" let go Doug!" cried Hanson

" Sit down!" snapped Doug irately

When Hanson refused to move of his own accord Doug roughly pushed him on the sofa and held him there when he attempted to get back up.

" You're not going anywhere. I have had it up to here with you locking yourself in rooms and shit. You are gonna sit here and watch tv. I don't care if you go to sleep or not just so long as you let me. Now just sit here and shut up!"

" Let go!" yelled Hanson.

" I'm warning you Hanson SHUT UP!" cried Doug. He shifted his weight so that he was pinning Hanson down.

" Let go, let go, LET GO!" hollered Hanson panicked. He struggled feebly.

" SHUT UP AND STAY STILL!" screamed Doug. He lifted his hand and brought it sharply across Hanson's face. The crack resounded around the apartment. Doug got the silence he so desperately craved in an instant.

Hanson put his hand up to his face slowly. When he pulled it away there were traces of blood on his fingers. He stared at it pale faced. Surprisingly he didn't cry. He lifted his shaking hand up so that Doug could see.

" Tom, I-I" stammered Doug ashamed

" Blood" whispered Hanson his voice trembling, " Look"

" Tom I'm so sorry" said Doug softly

" Let me up" said Hanson quietly. Doug moved so that Hanson could sit without being pinned down. He put his hand back up to his nose feeling the warmth and stickiness of the blood as it trickled onto his lip.

" Tissues" muttered Hanson getting up and going back into the bathroom. He returned moments later with wads of tissue paper pressed against his nose trying to stauch the blood flow.

" Tom I'm sorry man" repeated Doug

" Don't matter" mumbled Hanson his voice muffled by the tissues. He sat down on the sofa and was silent.

" You ok?" asked Doug worriedly. Hanson nodded.

"didn't even hurt" he muttered. He pulled the tissues away and winced.

" didn't hurt huh?" asked Doug disbelievingly.

" I said it didn't hurt!" cried Hanson angrily

" Well it looks like it did" snapped Doug

" Yeah well it didn't!"retorted Hanson. He put the tissues back to his nose wiping away the traces of crusted blood. Doug watched him silently knowing full well how much he had hurt Hanson when he lashed out.

" Tom, it's ok I know I went too far" said Doug

" It was my fault" said Hanson quietly picking at his shirt sleeves

" Not really"
" Yeah it was. I shoulda just shut up and done what I was told" muttered Hanson softly, " it's always my fault, I never do what I'm told. That's why I gotta be taught a lesson. I gotta learn to stay in my place"

" no, Tom listen, you can do whatever you want to, within reason ok? Don't do things you don't want to just because I tell you to!" said Doug

" I lose control sometimes"
" Hell Tom so does everyone else. Look at what I did!"

" No you don't understand! Sometimes I do things, and I don't really remember. It's like it wasn't me. Well it is me, but not me now"

" What do you mean?" asked Doug confused

" It's like I'm a kid or a teenager or something and I'm getting back at whoever it was who hurt me. Or when I go all crazy….I'm running from them" said Hanson softly. Doug looked at him relieved that he was acting slightly more like the Hanson he was used to.

" Seriously Tommy, try therapy"

" why don't you?!" snapped Hanson

" Because I don't need it!"

" Oh yeah? So you're telling me a guy who's mom commited suicide when he was six doesn't need therapy? That a guy who got the crap beaten out of him every night when he came home from school off his drunken father isn't even a little bit screwed up?! Huh Doug?!" cried Hanson

" shut up Hanson!"

" Can't you take it?" spat Hanson, " don't you wanna talk about it?"

" NO!" yelled Doug

" WELL GUESS WHAT I DON'T WANT TO EITHER!" screamed Hanson, " I don't want people making me relive it and asking me why I didn't tell anyone for eight god damn years. I don't want people thinking things! Things that arent even true!"

" what things?"
" Oh come on Doug! isn't it obvious?!" snapped Hanson, " Jesus even Booker implies it and he knows fuck all!"

