Chapter 14

Chards & Rubble

House knocked on the bathroom door, but she said nothing. He tried the door but it was locked, "Flynn, just tell me you're alright and I'll go."

"Just go." She said the words, but she sounded weak, unfocused, sleepy.

He wanted her to say something else, so he could get a better feel. He had to think of something she'd respond to, "Okay, I'll go, but I feel so guilty for what happened here tonight, I'm going to call Aunt Sarah and confess." This would get a response, she'd tell him, beg him, not to call her.

No response.

He took the cane and with all his might knocked the knob off in a solid blow, reaching in he pushed the pin to unlock the door. When it opened, the tiny spot of blood where she had stepped on the broken glass caught his eye. And then he saw the tub, the crimson water and her body.

"Fuck!" He rushed forward, leaning on the towels by the tub and grabbed her wrists. The right one was fine, but the left had several horizontal marks that followed her veins from her wrists up approximately four inches of the vein. She had successfully slit her wrists, the proper way, cutting so that the maximum damage was done and the quickest amount of blood would evacuate from her body. He held the wrist above her head as he dug out his cell phone. He called the paramedics, realizing he didn't know her address. Fortunately, the GPS on the phone gave him his location and he told the operator who confirmed that they were on the way.

House quickly grabbed the belt on the robe that was hanging up and tied it around her upper arm then wrapped her wrist tightly in a hand towel before pulling her body out of the water.

He couldn't place her on the floor because of the glass so he carried her to her bed, putting a pillow on top of her chest; he rested the arm on it to keep it elevated above her heart. Then he checked for a pulse. It was only then that he was able to see how translucent she looked, devoid of blood. Her lips were blue, but there was a faint, thready pulse. He grabbed a throw and covered her to keep her body warm. There was a knock on the door.

"She's in here, come in, in here!" He yelled.

The door opened and the taxi driver stuck his head in, "Are you coming any time soon?"

"Christ, I forgot about you. Come here." House threw him a twenty, "I'm not going with you. Now get out."

The driver left just as the paramedics came in and started emergency treatment. In the back of the ambulance, the young, handsome paramedic sized up the situation and looked at House, "You the cause of this?"

House said nothing, but gave him a strong look of reproach.

"I just ask because she wasn't bluffing, this was for real. If they don't want to die, they slit across the veins. She slit down the vein, she wanted out."

"Fuck you."

"Hey, I just thought you should know."

They pulled into Princeton General. House hadn't redirected them to PPTH since he didn't want everyone to know what had happened. After unloading her, they immediately sent her to surgery to sew up the veins. Several units of blood were administered before she was eventually returned to a private room. A social worker walked into her room carrying a chart. Flynn was asleep.

"Are you related to the patient?" She asked.

"I'm her cousin, kinda." House said, his legs sprawled in front of him, his head throbbing from a low frequency hangover.

"I'm Bea Jones, the social worker assigned to Ms. O'Flannery's case. May I ask you a few questions? Were you there before she attempted suicide?" Bea Jones had the appearance of a no nonsense woman. Her hair was cut just below her ear and her features had hardened from years of working with the rejects of the world.

"Yes. I was on my way home when I discovered I had left something at her place. I went back and found her in the tub."

"Was it spur of the moment or did she seem to have planned it out?"

House was hesitant to say, but it would probably come out anyway, "I think it was spontaneous, she hadn't given it much thought."

"Did she seem depressed to you?"

"Not before tonight, but we argued before I left."

"Do you think your argument had something to do with her suicide attempt?"

House scrutinized the woman in front of him. He could tell that she was the kind that could smell a lie a mile away, "Yes, I'm sure it did."

She nodded, "Thanks for your veracity. Are you Dr. House from PPTH?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Yes, I am."

"Well Dr. House, she's an automatic forty-eight hour referral to County Mental Health unless you place her privately."

"I'll get her in somewhere private."

"Okay, just let me know the arrangements or I'll be forced to make them." She handed House her business card. "Nice meeting you Dr. House, I've heard great things about your abilities."

He smiled. People always qualified their impression of him as being brilliant and not, "I've heard great things about you."

