I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack!
Hello, my pretties. Did you miss me? I missed you! I spent the last week and a bit in CB, which was super hard to do because my friend was being a total bitch. But oh well. I spent my week surfing and stuff. Met a life guard named Scott. He's ten years older, no big deal. Haha, and the after party for the surfing party was the best part. Mostly because he's a flirty/clingy drunk. Not to mention a nerdy drunk. My favourite!
Anyways, this is an original song. Not posted on youtube yet, though. Got to meet with my bandies tomorrow. Also, I didn't watch RB this week, but I had Jen fill me in a bit. Whatever.
This song is actually about McSwarek, due to the fact it has been crowding my brain. And I probably won't sleep tonight. Thinking about certain life guards and eating beef jerky don't mix.
The song is called "Last First Kiss."
Enjoy and I will post a link to the song once it's recorded and stuff.
RBRBRBRB
I remember the day
You came into my life
Wasn't too pleased about it
Yet somehow you made it right
Sam Swarek did not like Andy McNally.
The first thing he didn't like about her was the fact she was a rookie. She was scared to mess up, which meant she was one of those got-to-get-everything-right people. Which Sam hated. He could tell how scared she was the second she ordered him and Pedro not to move; eyes wide and unblinking, afraid to close them for half a second because it gave them a chance to run. Her hands were shaking, even though he was positive that if she shot her gun, the bullet could bring him down. She was shifting her weight from one foot to the other, angst and couldn't wait to chase him down.
But she didn't spring into action when he leaped out of the window. Which was good for him, as he could make a getaway. Well, until his guy became star strucked and couldn't move an inch. Which was why Sam angrily turned and grabbed him, pulling him out of the room and down the fire escape.
He couldn't hear her footsteps over his own heavy, sure footed ones. Her voice was what told him her location. Her shaky, hoping to play-off-as-tough voice, bleeding down the side of the building. Every few exchanges of words he would hear a crash, which reminded him that she was light enough to jump from higher places.
He managed to get some speed on her when a certain detective's car began crawling up the alley. He pushed himself up against the brick, pulling Pedro with him; in hopes wonder boy wouldn't see him. He could hear a muffled conversation between Bambi and Callaghan, before he decided to explain to his guy what they were going to do.
He would never admit it, but he had heard her boots around the corner. He was tempted to run, but a quick glance around proved that she was blocking the only exit. And on top of that she had a gun pointed at his chest. Pedro, being the wimp he was, glued himself to the chain link fence, while Sam rested his hands against it. While the rook began cuffing his buddy, he took the opportunity to make a break.
He rounded the corner, but she was already hot on his trail. Her strides were in step with his; up until he tripped over a rock and tumbled towards the ground. He braced himself on his hands, hoping that he'd be able to push himself back up, but her arms were around his waist, holding him down. He turned over, believing he'd be able to push her off, but only succeeding in cracking his back. He tried calming her down and laying out hints that he was on the job, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered the feeling of her hand clasped around his and the small spark that pricked his skin.
She didn't listen. Instead, she took him and his convict to Shaw, and brought them into the station. He knew that Oliver had a plan, but it had been foiled by Barber, who had decided that even though he was cuffed and in street clothes, it would be a good time for a reunion.
So he blamed it on her.
It seemed what would be easiest for them all. Instead of blaming his best friend, he could put the blame on an over eager rookie who he had no positive feelings towards. Some girl scout who, on her first day, took down an officer from her own division. A Bambi who hadn't made a big enough impression to be missed. A rookie who had made one of the biggest mistakes of her career within the first 2 hours of having it.
But she was also a strong woman, who was running around trying to clean up the name her father had let crumble into the bottles of scotch and whiskey. Someone who wanted to make a difference in the world, no matter how small that difference was. She wanted the world to be safe and happy and warm. But she was also well aware that it would never be like that. And she had accepted it, yet ceased to see it that way.
She also had guts.
