this Gabrielle gave a hic-cough and a sob and Xena carried on rubbing circles on her back. "Before you, I trusted no one. I'd been hurt or betrayed too often. And you came in my life and I felt trust and love of life again." Xena pulled back slightly and looked Gabrielle in the eye. "Yes we lost that for a short while, but there is no one I trust more than you." The hut was quiet apart from Gabrielle's sniffs.
"Me too Xena, me too." She said quietly.
Xena cupped Gabrielle's face, "Then trust me. Open up to me."
Gabrielle put her head on Xena's shoulder. "It's so hard." She started to sob more violently.
"I know, I know." Gabrielle continued to cry for several minutes and Xena said nothing apart from soothing "shh".
"I always thought our bond would transcend everything. It survived when you died," Gabrielle looked at Xena and smiled through her tears. Xena squeezed her hand gently. "I know wasn't your fault Xena, but-"
"Why couldn't I remember you? Why couldn't I remember us? You meant nothing to me?" Xena bowed her head. "I'm so sorry."
"No I am. I blamed you for not remembering me. That wasn't your fault." Gabrielle swallowed and looked away. "I'm scared Xena. I don't want to feel like this any more."
"What way, Bri?"
"That I'll never feel normal again. That I'll never be able to put it behind me."
"Time's a great healer. And you're the one that says talking helps. Take your own advice, Bard."
"I know," she said wistfully.
Xena smiled. It was a good day. The Valasca faction was shown up. Gabrielle's stock as Queen had risen and she had started to open up. For the first time Xena could sense light at the end of a long difficult tunnel.
Xena finished her drilling and took a long drink from her water skin. She watched the village break into life. She enjoyed her morning exercise early, so she was not bothered by too many amazons eager to take her on. Some, well they obviously hadn't learnt from Aida and Charope, and decided their own bit of retribution. Xena never minded, to her it was a slightly more vigorous workout; the hardest part was ensuring she did not injure them too badly.
She jumped up and headed to the bathing hut and emerged carrying a large tub. She was going to suggest a bath to the bard. Gabrielle was recovering slowly, slower than Xena would have liked. She was able to sit up for longer periods and Xena was hoping that today she could go for a short walk. Her ribs were virtually healed and her hand was improving although still very painful. One particular concern was that her voracious appetite had not returned.
Xena carried the tub and put it down with as little noise as possible. Good, she thought, the bard was still asleep. She went in and out of the hut with buckets gradually filling the tub and ensuring the water pot on the fire was full. She kept adding the hot water to the tub and refilling the pot. It was tedious tiring task and when she finished she slumped down on a chair and was greeted by a wide smile from the now awake bard.
"How long have you been awake?" she asked as she moved to the bed. She knelt on the floor and brushed her hand through Gabrielle's golden hair. "Long enough to see you work up a sweat," said the bard laughing. "I truly hope that's for you," she sniffed deeply just for effect.
"Ha ha. You could have helped me, given me some encouragement," Xena said lightly.
"Nah, it was worth it just to see you try and curse quietly." Xena's eyebrow rose up. Gods she loved this banter. It was beginning to come back slowly, part of the healing process.
"How do you feel about having a bath, Bri?" Xena was hesitant but hopeful. Gabrielle loved a bath.
Gabrielle
nodded her head warily. Xena quickly added," I don't have to be
here, if you'd prefer someone else, or I can wait outside."
"No,"
said Gabrielle, firmly. "I mean I'd like you here please." She tilted her head towards Xena to emphasise the point. Xena
smiled. She watched as Gabrielle moved up the bed and swung her legs
over the side of the bed. She helped her take her shift off and
unwrap the bandages. When they had all been removed she took
Gabrielle's right arm and they slowly walked to the bath. She
picked her up and gently lowered the bard into the warm water, and
Gabrielle winced as the water touched her wounds.
The bard closed her eyes and spread her arms out in the water. "This is bliss," she said, and breathed the scented herbs in deeply. When she opened them she saw a smiling Xena sitting on the floor next to the tub, looking at her, holding a sponge. She smiled and took the sponge and started to wash herself. It was the first bath she had since being captured and she washed her self thoroughly, enjoying the feeling of being clean. Xena had been very attentive in washing her, but this was bliss.
Xena's tentative voice broke into her thoughts, "I can do your back and hair if you'd like?" Gabrielle gave her the sponge and was rewarded with a smile. She knew that Xena was desperate to do anything she could for her, as well as try to re-establish the close bond that had been damaged. Sometimes Gabrielle felt oppressed by Xena's actions or slipped into an introspective mood that couldn't be breeched. She knew it hurt Xena, but she couldn't control her mood swings. So when she was feeling content Xena would be as attentive as possible.
"That's lovely," she said. "It doesn't hurt much now."
Xena smiled weakly, "They'll be some scarring." She paused and said in a brighter tone, "I was thinking that we could leave the bandages off. Sounds good?"
Gabrielle nodded. There was a long silence. Gabrielle watched as her right hand made patterns in the water. She looked at Xena and then back at her hand.
"Xena, do you think I'll ever feel clean again?" Gabrielle's voice became a hoarse whisper, "I feel his hands touching me." The six words were whispered so quietly that Xena just heard them. She said nothing but let Gabrielle carry on shakily. "I close my eyes and I see him leering at me. I feel used, unclean," she looked at Xena and then bowed her head, "unworthy."
"Gods, Gabrielle, don't ever feel that. I love you." Xena immediately dropped the sponge and held her while the tears came. Another part of the wall Gabrielle had erected around herself was crumbling, she thought.
She gently lifted Gabrielle's face so it faced hers. "And this changes nothing about how I feel about you. In fact I love you even more." She held on until Gabrielle pulled away slightly. The bard gave a smile and said, "Hair please."
