I stared at my reflection and smiled bitterly as I brushed my hair back. The wind howled like a desperate wolf against the window. It sung bitter songs of my grief and guilt, it sung of death and I could no longer take it.
I stood from the chair before Alice was done with my makeup, but I didn't care about that all I wanted was silence. I started towards my bedroom door which was down the hall but Alice blocked me.
"Bella, I'm not done." She said and pointed at the chair. I didn't move and neither did she. The wind outside grew loud in our silent stance and I felt as if my life was crumbling and she blocked me from salvation.
"Move Alice." I whispered toxically. Her golden eyes widened and obeyed me.
I went to my stereo and turned on Shake it Out by Florence and the Machines as loud as it would go on repeat. I had hoped to block out the angry wind but that accomplished nothing seeing as the wind grew louder and more erratic.
I stood in the very center of my room. I wondered why there were so many mirrors here. I counted five and all were useless. I stared at my reflection and saw a stranger. Who was this girl that looked so familiar yet was a total stranger? I couldn't and wouldn't look at her any longer.
I picked up the hand mirror that was completely made from glass and threw it at the full length mirror in the corner. The sound reached all the corners of the house. I picked up a glass paperweight and threw it at the mirror of my vanity.
There was a knock on the door followed by a quiet, worried voice. "Bella, can I come in?" I didn't respond instead I threw everything on my desk onto the clear floor.
"I'm coming in." his voice was as clear as the three mirrors that hung on the wall in front of me, the reflection of my blank face and dead eyes gave nothing away. The door opened and Edward stepped in along with Jasper both looking a bit concerned. The door slammed shut and silence fell over us like a blanket. The wind seemed to cover that; soaking it up and devouring it like a fine dish. I screamed in frustration and they flinched at the tempo.
"Bella?" Edward said taking a step towards me. I spoke motioning to the window.
"Can't you hear it?" I snapped angrily. He stopped his advance. They looked confused and worried. My jaw tightened.
"The wind?" Jasper asked he asked searching my face. I gave a curt nod. "Can't you stop it if you don't like it?"
"It just picks up." I say lowly. "All I want today is peace and yet it taunts me with howling like an injured wolf. I feel like I'm being punished trapped in my own hell. This is what I get for not saving him." I say picking up a book and threw it at the mirror behind Jasper. He ducked out of the way and looked at me questioningly as the glass clattered.
"Why are there so many mirrors in here?" I asked. "So far I've broken three there is still two more." I moved over to the wall that I used as a mural, a heavy sheet covered the wall. I ripped it off the wall sending tacks flying. On the wall was a woman didn't smile instead she looked up at the sky as she sat under a tree and her outstretched wings pleaded for flight. As she whispered the words wrote delicately on the wall that Charlie always repeated when I was younger:
Standing there by a broken tree
her hands are all twisted
she was pointing at me
I was dammed by the light
coming out of her eyes
she spoke with a voice
that disrupted the sky
she said 'walk on over here
to the bitter shade'
I will wrap you in my arms
and you'll know that you're saved
let me sign, let me sign
They gasped and I pointed at the words. "These are the words that I will speak at my father's funeral today. He sung this to me as a lullaby every night, but now I think he knew what I am by the way he looked at me and by the way he said disrupted the sky." I looked back at them.
"It's beautiful Bella." Edward spoke gently in my ear. Jasper looked uncomfortable and I let my shield down. I took the hand mirror on my dresser and chucked it out the window. It landed by the tree line, I let the angry, silence eating wind whip at my hair.
"I'll be ready in ten." I said and I heard the door open then close. I set to work on fixing my makeup with the remaining mirror. I pinned my hair up in an elegant bun on the side of my head and put my dress on.
I put on nice black heels and a black veil that Alice forced me to wear on. I looked myself over once more before making my way out slowly. Edward stood outside my door, leaning on the wall like a bad boy you see on TV.
He held out his arm for me to take and I did. We walked down the stairs silently me replaying the scene in my head. I wondered if he was afraid and inwardly wept at the fact that he was alone when he died.
I looked up at my family they smiled at me but all I could do was nod. We left then walking slowly to the cars. Edward and I took my car that I bought shortly after Edward and I got engaged. It was a red and black Koenigsegg CCX and so far the most expensive thing I owned but I didn't mind I had plenty of money. It was a gift from both sides of my family for my birthday.
Just as I was about to get into the car I heard Artemis call out to me. I turned to find her along with two wolves coming towards us. "Art, you're here! I thought you were on vacation." I asked seeing how she was in England for god knows what reason.
