Chapter 14: Broken Beckett

"He was angry with me because I didn't wear his dress. He pinned me against the wall and held my wrists above my head. He said… said I was going to pay for not wearing his present. And then he forced his lips on mine and he touched me… everywhere with his free hand," Kate slowly lets her arms fall to her sides and her jacket opens. "Then he ripped my dress open."

Rick lets his gaze fall from her eyes to see the damage; the pale white skin of her stomach is exposed where before it had been covered by the dark blue fabric. Then he notices that she is stained with red; it takes him a moment to realize it is blood, that someone had been hurt. Feelings like he was invading her privacy, he quickly looks back up to her face. As much as he wanted to see her, he couldn't bear to under such circumstances. "Kate…"

"Esposito somehow managed to push my dresser out of the way so that he could get out of the closet. He didn't notice Esposito at first so he was surprised when someone told him to back away from me. He didn't let me go but he had turned his head to look at Esposito. He had put my gun in the back of his pants, and while he was thinking about what he could do, I… took the opportunity to free my arm and grabbed my gun from him." She pauses refusing to look anywhere near Castle. "I… I shot him. He was going to hit me, and I shot him… in the stomach. He was less than a foot from me."

"It's okay, Kate. It's all over," Castle opens his arms to her, and she graciously accepts, burying her face in his neck as she tried to hide her tears from him. They stay like that for fifteen minutes before he decides that they need to move. "We should get you cleaned up."

He leads her down the hallway to his bedroom and into his bathroom. He studies her for a moment before deciding that she was too exhausted and unmotivated to bathe herself. Silently he starts the water and slowly pulls both her jacket and her ruined dress from her shoulders. Then he wraps her cast up for her, trying not to stare at the red blood spatter on it that would force her to remember what happened for the next eight weeks. He gently helps her into the shower, leaving her strapless bra and panties on to give her some privacy, before hurriedly removing his own clothes, save for his boxers.

Rick gently rubs his soapy washcloth over her body, trying not only to clean the blood from her but the pain – pain that was unnecessary and his fault. Even given her current state of being, he is surprised that she allows him to do this. Soon she is as clean as she can physically be. He steps out of the shower and dries himself off before going to change into sweats and a t-shirt. Then he goes to her room to grab a clean pair of pajamas for her as well as a hair tie; he had noticed that she always put her hair up when she slept.

As he quickly searches through her suitcase for what he needs, he is surprised by himself; normally he would have been nosy, wanting to know what she wore, but now he finds that he could care less. All that mattered to him was that she was safe and had somehow come to trust him to take care of her.

Castle grabs a clean towel from under the sink and sets her clothes along with her bag of toiletries on the counter. Then he shuts the shower off and helps her out before wrapping the towel around her. "I'll leave you to change," he says quietly, closing the bathroom door behind him.

Ten minutes later Kate comes out of the bathroom. He leads her toward his bed, but she freezes. "I'm not going to get much sleep tonight, Castle. I'll go to my own room so you can get some rest."

"No," he whispers. "I want you here with me. And I don't care if we stay up all night."

"Castle…"

The fact that she did not joke about staying up all night scares him; normally she would jump at the opportunity to tease him. "I'm not going to hurt you, Kate."

Finally she concedes and slides under the covers. He goes around the bed to get in on the other side. Not wanting to scare her, he decides it best not to touch her unless she initiates the contact. After a few minutes Kate slides closer to him, resting her head on his chest like had she done the past three nights. Tonight, however, she is pressed against his right side, her good hand resting on his chest. Rick puts his arm around her, absentmindedly rubbing her back to soothe her.

"Rick…" Kate slowly trails her hand down his chest to his stomach. "I need you."

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, Kate," he gently places a kiss on her forehead.

She tilts her head up just as her hand reaches the waistband of his sweats. Her fingers are sliding into his pants and her lips are on his before he realizes what she is after. "Kate!" he quickly turns his head to the side, their lips meeting for only a millisecond, and grabs her wrist with his free hand.

"I want you, Rick," she whispers. "Please."

"No. You had a terrible day, Kate; you're going through a lot right now. I'm not going to take advantage of you like this."

She tries to shift her body, "It's not taking advantage if I want it."

"No, you don't, Kate. If we do this now, it will ruin our relationship. I can't let that happen. You're not ready for this yet, and I don't want it until you are." Castle carefully backs away from her so that the only place they are touching is where he is holding her wrists to keep her from doing anything she would regret in the morning.

Kate looks into his blue eyes, pleading with him. "Please, Rick. I need this. I need to know that someone cares. Someone who isn't crazy."

"I do care about you, Kate. That's why I won't let you do this." Rick breaks eye contact with her, knowing that if he continued to look into her eyes, he would not be able to deny her what she wanted. "You will be incredibly mad at me tomorrow morning if I let you do this. I do not want to be on your bad side, Kate."

She tugs, and he released her wrists. She scoots back to her part of the bed, turning to lie on her side facing away from him so he could not see the tears fall.

Castle stays on his side of the bed, not quite sure what he should do. He could see her body trembling as the tears fell, but he didn't know how to comfort her. Hugs were the only way he knew how to comfort people, and with Kate, it wouldn't work, especially after their night. After fifteen minutes, she stops shaking, and he assumes she has fallen asleep. He closes his eyes to get some sleep himself, knowing that the nightmares would be inevitable tonight for both of them.

Kate rolls over, and he slowly opens his eyes. "He… before he bled out, he said… that Rook would be better off without Nikki Heat in his life because… she was too much of a… bitch for him," she whispers.

"Well… Kate Beckett is not Nikki Heat. And she can be bitchy as times, but it's always for a good reason… like trying to catching a murderer. And I personally think that Rook's life is ten times better with Nikki in it, and I'm sure he'd agree," Castle gives her a reassuring smile.

"And Nikki's life is a lot more complicated and frustrating because of Rook… but it's worth it," she cautiously scoots closer to him again, curling up at his side. "I know that I don't express how much your partnership and friendship mean to me very often, Castle. So I just want to let you know… You're a great man, Rick."

Slowly she leans up to kiss him on the cheek, but he panics, thinking that she was trying to make a move on him again. "Kate, you can't seriously be trying that again," he sighs, grabbing her hand.

She frowns, "I was just going to kiss your cheek. As a thank you. But now you've totally ruined the moment."

"Oh… sorry. Maybe you could start again… from Nikki being grateful for Rook."

"It was a one time deal, Castle. You ruined it," she rests her head on his chest.

"Maybe some other time you could…?" Rick asks hopefully.

"Nope." Kate smiles before closing her eyes in hopes of forgetting the horrific events of the day.

A/N: I'm hoping to update again on Wednesday. I only have three classes that day so hopefully I will have time. Thanks for all the reviews last chapter. Hope you guys enjoy this one as well.