Shadi and T are now seated in T's room, waiting for the next chapter.
T: What? Oh, hello! Yay! We're baaaaack!
SHADI: *shivering * their eyes… Their eyes are looking at my soul! MAKE IT STOP!
T: Oh, I don't have that many posters!
SHADI: *calming down * How do you sleep?
T: I'm not quite sure. That picture of Bakura's eyes? Man, is that freaky at night!
SHADI: Hey! You only have one of me!
T: Can't use the printer. I do have a fair amount, though.
SHADI: And it's a tiny one!
T: *British accent * It's not the size, mate! It's how you use it.
SHADI: o. O
T: In other words, don't complain. Now, we'll get the president of Hicksville to do the disclaimer. * Holds up a photo of a redneck taped to a hockey stick, deepens voice * T, Pirate Duke of Leprechauns, does not own Elton John, Yu-Gi-Oh, Star Wars, LOTR, or South Park. There once was a man from Nantucket-
SHADI: *Ahem *
T: *normal voice * It's not me! Stop looking at me like that!
REDNECK: Hello? This is Canada?
SHADI & T: YAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! *glomp each other *
Chapter Fourteen
I DID NOT HAVE RELATIONS WITH THAT...MAN?
Yami Bakura sighed. Why did Ryou detest him so? He leaned up against the wall, wondering what to do. Anything nice he tried to say or do always backfired, or seemed insincere. "I guess that's what I get for always being a trickster." He sighed, shutting his eyes.
Suddenly, lovely piano music floated to his ears. He followed it, ending up in the music room, where Elton was seated, not looking up from his sheets of music.
When the song ended, Yami Bakura clapped. Elton turned around fast, his large diamond earrings swaying.
"Oh, Hello." He said cheerfully. " That was actually quite nice." Yami said, sighing.
"You seem depressed." Elton said, turning the piano bench so he could look at Yami. "That I am, Elton. But I won't bother you with it." He said, taking a step out of the room.
"Now hold on!" Elton said, with a small grin. "It always helps to talk about things."
Yami paused. " You're new here, you don't know me too well. That works in my favour, as you'll probably take me seriously." Yami Bakura strode over to Elton and sat down beside him on the bench.
"Before you begin, just let me guess. Is this about that young man, Bakura?" Yami nodded, perplexed. "How did you know?" Elton smiled broadly. "I just know these things. Now, tell me. What's going on?"
Yami took a deep breath. " I don't know. Any time I try to say or do something nice for Ryou he thinks I'm playing a trick on him. I do that a lot, but there are some times when I'm serious!"
Elton nodded knowingly. " Because you don't know how else to convey your feelings for him."
"Exactly! Well, that's not the case for Han. He just bugs me."
"Of course." Elton replied, patting Yami on the back.
" Here's what you do to fix it. Just tell the boy how you feel about him, and apologize for all of the tricks and jokes you've made. I'm sure he'll take you back."
"Yeah..." Yami nodded, smiling. "That kind of trickery just might work! Thank you, Elton." "Anytime." He replied, casting him a grin. "Now go get him!" Yami quickly exited the room, and Elton sighed. "Ah, young love. So many hardships to be overcome." He shook his head, and resumed playing. "Although some of those hardships still persist." He muttered sadly.
Gandalf whistled a happy tune, entering the kitchen. He opened one of the cabinets to get a glass, and was handed one.
"Thanks." He paused, confusedly placing it on the counter, sighing. " What, is Martha back here again, Elrond?"
"No!" The elf hissed, craning his head, which was right up against his knees, and glaring at Gandalf.
"I'm concealing myself from that piano playing, earring wearer!" Gandalf looked confused, stroking his chin.
Elrond sighed. "Elton."
"Oh, Elton, Yes, Yes. Why are you hiding from him? He's nice!" "Nice!" Elrond sputtered. " Yes, I bet he's a good dancer and a coiffeur as well!" Gandalf began laughing and couldn't stop for quite some time.
"You think he's gay?" "A veritable Sherlock Holmes, you are, Gandalf." Elrond said with a roll of his eyes.
"Come now, Elrond.I think that headband's on a little too tight. Just because the man's a bit different doesn't mean he's gay. And that's a very bad stereotype!"