House started making phone calls and before the night was through, he had a bed arranged at Princeton House. He called Bea Jones and gave her the information for her to confirm. Now he just had to wait for the transfer.

Around three am, he had her checked and settled in her bed at Princeton House, a resort-like psychiatric care unit. He took a taxi to her apartment after realizing that it had been left open when they took her away. Walking into the studio, House looked around wondering why she chose to live like she was broke when she was now a millionaire?

He took his clothes off and crawled into her bed, staring at the ceiling. As he rolled over to turn off the light, he saw a framed photo hidden by a Kleenex box. He pulled it out and smiled to himself. He remembered the photo being taken about two months before the grocery store incident. She was so pretty and fresh in the photo, wearing a striped t-shirt and red shorts. He looking bored as usual, balancing her on his shoulders. But, he wasn't bored, he had been teaching her to play a song on the piano and he had been teasing and tickling her until she almost peed her pants. She had to run to the bathroom after he finally let her up. The photo was taken a few minutes after she had come back out to the living room.

It started to sink in…he had always loved her. He had started out just caring about a little kid with a big smile and curious mind. Then when she showed up in Baltimore, he cared for her like a big brother, worried about the teen who needed someone to care for her. But he'd never looked at her as a woman until she'd shown up this time. It had been unnerving, her body being ripe, her mind sharp, her wit sharper. How did it come to this?

House didn't have to worry about her job at Princeton University since it was spring break. But, he was worried that she might not be able to go back to teaching the following week. When he called the facility he was informed that he would not be allowed access to her for at least seventy-two hours. Flynn had agreed to stay at least five days. House spent the next three days rehearsing in his mind what he was going to say, if he got to say it.

Wednesday morning he took the day off over the protests of Cuddy and Foreman, driving over to Princeton House unannounced. He strolled into the lobby, noting that it didn't look much different from the one at PPTH. However, they did have a few seating areas that had comfortable couches. He could see through to the back, noting that the trees were starting to bud and the daffodils were already blooming. After announcing his arrival, he was greeted by Dr. Luchesi, a dark haired woman in her forties, slightly plump, very plain with black hair, small brown eyes and a mole on her cheek. She shook his hand.

"Dr. House, I wish you had called first. I'm not convinced she's ready to see you. Apparently a lot of her issues revolve around you, her sense of betrayal and the rather cruel way you shattered her trust."

House looked around, hoping no one was listening or watching, "Can we go somewhere to talk? I have information about her past that you might need."

He could see that she wasn't inclined to discuss her patient with him, but she finally nodded and showed him through the doors and into her office. She motioned to a seat and then took her own behind her desk.

"Dr. House, I want you to know that I cannot discuss her treatment with you. However, if you have information about Flynn, I'd be grateful if you would tell me."

"Have you read her books?"

"Actually, I had just finished her new one when she showed up here."

"Then she's told you that they are fictionalized memoirs, very light on the fiction? But, there are holes in her book that I can fill in and whether it's important or not is for you to decide."

She leaned forward on her desk, her hands clasped in front of her, "Holes?"

"About the day that she was kidnapped and molested."

"Kidnapped? I got the impression from her first book that the perpetrator was someone she knew."

House looked out the window and swallowed hard, wrestling with flashbacks of her in her gingham top getting into that car, her face so trusting, her little skinny legs skipping to the passenger door. He looked over at the doctor, "I was responsible for what happened."

Luchesi tried to hide her shock, but did a poor job. She motioned for him to continue.

House spent the next ten minutes giving the doctor details. The words flowed faster than he had expected. He didn't try to sugar-coat it or give excuses for his behavior. As the story unfolded he felt lightness an easing of the pain he had carried for all these years. When he got to the end of the details his shoulders collapsed and his breathing eased up.

A very worried doctor leaned further forward, "Dr. House, are you okay?" She said it as if he was bleeding from some horrendous wound.

"Why do you ask?"

She tilted her head, "You're crying."

House put his hand up to his eyes, feeling the wetness that soaked his cheeks. It was only then that he realized the tears had fallen on his pant legs, making deep blue patches appear.

"You've never shared this before, have you?"

