A/N: Just a quick update on something to let you all know that I AM still alive. My brain is a bit like scrambled eggs and life keeps slamming me to the pavement, so I keep forgetting to update anything. (kicks self) Geez. Um, quick answer to a question: "Get your freak on" umm..heh. Well, to put it really simply, basically Gojyo is talking about picking up some women. (laughs) It's an American expression, I'm sure. We're responsible for a lot of insanity. (cough) But if anyone wants to continue to know that I'm still alive, you can visit my livejournal anytime. My user name is sockio. Pretty well all my entries are public and I just ramble on about myself and things most of you probably wouldn't be interested in anyway. (chuckle) No luck on the writer's block and I've been, quite simply, too busy to remember to edit anything. I am sorry. Eventually things will slow down and I'll get on the ball again. Man this is long. Best cut it off. Read, review, enjoy:)

Chapter 17: First Drabbles Part II

First Emergency

BANG BANG BANG

Sanzo clutched his newspaper tightly, threatening to rip the thing in two.

"Come ON Sanzo! You've been in there forever and I really need to gooooo!"

A vein worked its way onto his forehead and Sanzo slowly counted to ten before loosening the grip on his paper. Giving the document a shake, he turned his attention back to the article he was reading.

"Forget it, monkey. Go pee outside."

On the other side of the door, Goku crossed his legs and moaned in frustration. Damn it, if he didn't go soon his bladder was going to explode! Trying his best to stuck it in, Goku slowly hobbled down the hallway, stopping every so often to cross his legs in an effort to keep from wetting himself. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, he made it downstairs.

"There you are, Goku!"

Lifting his head up, mindful of the little beads of sweat that were starting to roll into his eyes, Goku saw Hakkai walking towards him with a large pitcher.

"This inn has the best lemonade I've ever tasted." Hakkai said, holding the picture of lemonade right under Goku's nose. "You simply have to try it!"

Looking at the pitcher of bright yellow liquid, Goku felt his bladder starting to give.

"MaybelaterHakkaiIreallyneedtogorightnow!" he said, racing past the healer and practically ripping the front door open.

Hakkai blinked as he started at the small puff of dust where Goku once stood.

"How odd."

Outside, Goku desperately looked from left to right before taking off to the nearest store he saw. Running inside, he made his way to the counter where a fat, balding man sat looking through the newspaper.

"Excuse me, sir! Can I use your bathroom!"

The man didn't even look up. "Bathroom's for paying customers only."

The brunet dug through his pockets, becoming increasingly distressed at finding only pocket lint and air. Patting down his entire body, Goku let out a distressed wail.

"I don't HAVE any money!"

"Then no bathroom." The man replied in a bored voice. "Go somewhere else."

Mumbling several Gojyo-taught words under his breath, Goku turned and flew out of the store.

Still not looking up, the bald man turned the page. "Kids."

Stumbling out of the store, trying not to hold his crotch in public, Goku looked around for the next store.

"AAAHHH!"

Turning his head at the sound, he saw several little kids dousing each other with buckets of water, making large puddles of clear liquid around them. Goku felt his bladder given yet another twinge of protest and he nearly set a new land speed record in getting to the next shop.

"CanIuseyourbathroom?" he breathed out.

"No."

So, he raced to the next store.

"CanIpleaseuseyourbathroom."

"Forget it."

And the next.

"I really need to go to the bathroom!"

"It's out of order."

And the next.

"This is an emergency man I really need to pee!"

"Too bad."

And the next.

"Can I use your bathroom? PLEASE?"

"Don't have one."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Stumbling out of yet another store, Goku crossed his legs and bent over slightly, trying desperately to hold it in. No one is this entire damn town would let him use their toilet? He could die from holding it in; did these people not care? Glancing around, he realized he'd raced from one side of town to another. The forest was stretched out nearby and he finally remembered Sanzo's reply.

"Go pee outside."

The brunet blinked. What a novel idea! Tearing off, he blasted through the forest at top speed, getting a good distance from the town before screeching to a halt, pulling down his zipper and-

What the hell is that squirrel looking at?

Goku blinked.

The squirrel blinked.

He made a shooing motion with his hand.

The squirrel continued to stare at him.

What the hell? Calling out Nyoibo, Goku tried scaring the creature off by swinging at it.

The squirrel moved away, but continued to watch him.

