Shepard's plan seemed relatively straightforward. They would use a virus—some combination of Liara and Tali's research on indoctrination with a synthetic virus the Geth had developed—to infect a Reaper. The difficult part would be adjusting it on the spot. Shepard though the Reapers might be like the Geth (made up of thousands of consciousnesses each, and therefore susceptible to self-division). The theory made some sense to Kaidan after she explained the horrific process of actually making one, but it was by no means a sure thing. They could well function as a single brain with a single point of view, which would require a different virus altogether. Even with taking two versions of the virus, adjustments would have to be made on the spot.
In spite of Tali and Legion's assurances that modifying the virus was possible, Shepard seemed grim. "Tali, how effective will your anti-indoctrination devices be while inside a Reaper itself?"
The quarian shook her head. "I'm not really sure. I can try and boost their signal strength, but we've only been able to test them against much weaker signals than what you are likely to encounter that close to the source." She looked worried. "It may only lessen the effects, or it may do nothing at all."
Shepard nodded and glanced around the room, pausing a moment to look each of her squad members in the eye. "Kaidan will lead Tali and Legion as the tech team. I will lead Kasumi, Garrus, and Liara as the first diversion team. Miranda will lead Grunt, Thane, and Vega as the second diversion team. Hopefully, the two diversion teams will be able to give you three enough time to not only disable the Reaper we will be boarding but transmit it to a majority of the Reaper fleet as well.
"I have asked a lot of each of you. You all had your own reasons for joining, or for staying. Some of you went through the Omega 4 Relay with me, but all of you know what we're up against. No more running. No more waiting. They came here to annihilate our species and all sapient life in this galaxy. They didn't count on our resistance being as successful as it's been, they didn't count on any of the Protheans surviving their genocide, and they won't be counting on this. We have some advantage in that they underestimate us, but do not make the mistake of underestimating them. If you become indoctrinated, if you put the mission at risk, each of you needs to be willing to die, and you cannot hesitate to kill someone who used to be your friend. Anything less, and you're already dead.
"It has been an honor serving with each and every one of you. I could not have asked for a better crew. We are about twenty hours out. Take some time for yourselves, but be ready to report in at least eighteen hours from now, if not sooner, should something decide to surprise us. Everyone's dismissed, except Jack and Zaeed."
Kaidan hung back as everyone else filed out of the com room, but Shepard caught his eye and shook her head. He frowned and left reluctantly. Whatever she had to talk to those two about must have been confidential, but he wasn't thrilled about having to wait to talk to her about his squad assignment. He certainly wasn't going to let her avoid talking about it, but he wasn't sure how long she was going to be, and moping about the hallway like a dog put out in the rain wasn't going to solve anything.
He went to the armory to finish the maintenance of his weapons and armor. He wasn't he only one who had the idea it seemed, as Garrus, Thane, Vega, and even Liara were tinkering with their own gear on various surfaces. It was difficult finding room on a workbench, but Garrus made some room for him.
After about thirty minutes, Kaidan decided there really wasn't any use in checking the plating on his armor a third time or completely stripping his pistol again, so he put everything away neatly in the most easily accessible manner as possible and took the elevator down to the crew deck. Shepard was just leaving the Starboard Observation deck as Kaidan was getting out of the elevator, and she walked towards him. "Just seeing how Samara was settling back in," she said, her face carefully neutral.
Kaidan frowned. Something was up. "What did you need Jack and Zaeed for?" he asked.
"They are the most disciplined and best observers of the people remaining on the ship. I need them to make sure there are no breaches. We definitely don't need to succeed only to come back to a problem here."
Her face still seemed painstakingly composed, and Kaidan's frown deepened. There was something she wasn't telling him, but finding out exactly what was not as important as getting her to change his squad assignment. "Shepard…can we talk? Privately?"
The corners of her mouth turned up slightly. "I have an office attached to my quarters. Will that do?"
Kaidan nodded, and his pulse quickened a moment before he shook himself. 'Business first,' he had to remind himself as they got in the elevator. 'Squad reassignment. Then maybe, afterward…'
The elevator opened into a small hallway with only a single other door. 'Are her quarters really the only thing on this entire level?' he wondered. Kaidan had realized weeks ago that the captain's cabin, like the rest of the ship, had probably been significantly upgraded. He had even allowed himself to fantasize about it a few times, but he hadn't imagined anything as large as an entire floor.
"I was never fond of being this close to the hull," Shepard said as she hit the holo-lock, "but it's hard to argue with an entire deck to yourself. Or having your own full shower." The door slid open, revealing impressively spacious quarters. Several delicate-looking fish glided through an enormous tank, past which Kaidan could see what had to be the biggest bed ever installed in a military vessel. Shepard turned into an alcove to the right and perched on the edge of her desk in the back corner near a glass case that held several beautiful model ships; both iterations of the Normandy, Quarian, Turian, Alliance, and Geth cruisers, the Destiny Ascension, Sovereign, and a few others he didn't recognize. "Did you assemble all these yourself?" he asked. With the level of detail in the paint and the cleanliness of the glue lines, it would have taken her hours to complete each one.
"I needed something to do with my hands. I wasn't sleeping very much, there was a lot of time to kill while cruising from one planet to the next, and you can really only spend so many hours in the gym." She leaned towards the case, trying to catch his eye and arching an eyebrow at him. "You wanted to talk about something?" she asked.
He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. "I think someone else should lead the tech team."