When she followed him into the locker room and proceeded to confront him, he couldn't say he wasn't impressed. Usually, he could give a quick glare and send rookies away with their tails between their legs. But not her. She looked right past his persona and hit him right where it hurts.
When he's half naked.
What was it his sister used to say? Guys only have two emotions. Well, maybe it was the way her jaw set in confidence, or her eyes flashing with annoyance. Or her strong stance. But he suddenly needed that shower, because he was far from hungry.
For some reason, he hadn't been able to shake the feeling of her soft skin on his hand. It was permanently engraved in his flesh, and he wanted more. But it was far too early. He didn't know her. But he had the perfect chance to get to do so.
After his shower, he had to talk to Boyko.
I put my trust in you
The day after we met
Then we had our almost kiss
But you said not yet
The only thing he had to look forward to that night was getting his truck back. Exiting the Penny, he gave the crappy black car a once over, wondering why the car rental would even recommend it. Didn't matter, he was getting his baby back and that was all that mattered.
It had been a long day; with Anton and Emily. McNally not obeying his orders and putting herself in a dangerous position to save Emily. It was all he needed to prove she had the makings of a true copper. And he would be honored to help her get there.
She had followed him that night, asked if he was sure Anton wouldn't follow Emily out west. He explained that the less people who knew her real location, the better. There was a pause as she took in everything he had said, and as she thought of something to say before he left.
"Were you scared in there?" The vulnerability in her voice surprised him more than the question. This was the first time they were being open, completely open to each other. And they only knew one another for two days. But something about her made him trust her completely, and he became willing to let himself fall.
He ran his tongue over his teeth before flashing a dimpled grin, hoping to relieve some of the tension. "Yeah," he admitted with a court nod. "You?"
Her eyes were full of sincerity, hair falling over her shoulders as she shook her head. He took a moment to notice the dim moonlight dance over her bare shoulders, illuminating her features. She was beautiful. "No. I mean, you were there," she continued, as if it explained everything. Not only did he automatically trust her, she was trusting him.
"Let me give you a ride home," he offered, chucking as a smile pulled at her lips. She took a step forward, as if all she had drunk had suddenly made its way to her head and she was tipsy. He pulled her to him, the spark from the day before stinging his skin in a tantalizing way. He couldn't get enough. "McNally." Her name rolled off his tongue as if the seven letters became the whole alphabet.
Their features suddenly became serious as he leant in. This was it; after spending the night and following day wondering what it'd be like, he finally got to feel what it'd be like to kiss Andy McNally. But as he began to hold his breath, waiting for her lips to brush over his, a hand was placed over his chest, pushing him back. She made up some excuse that she had just started the job and he made a sarcastic remark. The beginning of a system.
Oh, Bambi, I will wait for you
No matter how long it takes
Can't promise it'll be easy
So how about we test fate
There was always an undeniable attraction between the partners. They both had trouble admitting it to themselves, let alone other people. But it was there, bubbling beneath the surface. And at times, it was a surprise it never blew up in front of them.
The teasing smiles, small touches that last a bit too long to be innocent. Snarky comments that had major double meaning. Even the heat filled glances that would travel across the room or cruiser and burn holes into the other.
It was only a matter of time before one of them snapped and found themselves on the other's doorstep. And it was Andy who cracked first. Driven by the death of a man in her hands, her judgment clouded by the heat, she made her way to his house. She found her way to knocking on his door. And found her way into his bed, rather than the couch where they should've talked.
She found her way half naked under his shivering form, ready and willing. Found her way to panicking as the lights came back on and a phone call from her boyfriend scaring her out of his home. She found herself letting her broken soul out of his comfort and back into the cruel world to face on her own.
But as her confidence came back, so did the tension. Bubbling right beneath the surface. Still waiting to break.
