A/N: I debated whether or not to post this on Mother's Day but decided I would. Hopefully it will not be read by anyone easily depressed. I am posting these misery chapter close together in hopes of getting past all of it soon. I am trying to get us to happier times. We will get there soon. Thank God. I can't tak much more as I have lived through this story several times. I have gone through the creative portion, the editing, taking it from my original document to place it in a single chapter document. Then after all that I have to upload it to . Once there I edit it one last time before posting a chapter so you see I relive my stories many times. The happier moments I don't mind so much.
I do love my stories that pull every raw emotion from me then fill me in the end with satisfactio when I get a happy ending. The greater the adversity the greater the happiness at the end.
As before I still own nothing but my original characters.
Chapter Fourteen
When Lies Cannot Blind
Two weeks and still there was not one word in a letter or telegram from Erik. Pricilla hurried through the tasks she had set for herself to accomplish every day so that she could make the trip to town to collect any mail that might have come with the mornings train. Every day she returned home disappointed. Not wanting Charlotte to see her misery Pricilla did not see her cousin as often as she would have liked.
Everyone had accepted Pricilla's explanation at first of Erik's having been notified of a sudden offer of a horse he had been considering to add to his stable if the owner ever decided to sell. After a week without any word from Erik Michael and Charlotte began to suspect all was not well in the Dante home. Pricilla had not looked well during any of her visits. When they made inquiries she dismissed their concern stating a summer cold had taken hold of her.
The tearing that came on her suddenly rendered proof to that explanation. Where she had been fashionably pale before now Pricilla took on an unhealthy pallor. Dark circles appeared at her eyes adding to her sickly appearance. Perhaps Pricilla's explanations were not so far from the truth. Pricilla's disillusionment began to take its toll on her. She became a shadow of her former self.
Mac had expressed his concern for Pricilla to Michael in private. He worried about the sudden change in her. Before, Pricilla had been shy but willing to converse if spoken to. Now she seemed to have withdrawn into some private world that did not offer her any consoling or soothing moments.
Mac had seen women enter into this kind of deep depression not ever return to their normal selves. Mac railed at himself for not making it clearer to Erik what he would do if he should harm Pricilla in any way, Mac had thought only of the physical abuse he had been privy to. Now he knew that Erik could inflict a much more damaging blow to Pricilla. The woman, for whatever reason loved her wayward husband and it was slowly killing her.
Everyone rallied around Pricilla trying to encourage her belief that Erik had only gone for a short while and would return any day now. After a month it became harder to convince Pricilla when they did not believe any of it themselves. To add to Pricilla's misery she had begun to be ill in the mornings until late in the afternoon. After three days of this Pricilla had taken to her bed weakly not getting up again.
Loretta had had enough. She bundled Pricilla up as best she could then helped her into the buggy Loretta had rigged. By now Loretta considered herself an old hand doing what men considered men's responsibilities. Well to those men Loretta would say that only held true if the man were present. Erik had a lot to answer for if he ever did return.
Mac examined Pricilla and asked questions about different things concerning her cycles and when she had her last. Pricilla felt too ill to even feel embarrassed by Mac's questions. She only wished to either die or recover soon.
Holding Pricilla's hands in his own much larger ones Mac told Pricilla she would be a new mother in about seven and a half months. At first Mac's words did not register with Pricilla. When they did a gradual acceptance worked its way upward from her heart to her head. A little flicker of joy built into a blaze of overwhelming happiness Pricilla feared the fates who had been treating her so unkindly would be jealous of her moments of happiness and snatch them from her.
The difference in Pricilla after she new of her impending motherhood was to compare night and day. She took on a new vigor. Loretta clucked around her like a mother hen which Pricilla secretly relished even as she protested all the fussing.
Pricilla at last thought she would have something, someone who would be completely hers. She would have someone who would not care if her face did not meet the standards of true beauty. This little person would be loved and return her love without reservation. The mother and child bond if allowed to take hold could outlast any other bond other than the purest sort of love between a man and woman. If Pricilla could not have the second she would at least have the compensation of the first.
Only two weeks after learning of her child growing inside of her Pricilla suffered the agony of the gradual loss of her unborn child. Mac could do nothing to stop the loss of blood heralding the passing of Pricilla's child. He worked tirelessly using every bit of his knowledge to no avail.
Everyone stayed close to Pricilla fearing they would lose her back into the darkness that had claimed her before. Pricilla remained silent but seemed to be aware of them and her surroundings. Her eyes did not have that faraway vacant stare from before.
On the fifth day after losing her child Loretta came to Pricilla's room to find her dressed and sitting by the window looking out onto the back garden. At first Loretta thanked God for Pricilla's return. That only lasted until Pricilla turned to look at her and speak with words so hard and unfeeling Pricilla sounded unlike herself.
"Has everyone gone or are they still here? If they have not gone ask them to stay for supper then inform them I will not be needing nursemaids any longer. I am completely recovered. Nothing can be done to change any of it so it is best to put it in the past and leave it there.
Everyone can stop worrying about me. I will be fine. At last I know my place in life and will carve out whatever life I can. I won't let any idiotic fantasies rule my head any longer. I have faced facts and they are that I am meant to be alone. Being alone does not have to mean I am lonely. I have you, Charlotte, Michael and dear Mac. What more do I need?"
"But what about…what about Erik? Where in all of this will he fit if he comes back?" Loretta still had not forgiven Erik but had felt that if he did return Pricilla would take him back with open arms. Her complete devastation when he had not come home had been enough for Loretta to know how much Pricilla did care for her husband.
"What about Erik? Do you imagine he has given me one thought since his departure? Does it seem realistic to expect him to return? Even if he does things will be no different. Do you know that Erik left me to seek out another woman? A woman from his past who held onto his heart with an unbreakable chain wrapped around him? Oh, pardon, of course you are not aware of that. I, myself only learned of it by accident. Erik is gone from my life even should he return."
Loretta did not care for this new hard tenor that had taken over Pricilla's usual shy sweet manner of speaking. Everything about Pricilla spoke of hardness. Her eyes, face and possibly even her heart were now encased with some impenetrable coating. Loretta virulently cursed Erik wherever he was at the moment. He had much to answer for when he came home.
The days passed with Pricilla sinking further into her own world. She would sit at the window oblivious to everyone and everything around her. Her solution to relieving the pain had been to retreat from the world once more. If she went far enough away nothing would ever harm her again. A world where nothing touched you seemed heavenly to Pricilla at this moment.