" Tom, nobody implies…that" muttered Doug becoming extremely uncomfortable as what Hanson meant slowly dawned upon him.

" you can't even say it" snapped Hanson

" What's it matter? You're not" said Doug

" no I'm not. But do you know how long it took me to convince myself I wasn't ?!" cried Hanson, " do you know what it does to you?! It screws you up man!"

" And yes Booker does imply it!" He continued angrily, " Why the hell do you think he's always calling me pretty and trying to make something out of nothing with us?"

" with us?"
" Don't even start!"yelled Hanson

" Start with what?" asked Doug looking genuinely bewildered

" The whole us thing"

" what as in you and me?"
" stop it!" snapped Hanson

" I'm not doing anything!"
" Just shut up! I don't like it" snapped Hanson

" Don't like what?!" cried Doug

" Just stop!" yelled Hanson

" You know what, you have some serious issues!" spat Doug angrily.

" yeah well I'm not the only fucking one then!" retorted Hanson

" Just go to sleep if you've got nothing normal to say" snapped Doug

" I told you I'm not going to sleep!" cried Hanson

" Well shut the fuck up and be normal for a few hours so other people can!" yelled Doug harshly

" I AM NORMAL!" screamed Hanson

" coulda fooled me!" retorted Doug. He paused when he saw Hanson's face. The hurt was plain to see in his soft brown eyes.

" I am" he choked his voice wobbling as the tears threatened to overflow.

" ok ok" muttered Doug

" I am!"spat Hanson wiping his eyes roughly he winced when his wrist made contact with the bridge of his nose.

" Look I didn't mean it the way it sounded"

" Fuck off" spat Hanson bitterly

" Hanson man-"

" FUCK OFF!" screamed Hanson feebly pushing his friend away from him. Doug was on him in a flash pinning him down again. Hanson kicked out.

" STOP FUCKING AROUND!" screamed Doug, " I'M SICK OF IT!"

" STOP PINNING ME DOWN!" yelled Hanson. Doug let him up.

" Why cant you understand?!" snapped Doug

" Why can't YOU?!" spat Hanson, " Why the hell do you keep pinning me down, you KNOW I can't stand it!"

" It's the only way to keep you under control"

" I DON'T NEED CONTROLLING!" yelled Hanson

" Oh yeah? Ok fine! You wanna smash people's faces in? fine! You wanna go beserk and lock yourself in rooms? Fine! You wanna get your sorry ass suspended? Fine! You wanna go fucking crazy and slash your wrists FINE! GO FUCKING DO IT!" screamed Doug.

" I am so fucking sick of keeping you in check. Do you even understand how hard this is for me?" he continued.

" What the hell do you have to deal with?!" spat Hanson, " Ok so sometimes I fuck up. I admit that. I. FUCK.UP. But you, you act like you're here to save me. Like you're going to be my salvation or something. I don't fucking need that. All I need is to be left alone"

" Then why the FUCK do you keep calling me and asking me to stay?!" snapped Doug

" Because sometimes I cant cope ok?! Sometimes I slip. But I don't want you making yourself into some sort of, some sort of martyr. You're not! You act as if everything would be fine in your life if I started acting like I used to well it wouldn't ok? It fucking wouldn't!" spat Hanson.

" Maybe everything wouldn't be fine but it'd be a hell of a lot better" snapped Doug

" So fuck off then! If you cant stand being near me, If I'm so hard to keep in check why don't you just leave me on my own to drown?!" snarled Hanson

" Oh for fucks sake Hanson stop being so melodramatic. I've told you and Fuller's told you. If you go see a shrink you'll be sorted. Im sick of this shit!" snapped Doug harshly.

" Oh and who made you a pyschiatrist all of a sudden?" spat Hanson

" YOU! You did! you're the one who's been treating me like a fucking shrink for the past couple of days!" snapped Doug. Hanson glared at him.

" I wish I'd never told you anything" spat Hanson

" Oh yeah?! Well that makes two of us" cried Doug heatedly.