The Trojan horse

DVD Malfunctions

Disclaimer: Unfortunately you all know this and I deny the fact that I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean.

Chapter 14: The Trojan horse

The moon appears from behind the clouds.

Janine looks at the cave for the on-hundredth time that evening, Lieutenant Marks stands beside her and finally notices-
"you're that girl form the fort," Janine looked at him and blinked, completely not paying attention.

"Huh?"

"The girl from the fort, with Turner." Janine racked her brain and then smiled. Turning to Lieutenant Marks and smirking. "Yes I am she, but now's not the time for this. Barbossa will have sent his men out right about now and they should be walking towards the Dauntless. Lieutenant Marks gave her a look like: 'are-you-crazy?'

"Walking? But there's water-"

"-exactly, now since I have no time to explain, here's my instructions, you are not to read them until I've taken the crew t' Jack's ship" She handed him a piece of paper folded into quarters, Janine then turned to her crew.

"Alright men," they all turned to look at her. "This is it. The moment of our lives." The crew laughed as she gave them a smile. But then her face became serious.

"Seriously though. You've been the best crew I've ever captained-" again more chuckles from the crew, "-and you all know that you're the very first crew. Anyways, Your new captain after this even will be Miss Arabella Smith. Because after we find the Sword of Cortes I must return to my home. But in three years, sixty-two days, twenty-three hours and fourty-seven minutes; Miss Arabella will read these words holding this charm I made myself actually-" Janine pulled out another sheet of paper and handed it to Bells. She also untied the piece of rope with a clamshell and a Blue Pearl in the center and gave it to Bells. "You will end up in the Black Lake of London. Don't ask any questions. You just will. Now-

"Lieutenant Marks is you're commander for the period of this little battle. Understood?"

"Aye!" the crew shouted, Janine smiled then patted Lieutenant Marks on the shoulder "they're all yours, good luck and I might never see you again" she smiled and turned to go below deck but Lieutenant Marks caught her hand

"Janine, wait-" Janine glared, "such formality aboard my vessel Lieutenant is undi-" before she could finish her sentence, Marks had pulled her into him and his lips crushed against hers, Fitzwilliam's eyes bulged and tried to pull them apart but Arabella pulled him by his coat.

"No! She's a pirate and you're a Lieutenant!" Lieutenant Marks ignored Fitzwilliam's strangled cries He pulled away a smile tugging at his lips.

"That's in case I never see you again, and you'd better hope so because you're still a pirate." Janine gave a Jack smirk and winked at him before putting her hat back on proceeding down into the brig and pulled out the keys from her pocket turning to the crew.

"Alright I know ye want my guts all over this deck but The Peal is resting just off the Dauntless, where there'll be a major battle, so I'm getting you over to that ship and you better listen t' me or I'll keelhaul every last one o' ye on my ship." And just to make sure they didn't go against her she twisted the ring facing up, gleaming in the moonlight. The lock slipped and the crew billowed out but surprisingly (to Janine) they waited for her to take the front. She smiled at them and said: "alright let's go"

Moonlight shines down into the shallow waters where schools of fish lazily swim around but then they scatter, distant figures appear; wavering in the shifting current. They move into the shadow of the Dauntless' keel. It's Barbossa's crew, walking across the ocean floor. The first figure, Twigg, steps from the shadow into water-­filter moonlight, transforming to skeletal followed by the others, they look at the anchor and smile at the rope leading up to the Dauntless' gunwale.

"... And that's why I will never willingly go back to Paris." Swann Sighs and Elizabeth smiles, "But I digress."

"Father you have told this story countless times!"

"And I shall tell it until the day I die-" the door opens and Lieutenant Marks walks in handing a sword to Elizabeth and the governor. "Jane says there'll be an attack, so better ready yourself" Swann looks at the gun with a bayonet and looks back at Marks as if he's crazy.

"You're a madman, my daughter fight I will not-"

"I'm ready." Elizabeth says and waltzes out the door a horrified Swann following her, "but Elizabeth-"

"Father, I've always gotten someone to fight my battle for me I could do nothing when I was captured, but I can do something for people NOW. And I will." Swann looked sadly at his daughter, "you've always told me to be strong father, well now's my chance." Swann reluctantly nodded.

"You're right." And quickly went back into the cabin. Elizabeth stood beside Lieutenant Marks and noted the smile on his face.

"What's gone and coloured you happy?"

"Oh nothing…" Then he remembered something, he took the piece of paper from his pocket and unfurled it, Elizabeth leans over to get a look at the note:

Hello Marks, here's your to-do list, mate.