Elrond ignored him. " You didn't see the look he gave me! You heard what Cartmen said!" "Cartmen? Cartmen's got you in this state? Cartmen is such a silly child, who can't get his mind off food long enough to notice anything!" "He was right about him being in the piano, wasn't he?" "That was a fluke!" Gandalf cried. "Now stop all of this nonsense and get out of that cupboard!" "I can't!""Yes you can!" Gandalf growled. "Put aside your silly ideas-" "No, Gandalf, I physically can't! I'm stuck!"
"Here goes nothing." Yami Bakura sighed. "I hope Elton's right!" He took a deep breath and stepped into the room, seeing the back of Bakura's head over the couch.
"What now, Yami?" Yami Bakura froze. How did he know?
"I know you're there. With all the times you've snuck up on me I've developed a sixth sense." Yami cleared his throat.
"Listen, Ryou. There's something I have to tell you."
He said, sitting down beside the white haired teen.
" What blew up?" he asked in a haggard manner. "Nothing-" "And don't say the squirrels did it this time!"
"Ryou!" "Give me your matches!" Yami pulled out a matchbook from his jeans pocket. "But-" " Just as I thought, there's three missing!" "RYOU!" Bakura recoiled, matches still in hand. "Yes?" he squeaked.
" Will you shut up long enough for me to say what it is I have to say? This isn't easy!" Bakura said nothing, and his face was pale.
" I know I have always been the joker, but for once I'm actually serious here, believe me. I- I know I don't actually show it very much, Ryou, but I'm glad to have you around."
"Yami..." "I'm sorry for all the times I've put itching powder in your shoes, or the time I set your hair on fire. Or when I electrocuted you and blamed it on a short circuit!" "You're babbling- Hey! That was you?"
"Yes. What I'm trying to say is... I love you, Ryou."
Bakura's eyes watered. "Oh Yami!" The two hugged, and Yami patted him on the back.
They paid no heed to the sound of shattering glass from the doorway. Han stared, wide eyed and horrified at the sight before him. His hand was still conformed to the shape of the glass, which lay in pieces on the floor. Yami loved Ryou? They were hugging! Han's small brain had already figured out the conclusion.
"Holy Shit! They're fruits!" He hissed to himself, staring dumbstruck, unable to move. "What's the matter, Han? You look like you've seen a ghost." Yugi said, coming out of the kitchen.
"Nothing, Nothing at all!" I can't let him see them this way! Han thought, spinning around. Yugi looked at him confusedly. "What are you hiding?" "Don't look, Yugi!" Han pleaded, clamping a hand over Yugi's eyes.
"I love you too, Yami!" they heard Bakura say.
"What the heck?" Yugi exclaimed. "What're they doing in there?" Han's head snapped around. All he could see was Yami's grinning form, and Bakura had disappeared from view. They heard him laugh, and Yami disappeared behind the couch.
Han ushered Yugi out of the room. " Are they doing what I think they're doing?" "Speak of that to no one, Yugi. Their lifestyle is their business!" "Ok, fine. But I never thought they were... You know!" "Me neither." Han agreed, with a shudder. "I'm never sitting on that couch again!"
"Yami, give me that remote!" "What do you need it for? There's only one channel!" "What do you need it for!" Bakura retorted, playfully punching his Yami in the arm.
Yami pulled at Bakura's hair. "Hey, Quit it! That hurts!"
From the kitchen, both Yugi and Han shared a horrified look, before both bolted out of the room and up the stairs, passing Elton in the hall.
"Don't go downstairs!" Han warned. " Bakura and Yami are making out! I don't think you want to see that!"
"I know I didn't" Yugi squeaked, running into his room and slamming the door.
Alone in the hallway, Elton smiled to himself. "Elton John saves the day again! I knew my advice would help."
Elrond emerged from the washroom; cast Elton a strange look before running back in and slamming the door. He could hear the window open, and a loud cry as the elf landed in the rose bushes.
Elton sighed. "Now if only I could solve my own love problems!" He murmured. "Elton how goes it?" Gandalf said cheerfully, then, seeing the look on his face, asked. "What's the matter?" "Tell me, Gandalf. Does Elrond positively hate me?" Gandalf clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "He doesn't hate you, he'll just come around in time. You just need to win him over a little bit, that's all."
