I had a few months of pure happiness, after all.

Between training to catch up on what I missed when I was messed up, seeing my friends, and spending the rest of my time with Annie, my days after she came back were heaven compared to those before her.

Annie didn't change. Only in the first few days she stayed in bed shivering. What did they do to her? And why was she only wearing a sheet when I saw her? I prefer not to think… I just got her back, better hold on to the happiness than throw it away to think of hell.

Johanna… it's hard to say the same about her. They tortured her more severely because she knew the plan. She was broken… she was tired… sort of like me before I got Annie back. All her hair was shaved as part of being imprisoned or a kind of torture, maybe, but it won't be long before it goes back to shape anyway; Johanna usually keeps her hair short and spiky.

I visited her after Annie's condition became safe. She was drugged, so I had to wake her up. She was angry to be waken up; I couldn't help but smile when her anger reminded me of mine when Katniss woke me, only a few days ago, to tell me about the rescue mission, yet I was not the kind to let my anger out, like her.

Her anger faded once she saw me.

-"Finnick! I thought you were fire girl."

-"Johanna! I miss you." I say, kissing her forehead.

No, I won't say there's something between me and Johanna. There's never been any. But, just like Katniss and I were gathered the days our beloved ones were far away, what brings Johanna and I together is the feeling that we're on the same tone… we understand each other. And I, with my sarcasm and humor, and she, with her harsh honesty, would always make a good couple of friends.

-"So, Odair, like my new look?"

-"Got to love it. Suits you."

-"Makes me look as much of a man as I am, huh?" She says with a sarcastic look on her face.

-"No, leaves the spot light to your more feminine parts, actually."

This is something Johanna usually starts jokes about: Her being too manly. Johanna is actually a very beautiful girl and I'm sure it's not difficult to emphasize that. It's just that she doesn't care about it.

-"Ah, so… I do see signs of the presence of a brain under those ginger locks, now, Odair."

I laugh.

-"How is Annie?" She asks suddenly, in apparent concern.

-"She's good now."

-"Bless her. But anybody who wakes up for those eyes has to be fine already, right, Odair?"

We both laugh. This means nothing to any of us. It's only a joke.

-"Fire girl, on the other hand, is not so good. She's still in shock. You know, she thinks she loves Hawthorne, but really, I think she's Mellark's girl. I mean if she didn't care about him that much why would she be so heartbroken?"

Ah… Peeta.

Peeta's been the worst. What exactly should I start with? With him trying to choke Katniss, leaving fatal damages? Or with the news I hear that he's probably been altered to somebody else?

I cried inside when I heard it. Peeta was my friend… for two days, yes, but I felt like it was something that could have lasted longer. Now I doubt after what he did to Katniss he longs much to see me either, or anybody from his old life, really.

List of reasons why I want to kill Coriolanus Snow: Add reason "Peeta".

-"Where is Katniss anyway?"

-"Ah, you've been hiding in a closed room for 4 days. Fire girl is at 2."

I stand up immediately.

-"Why is she at 2?" I whisper.

-"She said she wanted to do something useful. Plutarch didn't seem ready to send her to the capitol so they preferred sending her to 2."

I start whispering with my teeth grinding each other… hissing… I was breathing faster and shivering.

-"Why didn't anybody tell me? What, am I officially becoming the hospital's crazy guy, now? I'm a hunger games victor! Why am I not in a battlefield already? And are they crazy to send her to 2? What if we lose her? The cause loses its symbol!"

-"Calm down, Odair! She's not alone, she's with Hawthorne, Boggs, a big team. When did you become in love with fire girl?"

-"She's my little sister! Just like you!"

-"Well she can take care of herself, she's not 12! Besides nobody wanted to take you from your girl two days after you reunited. Relax, will you?"

I start to see things in a better way. Katniss will be okay, just like Annie. She'll come back here and she'll be here for Peeta until he's back on track.

"So…" says Johanna, "What are your plans for… you know, later."

-"I'm marrying Annie." I say, as calm as I could.

She looks at me for two seconds, then says, "Congratulations, trident."

-"Thanks, axe. I must be going if I have a wedding to prepare. Also I have to be in command to stay tuned with them."

-"Will you come again, today?"

-"I will." I say, feeling a bit guilty. I wouldn't give up on Johanna, either.

Before I close the door, she yells, "See if you could invite your little crazy, bald friend to your wedding."

-"No, I won't." I say, and she laughs, last thing I hear before I lock the door.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

So what is it that people usually say about wedding nights? That they're the most beautiful nights of people's lives… that it only happens once and its specialty lasts forever… that even if you have another, it won't feel like the first.