One: keep the Dauntless protected. (Check)

Two: when I give you the signal look behind you-

Three: Wing it from there.

Ps. The girls in the boat, are not your friends.

-B.E.J

Elizabeth and Lieutenant Marks' eyes narrowed at #3 then they look appalled:

"Wing it?!"

Janine and Jack's crew jump from the tiny rowboat to Black Pearl, using hand signals she says she's going up first, she climbs up, toward the gun port. She can hear voices

Two Pirates, Mallot and Grapple, set out a feast: wine and rum, jerky, cakes, apples, biscuits on a table in the Gun Deck

"What would you pick to eat first? We should decide now, so we're ready, when the time comes." Mallot asks eagerly eyeing the food with hunger.

"I was thinking ... Cake." Grapple says smiling, but Mallot frowns,

"I was thinking cake too." He says a bit of malice in his voice, they stare at each other. Lightning quick, Grapple slams a knife into the table between them, his hand going skeletal in the moonlight. A tense moment. Then Grapple leans the handle of the knife toward Mallot.

"You cut, I choose." Mallot gives a single sharp nod. Janine climbs past as Mallot reaches for the knife-

Janine climbs over the gunwale sneaks along the deck. Suddenly the skeletal monkey drops down, screeching! Janine jumps and quick as Jack pulls out her pistol and BANG! Blows the monkey to a pile of bones, some of which fall over the rail and 'ting-tang'ed the cannon on the way down-

Mallot & Grapple are still focused on their mock feast when they hear a BANG! As bones on the monkey it drops past the gun port; they look at each other.

"What was that?" Janine looks over gunwale – two pirate heads stick out, looking down at the splash. They turn to look up, she smiles and waves to them coyly.

"Ciao!" The pirates draw back inside to give chase, Janine looks at the rigging and smiles, then rushes up the stairs to the poop deck (aha I wanted to use the word just once). Then grabs hold of one of the loose ropes that keep the mast in place and as the pirates rush upon deck. She smirks and looks over to the crew in the longboats waiting.

"This is gonna be fun."

Jack examines the pirate treasure; Barbossa fixes him with an appraising look.

"I admit, Jack: I thought I had you figured. But turns out, you're a hard man to predict." Jack shakes his head, 'nah.' Hayley winks at Sam from the other side of the cave and moves closer to Will.

"Me? I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest, Honestly. It's the honest one's you have to watch out for, because you never know when they're going to do something-" he looks at Sam "-incredibly-" he looks at Hayley "-stupid-" he walked towards a pile of treasure, knowing what happens next, Hayley turns Barbossa's attention to her.

"You can only lay out a course, and hope for the best." With his toe, Jack flips a beautiful sword up off the floor ­to Hayley, who then throws a whip to Sam, who catches it and swings it around, over her head and it wraps around Will. His capture looks at the whip and is then yanked back onto his butt, Hayley turns back to Will and slashes his restraints and throws him the sword, unsheathing her own.

"Use it well."

"Dammit, Jack I was almost liking you!" Jack and Barbossa square off; Jacoby slashes at Will, the other two pirates attack him; he fights back, Hayley parrying blows from one of the two - Sam notices a stalactite right above one of the pirates and latches the whip around it, takes a golden plated pistol from the mound of treasure and shoots at it, cracking the base and pulls--hard.

"TIMBER!" Hayley and Will look up then jump back and the pirate infront was in pieces, Hayley gave Sam 'wtf' look.

"Timber? You couldn't think of something gayer?"

"Well you find one for a stalactite!" Sam fumed, a pirate ran towards her and she screamed, Hayley kicking one of the pirates back, pulled out her pistol and shot the pirate's head off.

"Love you Hayley."

"Yeah, yeah."

Twigg breaks the surface near the Dauntless, climbs the anchor. More skeleton pirates follow Twigg peeks over the rail onto the deck of the Dauntless A few lone sentries patrol. He gestures down to his comrades to follow him. Twigg and all the other pirates begin climbing onto the deck of the Dauntless. Koehler sneaks up behind the first Sentry and slits his throat. Bo'sun strangles another sentry, he falls to the deck. The pirates advance towards the stern of the ship.

Gentle splashing echoes from the cave mouth. The marines in the longboats on either side raise their rifles –a boat emerges, Norrington's men stare. In the boat are two … 'women.' Pintel and Ragetti dressed in drag. A shawl shades Pintel from the moon; Ragetti holds the parasol that Bo'sun so kindly gave them Well, that's weird. Norrington signals his men.