He shook his head, using his sleeve to wipe his face. "There was no reason to."

She narrowed her eyes and looked at him suspiciously, "You don't believe that for one minute. You knew that she had buried that information, that there were holes in her memory of that day. You knew that confronting and filling in those holes are important to her relationship with you. And, judging from her reaction to what you did to her, she put a lot of trust and love in her relationship with you. You were her rock."

He looked down at his feet, "I know. I'd really like to see her, tell her how I feel about what happened. I'd like to give her a chance to tell me how she feels."

"You're expecting it to be negative?"

He snickered, "No, I expect her to thank me for getting her molested."

"You want her to hate you, because then you can get angry at her for not understanding, you can make excuses and not feel guilty anymore. You like feeling angry better than feeling responsible, don't you?"

He wanted to say something flippant, but he was too worn down to bite. The only thing left in him was the truth, "I've been waiting for her to remember so I can be punished for what I did."

The doctor leaned back in her chair and swiveled slightly to her left, "So, instead of coming clean, you pull the rug out from under her so she can hate you. If she won't hate you for what you did back then, you'll settle for her hating you for what you did Saturday? Do you think you need to be punished?."

"Don't you?"

"I don't know, Dr. House. Did you want her to be kidnapped and molested?"

"No."

"Well, then maybe you've punished yourself enough all these years holding all of this back." She took a deep breath and knitted her brow. "Dr House, you really should see someone to work through this."

He pulled back. "The only person I need to see is Flynn, please go get her."

"I don't think so. You need to deal first with your own pain before you talk to her about these issues. You could do more damage than good."

He was pissed; he needed to tell her so they could start fresh. House jumped up and hobbled quickly into the hall, looking around, trying to determine where Flynn might be. He started opening doors as he went down the hallway, calling out her name.

"Dr. House! Dr. House!" Dr. Luchesi called after him as she ran down the hall.

He wouldn't stop so Luchesi jumped in front of him. House and his cane pushed past her, causing her to land on her butt. He ran down the hall to an area where it emptied into a large room of couches, televisions and ping pong tables. He looked around; the only exit was to the back garden or into another locked area. The alarm had been pushed and he could hear heavy footsteps coming his way.

Two large orderlies in scrubs and Dr. Luchesi stood in a semi-circle around him. He raised his cane and started swinging it in a wide arc to keep them back while he decided where to go. He started backing up towards the locked door, still swinging in an arc, his jaw locked, his mind spinning a mile a minute.

"Dr. House you don't want to do this; you can see Flynn later, when she's ready. You need to calm down and give us your cane so that no one gets hurt." Luchesi reached out for the cane.

House didn't realize that she was talking loudly because behind him was a nurse with a syringe that she stabbed into his neck, pushing the plunger down and sending him to his knees and then the floor within seconds.

"It finally looks like you found another hospital willing to tolerate you. They've even given you your own room." Wilson smiled. "Oh, those restraints were a compromise. It was either restraints or heavy sedation. Then again, there was also the promise of a jail cell if we didn't admit you for a forty-eight hour observation."

Groggy, only half of what Wilson was saying was getting through. House kept pulling on the restraints, not sure why he couldn't get up.

"Is it true that Flynn's in here?" Wilson asked, shaking House by the shoulder to get him to pay attention.

House tried to focus on Wilson. "Where? Did you see her?"

"Oh-ho! You are awake. This is the first time that when your eyes opened your lips actually engaged in speech. What is Flynn in for?"

"Have you seen her?"

"I haven't seen her. I don't know if she's even here. Is she here?"

"Yes, moron, I wouldn't be asking you if you'd seen her. Now get me out of these restraints, I need to find her."

"No can do. But, I can go find Flynn and let her know you're here."

He wrinkled his nose and brow, he surrendered to the restraints. "I'm really in for a forty-eight hour evaluation?"

"The doctor said you had an emotional meltdown, including threatening her and the staff with your cane. I tried to explain to her that it sounded like you were acting normal for you, but she said that this morning you had a mental breakdown. Knowing you, I didn't think it sounded out of the ordinary. But, she assured me that you were having a meltdown. Care to explain?"