Elton snapped his fingers. "That's it! What does he like?" Gandalf grinned broadly. "Good! He likes gardening. Tiger lilies are his favourite I believe. Mad for chocolate and I'm almost certain he makes his own wine. Finding a common interest is always the way-" "Thanks, Gandalf!" Elton said happily, shaking his hand and running off. "- To start a friendship?" Gandalf shrugged. "I hope I was of some assistance."
"No way!" Tea cried. "Yami and Bakura?" Yugi nodded. "We saw them with our own eyes!" Han said, shakily pointing a finger to his eye. " I still don't get it. I always though Yami was into women!" Yami Yugi stated firmly.
"About Bakura said nothing, yes." Yoda croaked. Yami's eyes darted from side to side, and he leaned in slightly. "I'm not trying to be mean, but I was never quite sure about him." Yami Yugi whispered.
Discarding their pact of silence, Han and Yugi had spilled the beans, so to speak, by telling everyone in the houshare. Not quite everyone, as it seemed Elrond was still caught in the rose bushes.
"Preposterous! Honestly, you young people are all gay this and gay that!" Gandalf huffed. "First you say that Elton is gay, and now-"
"Gandalf." Leia said, clearing her throat. "Elton is Gay. Well, Bisexual." Gandalf stopped. "You're sure?"
"Yes. He openly admitted it." Tea added. Gandalf blanched. "Good lord! What have I done! Elrond!" He cried, standing up and running from the room.
"So." Said Cartmen, turning back to the others. "I want all the nasty details!"
" Hello, sweet cheeks." Elrond froze, one hand on the banister. He cleared his throat. "Hello." Clearing his throat again, Elrond made a run for it up the stairs, but Elton caught him by the arm, dragging him over to the couch.
"I have something for you." he said coyly, pressing a bouquet of tiger lilies into Elrond's hands. "How- What?"
" A little bird told me." Elton said with a smile, producing two glasses. "Wine?" Elrond's face grew red with anger. "What is the meaning of-" "Chocolate?" Elton shoved one into Elrond's mouth, muffling the rest of his sentence.
"Quiet, my love. Let's not spoil the moment." Elrond's eyes grew wide with fear as Elton leaned inwards...
" Shit! Is everyone in this house gay?" Han exclaimed from the doorway. Elton's cheeks turned pink in seeing the entire houshare in the room.
Gandalf pushed through the crowd, leaning on his staff as he panted. "Elrond! Thank God, I'm not too late!"
Elrond stood up quickly, spitting the chocolate out onto the floor, his face beet red.
"What...Did...You...Do?" He hissed threateningly, advancing on Gandalf. "I'm sorry! I didn't know until now, I shouldn't have told him!" "You think! Honestly, there is no strength, nor brains left in the world of men! Didn't I tell you? But no, you just refused to believe me!"
Gandalf took hold of Elrond's shoulders to keep him from attacking. "It was an honest mistake, really!" Elrond continued to glare coldly. "And you!" he shouted, turning around stiffly and taking Elton by his shirt collar.
"I am not 'sweet cheeks', nor am I your 'love'! I am Elrond Halfelven, and I am not to be trifled with! If you ever come within one foot of me, ever again, I can't be held responsible for my actions!" Elrond exited, fists clenched and his robes flapping behind him.
" I think that went well." Legolas said, clearing his throat. "What's all this about? What's going on here?" Yami Bakura asked, coming in with Bakura. Everyone looked away, except for Elton, who smiled broadly. " Everything going well?" Yami didn't answer. "What? Why are you all looking at us like that?"
A long silence followed. Han was the first to speak.
" Aren't... Yugi and I saw you together..." "Ooh, very observant! What else?" "And... We heard you both tell each other you loved one another, and then you hugged."
"You saw that?" "Yami, calm down." Bakura begged, placing a hand on his shoulder. Gandalf, who seemed to have developed severe homophobia, recoiled like he had just been smacked in the face. "What?" Bakura asked, perplexed.