"Hold Fire. Hold position …" Pintel and Ragetti row past, toward the Dauntless. Ragetti plays with the parasol.

"This is just like what the Greeks done at Troy. 'Cept they wore a horse n'stead of dresses. A wood horse." Pintel glowers at him to shut up, glances over his shoulder toward the Dauntless.

Pirates sneak along, wary, listening ... searching. Janine watch as they look along the gunwales then kicks the wheel of the pearl which then spins wildly and loudly, the beam shoots across the deck, Janine ducks, gets behind it and runs after it, jumping off the top of the stairs. The pirates whirl at a sound of that just as BOOM! Janine kicked then over the rail swept off into the water. She landed on it and letting go of the rope she waved her arms to stay balanced. The crew started to climb the ladder and Gibbs looked at her once her got on.

" Twasn't as subtle as I would've hoped." Janine shrugged.

"I don't do subtle." Janine then took a cannon ball from the pile beside the long nine cannon and put in gunpowder, then put the cannon ball in and aimed it to the boat where Pintel and Ragetti were.

Pintel and Ragetti near the Dauntless, parasols protecting them from the moonlight. They've been spotted; they hear the sounds of catcalls from the Royal Navy sailors. Ragetti waves and 'yoo hoos' up to the ship: Pintel is livid.

"Stop that! I already feel like a fool."

"Look nice, though." Pintel takes offense at that and turns to him-

Lieutenant Marks and Elizabeth look through a telescope; they and the crew of the Dauntless are transfixed and puzzled at the bizarre sight. Then he remembered the Ps.

Pintel slugs Ragetti –

"I look nice!! I LOOK NICE!!" Ragetti drops his parasol; Pintel's shawl falls, and the two are revealed as skeletons! Lieutenant Marks gasps at the sight –Pintel realizes they're exposed; he pulls a pistol and-

"FIRE IN THE BOAT!" Janine lights the cannon, which blows the boat right out of the water, she turns towards the Dauntless and whistles-high.

Elizabeth and Lieutenant Marks look back ­too late SKELETON PIRATES ATTACK! Elizabeth looks up as they drop down from the rigging like spiders.

"Attack!" Elizabeth shouts, Swords clash, pistols are drawn and in a matter of minutes a melee of pirates (undead and alive) fought along with marines and sailors, more being killed then defended, Elizabeth swings the sword and the bayonet clips the pirates head off his shoulders, while the read rolls around the floor, its body trying to find it.

Swann, despondent, opens the door A body plummets to the deck in front of him. Marines and sailors vs. skeletal pirates Swann shuts the door gently, trying to go unnoticed.

The small's arms fire has alerted Norrington.

"Men make for the ship!" Quickly, his men start rowing for the Dauntless.

The Black Pearl is theirs the crew thinks and shouts and whoops in delight. Janine steps away from the others.

"Now I'd be much obliged- since you want to through me off the ship anyway-that if you could help me with this here boat, and I'll just scurry on my way." Janine gave a smile, and the crew quickly (and eagerly) prepared the boat. Janine stood at the rail.

"I thank you for your co-operation and-" then Cotton's parrot flew off his shoulder and at Janine who-shocked- screamed and tipped herself over the edge and into the boat. Cotton's parrot was back on his shoulder in minutes, as the crew cheered for him, they didn't hear the mangled "ow…" from Janine's little boat. Quickly she got the oars and furiously started rowing towards the cave.

Will holds off three pirates Hayley holding off to of her own. Jack and Barbossa duel furiously; Jack drives Barbossa back and Barbossa begins to laugh. He drops his guard, lets his sword drop from hishand. Jack takes the opportunity to slash at Barbossa, Barbossa catches Jack's blade with both hands. Jack tries to pull it away but Barbossa hangs on.

"You can't beat me, Jack. Barbossa twists the sword from Jack's grip, reverses it and drives the sword into Jack's chest. Te entire fighting in the cavern stops, and then Janine comes in.

"Wha'd I miss?" Sam pointed, Janine looked over "NO JACK!" then paused, laughing, "Oh right he's got a coin" Will stares, shocked. Jack stares down at the sword jutting from his chest. He staggers a few steps backward, into the moonlight and Jack becomes skeletal.

"Well, isn't that interesting." Skeleton Jack pulls the sword from his chest. He pulls something from his pocket: one of the Aztec coins. He rolls it on the backs of his knuckles and smiles.