He looked at Wilson as if he was a lunatic. "No! It's none of your business."

Wilson held up a hand defensively. "Okay! Okay! I'll go see if I can find Flynn and tell her that you're here."

"Exactly where is here?"

Wilson shuffled uneasily. "You're in the lock down ward."

"They can't lock me down without…" House's mouth fell open when he realizedyou have my power of attorney. I gave it to you when I was shot!"

Wilson sighed. "It was this or jail."

"I'd rather be Bruno's girlfriend in jail than be shot up with anti-psychotics!"

"You don't mean that. I can't talk to you when you're being you. I'm going to go find Flynn. She can deal with you."

It was four o'clock and Flynn had a few hours to kill before dinner. She didn't really feel like joining everyone in the community room, but she wasn't excited about staying in her room with Jackie, the drugged out borderline personality, either. Having been assured she would get her own room tomorrow, Flynn had resigned herself to spending the night with her new best friend. She grabbed a book from the library and a blanket before wandering out back to a bench in the garden.

She was already embarrassed by the suicide attempt, wondering how she had ever let Greg drag her down so far, especially when she was famous for picking herself up and getting on the next bus—so to speak. But, it made her stop and look at herself. Greg had been right about one thing. She did equate sex with an emotional attachment. Maybe not love, but something. The sad thing was that with Greg, sex had felt so different, like both a sexual and an emotional connection she had never had before.

Flynn blinked, shaking her head in disbelief. It looked like James Wilson crossing the lawn coming towards her, his overcoat flapping in the breeze.

He leaned down and kissed her cheek, "Hello, Flynn." Looking down, he saw the bandaged wrist and immediately knew why she was there. "Oh, no." It came out a mixture of disappointment and sadness.

She buried her wrist under the blanket, "James, why are you here?"

"I'm not supposed to be out here or around you, but he wanted you to know—"

She threw up a hand to stop him, "I don't want to hear about Greg. He's dead to me."

"Well, he got himself admitted here trying to get to you. That's all I wanted to let you know. They have him strapped down in the lock down ward for the next forty-eight hours."

She shook her head vigorously, "I didn't want to know! Oh, God. How did he land up in the lock down ward?""

"Trying to get to you. Uh-oh, here comes Nurse Ratchet."

"Who are you?" The nurse started barking before she even reached them.

Flynn stood up and held up her hands to stop her, "He's my doctor, sewed me up. He was just making a housecall to check my bandage."

"A house call?" She said suspiciously.

Flynn twirled her finger next to her head, "He gets confused, has this delusion he's Marcus Welby."

The nurse stopped and eyed Wilson who immediately began to un-bandage the wrist. He stared sadly at her cuts, noting that they were long and they followed her veins. He drew in a deep breath and looked up into her eyes.

Flynn could see his distress.

He leaned in and whispered, "Why?"

"Ask the ass who's bolted down to the table."

"House?"

"He was just the catalyst."

The nurse stepped in, "Doctor, are you done?"

"I need a new bandage; my bag was taken at the door."

She didn't look convinced, but she disappeared up the sidewalk towards the building.

"What did House do?"

Flynn chuckled, "He breached my trust. Leave it at that."

Wilson began to probe the surgical site, "Your surgeon did a good job, nice small stitches. You need to rub it with Mederma in about a week. Flynn, he really wants to see you."

"I'm not supposed to have contact with him for at least another day."

He shrugged. "I don't know what to say, he's tied down. If I were you, I'd get my licks in now." Wilson told her about House's outburst and cane-swinging antics.

The nurse was back with the bandage and some antiseptic swabs. Wilson bandaged her wrist and then held her hand. "Flynn, don't do this. If you need someone to talk to you can talk to me. Okay, you're done now."

"I'll escort you out doctor." The nurse stood firmly in her place.

Wilson nodded, "Take care Flynn, if you're allowed visitors, please call me and I'll be back."

"I'm hoping to get out soon." She smiled as she waved goodbye.

As Wilson left, Flynn tilted her head back and closed her eyes for a moment. She laughed to herself at the idea of House being restrained somewhere in a loony bin. Karma?