"Yes your highness," said Xena and she washed Gabrielle's hair gently paying attention to the scalp giving it a gentle massage.
"S'wonderful," murmured Gabrielle. Xena playfully splashed her.
"Don't fall asleep on me; I want to re-dress your hand. Then it's breakfast and after that I thought we'd take a walk to see Iolaus, Hercules and Joxer before they go the centaur village, then to the stables to see Argo. She's been asking to see you." Xena had moved to the bed and positioned the towels ready for Gabrielle and was now waiting at the side of the bath.
"Argo's been asking for me?" said Gabrielle incredulously. "What worries me is that I'm more surprised that about the me part than the asking!"
Xena laughed. "Every time I go into the stable she looks past me as if she expects to see you." She had lifted Gabrielle to the bed and was helping to towel her dry.
After checking all her wounds, Xena helped Gabrielle put a shift on and then sat behind her on the bed and plaited her hair.
By the time she was finished Gabrielle was breathing deeply with tears in her eyes.
"You've done really well," said Xena, "it's going to take time to gain your fitness back." She saw that Gabrielle was holding her hand gingerly.
"I'll wrap it now," she said tenderly "and then breakfast. What do you fancy? And don't say nothing." She added quickly.
The bard thought for a moment. "Fruit would be good," she said with a smile. "And Xena, thank you."
Xena gave her a huge toothy smile, "my pleasure," she said with conviction.
Iolaus positively beamed when he saw who was standing at his door. "Well look at you on your feet. How does it feel?"
"Tiring," said Gabrielle as Xena guided her over to a chair next to Iolaus. She slumped in it and closed her eyes. "I feel like I've walked to Athens and back, not just across the village."
"It was your first time up, you did better than I thought you would," said Xena defensively handing the bard a drink. She never found out just how or who helped Gabrielle to the council chamber-Gabrielle wouldn't say and certainly no one would admit to it and incur Xena's wrath- but she had established that Gabrielle did not walk there. This had been the bard's longest walk since her injury. Gabrielle smiled in gratitude and downed the apple juice quickly.
"How are you feeling Iolaus?" Gabrielle took his offered hand.
"Bored. I feel so well. It's so frustrating not being able to be up more. Especially with the nice views on offer."
Gabrielle smiled broadly and gently backhanded his stomach. Xena sniggered and left them to chat. She knew where Hercules was and joined him, sitting on the steps outside.
"How's he really doing?" she asked pointedly, knowing the demi God had overheard them.
"Actually not bad. The leg is the major problem. He's eating and drinking well, never had a fever and his wounds have healed nicely. He still has nightmares but I don't think he realises how bad his leg is." Hercules threw a stone he was holding onto the ground.
"He won't be able to fight, you know. Not to the level he did. And travelling will be hard. Believe me, I know" Xena looked at the demi god with compassion. She realised he already knew that.
"I know. But we'll cope. We can both make adjustments, even settle down, maybe." Xena looked surprised.
"Really, I thought you liked your life?"
"I do, but the best part is having Iolaus in it. If settling down is what it takes, that's what we'll do. Trouble can find me for a change!" Hercules turned to look at Xena. "It may not come to that though, Iolaus is…stubborn. If anyone can come back from this it's him."
"You're right" said Xena and gave a long thoughtful look inside the hut.
"You know you can redeem yourself wherever you are. You don't have to travel around for that." Hercules spoke quietly. There was a pause. He too looked inside the hut and whispered, "How is she?"
"Her hand is very painful. It'll pain her for the rest of her days. Everything else is healing well, physically." Xena's voice dropped on the last word.
Hercules gave her an encouraging smile, so Xena continued, eager at last to share her anxiety with someone.
"I know it'll take time, but I feel like we're drifting on the sea. Sometimes she drifts closer like this morning and then the wind will change and we'll be farther apart. I just wish she'd open up more. I just want to help." Her head drooped and Hercules gave her arm a squeeze.
"Come on lets go see them." He jumped up and held his hand out for Xena.
Joxer came running up to them as they entered the hut. His eyes lit up when he saw Gabrielle.
"Hey Gabby, good to see you," he said nervously.
Gabrielle smiled. "Hey Joxer. I keep hearing all the good stuff you've been doing working with Piri. You seem to have your own fan club."
The apprentice healer looked embarrassed and looked down at his feet. "I wouldn't say that. But it has been good working with Piri. She has taught me a lot."
Iolaus guffawed and Gabrielle slapped him quickly on the stomach again, and gave him a stare. She had sensed that Piri and Joxer had become close, but didn't want her friend humiliated. "Iolaus was going to show me his carvings, weren't you?"
"Oh yes Gab. Sure Gab."
"I'll get them," said Hercules. He brought back a large bag and emptied it on the table that Gabrielle and Iolaus were sitting around.
"Wow," said Xena as she walked over to the table and picked up a beautifully carved horse.
"Told you I was bored," said Iolaus with a laugh.
"You did this," said Xena in a surprised tone. "It's fabulous. I never knew you were a carpenter."
"I have many skills," said the short blonde man causing them all to laugh.
Gabrielle had picked up a mug and a plate and was admiring the detail on them.
"Talented, isn't he?" Said Hercules, proudly. "And at least he's been earning our keep. These are all requests."
"I'm surprised the Amazons are letting you leave; how will the village function without you?" said Xena.
They all smiled, but she could see that Gabrielle was looking tired and Iolaus' smile was forced and he appeared to be in pain. "Come on, I think its rest time for side kicks." The two wooden items thrown at her, which she predictably caught, told her how much they appreciated the remark.