My wedding night raised above all that.

Annie's mine now. If someone wants to take her away again, they'll have to avoid my trident.

Everybody I love -except those who are forever gone and Peeta- was there. For the first time since I came to 13 I saw people have some fun, not scared of the costs. There were none, really. There's no cost you pay for being happy for two people who reunited after they crossed flaming hells.

Annie has never looked more beautiful. She wore a green dress, the color of our eyes, that Katniss wore on her victory tour. I wore a suite that was Peeta's. They were designed by Cinna and Portia and to those of us who knew them both, it gave a pain in the heart. But tonight, it seems, we all decided to forget all that's wrong: Peeta who's lying at the hospital altered into God knows what, Cinna and Portia, Mags who gave her life for this moment, Annie's father who should have seen it…

Katniss was still in pain from the destruction of her spleen, but she was here and she danced all night. Seeing the joy in her eyes for Annie and I was definitely something. Gale was here and he seemed happy for me, he forgot about the idea of Katniss and I together, it seemed. Thank God for that. 12 was all here and 300 people from 13. Also Dalton from 10 and some of the authorities.

For those few hours we forgot about the war… the killing… the rebellion… the souls we'll lose and the souls we lost… we forgot about everything and just enjoyed being together. In the beginning when Plutarch said my wedding will be shot and aired in the whole country I was a bit bothered; who wants such a private matter to be shot for propo? But then I became happy that people were happy.

How did that affect the people around the country? Did they feel like they're fighting… dying… suffering… hurting… while we're here having safe fun? Or did they feel like I'm one of them who suffered just as much as they did, or maybe a bit more, and finally got a shot at life? Did it give them hope that one day they, too, will be happy like me?

Things went great after our wedding. Prim still comes to see me and she's one of Annie's best friends now. Katniss is not around most of the time nor is Johanna; they're constantly training. It was announced that we'd go to the capitol soon. I know I'm going this time… nobody can make me not go. I start training even harder once I hear about it.

I visited Peeta once. The visit left memories which leave me sad to recall.

Peeta, as I knew later, was really rude to Katniss the night of my wedding, when Haymitch took her to the hospital to see him. As someone he knows from the past, too, I was asked by Haymitch to visit him under supervision.

I went inside the room knowing people were watching us with cameras and in case he attacks… well, I'm bigger than him and stronger, he wouldn't be able to choke me like he did to Katniss, besides the fact that I'm ready, unlike Katniss back then, but who knows after all that has been done to him what he's able to do?

"Hello, Peeta."

He looks at me. In the beginning it's as if he's trying to remember something, then it's a cold look.

"Finnick Odair?"

-"Yes. Thank you for making my wedding's cake, it was great. How are you doing?" Act normal, they said.

-"You saved my life in the quarter quell, didn't you?" He said, ignoring my question.

-"Yes I did."

-"For her."

-"Who?"

-"Katniss." He pronounces her name with hatred he failed to hide.

-"Not only for Katniss, Peeta. I liked you."

-"They told you to save my life for the rebellion."

-"Well, that," I confess, "And also the fact that I liked you."

-"What is it that you liked about me?"

-"You're strong and brave and kind, and you fought to protect… who you loved." I was scared to mention Katniss in fear of his reaction.

-"Katniss. Say it." It's as if he's reading my thought.

-"Yes. Katniss."

He contemplates me for a second. I look at him, fixated at his eyes, so he can read my honesty.

-"You're pretty." He says with an unfriendly tone. "How is it working out for you with Katniss now?"

I try to relax. It's not his fault.

-"Dude, you made my wedding cake two days ago." I succeed to put a smile on my lips. "And actually we're friends, remember? That night in the arena after Mags died when you and I talked and you said we were friends?"

-"Mags?"

-"My… mother. She was with us in the quarter quell and she died in the fog. Remember?"

-"I sort of… have different memories about that."

-"Tell me what they are. If the scientists in the capitol have put them in your head, just know they're all wrong."

But he doesn't tell me a thing. He only looks at me as if he's starting to trust me.

-"Don't believe her. Don't believe Katniss. She's a monster. She manipulated us, all of us even her friend Gale, in order to execute her plan."

-"What plan?! Peeta you've lost it. Katniss loves you, she's the token of the rebellion! She's trying to give us all hope!"

-"Sounds like you do know her. Better than me, you think?"

-"No, not better than you. Look in the back of your mind for answers to your questions. You know Katniss perhaps better than any of us. Don't you think this is why you loved her?"

He thinks about my words for a while, but it seemed more like his memories were too altered… mutilated… to really let him believe anything else.