She snorted. "I came back early as soon as Susie messaged me about Charlie's passing, I'm sorry Bells. I know how much you loved him." I shook my head as the rest of the Cullen's surrounded us.
"Its fine we're going to his funeral now. Now than, who are your friends?" I asked her.
"Oh this is Demon and Fang; they've been following me for days looking for you." I thought for a moment.
"Get in and explain on the way. Edward do you want to drive?" he looked confused but took the keys from my hands. I motioned for them to hop in the back seat.
I listened to the wolves talk about how they were sent here to find me and protect me from anything that I was to face; they spoke so seriously I had to laugh at them. Animals always did make me feel better I felt relaxed around them and like I was around my own kind.
"Bella can you talk to animals?" Edward asked hesitantly and looked up at him confused for a second before I smiled at him. I had never mentioned that gift.
"Yes, I can. Can't you read their thoughts?" he shrugged his shoulders lightly.
"I can only get bits and pieces of your conversation." He said frowning. I smiled at his frown.
We followed the funeral procession throughout the town until we got to the graveyard. I stepped out and everyone was gawking at our cars and at us girls especially me considering I had a Raven on my shoulder and two wolves flanking me. I was always abnormal to these people but this took the cake. They stared they gawked but I kept my head held high with a smile. Charlie would be so proud.
We took our seats in the front row and the preacher began his speech. I didn't listen at all because I was too busy being watched by a group of tanned overly muscular teenage boys who looked anywhere from angry to cautious. I looked at each one of them with an expression that challenged them. They looked surprised and one looked angrier. Fang growled low startling the other guests and the preacher. I laid a hand on his head soothingly. His posture straightened and his ear's did too. I looked back up to the preacher as he worked his way through the paragraph.
"It's not wise to mess with the wolves we have a treaty." Edward said low. I nodded slightly to show I understood. The preacher asked me to stand and speak on behalf of the town. I stood and turned to all the ignorant towns people who had ruled my father's death a suicide because he was shot execution style; idiots.
"When I was a little girl I was told to be strong no matter what and I would find my way back to him. I remember every night he would sing me a lullaby his mother sung to him when he was young. Today I would like to sing that lullaby to lay him to rest." No one protested so I began.
Standing there by a broken tree
her hands are all twisted
she was pointing at me
I was dammed by the light
coming out of her eyes
she spoke with a voice
that disrupted the sky
After I said that it began to rain and birds started to chirp which was odd because they are never out when it rained. Demon and Fang put bowed their heads then howled at the cloudy sky.
She said 'walk on over here
to the bitter shade'
I will wrap you in my arms
and you'll know that you're saved
let me sign, let me sign
I bowed my head as they clapped and sat back down. The wind blew a little harder as the trumpets blared and the sounds of gun shots rang out all I could think about was that he was alone when he died. I allowed one tear to slide down my cheek but I would not cry like a child in front of these people. They folded the flag and gave it to me. They lowered him and his casket disappeared into the ground. My chest tightened and Demon and Fang whimpered at my feet.
The big tanned dudes came up to me and Edward, along with the rest of them, tensed.
"Relax leeches we're here to give Isabella Swan a letter from Chief Swan. We would have gotten it to you sooner but you were beyond the boundary line." The oldest looking one said. I nodded and took the envelope. "The pack is sorry for your loss." He said and they left. As soon as they were gone I tore open the letter and read it out loud to the Cullen's quietly.
To My Dearest Daughter,
If you are reading this I am dead, if not GET OUT OF MY STUFF! Everyone laughed at this; good old Charlie, even when he's dead he can lighten the mood.
Anyways if I am dead that means that I have been killed by Renée, oh yes I know about her attacks on you that's why I allowed you to stay with the Volturi. Yes I know about them, after all my side of the family is just as much as part of the supernatural world as the Cullen's are vampires, which means you are a part of it too. I know about your powers and the ones yet to come. My little girl has grown so much into the women that will soon take the throne.
I will not tell you what you are, that is for you to find out by yourself. I will, on the other hand explain a few things. Number one, do not let vampires bite you; you will die. On your seventeenth birthday you will no longer age later on if you decide to be older you can take on the appearance of an older woman. And lastly if you want to know what you are look through my room you'll find everything you need there.
