A/N: Here's an extra-big part for you all to enjoy! This is prob going to stay Liz's POV from now on, its just what's working for me. But if you want a slice of Max POV, review and let me know!
"Again." Max throws a pebble at me, and I throw my hands out to create a mini force field.
We are in the desert, out in the middle of nowhere. Max gave me a few days to recover after the whole exploding lamp incident, but today he wants to test my powers.
We've been out here for a few hours, and we're just getting around to creating force fields. Working with Max is kind of incredible and terrifying at the same time. Isabel taught me easy things that didn't require much work, and Michael was...a general. He gave me orders and I followed them. There wasn't much thought, just raw power directed at whatever target he gave me. It was total zen and oddly relaxing. To only have one thing to focus on, to not have to feel anything. But better, because I didn't need alcohol to numb me and it made me feel strong.
Max has a completely different approach, which might explain why he is by far the strongest of the three. Max says that to master my powers, I have to master my mind. He thinks that I need to learn control, and he's going to teach me how to do it. I apparently have no say in this.
He constantly stops me to ask me what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling. What sensations I feel in my body. It's intense. I feel vulnerable under his scrutiny. One thing is sure; he's an amazing teacher. He pushes me, makes me question things; see the universe through a completely different perspective, one where all the usual rules don't apply. I now understand why Max has actual enemies. When he's in his element he's a force to be reckoned with.
Max tosses another rock at me, and I barely manage to get a field up in time. Working with Max makes me nervous. I can't concentrate when he's looking at me. I've never wanted him more than I do right now, and I've never been this afraid to want him. It doesn't help that he's devastatingly gorgeous.
"What's wrong?" Max frowns and walks up to me. "What happened with the last one?"
"I'm tired," I explain, resting my hands on my thighs. I expect Max to question me more but he just extends a hand to me, and I reach for it and let him pull me to him and I rest gratefully against his shoulder.
"Do you want to stop for the day?" Max murmurs into my hair. I nod and let Max lead me to Chevelle. I have complicated feelings about the new car. The jeep held a lot of memories and maybe it's good that it's gone, that all those memories went up in flames. I don't know if I could bear to sit in the car that I was sitting in when Max told me that he got Tess pregnant, that he was going with her to Antar. I died the first time on the floor of the Crashdown, but I died for the second time in the jeep that night.
We drive in silence for a while and I stare out the window, watching the endless brown stretch of desert roll past. We're an hour away from Roswell, because Max is paranoid like that.
"You feeling any better?" Max asks.
"Yeah, it just wore me out I guess."
"Michael said you worked on blasts for a long time and you didn't get tired," Max comments.
"Defensive stuff is harder for me."
"You think? It takes a lot of power to do blasts," he points out.
"Maybe I just don't find you threatening enough," I joke, and Max smiles.
"We could bring Michael along. Have him throw some blasts at you," Max suggests playfully.
"I'm gonna need way more practice until I'm ready to face Michael," I laugh nervously.
"Don't doubt yourself." Max glances at me and the intensity in his eyes makes my stomach flip. "You're better than you think you are. And Michael's getting better too so you probably wouldn't get hurt. I've been working with him."
"Really?" I ask, confused. "I thought you guys were fighting." Although I can't really remember why, because Max and I were fighting too, and I was hearing most of the story from Maria. Something about Isabel going to college and Max thought it was too dangerous for her to leave town. Michael took Isabel's side, they questioned Max's ability to be a good leader. I can never keep track of the power struggles between Max and Michael.
"Nah, " Max shrugs uncomfortably. "After Tess left we realized how divided we'd become. We let the enemy into our ranks and allowed ourselves to be pitted against each other. We can't afford to make that mistake again. We have to be able to trust each other, and we have to be able to defend ourselves.'
"Tess showed us we were even stronger than we thought possible. The three of us have been working on our powers together all summer. We've been testing ourselves, seeing what we can do when we work together. Isabel's lazy -that's not really a surprise - but she's got really good mental abilities. And Michael's fast, which would be good in battle."
He's talking like he half expects something to actually happen, talking the way a king talks. I feel a shiver run down my spine. Max would have been a good king.
"What about me?" I ask softly. I'm secretly dying to know what he thinks about how I'm doing with my powers. I feel a perverse desire to please him, play the good little student to his master teacher. After everything I've done to him I still want Max to be proud of me.
Max looks at me appraisingly out of the corner of his eye. "You seem to be somewhat of a prodigy, actually."
Wait, what? Really? "I am?"
"You're stronger than all of us, and we've been working on our powers for years. You don't have any control yet but that's to be expected. I'll help you with that; it takes practice. But in terms of potential I'm impressed."
"Wow. I didn't... I didn't know that."
"I didn't want you to feel any more overwhelmed than you already do. But the lamp thing was a big tip off."
Oh God, I really don't want to talk about the lamp.
"We need to talk about what happened with the lamp."
"Um, okay." I shift nervously in my seat. Max waits for me to starting explaining but I just sit there. I really don't want to talk about this.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Max asks.