She spent an hour making "friends" with the orderlies until she got one of them to talk about the lunatic doctor in 132 who had a meltdown in the rec room. Now that she knew his room, she just had to get in to see him.

"Who's his doctor?"

Bob, the nice orderlie who looked like he was a linebacker for the Eagles smiled, "Well, he went off on Luchesi, but she transferred him to Thalberg this afternoon. Thalberg gets all the hard nuts to crack."

Flynn hung her head, "Bob, the nutty doctor was trying to see me because he thinks I tried to kill myself over him. I need to see him, badly."

Bob hesitated and looked at her, his face sober, "I could be convinced."

Flynn realized what he wanted and just a week ago she would have obliged, but no one was going to make her share her body again unless they had earned her trust and love. "Dude, that's not going to happen; but, I'll make sure you get a really nice bonus, say $250?"

"How do I know you'll give it to me?"

"You just have to trust me."

"I could lose my job."

"I just need a few minutes."

"Okay. Come back to this door around 2 am. I have to turn off the cameras before I can let you in."

"I'll be back at 2 am."

Her wing was separated from lock down by a large metal and safety glass door with jail-like locks. She tried to sleep, but couldn't. She kept going over her life and relationship with House. Not sure she could forgive him for what he did; surprisingly she didn't feel angry or sad, just numb.

At one fifty, Flynn crept down the hall of her wing, noting that an orderlie was in the rec room watching television, but it wasn't Bob. Looking up at the school clock on the wall, she saw that it was one fifty-five. She quietly crossed the room to the second hall, running down it to the locked door. Bob was standing impatiently outside looking around like a cat burglar. When he saw Flynn, he opened the door quickly by plugging in the security code which she memorized immediately.

Whispering so that he didn't wake any of the mentally pissed, he told her, "You have ten minutes and then I'll meet you at this door to let you out."

She almost told him not to worry about the door, she could let herself out, but decided it was a good idea that he do it in case the cameras came on, she'd have someone to hide behind.

He opened the door and turned on the overhead light revealing a prone House on a rubber mattress and a white sheet stenciled with Princeton House on it. A thin stream of drool was leaking out the side of his mouth which was slightly opened. He opened his eyes and squinted, trying to adjust to the light.

"Okay, you have ten minutes." Bob whispered as he closed the door.

"Huh?" House moaned as he stared up at Flynn.

Flynn looked down into his half-closed eyes. They were filmy and unfocused, "Oh, Christ, I didn't realize that they'd drug you."

"Flynn?" He said, his voice slurred.

"Crap, Greg, what have you done?"

"I need to talk to you…" His voice trailed off. His eyes closed as the drugs pushed him into sleep.

Flynn walked over and looked down; his wrists were red from the straps rubbing them. She felt guilty; he was going through this because he wanted to see her. There was something he wanted to tell her so badly he landed in here trying to get to her.

"Greg, wake up." She rousted him again.

He came through as if he hadn't gone out, "And tell you that I do care about you, but you won't care about me after I…" He faded.

She shook him vigorously, "Greg! Greg!" Two blue eyes opened and stared into hers as she kneeled down level with his face. "Stay awake, I need to tell you that I'm sorry I did what I did. It was selfish and ridiculous. I've had an epiphany because of you, so you don't have to worry! I already know that you aren't worth losing my life over. You are an ass and it's okay. But, I just don't want to be around you for awhile. You suck the life out of everything. I wish you'd have an epiphany and start to actually live what's left of your wretched life. When you figure out how to be human, come and see me. But, I'm not holding out any hope. You be good and take care of yourself." She leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"But…Flynn-I have to tell you…"

"Honey, I don't need any more House psychology. It almost put me six feet under. You get some sleep and I'll talk to the powers that be and see if I can't get you out of here. I have to go, my time is up. Bye Greg. Try to have a good life." Again she kissed his cheek.

The light went off and the door closed as House's slurred voice said to the black void, "It was my fault…my fault. I fucked up, it was my fault." No response, "Damn, I also wanted to tell you how hot you are in bed."

No response.

Dear Readers: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing...it keeps me going!