We can be friends for now
And I will have your back
But when he cheats on you
I can't promise you I won't kick his ass
And I will promise you this
I will be your last first kiss
He was beyond mad when he found out about Callaghan and Rosati. It was a big mix of emotions swirling through his body as she played it off as taking a break. Anger that someone would hurt McNally. His McNally. Someone, she had so willingly gave herself to, had turned their back to her for a woman that couldn't never compare to Andy. No one could.
He also felt amazement could look into her eyes and lie to her, day after day. Those damn eyes that were always filled with trust, and passion. And an innocence to tie it all together. Her eyes were like looking into that of a child's. And it sickened him to think she was lied to again.
Somewhere in his mind, he felt relief. Relief that Callaghan had finally shown his true colours. Relief that Andy had opened her eyes and witnessed him for what he was. He wasn't a man, if anything. But he was mostly relieved that Andy could finally let herself go and be truly happy.
With him.
If he had Andy McNally to himself, he wouldn't want to ever be away. He wouldn't look at another woman and compare the two, because McNally would come out on top, always. He wouldn't go an hour without kissing her lips, or feeling her skin under his hands. She was addictive, and he never wanted to deal with withdrawal from her. She was the best high he'd ever get.
He would let her be friends with men, he wasn't super controlling. As long as she came back at the end of the night to him, to be with him. Only his lips, his hands, his love. Only him. He would never let her go.
I remember when we got in trouble
Because of what was happening and where at
Don't worry, we made a promise
That we'll never go back
Two months, three days, 8 hours, and 27 minutes until he would get to see her. He felt rather ridiculous, keeping track of how long it'd be until he'd be in contact with her again. But it gave him something to look forward to.
It'd been about four weeks since their suspension for conduct unbecoming had started. She ran away to North Bay, and he stayed behind. He had already gone through his house and truck, fixed everything. Hung out with the guys and went up to Sarah's for a few days. He had watched countless hours of hockey and brushed up on his cooking skills. He redid the upstairs bathroom and got a new comforter for the bed.
Hell, he even babysat Sarah's dog for a week. He would've brought the kids down, but his house was deemed unworthy for children. So once the week was over, he was packing his stuff and staying at his sister's for a week while she and her husband went on vacation.
That's how he found himself at the park, black dog attached to him by lead. He remembered Andy saying something about going to the park with her dad after her mom had left. They went every weekend as a new family tradition for just the two of them.
He would take his children to this park with Andy in tow, her hand clasped in his. His son could play in the sandbox, or maybe help their daughter on the monkey bars. He would run at full speed when she fell, swooping her up into his protective arms. He'd teach his boy all 101 jokes, and at times like that, get him to crack one to make his little girl smile.
A tug at the leather reminded Sam he wasn't alone. He realized that he had used the dog as an excuse to go to the park, as it would look odd for a grown man to hang out around a playground. He also realized he must've spent more time there then he originally planned, as the sun was setting.
Now, because of studying the jungle gym for so long, Sam wouldn't have any lack of thoughts to his future with Andy.
I kept myself in line
So you wouldn't run out
But then "I love you"
Slipped out of your mouth
I hope you know I do
Even though I didn't say it back
And you understood
So you cut me some slack
"Andy," he mumbled, trailing a finger down her bare back. She glanced up at him, eyes making contact. Even though she had been giggling with happiness at her earlier confession, and the way home and up the stairs had been full of laughter, everything else had been rather serious that night. He loved the way her face lit up when she had said it, the way her eyes danced with pure joy. Everything was finally right.
"Yes?" she asked, after a moment. Snapping out of his daze, Sam swallowed, trying to figure out how to word his feelings.
"You know stuff like that, I have trouble say-"
"Sam," she interrupted, smiling. "It's okay. I meant what I said in the truck. I don't care if you never say it, or that you've never said it before. It's how I feel. I'm not going to hide that. I can't hide anything from you."
