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Happy OCTO-BRR, everybody! Here's a chapter to warm you up, but first...

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PurpleBandit's Warning - The reason why I decided to end the music and songs for this fic is that musicals don't translate well into text. It's like writing a songfic, which I'm not very good at. Also, I don't think that it would be fun to read. There might be some stuff later (no promises). Anyway, I had to come up with a logical reason to discontinue the songs, and I hope the one that I gave was believable enough.

No more songs. Boohoo. Go cry me a river. Speaking of 'rivers',...

- Chapter xiv -

Destination 3 (Part Three) – Snowjob

Current Venue: The Yukon River

Geographical Location: Teslin, Yukon Territory [Canada]

"We're on the broken part of an ice shelf in the icy cold frozen Yukon River." Bridgette said, stomping her foot in frustration. "Crap! This is so inhumane. I hate Chris!"

"Meh. Could be worse." I said, shrugging it off.

"Oh, really? How?"

"You could be stuck here all alone without a genius like me to talk to." I said, causing her to giggle.

"Don't flatter yourself." Bridgette said.

I remembered what the blonde surfer said earlier. Had I really won 'Action'?

I was just a lazy, sarcastic, cynical bookworm. Winning a game show wasn't the thing that people like me do, and yet I had gone and done it. Take that, bullies! I knew it would be worth it when I was rich, and youscumbags are just alcoholic dumbasses that can't hold jobs even if your miserable lives depended on it.

"My parents told me to do anything I wanted, so I won Total Drama Action!" I exclaimed.

"That, you did!" Bridgette said. "Great job, but let's focus on this season now, okay?"

My enjoyment and jubilation were cut short once I realized that we were doing a challenge.

"Yeah. Let's."

"We probably would've been done by now if Alejandro had helped us." Bridgette muttered.

"What!? No way! I'm not risking someone from another team helping us. We'll be fine on our own." I assured her. "Besides, no one's that generous without some sort of ulterior motive in mind."

Bridgette eyed me. "Do you know what your problem is, Noah? You don't trust anyone!"

"That may be true, but your problem is that you trust everyone!" I countered.

"Not everyone has some hidden meaning behind every action that they do!"

"Ah, but this guy does. Seriously, babe. He's studied up on all the tapes of the past two seasons. He knows pretty much everything there is to know about us, while we barely know diddly-squat about him. That makes him a dangerous competitor, and a serious threat. Ever thought about that?"

"Ignoring the fact that you just called me 'babe', don't you think you're being just a little paranoid here?"

"Oh, um… sorry about that." I apologized. "I'm not panicking, though. 'Paranoid' is what people who are trying to take advantage of you call you to get you to drop your guard!"

"Yeah. You're totally freaking out."

"I'm not freaking out, I'm frickin'… in!"

"Huh? Okay. You need to chill."

"Believe me when I say I can't get any more chill than this."

"Right. I think we should go. We don't want to fall behind the other teams, now do we?" Bridgette asked rhetorically.

"No. No, we do not." I replied. " Let's go."

I didn't give a rat's ass what others said. I was from the future. I knew Alejandro was evil. Nothing he says or does can change that.

I raced to another block but fell down after I got to it. Ow! I hate this challenge!

"Maybe you should slow down a little." Bridgette said, hopping to the block I was on.

"Damn. The others make it look so easy." I said, rubbing my head in pain.

She jumped on to the next one. I followed suit. Just before I fell over the side, a hand grabbed my wrist. It was Bridgette's.

I managed to steady myself and took a deep breath in relief.

"I think we should do this together." Bridgette said.

"Agreed."

We both held hands as we jumped to the next part of the fragmented ice sheet. I nearly slipped off and into the water, but Bridgette caught me just in time.

"Thanks." I said. "I hate how all of these challenges are so dangerous. Can't we just sit down and train our brains for once instead of our bodies?"

"I wish. The audience back home wouldn't like that, though."

"I just hate how the networks are making a killing off of our shortcomings."

"That's the price we have to pay in exchange for being on TV." Bridgette said.

"Yeah. I guess."

Some of the challenges this season allowed unimpeded access to the members of opposing teams, which wasn't possible on The Island. This fact is what made someone like Alejandro a person to watch out for. I was hoping to save his next intended target, Bridgette.

We had almost reached the end. However, the closer we got to the snowy shore, the further away the ice floes were from each other.

We came upon a particular ice floe which was quite a distance away from the one we were on. We had no other choice, though, as the rest were even further.

Crap.. I gotta jump this!? I wasn't exactly the most athletically gifted person on the planet, as many people know.

