Chapter 13. Bella.
It was definitely the face of Edward Masen. I wasn't dreaming or having some kind of alcohol-related hallucination. It was him, in the flesh. But it wasn't the Edward Masen I knew.
In the dark of the night, it was hard to see exactly what he looked like, but I could make out some features of him that I was certain he didn't have two years ago.
First off, he was pale. I remembered him having a slight tan back at Phoenix. I countered in the fact that he had obviously been living in Washington for the whole time but that still didn't explain the eerie, almost translucent sheen of his skin. Nobody could turn that pale naturally.
Secondly, his eyes weren't green anymore. When he looked up at me from my neck, they glistened topaz in the moonlight. Yes, topaz. Not green. Topaz. Those two new features and the dangerous warning going off in my head, telling me that he was about to kill caused me to come to the conclusion that Edward had changed. For the better? I wasn't sure. If killing me was for the better, then okay, sure. But I couldn't help but feel that he was better off than he was all those months ago.
The last time I saw him, he was about to be shipped off to a psychiatric ward. He was dependent on alcohol and barely moved all day. He was a human vegetable, yet here he was, stronger and more beautiful than I had ever seen him. Though, the fact he hadn't said my name or shown me any hint that he knew who I was planted an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. Did he even remember me? Did he even love me anymore?
What did it matter now? I was going to be dead soon.
He made a choking sound that sounded like a sob. He did remember who I was. I knew it now.
Before I could try and talk to him, I felt teeth press against my neck. Teeth? What? I started shaking uncontrollably in fear. However he intended to kill me, it was going to hurt. Badly.
Edward was ripped away from my body and I was swooped up instantly into somebody's arms.
"Close your eyes" came Alice's voice. I had just been saved from death, so I was not about to disobey her. I clamped my eyes shut and felt her take off with me still in her grasp. It felt like we were barely moving, but the cold wind hitting the back of my neck told me we were moving at an incredible rate. My stomach clenched into a tight knot and I felt like screaming. I was so confused; more confused than I had ever been. I had just been about to die, and here I was in the arms of a tiny girl, being...protected? Maybe? Or, maybe I was about to be killed.
And then it hit me. Whatever was going on with the Cullens and the Hales, it was happening to Edward. That topaz colour, that skin...
"Let me go!" I screamed at Alice. She didn't let me go. She kept running.
I wrenched open my eyes and shut them again almost immediately. In the few seconds they had been open, I saw my surroundings were a dark green blur. We were moving too fast. Alice was speeding through the forest at such a rate that even thinking about it made my muscles ache. There was no way that Alice was normal. Human, even.
"Not until you're far away" she said, her voice perfectly even and controlled. How was she not coughing and spluttering from the immense energy it would require to move this fast? She seemed fully at ease, apart from the slight fear I could sense coming from her. This confirmed my thoughts that she was protecting me, and that she was definitely not human.
We ran for another few minutes, and I supposed that would equal maybe a day of me walking. Finally, still holding onto me, Alice set me down on the ground. She clung to my wrist as if I would try and run away from her at any moment. I had thought about that, but had realised that it was no use. She was faster than any car I had seen, and I certainly had no hope of outrunning her, or ever hiding from her.
I looked up at her beautiful face and saw she wore that same blank expression she had back at the party. Her eyes were distant and glossy. Why did this happen to her?
"Good" she sighed aloud. I cocked my head at her. When she saw my confused expression, she gave a small giggle. It was uncontrolled, and sounded slightly insane. It scared me.
"Would you believe me if I said I was a psychic?" she asked, sounding amused. I studied her expression for a while; from what I could see in the dark she look troubled. Her bright eyes were darkened not just by the black night, but by some unreadable emotion.
"I would" I admitted, being perfectly honest with her and myself, "There's something about you guys."
"There's no need to be afraid anymore" she assured me, hearing my trembling voice. Sweat dripped down the back of my neck and I wiped it away hastily.
"Afraid?" I asked, on the verge of tears again, "There's no need?" Anger was rising in my chest and it stung my eyes.