"Couldn't resist mate." Barbossa grabs up his sword, and rushes at Jack. Both men are in moonlight now, two skeletons in pitched battle Hayley glared at Janine who was currently stuffing something down the front of her shirt and said to her

"Janine!" Janine looked up "Aye?" Hayley slashed the pirate between words; punctuating them.

"I'm…going…to…kill…you" Janine smiled, "sure, be my guest" a pirate came rushing towards her with his sword raised, she pulled out the pistol from her waist and pointed it his head, but then a pirate from the lagoon had come back and pulled Janine tightly backwards tripping her, the gun went off as she fell back and the pirate with the sword swung, missing her face by three inches, The shot fired up into another stalactite and it cracked-Hayley beneath it. Janine managed to roll out of the way of the skeleton stabbing her and it pinned the other down between its ribs. The skeleton looked up and Janine punched him, his skull spinning on its neck, then she kicked him. The skeleton wobbled backwards and down the mounted slope of the cavern floor and rolled across the floor, tripping Hayley and rolling under her. She fell onto her back side and looked at the two pirates with raised blades.

"TIMBER!" Janine and Sam chorused, the stalactite fell crushing both pirates and landed between Hayley's knees. She gulped.

"Timber…" Will helped her up and they continued to fight off more pirates.

Pintel and Ragetti climb onto the ship through a gun port as other pirates swarm the deck, taking on the sailors. Swann peers out the glass window at the mayhem on the deck. Swann drops down below the window he peeks up again as aface of dead marine slams on the glass right next to him. Swann looks up and sees a pirate looking at him. Swann cowersand begins backing away below the window. Pirate hands reach through the windows, grabbing at him. One of the pirate hands grabs Swann's wig and pulls it off his head. Swann refuses to let it go and has a tug of war with the pirate over his wig. Swann grabs a bull horn off the table behind him and whacks at the skeleton arm, which falls off on the floor. Swann scrambles away from the arm as it crawls after him. He stands and watches the arm in horror and then grabs a map off the table and begins beating the skeleton arm. He then picks it up and struggles with it, turns and shoves it in a bureau drawer. He backs up against the chest as it rattles, the arm struggles to get out.

Pintel, Ragetti, and other pirates fire a cannon at Norrington and his men.

The cannons BOOM! Near Norrington, one of the longboats is blown out of the water.

"Marines arms!" The Marines begin firing at the pirates on the Dauntless.

Ragetti notices; eyes fixed on the ship as it sails past, he taps Pintel on the shoulder.

"What?" Pintel asks, Ragetti points towards The Black Pearl Sailing way into the moonlight

"Is it supposed to be doing that?" Pintel looks where Ragetti is looking, registers what's happening:

"No! They're stealing our ship!" More pirates turn their attention to the rail. Ragetti shakes his fists impotently, gripped with rage. He spits out:

"Bloody pirates!"

"No matter! We'll have a better now!"

"Not on your life" Elizabeth said and just as she slugs him Norrington's men climb up the side. The battle rages. Norrington and his men arrive on the deck. Behind him, Koehler swings an axe at his neck, Norrington looks like a goner but he whips his sword up, blocking the handle, the blade just inches from his throat. He spins and goes after Koehler with a vengeance. Lieutenant Marks stands up on a railing and swings a large block and tackle across the deck at the Bo'sun. Bo'sun sees it and dunks and then takes off after Marks. The block and tackle swings back and hits Ragetti in the head. Ragetti's eye pops out. He chases it all over the deck on his hands and knees.

Barbossa and Jack duel in and out of moonlight.

"So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals, locked in epic battle 'til Judgment Day and the trumpets sound? Hmm?"

"Or you could surrender." Barbossa smiles, not likely, and attacks. Will is cornered, slides between two pirates on a silver tray. But then a projectile thrown by Jacoby (that dude that carries bobs everywhere) explodes near him. Will is thrown to the ground, losing his sword. He climbs a pile of treasure, reaches for it but it slides away out of his grasp. Jacoby laughs, raises his sword. Will is thrown to the ground, he's at a disadvantage, trapped.

"I'll teach you the meaning of PAIN!"

"You like pain?" Jacoby turns. From out of the smoke Janine and Sam appear they swing a long gaffe, knocking Jacoby aside.

"Try wearing a corset." Janine and Hayley take the gaffe from Sam and continue the battle so that Sam and will could get their alone time.

"Sam!" She looks at him, smiles. He grins back-he pulls her into an embrace and kisses her fiercely but passionately, Sam basically melts.

