Thankfully, after the 'great potato incident', Neal's issues with eating appeared to dissipate overnight. He began to eat his meals without persuasion of any type and surprisingly as an added bonus, with the healthy appetite of a grown man. El was delighted one afternoon to discover him snacking on cookies, and although dinner was almost ready, she didn't even care. A few nights later when he served himself a ladle of minestrone soup, Peter reached across the table and gave Neal a brotherly slap across the shoulder while announcing how proud he was, much to the delight of the younger man who tossed a rare smile in El's direction.
That weekend, June invited El, Peter and Neal over for dinner. In actual fact, she had invited them a number of times prior but Peter and El had figured that with Neal's defiance over eating, it wouldn't be a particularly pleasant evening for any of them. But now that things had improved on the eating front, it seemed an appropriate time to take Neal back to his apartment for a visit, hopefully to see if the familiarity of the place he had called home could possibly assist him in breaking free from his mental blockade.
Peter stopped the Taurus in the 'no standing' zone situated outside June's front gate. It was the same spot he always pulled into whenever he prearranged to pick Neal up. It was where he'd pulled up to collect Neal the morning he was taken. "You two head on in, I'll go find a place to park." El was carrying a hot casserole dish so it made more sense to drop them off as close as possible. El climbed out of the car carefully and closed the passenger door. Peter turned in his seat, "Out you get buddy."
Neal shook his head and remained with his seatbelt firmly secured.
"It's okay, you go in with El, and I'll catch you up as soon as I get a park."
Neal snapped his fingers together. No.
Urrrrgh! Peter winched. They hadn't even made it out of the car and already there were issues. Had this been a very bad idea or what? He pushed the button for his passenger window. "Hey hon, you go on ahead, Neal and I will catch you up."
El smiled, "No worries, I'll see you both inside."
We can only hope! Peter's thoughts were none too optimistic. He found a park soon after just around the block, turned off the engine and looked in his rear view mirror. A pair of insecure eyes looked back and immediately he felt himself transforming from frustrated partner to caring father – a common transformation of late. He climbed out and walked around to Neal's door. Opening it up, he held out his hand. "Out you get kiddo." The young man appeared even more anxious than before. "There's nothing to worry about. I won't let go of you."
Neal took a deep breath then clicked his seatbelt. He took the proffered lifeline as he climbed out of the vehicle. During the short walk to June's door, Peter kept a secure hand on Neal's shoulder, not feeling overly comfortable with the alternative idea of strolling down the street holding his 'sixteen year old' son's hand.
As they approached the door Neal stopped, pulled himself out from under the agent's grip and looked around. Finally his eyes settled on the concrete retaining wall that was his designated waiting spot for where Agent Burke sometimes met up with him. He walked over and ran his hand across the cold stone surface, examining the surrounds with great scrutiny.
"Hey bud." Peter placed his hand back on the younger man's shoulder. "You okay? Anything you want to tell me?" The agent knew this was where it all started, right here on this damn brick wall. He didn't want Neal to have to face that memory again but at some point it was inevitable. The desired intention was eventually to return the young man to the life he had before he was taken and that included living in his studio apartment with his endless supply of Devour suits and the ten million dollar view of the Manhattan skyline. The down side however was that for that to happen, Neal had to be able to pass this low set wall each and every time he left his apartment without having flashbacks or nightmares. "Neal," Peter prompted once more, "are you remembering something."
The young man looked thoughtful then much to Peter's discouragement; he shook his head and snapped his fingers together. No.
Peter sighed, "All right kiddo, we better head in before the ladies send out a search party." The agent moved towards the door. Within a second, Neal was not only back by his side, but had grabbed a fist full of the agent's shirt sleeve with an iron-clad grip like it was his only link to a safe and secure outcome. Peter pressed the doorbell with his free hand while reasoning that although Neal had no idea what his mind was trying to remember, he knew by the trembling vibrations that were passing through the young man's hand, in through his shirt and into the side of his chest, that it was something very, very bad and perhaps he'd be better off not remembering at all.