"Are you sure about this?" Bridgette asked anxiously.

"Well, what choice do we have?"

It was now or never. I took some steps back to the other edge of the ice floe.

"Let's do this." I said.

I broke into a sprint, got close to the edge, pushed my foot off, and sprung.

Unfortunately, I had mistimed my jump.

I landed on the other ice block I was aiming for, but not completely. My feet went into the water.

"Cold. Cold. Very cold!"

I quickly tried to scramble up, struggling as it was difficult to grip the ice. I finally managed to exert enough force to push myself onto the block.

My socks were now dripping in ice-cold water. Crud. If there was one thing I hated, it was wet socks. Now I have to walk in these crummy socks for the rest of the challenge. Ugh!

"Are you okay?" Bridgette asked me. She wore a terrified look on her face, fearing the worst.

"Never better." I said, grimacing a bit.

The force of my jump had pushed the ice block even farther away. I had unintentionally widened the gap. It was simple physics.

Bridgette gulped as she eyed the distance between the ice floe she was on and the one I was on.

"It's too far!" She yelled.

"Oh, come on, Bridgette! You're an athlete! You can do it. Just jump. Hurry!" I said, trying to encourage her.

Hopefully, she would be able to make it.

"I don't know about this!"

"I'll catch you!"

Bridgette closed her eyes and got a running start before she took a literal leap of faith.

She was coming right at me. I braced for impact. Uh oh.

*WHAM!*

We both cried out as she slammed me to the ground. My body throbbed in pain from the impact.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw Bridgette lying on top of me. Her lips were mere millimeters from mine. My hand was on her waist and the other one was one her butt.

It didn't take me long to figure out how compromising this could look, and I tried to get out from under her.

Damn. Hot blondes are all over me all of a sudden!

"Uh… thank you for catching me." Bridgette said, her cheeks flushing a bright shade of red.

"Oh, crud. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." I said, not wanting to get slapped for accidental ass-grabbing.

Needless to say, I was super embarrassed. I would be lucky if Geoff didn't come over to The Yukon right now just to kick my butt.

Bridgette got up, brushing some ice off of herself.

"Sorry? It's a good thing you caught me and broke my fall." Bridgette said. "Thanks again for that."

"Yeah. By the way, the molestation was an accident." I said. "I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, that. Let's forget that ever happened."

"...Agreed."

"Please keep in mind that we're doing a challenge." Bridgette said.

"Oh. Right."

Ice floes were of mainly three types. There's drift ice, ice jams, and ice streams. Ice streams are fast moving blocks of ice, like small glaciers. They are carried around by the fast moving current around them. Boy, was I glad I wasn't on that wild ride.

Then, there were ice jams or dams. This occurs when liquid water builds up behind a blockage of ice. A huge chunk of ice stops any water from flowing and creates a sort of bridge across.

We were on drift ice, which was stationary pieces of ice of varying size. They were just floating on the water, waiting to be jumped upon.

I was trying to explain all this to Bridgette as we resumed our ice-hopping adventure on our merry way. She already knew some of the things I said. Then again, she was an environmentalist, so it shouldn't come as much of a surprise to me.

After a short eternity, we had reached the end.

I jumped onto the last ice floe.

"Noah, you're on really thin ice right now." Bridgette said.

"Yeah. I know. A bunch of people detest me and stuff. I really need to sit down and think about how to make them like me again."

"Not that. You're literally on thin ice."

I heard a crack beneath my feet, and before I could say "ice", the floe gave way and I fell into the frigid water.

I huffed and puffed as I surfaced at the other side of the river. I gripped the frozen land and pulled myself up, gasping for air and shivering hard.

"Oh, dear." Bridgette said, coming up to me.

I laid my burden down by the riverside. "I ain't gonna study war no more." I said.

I stood up, shook the water from my head (which I bet would cause orgasms to ripple across female viewers everywhere), and glanced back at the river one last time.

Surveying the snowy landscape, I realized there were no other contestants nearby. Uh oh! This could only mean one thing: We were lagging behind.

"What happened to the other sleds?" Bridgette asked me.

I looked around and saw that there was only snow in the place the sleds were supposed to be. Peering into the horizon, I sighed as I realized everyone was out of sight.

Stammering in surprise, I looked down both sides of the river, and the lack of people down by the riverside (studying war or not) was astounding.

"They're gone! The people and the sleds!" I exclaimed. "CrudCrud! We're way behind the other teams. Like way behind. We need to go. We need to go now!"