Please avenge me, when I told Renée what I was I never expected her to run off with you in the middle of the night while I was at work. She and I had had a fight and she told me I was the devil and if you started to show the same signs she would kill you. Then she apologized and said she didn't mean it. Be careful Bells she's dangerous and that James fellow is crazy too. He's a vampire and he just wants your blood. Watch your back Bells he's in the shadows watching you, waiting for the time to kill you.
Now than I want you to not feel guilty about my death I knew it was coming and if I wanted to I could have killed Renée but the Cullen's are your future, besides that Edward is your mate. He'll take care of you, he'll make sure you don't forget me and remind you that it's not your fault. Love you Bells and don't forget the song I sung to you it's not just a lullaby it's already written as your destiny. Bye Bells I love you with all my heart.
You will disrupt the skies,
Charlie Swan
That's when Lauren came up to me with Jessica. I swear if they say anything I would tear them apart, I don't care if I was at my father's funeral I just read something that changed my life.
"Hey bitch I saw you crying and what kind of song was that I won't be able to sleep tonight. I can't believe you would even try to sing something you know you can't. As for your little mutts, I'm surprised they let you in Freak." she spat. Esme gasped and Lauren turned to her. If she said one stupid thing to someone I considered a mother I'd kill her.
"Oh shut up you old hag." And there it was. Carlisle was obviously outraged as Esme hand went to her mouth. The wolves and the rest of us growled while Art hissed her anger. I was about to grab her when Carlisle stepped in.
"Hold on just a minute." But it wasn't time for talking I put a hand on her shoulder, a smile on my face. "Don't you dare talk about my mother like that. I would think you would have learned." I said and the air seemed to thicken and crackle as I squeezed her shoulder unbearably so that it hurt her in the worst possible way. Then I held down a pressure point, she fell back into Jessica.
"Oops did I do that?" I asked and turned to Edward. He shook his head and we went to my car. There was a reception at the Cullen house but Edward and I would be late seeing as I had to now take a look at Charlie's room.
As I parked Edward went around to get my door. The animals piled out and I did as well. The tape still was up but I crossed it anyway. I gave the floor a wide birth as I made my way around the red dried up blood. I made my way up to his room while Edward got the rest of my stuff out of my room.
I searched around and found a big book that looked to be a million years old. It had a dig tree on it and said 'The History of the Swans' I stared at it then stuck it in my bag. I searched through his closet that had very little in it. I found an envelope that had a credit card in it and bank account information. It said it was for me so I took it.
I searched some more and found nothing so I just left. I found Edward in the living room looking at a picture of me and Charlie in one hand while he held a box in the other. "Take that too." I said. He nodded and put it in the box.
"Are you ready Love?" he asked and I nodded my head. "Bella when we get home and all the guests leave you know you could always cry on my shoulder. I'm here for you no matter what. I won't ever let you fall." He said gently. I smiled at him and we found Demon and Fang were gone. I stretched my shield and found that they were headed back to the house.
Art sat on top of the hood of the car. She got in as I sat in passenger seat; Edward drove because I simply didn't feel like it. We got out the car to find that everyone was already there. We walked into the house as people scampered about the house. They all looked at me some smiling sympathetically other surprised I was so late. One even asked-rudely- why I was late. I looked at this woman and found that she looked just like Lauren. 'Of course.' I thought sourly.
"I had pressing matters to attend to." I said with a tight smile. She lifted her eyebrow. She clicked her tongue judgingly.
"More pressing than your father's funeral reception?" she asked in a clipped tone.
"I find that it is none of your business whether I am late or not." I say calmly. Edward, who was sitting beside me, coughed reminding me that I was being combative. My jaw set and I smiled a very fake smile.
"But if you must know Charlie left me a few things to get at the house. Are you satisfied?" I asked and Edward sighed, but he couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. She snorted and left, only to have two other nosey people walk up afterwards. Edward shooed them off and I went up to my room for a little while. I changed into a grey shirt and black skirt that fit tight but not too tight. I kept my heels on though.
I smiled at the guests that were leaving now. I was thankful because if I had to deal with one more person who was too dense to even be nice I'd break something on someone. Arms wrapped around me from behind.
"I'm so sorry for loss if you come home with me, I'll make you feel better." I slimy voice whispered in my ear. I growled and I felt my hand fist. "Let go you idiot." I said my jaw set. "Nah how bout we take this outside hmm… in the woods, ya come Bells." That was the last straw. I tore myself out of his arms and back handed him in front of the remaining guests.