"Why were you with them?" Will asked, look at jack Janine and Hayley. As Sam explains everything to Will, Hayley and Janine know what to do next and moving between the pirates and parrying­ their blows, Hayley helps Janine thrust the gaffe, using it to hook all three pirates together, Jacoby in the middle, one facing backwards. Hayley grabs one of Jacoby's bombs and yanks it free, sparking the fuse. She shoves it up inside Jacoby's rib cage, and shoves all three out of the moonlight. Jacoby clutches at his now flesh chest- no way to get to the lit bomb. The backward pirate tries to turn around to see what's happening, turning all three completely around Jacoby looks at Will, mouth agape smoke comes out

"No fair!" Hayley grabs Janine, and dives away with her as the bomb EXPLODES! Jacoby's skeletal head and spine crashes down in a nearby pool of moonlight. The head turns to Hayley:

"That's cheating!"

"Not much incentive to fight fair." Janine said whom gingerly picks up Jacoby by the spine with two fingers, flings it into the water (like it's a diseased rat). She shudders, wipes her hands fervidly on her jacket. She looks at Hayley with a meek smile then opens her arms wide as if to give her a hug, Hayley stares.

"What are you on?"

Janine peeked open an eye; "thought you said you wanted to kill me?"

"Not now…it's not how should I say-" they smile at eachother "the opportune moment!" laughing, they walk up to Sam and will and pry their lips off eachother.

"If ye two are done we can watch the end of the movie" Janine said, Will looked at her funny.

"Movie?" Sam rolled her eyes, "I'll tell you later."

Barbossa slashes at Jack, frustrated beyond measure. He drives Jack backwards, towards Elizabeth.

As he fights, Barbossa notices Will's movement on the other side of the cave. He glares at Jack, suspicious.

"What's your play, Jack? You're too clever for this. You can't kill me, I can't kill you-" then he gets and Inspiration as he sees Janine nearing towards them.

"But I can take my satisfaction elsewhere-" He breaks off the fight, pulls his pistol. Aims it at Elizabeth. She registers her danger. A shot echoes in the cavern, Jack clicks his pistol again, nothing- Barbossa and everyone else (save Jack) looks to the other side of the cavern where one last skeletal pirate stood standing, the pistol smoking, he grin evilly as Janine fell to the ground. Sam and Hayley's head shoot in her direction Will included.

"Janine!" Sam and Will scream, Hayley rushes over followed by the others Sam take her whip out and brings it down hard on the skeletal pirate smashing him to bits. Barbossa smirks, Jack smacks the gun on it's side one last time then cocks it smiling. Will noticing this, rushes up to the chest and Barbossa turns back to Jack-another shot rings through the cavern. Barbossa looks surprised and looks down at the hole in his shirt. He can't believe it. Jack, pistol raised and aimed, still smoking, has shot him. Barbossa looks up.

"Ten years you carry that pistol, and now you waste your shot?"

"He didn't waste it." Will stands over the Aztec chest, holding the knife, his left hand in a fist. He opens the fist and the medallion drops from his hand, revealing the cut in his palm, the bloody medallion lands- Barbossa looks down at his chest. Blood blossoms on his shirt around the bullet hole. Jack puts down his arm. Barbossa stares at the blood ... Looks up at Jack, at Will, at Jack. Anger, dismay ... and even relief color Barbossa's features.

"I feel ... cold." Barbossa falls to one knee ... Then collapses backward. Dead. Jack races then to Janine's side along with Will, they all look at her and then Jack picks something out. A real deformity in her body structure (trust jack to notice that) Jack starts to unlace the corset and Hayley slugs him. Sam was crying so much she hadn't noticed

"you nympho!"

He opened his mouth to retort but stopped and pushed Hayley aside too frustrated for being hit, that he reached down Janine's shirt and pulled out a circular silver tea tray, embedded was the bullet from the pistol. Janine coughed a few times and looked up at them all.

"Ow, my head"

"JANINE!" Sam bawled hugging her friend; Hayley looked at the tray then back at Janine. Then said:

"You're too smart for your own good you know." Janine gave a Jack-like smirk.

"Don't tell me yer getting' soft on me Hales?" Hayley held back the tears from almost loosing her…again. Janine sat up and the trio hugged, Then Hayley looked at Janine and asked:

"Notice Me?"

"Yup."

"You bitch."

Ha ha a little twist I decided, for those of you who don't know Notice Me is a story made be Mrs. Pitt on where 'you' get shot and a try 'you' stuffed down your shirt keep you alive…before you… never mind I won't spoil it.

Love you all hope you enjoyed the chapter and I think the next one is the last scene & chapter (besides Epilogue)

Ciao ciao Capt. Blue-Eyed Jane