Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with General Hospital.

A/N: Thank you all for your kind reviews. I really appreciate them. I love this story. It's been very cathartic to write and I am glad so many people are enjoying it.

To Choose Life

Chapter 14

When I opened my eyes, it was morning. I looked down at the arm still wrapped around me. I felt Dillon move and rolled over to look at him. "How are you feeling?" he asked with concern.

"Numb," I admitted. "Very numb. I keep expecting my mother to just walk in and say 'just kidding, I'm not back at Shady Brook'."

He brushed a strand of hair from my face. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm scared Dillon. I'm so scared. What if I can't handle this? What if it's too much stress for the baby?"

"Let's just take it one day at a time," he offered.

"I was looking so forward to having my mother meet our baby and having her help us bring our child home from the hospital. I feel so alone."

"You're not alone. You are surrounded by people that love you."

"Who the hell is that?"

"Nikolas, Emily, Lucky, Elizabeth, Carly, Bobbie, Lesley, even your father." I noticed how he didn't mention himself and the truth in that stung. I pretended not to notice.

"My family only cares out of moral obligation. I'm an inconvenience; the accident that tore my parents apart."

"You are not responsible for anything that transpired between your parents."

"Then why do I feel like I'm to blame?"

"Well you're not."

I got up off of the bed and made my way to the window, as I wrapped my arms around myself feeling cold from the lack of Dillon's body heat. The sunlight danced across the property. I couldn't tear my gaze away. "I wanted to believe that I could be a good mother. The only reason that I started to feel okay about everything was because I had my mother back."

"You're going to get through this. I know you will. You're stronger then you realize."

"Well maybe this time I don't want to be strong."

Dillon came to me and put his hands on my shoulders. "Lulu, you don't have to face this alone..."

"Of course I do. I always end up having to face everything alone."

"Well this time you don't have to."

"My brothers have enough to deal with. They don't need to carry me through it too."

Dillon spun me around so that my eyes met his. "I will be here for you as long as you need me."

"I don't want you to feel responsible for me. I'm not your child."

"No, but you're pregnant with my child."

"So what? That doesn't make you responsible for me."

Dillon's cell phone started ringing. "Go ahead," I said coldly. He flipped it open.

"Yeah… Georgie hi… No I wasn't home last night. I stayed with a friend… Kelly's? Yeah I'll meet you there. Give me about half an hour."

He hung up his phone and met my gaze. "Lulu…"

"Don't Dillon… Go be with Georgie."

"Lulu, please don't shut me out. I want to be here for you."

"No, you feel obligated to be here for me. Just admit it Dillon. You don't love me. You love her. I don't want to be everyone's obligation," I shouted before I ran down the hall and into the bathroom. I locked myself inside and sunk onto the floor, as I was overcome with heavy sobs.

I heard Dillon sigh outside the door. "Please Lulu, don't shut me out. I know you're in pain, but cutting everyone, that cares about you, out of your life isn't going to make it any easier to deal with."

"I'm not cutting out people that care about me. Just people that don't. That includes you."

"Why are you so set on assuming that everyone hates you?"

"Because I see the truth. I know when I'm not wanted."

"No, you see what you think is the truth. You close yourself off from fear of being hurt and abandoned again."

"Was I asleep when you became a licensed psychologist?"

"It doesn't take a psychologist to understand you. Come with me to Kelly's…"

"How about NO…"

"I don't want to leave you alone…"

"Don't worry, I'm used to it. I won't hold it against you."

"Please don't do this. You mean a lot to me and I want to know you're okay."

"Well I'm not okay. I'm never going to be okay. I have lost the only person in this world that I want to be there for me. I have lost my mother, Dillon. You don't understand the debilitating pain that puts me in. I feel lost, alone and abandoned. Nothing you do, or say, is going to bring her back or take away my pain. Just go and leave me to grieve for my mother."

I heard him sigh again. "I know you're in pain but I am not going to leave you alone to grieve. Please open the door and talk to me. Please?" The desperation in his voice almost sent me over the edge again, but I chose to ignore it. I listened to him stand outside my door. I waited silently until I heard him sigh again. Then finally, I got what I wanted, or at least said I wanted.

"All right, fine. You win… I'll leave you alone but I'll be back in a few hours to check on you."

I didn't say anything to him. I heard his footsteps as he walked away and finally breathed a sigh of relief. That sigh turned to tears and I broke down again as I sat on the bathroom floor.

When I felt that I couldn't cry any more. I got up off of the floor and dragged myself down the steps to the living room. The angel caught my eye again. I stared at it. "I want my Mom…" I screamed into the empty house. I became enraged. My temples throbbed. The door opened and Carly stood in the entrance. Her face was soft and she looked at me with concern.

"How are you doing?"

"I want my mom," were the only words I could muster.

"I know," Carly said, as she moved closer towards me. "I'm so sorry."

"Why can't one thing go right in my life? I waited four years for my mother and now she's gone again. How do I move on this time?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't. I can't take away your pain. I can only be here for you and try to help you through it."

"I don't want you to feel obligated."

"I don't. Lulu, you're like the little sister I never had. You are honestly the sister I dreamed about having growing up. I want to be here for you."

"Are you sure? I'll understand…"

"Hey, I want to be here. I swear."