I scrambled to my feet and blitzed forward, dragging Bridgette behind me. I ignored the squishiness of my socks, and the chilly air that nipped at my skin as I ran.

It was going to be a long walk to the Finish Line.

"Chris, if you can hear me, I have a message for you." I said, panting. "Screw you! Screw Total Drama! Screw this contest! I am sick of all your shit!"

If I was with the whole TD crowd, I probably wouldn't have said half the things that I was saying right now, but I was with my friend Bridgette, so I didn't mind. It would've been awkward if we walked all the way in utter silence, anyway.

We were both taking deep breaths as we zipped through the snow.

"We have to follow the tracks!" I said, wheezing.

Bridgette was worried about catching a cold. I just hoped I wouldn't die of hypothermia.

When we couldn't run any longer, we slowed down to a jog.

As we stopped to catch our breath, I decided to strike up some small talk to make the time go by.

"So… how long have you been surfing?" I asked Bridgette.

"Since before I could walk."

"Wow. You must have won your fair share of medals."

"Yeah, but I got out of the competitive scene once it started getting so cutthroat. It was just too much stress for something that was a hobby, you know?"

"Yeah, I know how you feel. Got a bunch of accolades in chess but it was just more and more grueling the higher up I went. Too much work."

"Ah. I see."

An athletic outdoor person was getting along with a cynical energetically-challenged introvert. Imagine that.

"After I joined this show, my friends kept encouraging me, as did my mom. They all think I could be some big star, but I don't think so." Bridgette said to me. "Still, this contest has been good to me overall. I've found some great new friends, even if it's been bad at times."

"You are a star!" I said.

"Maybe, but not as big as you are. I mean, you won Total Drama Action! I can't imagine winning a season of Total Drama!" Bridgette said.

"Really? You win a lot of seasons on FanFiction." I said.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"So, what did you do with all that money, anyway?"

I was rather put off by this question.

"Uh… You know, I bought a lot of… stuff." I said, scratching my head nervously. "Though I invested most of it in a bank."

I had quickly thought on my feet. Thank you, 9th grade Improv teacher.

"Oh. I probably would've done the same." Bridgette said.

I finally understood it. Sierra being so excited to see me, Alejandro wanting to ally with me, and now threatening me. It all made sense now.

The good news was I won TDA. The bad news was a friendship had been broken as a result.

I sighed. "Cody hates my guts now. We used to be such good friends."

She put her hand on my shoulder. "It's okay. You're a good guy, Noah. You're just too hard on yourself sometimes."

"Yeah. Poor Cody, though. I bet you think I'm a real a-hole right about now."

"You're not an a-hole, Noah." Bridgette said. "You're just trying so hard to be."

"Wow. I wish I had your cheery attitude."

"Hey, look at it like this, if you can fix the problem, why to worry about it?"

"What if I can't fix the problem."

"Once again, why to worry about it?" Bridgette asked. "This isn't a problem that can't be fixed. I'm sure you two will be good friends again once this all blows over."

"I sure hope so." I said.

"I was in the top two hundred players of 'Starcraft 2' before he got pulled onto the show, though I seriously doubt that will help now." I said after a while.

She chuckled. "Yeah. I doubt it will, too."

"I wanted to apply all the skills from fantasyland survival video games to the real world, though I now realize how difficult that is. Getting out here has made me realize how wonderful the world can be sometimes. I'm glad I didn't stay cooped up in my house all day like I used to."

"Oh. That's cool. I joined this show to spread the message of cosmic love and body surfing."

"You've succeeded!" I said as we high-fived.

We both shivered in the ever-decreasing Yukon climate.

"I hope we don't get pneumonia from being out in the cold for too long." I said.

"Are we risking brain freeze by being out here?"

"No. That only happens if you eat cold stuff." I said. "Like really cold. It usually happens with ice cream."

"Oh. I did not know that." The girl said, genuinely interested.

I decided to flaunt some more of my knowledge now.

"The ancient people of The Yukon found that clothes got clean when they washed them at a certain point in the river. Do you know why?"

"Um… no."

"Because human sacrifices were once made on the hills above this river." I said. "Bodies burnt, and water seeped through the wooden ashes to create lye. Lye was the crucial ingredient. The lye combined with the melted fat of the bodies, till a thick white soapy discharge crept into the river."

"Wow. You don't mean to tell me that-?"

"Yup. These natives were cleaning their clothes with their own fat."

"Whoa. That's… creepy."

"Yeah." I said, wishing to state something less unusual "Fun Fact: The Yukon River is the longest river in both Alaska and The Yukon. It is the second longest river in Canada. It was one of the principal means of transportation during the 1896–1903 Klondike Gold Rush."