Mike fell to the floor. I glared at him. "If you ever, and I mean ever touch me again I will personally rip your tongue out and make you eat it! Now get the fuck out of my house!" As he ran out of the front door Emmett and Jasper were fell over laughing as they celebrated my win. I smiled at them and wondered where Edward was.
The last guests left easily after that and we were once again alone. I looked for Edward but he wasn't in his room and he wasn't in the kitchen or the so I went to the music room and he was in there… kissing some vampire girl with strawberry blonde hair. The glass door shattered under my anger and stress. The girl jumped and Edward stood when he saw it was me.
"Bella it's not what you thi-" I caught him off when I slapped him as hard as possible. I didn't cry, following my motto; don't show weakness. "Have a nice life." I said and the bitch snorted. I turned to her.
"Get. Out. Of. My. House." The girl just rolled her eyes.
"This isn't your house, it is Eddie's house." He winced.
"Listen up you insolent child I don't care if you are a vampire I will tear that pretty face up." She lunged at me and I boxed her up in my shield. She stayed suspended in the air as I carried her out the house. I passed all the Cullen's on the way out and they were up on their feet in seconds, Edward was following behind trying to convince me that it was nothing and it didn't matter at all. All the while the insolent girl kept squawking about me being a slut and I needed to put her down. I kept walking while the rest tried to figure out what happened.
I through her out passed the tree line and shut the door, making sure the entire house had a shield around it. I didn't even look at Edward as I passed him. He grabbed me by my shoulder to turn to face him. I saw Jasper in the corner of my eye he looked like I knew Edward must feel. I put a shield around everyone but myself and Jasper. He fell to the floor gasping and whimpering. Alice went to him and trying to figure out what was wrong. I returned my shield to me and Jasper stood staring at me in wonder.
"That's what you're feeling?" I nodded and he looked over at Edward and asked a simple question. "Dude what did you do?" Edward flinched.
"Yes Edward what did you do to my sister?" Rosalie asked and when he didn't explain I did.
"I caught them kissing in the music room." I said my voice emotionless.
"No, you saw Tanya kissing me. She attacked me when you came in." I clicked my tongue.
"I'll be upstairs in my room." I told them and looked at Edward. "And you are not welcomed in." I said icily. He looked absolutely crushed and I relished in the thought.
In the next couple weeks or so no one entered my room and no one left. My sense of time seemed to blur as sat on the floor and painted, wrote and cried, then repeated. This was my life now all because one boy decided he didn't one me for a few minutes. I wanted so much to crawl up in a corner and be swallowed by it this but that never happened. Occasionally I heard scratching at my door and whimpers but I ignored all of them. When I was sure they had left to go hunting I went downstairs but that was rare. I went back up stairs when I felt them enter the shield I set up three miles out but stayed at the top of the stairs.
They came inside everyone smiling except Edward. I smiled he deserved it. He disappeared into the kitchen and wished I was invisible. My skin was tingling and when I looked down I wasn't there. I smiled and tiptoed to the kitchen. I saw Edward sitting at the table he looked like a complete and utter mess, his hair was everywhere which didn't surprised me but he hadn't shaved and his shirt was wrinkled. He suddenly threw a plate that sat in front of him at the wall with a frustrated cry.
"Edward, that's my china!" Esme's yelled coming into the room. She sighed when he didn't look up. "Look, go talk to her if you really want her." She said gently.
"She hates me, how do I get her to see it wasn't like that?" he asked and I nearly sighed loudly. Instead I ran up stairs nearly running into Emmett. He felt the air hit his face from the movement and grinned. I made it back before Edward and I sat on the bed. He flew through my door.
I didn't stand, I didn't move when knelt in front of me. "Bella, please believe me. I would never hurt you like that. I gave you the space you wanted but I can't take your silence anymore. I love you; I don't care about Tanya like I do you. Please Bella please." He pleaded with me. I stared down at him unmoving and quiet. He looked down at the floor.
I decided he was innocent but I would screw with him just a little more. He stood and went to the door. I spoke for the first time in a while. "Edward," he turned hopeful, "don't let the door hit you on the way out." His face fell and he looked as crushed as I had felt. Laughter was heard downstairs.
When the door closed I heard a thud. "Dude, get up. It's your own fault, you shouldn't have been messing with the bitch." Emmett's voice was right outside my door. I barely was able to suppress a laugh. "Go away." I heard his voice it was so sad and crushed. I wrapped a shield around Emmett so Edward couldn't hear.