-"So I see now on which side you are, pretty boy. Where were you when your wife was being tortured?"

I start to lose my nerves. Haymitch comes in knowing I might say something unpleasant.

-"Let's go, Finnick."

I get up and head to the door, but not before I say to Peeta, "See you when you get your brain back."

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

Weeks after, came our final test. Later, we'd be divided into squads of 8. Thank God my trainings started after Annie came back and I was considered mentally ready, so I was able to catch up. In the end, I was able to pass that test which targeted our weaknesses. I was put into Squad 451, it's a special squad of sharpshooters, it had me, Katniss, Gale and 5 people we don't know, and lead by Boggs. I was happy to be with those people; even those I didn't know seemed nice. We, out of all squads, were in command. How important are we?

Plutarch started explaining things on a panel. Lights on the capitol's streets which represented, he said, pods. Death traps.

I was barely listening. My heart started pounding. I advanced to the panel… the map of his latest arena. Katniss, too, recognized what we're facing.

My fingers touch a part of the map as I say,"Ladies and gentlemen..."

"…Let the seventy-sixth Hunger Games begin!" says Katniss, completing my sentence.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

"Funny, isn't it?" Says Johanna. "Axe girl is not going to wave her axe slitting throats, after all."

-"It sort of gives me relief, though. You didn't see that map, Johanna. It's an arena. The 76th hunger games as Katniss said. I wouldn't want you to go there. It's enough for me that Katniss and I are going there."

-"So… you're sending yourself back to an arena to die. Not a choice I take as a surprise from you, trident."

I think for a minute.

-"For the last few weeks… My life seemed worth something. Remember before when I felt no need to fight for my life? When death seemed easy? Well, when you've got nothing you've got nothing to lose, they say. Sounds true. Now that I got Annie back and maybe one day a family… it does seem like a loss. I thought I'd live to see 4 again… swim again… see a child of my own… lie on Mags' bed and cry over her… a life, you know. This seems too much to aim for, for me."

-"You're speaking as if you're compelled to do it. I'm sure, trident, that if you tell Heavensbee or anybody that you want to stay here, they'll only hire someone else. No trouble. Don't give up a whole life only so you don't look like a coward."

-"I'm not giving my life so I don't look like a coward, Johanna. I'm giving my life because it's my duty. Because if I don't, it's not only that I'll look like a coward, but I'll be a coward, in fact. In war if someone's young and good enough for battle, it's what they should do. Anything that is personal… it has to be put behind. I thought you, out of all of them, would understand!"

She only looked at me… expressionless.

"Johanna, if I die there…" she looked at me in grief once I said that. She caught a shot that was on the table beside her bed, and I recognized it instantly: Morphling.

No, the last thing I want for my best friend is to become a drug addict. I caught her hand.

-"Johanna, leave this thing."

-"No."

-"Johanna, don't be cowardly!"

-"You dare?!" She yells at me. I was stunned.

"…you dare stand in there tell me you're going to die and yet ask me not to drug myself?! Who do you think you are, Odair? Nothing! Nothing… except the only person I had. And now you're going to throw yourself back to some death trap!"

-"Johanna!"

-"I'm done, okay? I'm nothing! I killed children then lost my entire family because I wouldn't become a prostitute! They caught me in that freaky place and gave me some nice electric shocks… I almost choked on water…"

-"Johanna! Stop!" I yell as loud as her.

-"… and now, somebody else just got the boy, who's probably going to die anyway!"

Silence. Both of us… silent.

It was the first time in my life I see Johanna regret something she said. She puts her hand on her mouth and her eyes shed tears.

"Finnick… get out of here." She whispers.

-"Johanna… what did that mean?" I whisper, too.

-"Please just leave me."

-"Johanna… what was that?"

She looks at me in fumigating anger… almost hatred… but no. Not hatred.

-"Why do you want to know that? It's not going to change anything. I can't even hope for it to change anything."

-"I only want to know. Why did you never tell me?"

-"Like that would change anything. Fine, Odair, I love you. I always loved you, okay? But please just go. Go, say goodbye to your wife. You have a wonderful wife even I couldn't get myself to hate her. Go and tell her you're leaving, probably for good. Okay? Forget about me. Forget about this. My feelings don't matter. Nothing matters actually, if I'll lose you both ways. But…"

She thought for seconds… still crying.

"Yes… some things matter. I thought I was not fighting to get you so you could live a happy life with the woman you love, not so you throw yourself to your own death, actually. And now you're telling me you're going there…"

-"Johanna…" I'm still whispering… unable to go louder.