"Oh. That's good to know."

"Stop me if I start to sound like Harold." I said.

"No, no. It's cool." Bridgette said.

I had been walking for so long in the cold snow that my feet had grown numb. Goddamn you, Jack Frost!

"Well, even if I'm stranded out here, at least I'm near someone who's received training in medical assistance." I said.

"Oh. I'll help, but don't expect me to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation on you!" Bridgette said, flushing a little.

"Yeah..." Great. Now I can't stop thinking about Bridgette giving me CPR. Shifting topics now.

"I'm glad they disallowed the singing criteria for this contest." I said. "Producers must have been high on pot when they added that rule in. Good to see that they finally came to their senses."

"Really? I quite liked singing." Bridgette said. "I feel it made this competition more jovial."

"Oh, please. This is 'Total Drama', not 'Canadian Idol'." Was my rebuttal.

"True. I guess it did distract us a bit."

"Exactly. Now we can compete without having the fact that we have to spontaneously sing on the back of our mind."

I was frozen and chilled, with the thick cold air wrapping around me like a blanket.

"Now I know what a TV dinner feels like." I quipped, earning a giggle from the blonde.

We walked for a bit longer before I broke the silence.

"So, you're a vegetarian right?"

"Yep. Trying to convert to veganism eventually."

"Wow. I admire your dedication. I could never fully convert. Bacon's tough to give up."

She giggled. "Well, when you're a tree-hugging hippy like me, you let go of that stuff easily."

That giggle. It was infectious. We walked a bit longer.

At last, we came upon a checkpoint. A shiny metal pole was protruding from the snowy Earth. It had a red flag on top.

"It's a meeting point." I said.

"Yeah, but it's of no use to us. We have to keep walking, remember?" Bridgette said.

"Oh. yeah. Brilliant plan, Leshawna!" I said.

"Ugh. Just looking at this pole brings back painful memories." Bridgette said.

"Really?"

"Licked one of these suckers once." She admitted, chuckling slightly. "Was stuck to a pole. You should have seen me trying to pull my tongue off."

"Why the hell did you lick it, then?"

"It was a dare from my friends. They wanted to see if I would kiss it. At least I got five bucks."

As Bridgette giggled and subconsciously rubbed the tip of her tongue from painful memories, I chuckled and tried very hard not to think of her kissing a pole. It made my mind wander.

You dirty, dirty man.

"That's a myth, though. You won't get stuck forever. Either your body heat or the outside heat would eventually thaw it off." I said.

"Yeah. Still, it was an interesting experiment."

Then, in the spur of the moment, I blurted something out. "You know, I bet Alejandro was going to trick you into thinking he likes you, and then make you fall for him, and then make you want to kiss him, and then move away at the last second, and then leave you looking like an idiot with your tongue stuck to a pole, and then we'll lose the challenge and vote you off as a result!" I said rather quickly.

"WHAT!? He was going to make me kiss your pole?"

"No! Though I do wish a girl would kiss my pole... Wait! That came out wrong!"

Crap. I probably shouldn't have said that. Bridgette placed her arms on my shoulders and shook me vigorously.

"What. Are. You. Talking about?"

"Uh… nevermind. So, do you think we'll be having a fourth elimination in a row?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"I hope not." She said, sighing. "I don't want any of my friends to go home, and I want to visit more places too. I can learn more about them. Surely you know what I'm talking about."

"Oh, totally. I hate the challenges, but the tourism's nice." I said. "Also, statistically speaking, this challenge should be a reward."

"Really?"

"Yeah, unless the producers want a 17-episode season or something." I said. "Then again, with Chris, you never know."

"Oh." Her head dropped.

I knew I was wrong. I just wanted to play dumb with the rest of them. I just had to go into this season with the assumption that every challenge was an elimination one. Nobody would care as long as we were winning the challenges, and this challenge was as good as any to cultivate a habit of winning.

"Yeah, so let's just make sure we don't lose." I said.

Unfortunately, the biting winds whipped around me, a chill went through my body, and my legs refused to take another step.

"Oh, no. No no no no no. Not good. Not good at all." I said.

"What's wrong?"

"It's… hard to move. Impossible, really."

"Quit playing around, Noah. This is a challenge. I know you're not the most physically fit person out there."

"No, it's not that. It's so cold I can't feel anything."

At that point, I did something that I had never thought of doing before this season.

I gave up.

I folded like a cheap suit, falling to the ground, numb all over. My body wouldn't let me carry on. I was physically incapable of moving, no matter how mentally I wanted to. I couldn't even make a snow angel!