Goku groaned. There was no way in hell he could do this with an audience. Zipping back up, he turned and tore through the forest again.

The squirrel waited until he was gone, then jumped down and began digging where Goku was standing until he uncovered a small storage of nuts. Dropping a new one inside, he covered the hole and took off again.

By the time Goku stopped again, he was standing near a lake. Beyond not caring anymore, the teen stripped down to nothing and jumped in, figuring nothing could watch him if nothing could SEE him. A few seconds later and look of pure relief crossed his face.

"Oh Kami-sama thank you…." He mumbled, closing his eyes.

"Goku? What in the HELL do you think you're doing?"

Opening his eyes, the teen was startled to find himself directly in between Gojyo and a rather scared looking woman.

Both naked.

The woman stared for a second. "Why'd the water get so warm all of a sudden?"

The two looked at each other, then looked at Goku who was now wearing a sheepish grin.

"I really had to go." He said.

"AHHHHH!"

The two scrambled out of the water, Gojyo cursing monkeys and the woman grabbing her clothes before stomping back towards town.

"Damn it, monkey! You do have any idea how long it took to get her to come out here!"

Having finally found relief, and with an air of nirvana surrounding him, Goku sighed and smiled.

"Don't care."

Gojyo narrowed his eyes and put his pants back on. Grabbing the rest of his stuff, he saw Goku's own clothes thrown around the lake's edge. With a sadistic grin, he picked them all up and trudged off with a satisfied smirk of vengeance etched on his face.

Many hours later, at supper:

"Have you seen Goku, Gojyo?"

"Nope." The redhead said, smiling around his sake glass.

"He better not be out causing trouble again." Sanzo huffed, turning the page on his newspaper.

Gojyo's grin spread as he leaned back in his chair. "Nyah. I really doubt that."

Deep in the forest surrounding the town, Goku stood in the lake, his arms crossed around his body and gave a pitiful wail.

"GOOOOJYYYOOOOOO! COME OOONNNN!"

Silence.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE!"

Crickets started chirping.

"I'M REALLY FREAKIN' HUNGRY!"

More crickets. Goku huffed, stewing in silence for a few more minutes. Gojyo would pay for this.

The little squirrel from earlier hopped up on a rock and twitched its nose at the brunet.

"What are you staring at, damn it?" the teen snapped.

With a sniff and a shake of its tail, the squirrel took off, wondering how humans managed to get so far and still be so weird.

First Shot AKA 'Goku's Revenge'

It was a pretty normal day.

"Damn it, you perverted water sprite, give it back!"

Considering.

"Why don't you come over here and make me, monkey?"

But the vein on Sanzo's head was slowly getting larger.

"I'll give it to you, all right! Right up your perverted ass!"

Hakkai wondered if they should perhaps get back in the Jeep and leave now.

"Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you, you sick monkey bastard?"

After all, this pit stop was turning ugly.

"Not as much as you would, you nasty-minded prick!"

Hakkai couldn't see a wink of daylight between the two arguing idiots. He could see Sanzo reaching for his gun already. They'd shut up in a minute then.

"At least I haven't had practice with things going up my ass like you and the monk over there!"

Everyone froze.

Hakkai could see Sanzo was reaching a new level of pissed as the gun slowly came into view. But it was nothing compared to the expression on Goku's face just then.

CRUNCH!

Sanzo and Hakkai's eyes both widened as Goku's foot firmly implanted itself directly into Gojyo's crotch. The half-breed dropped to the ground a second later, his hands moving to cover himself as his eyes bulged. With an angry expression still on his face, Goku bent down and scooped up the meat bun dropped by Gojyo and sat down next to Hakkai. A few seconds and sporadic twitches by Gojyo later, the healer finally found his voice.

"Crotch shot."

Goku nodded as he bit into his bun.

"I don't think I've ever actually seen that done before."

"First time doing it." Goku replied, savoring the hard-earned bun. "I'll have to do it more often."

"Don't." Sanzo said, replacing his gun in his robes. "It's painful enough just to watch."

The three continued to eat in silence, ignoring the gasping breaths and little twitches of the redhead on the ground. Goku smiled around the last bite as he watched Gojyo holding his crotch in agony, remembering how the cockroach had left him out in the lake a few nights ago naked for hours on end.

A smirk of vengeance all his own slowly made its way onto his face.

'Paybacks are a bitch.'

(-end-)