"He just tried to kill me!" I yelled, directing all of my anger at Alice, whom I barely knew. I wasn't angry at her because she took me into the forest alone, I was angry at her because she knew things I didn't. And she wasn't the one who had just faced death. Yet she knew everything. I knew she did.
"How do you know Edward?" she asked after a long, awkward pause. I swallowed hard, for I had never talked about what happened with Edward, not even to Charlie. Not properly. Saying it aloud might bring back too many memories, bringing on unwanted feelings.
"We were friends" I said flatly. She didn't believe me for one second, and who would? I was a bad liar.
"More than friends" she said. It wasn't a question. I nodded slowly, refusing to look away from my hands that were fidgeting in my lap.
"How did he end up in Washington?" she asked, leaning forward. I sighed and lifted my head up to meet hers. She looked so concerned, kind. It was difficult not to spill my guts to her. But I didn't know who she was, not really. And this was not the time or place to be divulging into my past with a stranger who possessed extraordinary powers.
"How about you tell me what's going on, first?" I asked rudely. I could see hesitation in her smile. She didn't want to tell me anything; or maybe she couldn't tell me anything.
"I shouldn't tell you. It would put you in danger..." she trailed off.
Acting like a stubborn child, my lips fell into a pout. I didn't care about danger, apparently I was in enough already with my ex boyfriend on an endless tirade to try and do me in.
"Alice" I choked out, my eyes welling with the tears that had been threatening to spill over for quite a while, "You have to tell me."
"I know" she sighed. I straightened up in hope that I would get something, anything about what had gone on tonight.
"You're not going to believe me at first. But you will eventually. You'll be scared, that's for certain, and you'll probably try to run away from me..."
"Alice" I interrupted, "I just want answers."
"Alright, but don't blame me when you've heard too much. You asked for answers, and you're getting them. Every single one of them."
"Answer away."
"The Cullens, the Hales. We're all the same thing. We aren't human" she looked at me warily, while choosing her next words carefully, "I want you to understand, firstly, that we are not bad. We don't hurt humans. We are the good guys. Or...we try to be" her face turned lack and I knew that she was thinking of Edward.
"Vampires."
I started to giggle. Alice's eyes turned wide and she looked at me like I had slapper her in the face.
"S-sorry" I sniggered, "It's just...v-vampires? You can't be."
Alice stood up and started to walk away. I thought at first that it was because I had offended her, but when she walked up to a tree and stopped next to it, I could tell she wanted to show me what she was, instead of tell me.
With a quick, small flick of her wrist the tree snapped right off its thick roots and the trunk rested in her right hand. The whole time she had been watching my reaction with caution. No, it couldn't be real. I was passed out in Jasper's room. I was still back at the party. There was no such thing as...
Vampires.
Alice broke the tree again, and again and again until all I could do was stare, frozen by shock and some awe.
I turned from giggling to sobbing in an instant. I think I finally snapped. So much had happened that night, and this just pushed me over the edge. Vampires.
The Cullens, Hales, whoever...they were vampires.
Creatures feared by humans for centuries. Vampires. Once fictional characters from poor horror movies that used to scare me to tears. They were real. It was all real. I wasn't dreaming.
"Bella?" she asked, peering at my face from meters away. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I could only sob. Tears rolled down my cheeks and fell into my lap, one by one. It was so quiet that I could hear each drop hit my legs.
Drip, drip, drip.
It was like a tap, driving me insane slowly, but surely. It couldn't be real. Edward was back. He couldn't be.
Drip, drip, drip.
It just wasn't fair.
"Bella, I'm not going to hurt you" she said, dropping the tree and causing the ground to rumble. She moved swiftly over to me and tentatively placed a hand on my shoulder.
"I know it's a shock."
"Hmmmmm" was all that erupted from my throat. I was unable to make any other sounds, let alone speak my thoughts. Edward Masen. A vampire. A monster – one who tried to kill me.