"I can't feel my legs... Bridgette. I can't feel my legs... I can't feel my legs…" I flopped around on the ground.

"That's it? You're giving up?" She asked.

She was more athletic than I was. My body just wasn't built for this sort of thing.

"Well, I can't exactly move. It seems I'm destined to die here. Oh, why must the good die young!?" I exclaimed in agony. "Mom, if you're watching this, you can have my computer, even if you can't use it!"

Bridgette started panicking. "Chris won't leave someone to die, right?" The blonde asked.

"..."

"...Forget I asked that."

"I wouldn't put it past him to pull a stunt like that." I said. "A death on the show would increase ratings tenfold."

"Well, it's not going to be you!"

"It probably is." I said.

"Last will and testament of Noah Carter." I dictated what I wrote onto the snow.

"Cut it out!" Bridgette said, erasing my hard work.

"I'm sorry, Bridge. You'll just have to go on without me." I said.

"What are you doing!? No way! I'm not going to leave you to just die here like Chris!" She pleaded.

"I'll be fine. You can't lose the challenge because of me. Go!"

"Sorry, but I'm not letting you freeze to death. I can't leave you here all alone. You'll die!"

"Well, In the Tibetan philosophy, Sylvia Plath sense of the word, we're all 'dying'." I said.

"Enough of the wise talk, oh wise one. Move it!"

"I can't! I already told you, my body's too cold. Unless you can find a way to regulate it-"

The blonde then pressed herself against my body in an attempt to do just that.

"I did this for a friend who was shivering just as badly after they had a wipeout surfing at night." She said. "You need to bring up your body temperature, or this could get serious!"

I was in a precarious predicament, and loving every minute of it. This brought a smile to my face.

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" I asked the blonde.

"Just warming you up. Don't get any ideas, mister." Bridgette teased.

Still, it was nice feeling Bridgette hugging herself so tightly against me.

"Are you okay now?"

"No. Not yet." I said, warmth passing through my body.

"I'm cold too." Bridgette said. "I took my shirt off so the only thing underneath this jacket is my bra and panties."

"What?" My face was probably beet-red right now.

"Well, Egypt was burning and Japan was too compact. Taking my shirt off made me feel loose. Is that a problem?"

"Nope. No problem, whatsoever." I was no doubt smiling a goofy grin that went from ear to ear.

Let's just say my body temperature wasn't the only thing that went up.

I honestly wouldn't care if I died right this instant. I felt like my life was complete.

Now, now, Noah. She has a boyfriend and you have a girlfriend, so let's not get too excited.

True. Sorry, couldn't help it.

My body temperature eventually spiked up and got back to the normal 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit like it should be.

Then, Bridgette let go of me and ruined everything. Right when I was getting rather comfortable, too.

"I'm good to go!" I said, standing at attention. I raced off and felt something hit my back.

"Snowball fight!" Bridgette announced.

I was immediately pelted by a barrage of snowballs.

"It's a good thing none of it's yellow." I said, causing her to giggle.

Using this as a distraction, I ran away. Once I was far enough, I scooped up some snow, made some frozen mush of my own and hurled them at Bridgette.

"Aw. No fair!" Said the blonde as I struck her in the face.

We were having so much fun laughing and playing as we frolicked in the snow. I felt like a little kid again.

"There's the finish line!" Bridgette said.

I wiped the snow off my face, and indeed, there it was. We had finally reached the end of this long and treacherous quest.

There were quite a lot of people that had already reached it. Of course, Chris and Chef were there. I looked to see all of our teammates, Owen, Leshawna, and Izzy, waiting for us.

I scanned the area to see who had gotten there before us. My heart sunk as a realization dawned on me. Bridgette and I were the last ones to arrive.

We had lost the challenge.

This is only the second story of mine to surpass fifty-thousand words (TDR was the first), and we're only done with Chapter 14. Can you believe it!?

Yay! A not-so-happy ending to a quite fun-filled chapter. Just the way I like it.

It's time for someone from Team Chris to take the Drop of Shame! Or is it? What'll happen next?

I love leaving you guys with cliffhangers, yes I do!

SEAT SHEET

The Epic Team – Lindsay, Alejandro, Trent, DJ, Tyler [Finished 1st / 2nd]

The Chris Team – Leshawna, Owen, Izzy, Noah, Bridgette [Finished 3rd]

The Amazon Team – Gwen, Cody, Courtney, Heather, Sierra [Finished 1st / 2nd]

Drop of Shame – Duncan, Ezekiel, Harold