Her mouth fell open slightly. "What?" she asked, seeming genuinely baffled.
"Legion can lead the tech squad just as well as I could."
She laughed. "What's this? Now you trust the geth?"
"I've heard the stories. Garrus loves to tell them. Legion has saved your life enough times to engender a little faith on my part."
She shook her head. "While I appreciate that you've come around, Legion cannot lead the team. He will be too busy adapting the virus to be an effective leader."
"I could switch squads with Garrus, then. I know you don't think his tech skills are as good as mine, but he does sometimes see things Tali or I would miss, and he's more suited to keeping guard—"
She held up her hand to stop him. "Kaidan, I don't see why—"
"I'm not letting you send me away," he almost yelled, making them both go still for a moment. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at his feet, slightly embarrassed at his outburst. "Not like on the night you died," he muttered. "Not when there's another option that will work just as well."
Her hand gently touched his face as her other arm snaked around his waist to pull him into a hug. His arms circled her shoulders and crushed her to him, his eyes closing as the gentle floral fragrance of her shampoo—one of the only luxuries she had ever allowed herself, other than her secret pedicures—enveloped him. He felt her lips curl into a smile where they rested against the base of his neck. "I thought you always left yourself an out," she whispered. "Even on a sure thing."
"Maybe I don't want to have an out anymore." He pulled back and cradled her face in his hands. "And I don't want you to have one, either."
She smiled and kissed his forehead before moving to a console by the door to have EDI open a channel to Garrus. Without her body there to block it anymore, Kaidan's picture stared up at him from the desk. His fingers felt numb as he picked up the frame. It was the picture taken for his personnel file just before he reported to the original Normandy, probably one of the very few pictures that existed of him from the last five plus years. 'How long has this been sitting here, staring at her?' he wondered.
"Not the best picture of you, but it's all I could find the first time I visited the Citadel," she said, surprising him as she hugged him from behind. He set the picture down and turned in her embrace, catching her lips with his own and lifting her off the ground. She groaned and he felt her tongue against his lips, teasing the edges until he opened his mouth over hers and filled himself with the taste of her.
He set her down, his hands eager to touch more of her, but she fisted her fingers in his shirt first and dragged it over his head before grabbing him by the belt and pulling him towards the bed. He managed to get her shirt off as well and was kissing a line down her neck when she said, "We really shouldn't reserve this just for special occasions like, you know, right before a mission where we think we might die. I'm sure there are other times when it would be appropriate. Birthdays. Galactic holidays. Days that end in y…"
She trailed off as he found the clasp of her bra and slid it slowly off her shoulders, his lips following the strap down her right arm until he could plant a series of kisses along the scar under her ribcage. "This is looking a lot better," he said, glad that the increased healing he had noticed in her facial scars had also translated to the more grievous wounds. He continued kissing along her ribs while he loosened her bootlaces and unfastened her belt.
"And when, may I ask, did you see it in the first place?" she asked, her fingers tightening in his hair when his lips found the sensitive spot in the hollow of her hip bone as he slid the rest of her clothes down her legs.
Finally satisfied with the state of her undress, he threw her on the bed and followed her down. "When I was spying on you through the med bay windows after your bout with Grunt," he said before taking one of her eager nipples in his mouth and teasing it to an aching peak, making her arch her back and grind her hips against his erection. He groaned as her legs folded around him and released the nipple, blowing on it gently and making her back arch like a drawn bow.
"I think," she gasped, tearing at his belt, "that you're a little overdressed for this occasion."
He gave her a sly smile. "Aye aye, ma'am," he said, standing to discard the rest of his clothes as quickly as possible before re-joining her on the bed. He groaned as he settled between her thighs once more and leaned over to nibble on the sensitive spot where her earlobe met her neck. All at once, she thrust her hips upwards, rolling him over onto his back and straddling him. He stared up into her eyes, one of his hands curling around her forearm and the other around her hip as she slowly took him into herself inch by agonizing inch until her warmth enveloped him entirely. She sighed in relief and stretched her arms over her head, making her breasts look absolutely perfect.
"Sarah," he groaned, unable to take anymore. He rolled them over until she was back underneath him once more and began to drive into her with a force that made them both moan low in their throats. Her eyes were closed, the ecstasy on her face mirroring his own. "Sarah," he said again, knowing they were both close to exploding. "Sarah, look at me."
She opened her eyes, and the expression he saw there stole his breath. She was completely stripped of the hard façade she wore as a soldier, the vulnerable heart of her more exposed than it had been even on their night before Ilos. "Kaidan," she called to him as she teetered on the edge, fine tremors already running up and down her body. He reached between the and reverently brushed his fingertips over a nipple, toppling them both into the abyss.
He collapsed onto his side, pulling her with him and holding her close while their breathing slowed. "I love you, Kaidan," she said, her voice thick from being on the verge of falling asleep.
"I love you too," he replied as he pulled her closer. "Until the end of time."
AN: Only one or two more chapters after this one (I ended up combining a few that were shorter than I thought they would be) plus a final author's note. Things that are tiding me over for the next 48-ish hours, other than writing this fanfiction:
Some pretty awesome fan art I discovered while surfing Tumblr, but particularly:
.com/art/We-Fight-or-We-Die-258046023
.com/art/ME-Shepard-and-Alenko-281162307
and a song about ME3 in general that I can't get out of my head—in a good way ("Ah Yes Reapers" and "Alenko" are my favorite, but they're all pretty fantastic)
/bumblebeepixie