-"Just go, okay? Go. Fight. Battle those monsters. Do what you're born to do. Die in one of those death traps. I'm not supposed to care, right? So go. And Finnick, please, until you go, don't visit me again. I'd like to get used to it, got it?"

I stand there… unable to move or speak. I cry for the first time since I got Annie back. Once I felt like moving, I stepped to her… I kissed her forehead and whispered, "Good bye, Johanna. Please take care of Annie for me." For it's probably the last time I see her.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

We're leaving for the capitol today.

A nurse tells me Johanna is sedated, so I go to take a look at her… probably the last.

At the hospital also, I greet Mrs. Everdeen. She seems to have been already crying, yet she cries more on my shoulder.

"Thank you for everything, son."

-"I'm the one who should be saying thank you, Mrs. Everdeen. Mother… Magnolia."

She smiles.

Then, it's Prim.

We hugged and I patted her hair.

"We'll meet again soon, brother, right?" She was not crying… she seemed more certain than her mother.

-"Of course, sister. Of course."

I wish I was actually so sure.

Then come Haymitch and Beetee.

Haymitch only hugs me a very manly, almost blank hug. But I know Haymitch enough to know he already has so many feelings.

"You know what to do, don't you, son?"

-"Go there and protect Katniss if I had to die." I say.

-"No. Fight trying to save yourself for once in your life. Okay?"

-"I'll try." I say, smiling.

-"Finnick…" Says Beetee.

I lean to greet him on his wheelchair. "Thank you for the trident, Beetee."

-"Just go back with it safe or I'll sue you for the money."

I laugh. How many times will I laugh before I'm dead? I can't be sure.

Plutarch said he wanted our squad to be a star squad, to be only shot for propos… the faces of the army in the media. But I know better. I know I won't go to the capitol without making sure Snow dies. I know Katniss too won't let the chance go. For some reason, those who came to greet me, or maybe us in general, knew that. Maybe because they knew us. Can someone who knows me and how much I suffered think for a second I'll settle for being a television doll? It's not even to be questioned.

I only have Annie left.

In the last few days, I said nothing to her. Nothing about the arena I'm going to… nothing about my intention to do a real thing in the capitol. I only got as much of her as I could, though I know I could never get enough.

I go to our compartment in my military ensemble. I know she'd get that for only one meaning.

I opened the door… she was sitting in the bed tying knots. Once she hears the door tick, she rises up cheering, "Finnick!" But before she's hugging me, her eyes are laid on the military ensemble.

"What's that?" She whispers.

-"Annie, I have to go. We're going to the capitol to end this." Involuntarily, my voice keeps lowering into whisper; the last word in the sentence was barely hearable.

-"But… but why? You can't go, Finn."

-"I should. I'm sorry Annie, I can't stay here while everybody fights. This is despicable."

-"No, Finn, no. Please. I have no one else. Please. I had a nightmare last night about it." I want to cover my ears… I don't want to hear… but I don't want to break her heart. "I had a flash back of Lantis' death… but it wasn't him… it was you, Finn. That career boy decapitated you. Finn I have a bad feeling about this." As she talks, she holds my collar. It's clear she won't let me go.

I realize as I say to her, "Annie, let me go.", that my eyes have been teary all along.

-"Finnick listen to me. I know what happened to you in the capitol, okay?"

I freeze.

-"What are you talking about?" But I know what she's talking about.

She starts crying as she says it.

-"I know what Snow forced you to do. I heard about it from some girls talking on the beach, about the affairs you had in the capitol. They didn't know I was listening… then I went to Mags… I was angry and I wanted to leave you forever, but then she told me the truth, that you were threatened our death if you don't do it, because she was scared for us. She told me not to tell you I know. Finnick, I don't want you to go to that city again. I don't want them to hurt you anymore. Stay here with me… be safe. We could be together and have children… But I feel if you go there, Finn, something bad will happen. I feel like I'll lose you."

That's enough. I can't stay. I won't stay. Stop holding me back! Please, stop holding me back!

-"Annie… please… let me go."

-"Finnick, no!"

-"Let me go!" I yelled at her… for the first time in years.

I raised my hands to take hers off my collar violently. I see her no more… the tears blur my vision.

As I turn around to the door to walk out quickly, before she says more… before she says anything that can actually make me stay… She starts yelling with a crying voice.

-"Finnick! Finnick, please! You can't go! There's something I need to tell you! Finnick, I'm-"

But the door is slammed before I hear what she's trying to say. I walk the corridor to the launch room with a blurred vision, hot tears streaming down my face, and I'm not trying to look back.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.