I went to the door lightly walking on my feet so no one could hear me. I opened my door and held up a finger to Emmett. He grinned at my happy to see me again. Edward didn't look up instead he lay on his couch with his face facing the floor. "Edward get off that stupid ass couch and kiss me." I said like the boss I was. He immediately looked up and grinned at me then I was suddenly on his lap and he kissed me with all his passion. Edward and I were interrupted by me squealing. "Appear," I say with a smile, "Disappear." And I turned invisible. Edward gasped.
"You are know you truly are a freak." He said happily. I laughed and nodded. "I missed your laughter and that smile." I frowned at him.
"You could have come in anytime you wanted." I say and he glared at me.
"You said I was unwelcomed so I gave you space."
"And I wrote two songs, read three books and painted about nine paintings." He stared at me. Rosalie came in then and sat next to us.
"I love how when you two break up you're more productive than the man who has been alone for most of his vampire life. Oh and if you leave us for half a month I will drag you out and lock you in the same room until you make up." I nodded at her and saluted.
"Yes Ma'am." Laughter echo throughout the rooms; bouncing off the walls like a trampoline with kids on it.
"Know let's hear that song of yours." Edward said and I frowned.
"Okay, but let me worn you they're post break up so yeah I said coming down the stairs hand in hand everyone was sitting there on the couch. "Music room, songs being played." I said vaguely.
I sat down on the stool of my drums. "This one is called 'Still.'"
I'll wrap up my bones Two feet standing on a principle It's spiraling down Still with feet touching Still with feet touching Still with feet touching Two feet standing on a principle It's spiraling down Still with feet touching Still with feet touching Still with feet touching I'll wrap up my bones Two feet standing on a principle
And leave them
Out of this home
Out on the road
Two hands longing for each other's warmth
Cold smoke seeping out of colder throats
Darkness falling, leaves nowhere to go
Biting words like a wolf howling
Hate is spitting out each other's mouths
But we're still sleeping like we're lovers
Still with eyes meeting
Still our hands match
Still with hearts beating
Still with eyes meeting
Still our hands match
Still with hearts beating
Still with eyes meeting
Still our hands match
Still with hearts beating
Two hands digging in each other's wounds
Cold smoke seeping out of colder throats
Darkness falling, leaves nowhere to move
Biting words like a wolf howling
Hate is spitting out each other's mouths
But we're still sleeping like we're lovers
Still with eyes meeting
Still our hands match
Still with hearts beating
Still with eyes meeting
Still our hands match
Still with hearts beating
Still with eyes meeting
Still our hands match
Still with hearts beating
And leave them
Out of this home
Out on the road
Two hands longing for each other's warmth
Cold smoke seeping out of colder throats
Darkness falling, leaves nowhere to go
Edward looked sad but I smiled at him. He grinned back at me full heartily. "This one is called 'Reprobate Romance'. Edward cringed as I moved to my electric guitar. I winked at him as I began.
(So listen when you feel your heart skip a beat)
You show me hell in the most beautiful light, your lies disguised as alibis.
You know you're hell behind your beautiful eyes, a feeling I can't fight.
We're just a falling star; we're just a broken seed.
And when an ocean parts, will you wanna sink our dreams?
I don't know what we are or what we'll ever be, so listen when you feel your heart skip a beat.
(So listen when you feel your heart skip a beat)
You left me here without a breath or goodbye, you never even tried.
You saw me then I was so perfectly blind, a love I'll never find.
We're just a falling star; we're just a broken seed.
And when an ocean parts, will you wanna sink our dreams?
I don't know what we are or what we'll ever be, so listen when you feel your heart skip a beat.
You're just like drawing scars and leaving hope to bleed.
So if we fall apart, will I ever haunt your dreams?
I don't know who we are or what this means, so listen when you feel your heart skip a beat.
Yeah, you said you felt the same, but now who's to blame, you threw it all away.
Yeah, you said you felt the same, but then something changed, you threw it all away.
Yeah, you said you felt the same, but now who's to blame, you threw it all away.
Yeah, you said you felt the same, but then something changed, you threw it all away.
We're just a falling star; we're just a broken seed.
And when an ocean parts, will you wanna sink our dreams?
I don't know what we are or what we'll ever be, so listen when you feel your heart skip a beat.
You're just like drawing scars and leaving hope to bleed.
So if we fall apart, will I ever haunt your dreams?
I don't know who we are or what this means, so listen when you feel your heart skip a beat.
They clapped I was through and I stood when I felt someone enter my shield. I jumped up and growled everyone was on the defensive…