He grinned and pulled her closer, pressing his lips against her hair. "I do, ya know. Even though I didn't say it back, I do." He leant back, hoping to catch her reaction. Exactly what he thought. A huge smile took over her face, and her adorable giggle exploded into the room again. He just found her so irresistible. He wrapped his fingers in her hair and pulled her to him, letting her fall on top. His mouth slanted over hers, her fingers curling into his short hair. "Say it again," he begged, the action rather odd for him.
She grinned again and pushed her mouth against his, "I love you, Sam."
I must be the luckiest guy
In the whole entire world
Just wanted you to know
That I love you, girl
oO0OooO0Oo
Just so you know
How much I regret that night
When I blamed you
For nothing going right
Then I got up and left
And you begged me not to
The tears streaming down your face
Showed me how much damage I could do
"Hey," she called, making her presence known to the outside world. Her breath was white in the cold winter's air. The chill that ran through her and settled in her bones having nothing to do with the season. It was now or never, and a part of her wished that never was an option. She pulled her zipper up on her coat, waiting for him to turn to face her. "You were right, he was playing us."
"Sorry," he shrugged, trying to sound sincere.
"I would do it again. Even if there's a small chance he was telling the truth," she defended, tossing her hand out to the side.
"You're right," he said, eyes turning to meet hers. "It's our job."
The tears began to prick her eyes and she knew her voice was breaking before she even talked. "I know you're grieving and we all grieve in our own way. But don't take this out on me." She shook her head slightly.
He did the same. "I did take it out on you," he agreed. "I'm sorry."
"If you really blame me for Jerry…"
"I don't," he interrupted, wishing he could take back all the horrible things he's said and was about to say.
"Then why are you so mad at me?"
He shrugged again. She wasn't sure if it was because he was cold or he didn't know the answer. "I'm not mad," he stated. "I just can't, I can't do this anymore."
And with that one stuttered sentence, her whole world fell apart. Her throat became constricted and she couldn't breathe. "Can't do what?"
"I can't be a cop and be with you," he clarified, sending another bullet through her heart.
"Sam, this is not about our job," she begged, still in disbelief.
"We knew this was doomed before we started."
"Look, I tried to talk to you. Okay, I wanna go through this with you. I know you're hurting," she explained.
"You're right, I'm not myself. I don't know, okay? But this is my feeling, my gut. Right now, alright? I can't do this anymore."
She was in utter disbelief. She was hoping this was some sick twisted game that he would pull her into a hug and promise not to leave without a fight after. She furrowed her eyebrows, not understanding what was happening. "You…you don't mean this," she accused.
"Someday, we," he stuttered, taking a few tries to get it out, but she stopped him.
"Don't, okay? Don't take everything we are and button up our relationship in some stupid cliché." His eyes wouldn't meet hers. Once they did, she continued. "Are you saying it's over?"
At his silence, she looked away. The tears were streaming down her face, freely now. And she wasn't even going to hold them back. He did that, he caused them. He deserved to see what he had done. "Then leave. Just get in your truck and go," she instructed.
He was about to say something, but instead turned and climbed into his truck. He refused to acknowledge how her body shook with sobs because if he did, he wouldn't have been able to leave.
Took a few days to think
A few days to clear my head
Realized how much I missed you
As a I laid alone in bed
For the good times
And the bad times
I love all of it
And sweetheart, I swear
I will be your last first kiss
You're the most forgiving person
Full of innocence
Oh, I promise you
I will be your last first kiss
I would never, ever
Trade a second of this
And copper, I will be
Your last first kiss
RBRBRBRB
Okay, there's a reason I didn't write their makeup scene; there isn't one yet. I may wait until it's aired. That and I am lacking greatly in imagination because it's 2am and I'm exhausted. I mean, I spent Friday night partying. Hah I will never forget what Scott said XD I got a knock on my tent at 2AM yesterday, it was Dave (who I had talked to for only a half hour in my life) asking if I wanted to drink some beer. Sigh, I miss Scott already. But he's sorta ten years older than me :P