"What do you want to know?"
"Liz come on, don't make me drag it out of you. What got you so worked up you managed to blow up a lamp? That's Michael territory, which makes me think you were pretty upset when it happened."
"I got in a fight with my parents." I stare straight ahead so I don't have to look at Max. "My dad got mad that we went out to dinner. He thinks we're dating again," I explain apologetically. "I told him and my mom we were just friends but they weren't having it. He yelled, I yelled, he yelled more, I yelled more, boom goes the lamp."
"So you were... upset?"
"Yes," I say shakily. "Everyone was upset."
"Do you want us to be? Dating, I mean," he asks gently.
His question catches me off guard and sends my thoughts churning. "Is that something you want?"
"Liz, you know how I feel about you," Max says softly. "You know what I want. What do YOU want?"
Do I want to be with Max? Of course I do...he's Max and I'm Liz. Even though he's not destined to be with me I still believe he's my soul mate. I will never love anyone the way I love Max.
"Liz?"
"Look, it doesn't matter what I want. It's not about whether or not I want to be with you."
"Then what's it about?"
I press my lips together and don't say anything.
"Liz... is this about Tess?" he asks tentatively.
Hearing him say her name makes my stomach hurt.
"Partly," I whisper. That, and according to Future Max the end of the world is coming, and now that I messed with everything Tess is still gone but nothing else is the same and I feel the weight of the human race on my shoulders.
"You still have a destiny, Max. You know we don't belong together." I say, and I can't hide the pain in my voice.
"You know that I don't believe in any of that stuff! I don't care about destiny, what do I have to do to prove that to you? Why are you so obsessed with this idea that it's cosmically impossible for us to be together?" Max sounds two steps away from completely losing his temper.
"When are you going to stop being so naive, Max? Just because you're done with destiny doesn't mean it's done with you," I say, and suddenly I am furious. None of this is fair. This is all future Max's fault. I betrayed Max, my Max, and traded ten years of wedded bliss for this. But Future Max isn't here; he vanished, and I am left with my Max. Who slept with Tess. And got her pregnant. And almost left the planet with her.
"Do you have any idea how it feels," and I'm surprised by the venom in my voice, "to see that all it took to make you choose Tess was to put her in a slutty shirt and dangle her incessantly in front of you like a steak?"
"No, I don't," Max says in a strained voice. "Because I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!"
"You chose Tess, because you had to. And I let you. Don't you get it Max? We don't get a say in this!"
"What happened to you?" Max's voice is scary quiet. "When did you become so fatalistic? I don't know what to say to you when you get like this. You're acting like you did the day you ran away from me at the pod chamber," he says, and his voice is so cold.
My head is buzzing and I can't think of a response, one that explains how I feel without explaining why. I am back to rock bottom. I'm ruining everything. Ruined everything. I gave up our relationship for a shot in the dark to save the world and I missed. I feel Max's anger and frustration and the car suddenly feels much too small. There's not enough room for me and Max and our sharp words and wounded feelings. There's no room left for any air.
I shouldn't be surprised when my hands choose this moment to erupt painfully in electric green lights but somehow I am.
No. No no no no no no no no. My chest constricts painfully and I gasp for air.
"Liz, calm down!" Max says sharply
"I can't!" Panic overwhelms me and I feel my emotions spinning out of control. A terrible thought occurs to me. What if I blow up the car? Or Max?
"Pull over!"
"Liz"-
"Pull over!" I shriek, and Max cuts the wheel sharply and pulls the car onto the shoulder of the highway.
I'm out of the car before Max can unbuckle his seatbelt. He crosses around the front of the car and tries to get close to me but I back away from him fearfully.
"Get away from me!"
"Liz, don't do this." Max is watching me like a hawk, his eyes trained on my glowing hands.
"Please Max, I don't want to hurt you!" I beg.
"Then let me help you," and I have no idea how he's managing to stay this calm.
"You can't help me! I'm a fucking weapon!"
Max takes a cautious step towards me. "Give it to me."
"What?" What is he talking about?
"I can handle the power, give it to me."
"No! I told you, I don't want to hurt you!"
"Goddammit, stop fighting me!" Max yells and suddenly-
Everything shifts. A red haze falls over everything, Max, the desert. Me. I am literally seeing red. And I am not afraid anymore. I am wrathful. It's my power, and Max wants to take it away from me. I resolve I will not let him and I feel the cool allure of power slide down my throat. I want it. I don't care about anything else, and damn Max for getting in my way. I don't feel anything like myself and I let it happen. The feeling pulls me under and I don't fight it.
I surrender.
Don't you see? I hear a sinuous voice in my head, a voice that sounds disturbingly like Tess. It is at my lowest points that I hear her, taunting me. The fact that she is dead only makes it more believable to me that the voice is hers. Tess Harding was hell bent on destroying my life, and I wouldn't expect her to let death stop her. She's probably haunting me from whatever circle of hell she's landed in.
