The next day I awoke suddenly as I felt my stomach lurching into my throat. I nearly made it to the bathroom in time to empty the little that had been left in it. "Good morning to you too." I said to my stomach as I stood up and flushed the toilet.
After brushing my teeth I decided it was a good time to take a shower. In the shower I leaned my arms and head against the back wall and allowed the water to massage my back for me, it was a constant ache.
Once all was said and done with, and I was dressed in a black and white striped shirt and a pair of cut off black shorts, I slipped on my black converse and headed out the back door towards the boat dock. With my phone lying next to me on loud and one headphone in to listen to my iPod, I lazily laid in the sun.
I must've fallen asleep, which I seemed to be doing a lot lately, because when I woke up my mother was standing over me. "Good morning sunshine." She said laughing. "You got color."
"Oh man, burn or tan?" I asked cursing myself for falling asleep.
"Light burn, should fade by tomorrow." She said as I stood up and hugged her and let her kiss the side of my face. "Help me with the groceries." She commanded stepping away and climbing the steep steps. I smiled and followed her diligently.
With many bags in both of our hands we were relieved to get into the kitchen. We them down and set out for restocking the fridge with multiple bottles of water and loads of fruits and vegetables. My mom had gotten hardly any meat at all, sticking to a diet of fish. It was healthier…
"Well, how about we put a salad together?" She asked after all the bags were unloaded and stored inside themselves.
"Sounds good to me." I commented, moving myself closer to the fridge to pull out the basic ingredients. We got started pulling the lettuce apart and adding it to the large salad bowl sitting on the counter. We had finished adding loads of spinach and cutting up the radishes, tomatoes, and cucumbers before either of us said anything. "So," I began awkwardly. "how was your flight?"
She looked up surprised at my question. "It was good, quick. I slept the entire way." She smiled as she started mixing the vinegar and olive oil together with the spices for our dressing.
"That's always good, I do that too whenever we fly anywhere…" I finished quietly, my heart aching once I realized I'd been talking about Paul again. My mom, I could tell by the look on her face, realized what had just happened and thankfully gave me a moment to collect myself. I breathed in deeply a few times and looked up towards the sky, a habit I had for as long as I could remember, in hopes of stopping the tears that were already swelling up.
I'd call it a miracle that I had managed to stop the tears and carry on with preparing the salad. "Kaiden, dear, while I'm tossing the salad how about you set the table and pour us each a glass of lemonade." Her voice was sweet and gentle, most likely because of the episode I'd almost just had. I nodded my head and went off plates in hand to the table outside.
Out on the small deck out back, that faced our lake, my mother and I sat with our salad and lemonade. We silently took in the view.
I knew the minute my mom had decided to start talking about what brought her here. She started with a heavy sigh, turning to face me instead of the lake, and she gave me a heartfelt smile. "Kai, let's stop not pretend that there isn't a giant elephant staring us both down." I chuckled with her as knots started twisting themselves in my stomach. "What happened back on tour?"
And so I told her; I told her about the proposal and Paul's accident. I told her about the baby and Linda's threat. I told her all about my fears of his career and the baby's life.
"Oh Kaiden." She whispered when I was done whipping the tears from my eyes. "I'm so sorry." She gathered me up in a hug, comforting me, as she alternated between rubbing my back and running her fingers lightly through my hair. When I sat up she looked at me determinedly. "Are you sure that you're pregnant?"
I nodded instantly. "I went to the doctor right before I told Paul, they confirmed what the tests had said." I said referring back to the day I had taken four at home tests.
She looked at me as a silence fell between us. "Well," She said drawing out the ll's. "What I know of Paul, he'd want to be here with you. He doesn't want to desert you Kai, or his baby." She repeated the words Maggie'd already yelled at me.
"But, he's not thinking of it any other way than having the baby. It's not just that! It's raising it, supporting it. He's going to be on tour constantly with the new album not to mention the publicity. Staying together without the stress of a baby will be hard like that. I wont let him chose the baby over the band either, he's worked so hard." I rambled on, trying to argue my case.
"And I'm sure you're right about all of that, Kai." My mom said the moment I was done talking. "Raising a baby is hard no matter the circumstances and this is Paul's baby as well, half of him, you should let him be there for it if he wants to."
"Mom, he doesn't know what he wants." I said firmly. "I can do this. I'm going to do this, and it would really help me to have your support."
"What're you going to do for a job? You didn't go on to college, you went on tour. You had a good paying job because of your brother. How're you going to support this baby all on your own?"
"I'm going to figure it all out, don't worry." I said calmly.
"Where are you going to live? You left your apartment already."
"Well," I said twisting a strand of hair. "I was hoping I could move back into my room for just a little bit. I have money saved up, enough too, I just need to find a place."
She sighed. "Of course you can." She took a sip of her lemonade and smiled back at me. "Alright, enough of that. Have you scheduled another appointment with a doctor?"
The look on my face must've given me away as I just realized I'd forgotten to do that. "No, I forgot…"
"That's alright, how long do you think you'll be staying down here bug?" She asked smiling as we started clearing our places.
"Well I hoped to get another day or two at least, specially because we bought so much food…" I said as I started looking at the fridge.
"Well, the vegetables will be all finished after tomorrow's salad and some for dinner tonight and for dessert we can always have a fruit salad." She smiled at me surveying the contents as well.
"Sounds good mom." I said smiling.
The rest of the day my mom and I talked about alternatives to leaving. I stood my ground though. We talked about where I'd live and what I'd do for work; dad's office did need a new secretary… We discussed Paul and his parents and all the boys in the band.
"Kaiden, you really need to tell Zack where you are." She said after we'd finished eating our smoked salmon dinner and fruit salad dessert, we were sitting in the living room looking at the stars. "He's still so worried about you."
I sighed, "I know I do." I paused to think of how the conversation would go, and how he'd react. "He's going to be mad." I whispered the last part.
"It's not that he's mad at you Kai, he's worried." She said squeezing my hand. "You're his little sister, he feels as though he has to protect you."
"I'm grown up, I can take care of myself." I said, stubbornly.
"Kai, you're only twenty-three years old, you're not grown up. You still need help, you're moving back home aren't you?"
"I know…you're right." I chuckled. "Never thought you'd hear that one, did you?"
"From your mouth? To me?" She chuckled with me. "No, never." We changed the subject to that of reminiscing over the past.