"I miss the olden days, when men were men..." Gandalf whimpered. "We saw you making out!" Yugi squeaked.
"What!" Yami and Bakura called out in unison. "We weren't, I wasn't! I'm not gay!" Yami yelled.
"I knew all along." Yami Yugi said, closing his eyes and nodding. " But I'm not! Are you?" Bakura glared.
"What do you think? Of course not!"
"Then...If you're both not..." Han began
"Only a moron like you, Han, would come up with that conclusion! What you saw earlier was me apologizing to Ryou for all the torture I've done to him."
"But you said you loved-"
"As a brother! And Yes, I did hug him, but that is not making out! Sorry to disappoint you!"
Suddenly, Bakura began laughing. Everyone turned to stare. "Is that what you thought? We were wrestling for the remote, see?" Bakura said, showing them the bruise on his elbow.
Everyone let out a long sigh. " I knew you weren't, I was just-" "Sure, Yami, Sure." Yugi said with a laugh.
"Wait... You!" Yami Bakura called, turning to Elton.
"I get it now! 'He'll take you back; tell him your feelings'! You thought I was in love with Ryou?"
"I-I-I- it's an easy assumption to make! I'm new here, I don't know these things!" Elton stammered.
" Then this is all just a misunderstanding." Tea sighed. "This is unfair!" Cartmen yelled. All eyes were on him. "This was the closest we ever came to being like the playboy mansion, but all of you just had to fuck it up! I guess now we'll just have to rely on pointy hat's freakiness! Maybe he'll surprise us with some hidden talent he has with a pie!" "You're dead!" Gandalf roared, raising his staff and chasing Cartmen around the house, breaking several objects.
/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/-*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-/*-
REDNECK: So, this here's Canada huh? Not as cold as don I expected.
T: No, the nine months of darkness all of Canada suffers through has just past. The great Neoga hunt starts this week. My uncle and father are getting more whale blubber for the lamps, because the moose are confused by light. They're night predators-
SHADI: T! Don't be telling the Yankee country redneck man lies about Canada!
REDNECK: * nervously * I don knew she was joking…
T: You're no fun!
SHADI: It's summer here, Mr. President. We apologize for getting so surprised; it's not often the President of Hicksville ends up in our house.
T: Our?
REDNECK: So… Summer huh?
T: *nods * Our Prime Minister Tim Horton would love to meet you. I've met him; I work as a secretary in our igloo of commerce. We're actually thinking of building a replica of the golden gate bridge, to put one in each of our six states. We got our own flag this year, too. It has a moose on it. The bridges will celebrate Mr. Horton on getting a double double; he's been in service two terms now. Our two-dollar bill has his face on it. Oh, how could I be so rude! This is Shadi, whom I'm betrothed to. Our neighbours a mile down the road are building our house, so we should soon be able to move in with our penguin, Icy-
SHADI: T! *Clamps hand over her mouth *
REDNECK: I see… *writes it all down * I'm getting edumacated!
SHADI: She's lying! She's lying, don't listen to her!
REDNECK: We'll, when you see Mr. Horton, tell him congratulations! You Canadians have some interesting' traditions down herea.
SHADI: For the love of Ra! She's lying! *Shakes him *
T: Don't mind him. He's got a touch of the aurora borealis. Nasty thing.
REDNECK: Oooh… I hope you get better soon, Shady.
SHADI: It's Shadi.
REDNECK: Sorry. Shadi. Well, I'd best be goin'. Jim Bob makin' his Kraft dinner tonight.
T: You don't want to join us in the Neoga hunting rituals?
REDNECK: No, but I'd don like to see it. *Sits down *
Shadi finals lightens up, quite amused at how T has strung him along. Both begin to Belly Dance.
REDNECK: *clapping * that's cool! Hyuck!
SHADI: Would you like to say a final word to our readers?
REDNECK: Sure! Read and review, next up; One way to many, no, that was five drinks ago. I'd like to personally congratulate Mr. Tim Horton man on his double double, and also T and Shadi for their marriage. Drop by the trailer sometime, I'd like to learn more about Canada. Then maybe I can get my grade nine.
Redneck disappears as fast as he came, T and Shadi laughing hysterically.