He doesn't love you. He just wants your power. You could never be enough for him. The voice continues to torture me.
"Liz?" Max asks uncertainly. "What's happening?"
The part of me that can still think rationally wonders if this is what Max meant when he talked about the alien side of him awakening. If it feels like this. Powerful. Raging. Inhuman.
You're nothing, the voice says. You're just a toy, a broken toy at that. How could a king love something so pathetically human as you?
"Shut up!" I scream, and an enormous jet of energy flies out of my hand on its own accord and zings towards Max, who waits until it gets mere inches from his face before putting up a field. The blast bounces off it and rebounds into the desert, leaving a long trail of scorched earth behind it.
I drop my hand in shock. I am shaking violently, terrified of myself, of what I did. Oh my God, I almost killed him. I'm as bad as Tess. Worse, because Tess never killed on accident. I'm a walking grenade.
The thought brings me to my knees and I vomit forcefully over the side of the road. I hear Max come up behind me and a hand holds my hair away from my face. When I am done spitting bile I stand up on shaky legs and pull away from Max's arms.
"Are you okay?" he asks softly, and I almost laugh at the absurdity of his question.
"Okay? Max, I almost killed you!" I'm a murderer. First Alex died because of what I did, and now this. I'm dangerous. I should be locked up.
"You didn't almost kill me. Come on, that was nothing." Max reasons with me but I am beyond reason. 'Murderer,' says the voice in my head. I should have died that day in September. If I had Alex would still be alive. Max would be safe, the Special Unit would have never tracked him to Roswell, bringing Nesado and Tess with them. I deserve to be dead.
"Just let me go," I try and say, but I can't get the words out. There's a weird keening sound in my ears, like a wounded animal, and I realize in a numb, dissociated kind of way that it's coming from me.
Max reaches me in three quick strides and before I can dodge him he has me by the neck. Max grips me firmly with his thumb and forefinger. I try to twist away but his arm comes up, wrapping around my body and holding me close to him, pressing my back into his solid chest.
"Stop," Max whispers. I feel warmth on the back of my neck where his fingers press into me and the red haze dissipates. Everything suddenly seems to slow way down and my knees sag. I fall back against Max and let him hold me up.
I am so tired and I want to be weak right now, to let Max be strong for me. Let him pull me out of the colossal black hole I'm in. Max will fix me because Max can do anything. I still believe in Max, because if I stop believing in him I will have lost everything.
"Are you using your powers on me?" My tongue feels too loose in my mouth and I almost slur the words. What the hell did he do to me?
"I'm helping you," Max says firmly, sidestepping my question. He releases my neck and turns me around in his arms. "How do you feel now?"
I just stand there. I can't figure out how to get my brain or my mouth to formulate a sentence.
"Liz?" Max sounds worried. "Talk to me."
"I... what did you do to me?" I manage to get out. My head feels so heavy and I let it fall on Max's shoulder. My eyes close in delight when his hand comes up to stroke my hair.
"I messed with your brain a little," Max explains.
"You... what?"
"Don't worry, the effects only last a few hours. Basically, I flooded you with seretonin to change your mood and manipulated the receptors to respond the way it would if you took a tranquilizer."
Wow. Messing with brain chemistry is not something to take lightly. Max is even better at biology than I thought. Maybe even better than me.
"So you made me... docile?"
"In a nutshell. I'm sorry about that, it was the only thing I could think of. I was worried you'd hurt yourself. It's a good trick though, right? If we had to take somebody out?"
"Genius," I mumble into his shoulder. "Did you overdo it? I can barely think straight."
"If I overdid it you'd be out cold on the ground. Michael was so pissed off. It took a couple tries for me to figure it out," Max laughs. "But you'll definitely be a bit loopy. Hand check."
I groan as Max makes me stand up by myself so he can examine my hands, which look perfectly normal. After he gives them a thorough examination Max lets me collapse against him again.
I am definitely feeling loopy. I want to crawl inside Max and curl up and take a nap. Weird how minutes ago I wanted to kill him and now I can't remember why. I like Max. Max is nice. Max smells good. He's an amazing kisser. When I look at Max I sometimes think really dirty thoughts. But it's not my fault because Max is just so, so sexy. Maybe it's his Czech status, but Max makes me feel things no human boy ever could.
Of course this all leads me to think about having sex with Max, which suddenly seems hysterically funny. My life has completely fallen apart, but I still think about sex. When Max is near me I cant stop thinking about sex. At least my hormones are working fine. I giggle out loud.
"You feeling better?" Max sounds amused.
"Mmmhmm. Your chest feels amazing," I nuzzle the soft fabric of his shirt. Whatever Max did to me, it's making me feel very affectionate and amazingly relaxed. If Max could bottle this he'd be a millionaire. I feel like I took a super sized alien Xanax. Of course it would have to come in green, and I start laughing again.
"Okay," Max says, and I can tell he's trying not to laugh outright at me, but I'm too out of it to care. "Let's get you home."