I nodded and turned my tear stained face back to the Christmas tree. "Let me take you out of here," Carly offered.

"Where do you want to go?"

"I'm going to take you somewhere that you can relax."

"Can I change first?"

"Of course. I'll wait for you down here."

I nodded and ran upstairs to change. I stopped in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection. Two dark circles hugged the underbelly of my eyes. Red rims surrounded the skin around each eye. My face was abnormally pale. I looked sickly. I barely recognized myself. I looked broken, which matched my world. I didn't want to cry anymore. I was so tired of crying. "I'm sorry Baby," I whispered. "I am so sorry. I don't know how to be your mom without your grandmother's help. I want to love you, but I'm terrified. I want you to have a better childhood then I did. How can I give that to you when I'm just as likely to break as my mother?"

I changed my clothes and then went into the bathroom and washed my tear stained face. I masked my face with make up and then returned downstairs.

Carly stood up and opened the front door. "Ready?"

I nodded again and followed her outside. The weather was abnormally warm. I climbed into Carly's car. "So where are we going?"

"New York City. We are spending the day there. We're going to the spa and we're going to see a movie. We're going to eat really expensive food and ice cream. We're just going to forget, for one day, everything we hate about Port Charles."

"That sounds amazing," I admitted.

"I figured."

We arrived at the train station and bought our tickets. For once, I hoped to forget about this pregnancy, my mother, Dillon, everything. For once, I wanted to just live for me.

XXXXX

The train stopped in the bustling metropolis that was New York City. I followed Carly onto the platform and into a waiting limo. "Where did you get a limo?"

"Sonny owed me a favour."

"Must have been a big favour."

"You have no idea."

The day passed by quickly. We spent hours at the spa, getting pampered with massages, pedicures, manicures, facials, etc. It was almost enough to relax the pain, but not enough to ease the tense ache that had settled in my chest. We went out for an incredible dinner and then ate ice cream before going to see a movie. It was one of the best days of my life. I only wished I had been able to share it with my mother.

We boarded the train that night, though I really never wanted to return to Port Charles. I was so tired of Port Charles and all of the people in it.

XXXXX

Carly and I arrived back at her place. It was almost midnight. Carly's phone started ringing. "Who would call me this late?" Carly muttered.

She answered the phone and within moments handed it to me. "Hello…" I said in confusion.

"Where the hell were you?"

"Hi Dillon, it's nice to talk to you too."

"Where were you? I was worried sick."

"I was out with Carly."

"Why didn't you have your cell phone with you?"

"I forgot it."

"Lulu, I thought something really bad had happened."

"You thought I hurt myself, didn't you? You did. Thanks for the vote of confidence Dillon."

"I was just worried Lulu. I know you're in a lot of pain."

"Well I don't plan on hurting myself or our child, but I'm glad you have so much faith in me."

"It's not that. I can't help worrying about you. I don't like to see you in so much pain."

"Well I can't stop being in pain, but I'm trying my best to stay relaxed for the baby."

"Good, so what did you do all day?"

"Carly took me into New York City. We went to the spa, out to the movies, we went out for dinner. She just distracted me."

"That sounds nice. Did you hear about Diego?"

"What about Diego?"

"He was killed in a mob shooting."

"What?" I exclaimed, my mind flashing to images of my partner in crime. "Are you sure?"

"He was killed my Sam McCall."

"Why would Sam McCall have anything to do with Diego?"

"He was taking over his rightful place in his father's business."

"That's so horrible. How did Georgie take the news?"

"I wouldn't know. She's not talking to me."

"What do you mean she's not talking to you?"

"When she found out where I was last night…"

"You told her you were in bed with me all night?"

"I was trying to be honest."

"Wow, you don't understand women at all. I'll talk to her."

"I don't think she's going to want to talk to you either."

"Well, I'll tell her the truth and maybe she'll realize I'm not trying to steal you away."

"You really don't have to do that. I know you don't like to get involved. Don't worry about it, Georgie will get over it."

"Dillon, you have bent over backwards to help me out. It's the least I can do."

"Thank you Lulu."

"You're welcome."

"Lulu, I'm heading off to bed," Carly said gently. "Call me if you need anything."

"Of course, thank you so much for today," I answered.

"Anytime. I meant what I said about you being like a sister. Have a good sleep Lulu."

"You too."

I turned my attention back to my conversation with Dillon. "So what exactly did you say to Georgie, so I know what I'm getting into?"

"I told her that your mother relapsed. She said that was awful. I explained that I went to see you, you were upset so I spent the night with you."

"That's it?"

"She asked if we slept in the same bed and I nodded."

"Oh Dillon, you should have lied. I would have kept the lie for you."

"What's the point? If she can't respect our friendship then that is her problem."

"You don't have to ruin your relationship with Georgie over our friendship."

"Lulu, stop. I am serious. Your friendship means a lot to me and Georgie is just going to have to accept that. All right?"

"All right."

"So what movie did you see?" Dillon asked, his tone suddenly so excited.

I told him all about it and he asked about the camera angles and acting. It was so nice to listen to his excitement over a movie again.

We ended up talking late into the night. It was well after three in the morning before I said I should head to bed. He agreed and we said good night.