###
June was so happy to see her darling boy. She had been to visit the Burkes a couple of times since Neal's rescue – the first time being when she took a bag of clothes over on the first night he was out of hospital. Peter had planned to call by with Neal to pick up some gear, but that plan went out the window when the agent had arrived home and found the kid already in a very negative place. He didn't want to chance what might transpire by returning him to the scene of the crime so June happily agreed to bring over a selection of outfits and personal essentials, pleased to be able to support her young man in any way possible. Now tonight he was finally coming home, even if but for a short time. Neal's first time back to see his apartment since….since it happened. Shaking those unpleasant thoughts from her mind she embraced the young man and kissed him all over his dear sweet face. "Come on Neal, let's go up and have you check out your room. Everything's just the way you left it." June excitedly led the entourage up the stairs. El followed and Peter brought up the rear with his clingy companion remaining firmly attached to the side of his shirt.
When they reached the loft, June walked to the balcony doors and opened them with an enthusiastic flourish. She spun around with her beautiful smile and asked, "Does it look familiar?"
Neal let go of Peter and looked around. He walked over to the table, checked out the view then held up his hand. He snapped his index finger and middle finger together with his thumb.
June smiled hopefully at her visitors. "Does he remember?"
Neither of the Burkes were prepared to burst this sweet older lady's bubble so they went with what always worked best in these uncomfortable situations - misdirection. "June, how about you and I start on dinner before these two hungry men get stuck into all the amazing deserts you've prepared. El had seen the selection downstairs – it was enough to feed an army.
Peter and Neal remained in the room after the ladies departed. "So… you don't remember any of this?" The agent waved his arm across the room.
Neal signed some words but Peter, not having his interpreter, had no idea what he'd just said. "Any chance you can use your voice?" the agent asked hopefully.
The young man smiled apologetically and dropped his head to study the floor.
"Okay, not to worry. It'll come back to you sooner or later I'm sure of it. But in the meantime," Peter checked the door to be sure they were alone, "can you do me a favour just for tonight and use some of your hidden talents?"
Neal raised his eyes looking curiously at the older man.
"June, she's you know….got a kind heart and she's been as worried about you as the rest of us. Perhaps you could maybe…" Peter hated to ask, knowing it was never good policy to awaken a sleeping giant, but desperate times and all… "maybe you could fake remembering something?"
Neal looked confused.
Peter thought for a moment, looking for a harmless example. "Perhaps if June puts on a song and says, 'Neal this one's your favourite,' you could maybe nod and appear like the tune is just a little bit familiar. I know it would bring a smile to her face. Do you think you could do that for me?"
Neal nodded in understanding then signed some more words, nothing of which Peter understood.
Dinner was a pleasant affair, Neal even came to the party with 'remembering' some of the things June asked him about which pleased her to no end. Peter considered during one of the interactions if it had been wrong to ask the kid to 'work a con' but after a short deliberation he came to the conclusion that it may possibly do more good than harm. There was a chance it may assist the young man in moving back to more familiar territory. The catchphrase about 'faking it till you make it' was on the 'old Neal's' words to live by list.
All too soon for June, they said their goodbyes and headed home. Overall, it had been a positive experience for everyone and they decided to do it all over again very soon. At some point in the future, Neal would undoubtedly be moving back to June's therefore a couple more nights like this one would go a long way to helping him feel secure and familiar with his old Manhattan loft apartment for when that finally took place.
###
Peter climbed out of bed the next morning feeling more normal and more alive than he had felt in a long time. Going out with El and Neal to June's had been just what the doctor ordered and certainly one of the more ordinary things they'd done together in a very long time. He slipped on his slippers, appreciating the fact that once again he was able to plant both feet on the ground without fear of stepping on a grown man. Ah, the simple pleasures in life!
After visiting the bathroom and a quick change into some sweats and a t-shirt, the agent headed down the hall to check on his young charge but found his room to be surprisingly vacant. Peter was pleasantly surprised, reasoning that the whereabouts of the kid would have to be known to his wife who'd been the first to wake. If not, no doubt he would have been shaken awake much earlier and recruited to take command of a full-scale search.
Peter moseyed on down the stairs, stopping to ruffle the neck of his dog who had found a comfortable spot to slumber on the bottom tread. He could hear El talking in the kitchen, asking Neal if he could get some apples out of the fridge to cut up for the fruit salad. The agent smiled and spoke softly to Satchmo, "Seems a little too good to be true hey buddy? I wonder how long before it all comes crashing down?"
Way too soon it would seem. Peter walked into the kitchen just in time to see Neal slicing up the apples. Except he wasn't slicing up the apples, he was slicing up the palm of his left hand. "NEAL!"
The resounding clatter of the metal knife hitting the tiled floor after slipping out of Neal's hand was only surpassed by the crashing clang of El dropping the stainless steel salad bowl into the sink as she startled at her husband's booming voice. "PETER!"