"In Edward's defence, he never meant to hurt you" she said quietly, "When we smell blood, sometimes things get a little out of hand."
Seeing the confused look on my face, Alice explained.
"We're not like the other vampires. We only drink the blood of animals" she offered me a small smile and I finally calmed a little. But not enough to trust myself to speak, no, I wasn't that calm yet.
"Edward, when he was turned, killed two people. That's a lot less than most of us. Carlisle, our father, was very proud of his ability to ignore the scent of human blood. But it's your scent. The smell of your blood. It must have driven him insane. I can tell you right now that he had no idea who you were. He has no memory of his past life, or so we think. It's hard to tell with Edward. I'm usually very perceptive of people, but Edward...he's something I've never experienced before. It's like he's always trying to make up for something, but not even he knows what. I think that may have been you. The thing he needs to make up for. He left you, didn't he?"
I nodded slowly. It hurt to remember those days I spent, searching for him without sleep or rest. I barely stopped to let myself think or even eat. I just kept looking for him, waiting for him.
"He's never forgotten about it. He's never forgiven himself."
"Good" I spat, having finally gathered the mental strength to speak. Alice looked at me with a hurt and shocked expression. Did she honestly expect me to just run back into Edward's arms? I wouldn't even consider giving him another chance, let alone actually give him one.
"I'm not saying you take him back, or even talk to him. Just forgive him. He deserves it" she said quietly. Was she serious? I glared at her with all the anger I had bottled up inside of me over the past two years.
"You think he deserves anything from me?" I asked in a voice that could most likely freeze fire, given the chance.
"I think he deserves something" she answered. I could tell she was sincere, and that Edward hadn't asked her to do this for him. She really cared about him, and she truly thought that he deserved forgiveness.
"I'll have to think on that" I said bitterly after a few moments of thought. Alice took this as a yes and smiled widely, flashing a set of very hard-looking, very white teeth.
Edward.
Exiled in my own room. Just like my human days. The same feeling of uselessness and the same contempt for myself. It was as if I were experiencing a flashback, and it was all too fucking terrible to be true.
At least I wasn't drowning my sorrows with a bottle of vodka. Instead, I was writing music. Lots of music.
I sat at my piano and strummed my dusty guitar. Carlisle had once offered to buy me a new guitar, but I wanted to keep my own. It was the only significant thing I had left from my days as a human. The other things – they had been lost.
I only just started to remember where I got the shabby guitar from.
I purchased it from the old music store in Phoenix, with Bella, that day my mother died.
I looked around my room, in hope to find something to distract my thoughts from the dark events of my past. My tall walls were covered in sheets of hand-written music and the one wall that wasn't was covered in stacks of CD's. Anybody who didn't know what I was would expect me to have some kind of neurological disorder. And technically I did. Technically I was an insomniac, leaving me long nights with nothing to do bar write music.
The song I was currently working on was only half finished. I had written the piano sheet a few hours before, and now at three thirty in the morning, I was up to the guitar sheet. I strummed mindlessly until I had a tune. It was soft, sorrowful. Exactly how I was feeling.
I had a few lines down when Carlisle entered my room. I had been so absorbed in my music that I hadn't even heard him approaching. He startled me and I broke a string.
"Jesus Christ" I swore under my breath.
"Watch your tongue, Edward" said Carlisle wearily.
"Sorry" I croaked, setting my guitar down and swinging around on the stool to face him. He looked exhausted, though vampires didn't technically wear out, not really. It had to be emotional stress. Which meant it was my entire fault.
Look at him there. He's not a monster. I wasn't wrong to bring him into my family. Was I?
His thoughts were too much to bear. Guilt like I had never before experience, not even when leaving Bella, stampeded through my heart like a pack of rhinos. I was a wretched thing, to betray Carlisle in such a way. He was a very passionate man; you could see it in his eyes. He cared for all of us, for his work, his favourite books. Above all things, he was passionate about life. If you tried to take something away that meant so much to him, there would be consequences.
My consequence? Isolation.
I didn't blame Carlisle. I brought it all on myself.