Peter ignored his wife and went straight to the source of the problem. He grabbed Neal's hand, investigated that the damage wasn't at all life threatening then pushed his partner up against the counter. "Neal! What the hell is going on?" When he didn't get an answer, Peter shook the kid and pushed again. "I told you to tell me or El if you thought of doing something like this again! What were you thinking Neal!"
"Peter," El's voice broke through the commotion, "you're scaring him."
El was correct, the young man looked positively startled by Peter's reaction. The agent immediately released his partner and stepped back. While taking a deep breath, he glared first at El then back at Neal before storming out the front door, possibly to walk off some steam.
El wiped her hands clean on some paper towel and moved over to inspect the damage herself. "Oh sweetie, let's take a look."
Neal held out his hand but looked away, not wanting to see the disappointment in Mrs B's eyes.
"It doesn't look too bad but how about we go upstairs and wash it with some antibacterial cream just to be sure?"
The young man followed Mrs Burke up the stairs while wondering what on Earth had possessed him to slice the skin open on his palm. The pain from the cut was only slightly less uncomfortable than visual he had in his head of Agent Burke's irate expression.
###
El found Peter on the back porch about an hour later giving Satchmo a tummy rub. She'd sent Neal up to the bedrooms to change the sheets and collect the towels and linen for the wash knowing it would keep him busy for the next half hour or so. Peter had skipped breakfast having lost his appetite and had not come in from outside since his impromptu walk around several city blocks.
"Feeling better?" El sat down and placed a loving arm around her husband's shoulder.
Peter sighed deeply, "No, not really."
"What's bothering you the most hon? The fact that he cut himself again or the fact that you totally lost it with him?"
Peter smiled and kissed his wife on the top of her head as he pulled her in close. "Can it be both?"
"Yes, it can be but that also means you have to give Neal twice as many cuddles later to make up for it."
Peter laughed. "At the rate I'm losing it, I'll be the one needing the cuddles, and you know...years of therapy."
El leaned into her husband some more, "It's nice to hear you laugh. I don't hear it nearly enough these days."
"I'm sorry hon, it's just that-"
"No, there's no need to be sorry, for anything honey. I understand implicitly what you are going through."
"Still, I am sorry; I shouldn't have stormed off like I did this morning."
"Yes you should have. It was important to let off some steam. The walk probably did you the world of good."
"I hope so." Peter shook his head and sighed, "It's just so frustrating El. One minute it looks like everything is getting better and returning to normal and then he goes and does something stupid like cutting his hand, intentionally. It's like one step forward and two steps back."
"Nah, it's more like two steps forward, one back. You have to expect there to be hiccups along the road to recovery Peter."
"Yeah but I expect those hiccups to be just that, simple little hurdles that are meaningless, not something as dire as stabbing himself with a knife."
"It wasn't so much of a stab as…as a mere slice?" El tried to soften the severity of the situation.
Her husband didn't buy into it. "He cut himself El, bottom line. And I want to know why. I want him to sit across from me and use his words and say, 'Hey Peter, I'm sorry I was such an idiot. Certainly I will never do it again and well in case you were wondering I did it because….'"
"At some point he will start talking again hon, just give him time. I think it was a good move taking him to June's last night. Perhaps you should consider taking him to the Bureau for a visit one day this week. You never know, it may prompt some part of his brain to remember where he was at, mentally, before he was taken."
"Perhaps I could take him in on Wednesday. My schedule's pretty full for tomorrow and Tuesday but mid-week might work. I know that Agents Holloway and Fench would love to have a chat, but it's probably a little too soon for that. I was going to leave his first bureau visit until he started talking again but taking him in this week may not be a bad idea. Good thinking, hon." Peter kissed his wife on top of her head once more. "I knew I married you for a reason."
"What reason was that? For my bright ideas or how I relentlessly save your butt by digging you out of trouble."
"Well, I was going to say because I'm addicted to the smell of the shampoo you use in your hair but those other reasons are also valid."
Standing up El kissed her husband on his head, "Nup. I don't feel the same overpowering love with your hair."
"Hey!"
"Come on you," El held out her hand, "we have chores to do."
"Can't we get Neal to do all the jobs?" Peter moaned. "Isn't that why we had a kid in the first place?"
"You know hon, comments like that are the reason Andy thinks Neal's your actual son."
"He does not, he's just fooling around."
"So sure are you?"
"Yeah…. of course I'm... sure…?" Peter wasn't even able to convince himself.