"Edward" he said softly, moving forward to take a seat on my sofa, "You don't have to stay in here anymore. Your punishment was over days ago."
"I know" I said flatly. I was well aware that I was now free, that I could do as I pleased. The thing was; I was scared to leave my room. I didn't trust myself. Who's to say that I wouldn't run back to Washington as soon as I stepped out of the front doors?
I'm worried about him.
"I know" I said again, answering his thoughts aloud. Carlisle looked at me with a raised, blond eyebrow and then, as though to remember that I could read his thoughts, his eyes widened.
"Edward. We all forgive you."
"But you don't. Not all of you" I said, knowing the truth. Rosalie, Jasper and Esme still held some doubts and disappointment for me, and they each had let me know without realising it.
Esme would smile at me and hug me, when I knew what she was really thinking: 'I still can't forgive you. We trusted you. How I wish I had my son back.'
I hated being able to read minds.
"We're trying" he defended. And I knew that at least that claim was true. Each member of my family fought with themselves mentally over what to do, how to treat me. I had to agree that they were trying their hardest; even Rosalie.
"Alice wants to see you" he said after a long silence. I was too concerned with my own thoughts to be listening to his.
"Send her up" I said with mock enthusiasm. Carlisle stared at me for a moment.
He's changed.
He left my room with that final blow, and Alice was soon to follow. My heart did lighten at the sight of her. Spiky hair, bright eyes, amused smile. She was my favourite sister, and I owed everything to her. Mainly my sanity.
She didn't need to say anything. I could already see it in her mind.
She'd had a vision recently, and she was remembering it – a private screening just for me.
I was pacing across the courtyard of Washington State University. I was worried. I was frowning and ringing my hands together. My head snapped up suddenly, and my eyes turned from the gold they were to the black of night. My nostrils flared and a low growl erupted from my chest.
Bella walked down the stairs across from me and looked at me sternly as if to say, 'Touch me, and I'll never forgive you.'
She walked close to me, but not too close. She had a wary look on her face, behind the anger and seriousness. She stood a few meters away, never looking away from my eyes.
"I'm glad you agreed to meet me" I said. Seeing myself was always an odd feeling, and it was heightened by the fact I looked like I would throw up any moment. It was clear that I was overcome by Bella's scent.
"Just get to the point, Edward."
The way she said my name, even through Alice's mind, send shivers down my spine. She hated me.
"I would like to apologise. For everything that I have ever done to harm you, or upset you. I know it doesn't change anything, but I hope it will give you some peace of mind, knowing that I regret every single thing I ever did to you."
"You mean it will give you some peace of mind" she spat. I saw my shoulders sag and my face twist into an expression of hurt. She wasn't going to make it easy.
"I can't take back what I did to you, but I wish every day and night that I could. I know you've moved on, and I know you hate me. I just need you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I need you to see that I did it for your safety. I was going to die, and I didn't want you to see me so broken."
Bella scoffed and then the vision faded away to nothing.
Pulling myself out of Alice's mind, I sat down numbly on my sofa and put my head in my hands.
"She's going to agree to see me" I said after a moment of thought.
"Yes. If she doesn't change her mind, that is."
I sighed. Alice's visions were never fully accurate. They would change, depending on the thoughts and decisions of those involved. Sometimes, even the tiniest change of plans could alter the future entirely.
"Will she forgive me?"
"I didn't see that."
"Will I hurt her?" I asked, feeling sick at the thought.
"I didn't see that either, but it all depends on..."
"My choices. I know" I sighed. It was a lot of responsibility and I wasn't sure if I was ready. But I had seemed so confident of myself in the vision. I had struggled; sure, but I looked so determined not to hurt her.
"When will this happen?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"That's all up to you" Alice said quietly.
"I don't know if I'll ever be ready."
"So, what? Are you going to stay in your room every hour of every day, Edward? Look at you! You're weak. You haven't had blood in days. I have never seen you look so pale. And your eyes are darker than I have ever seen on a vampire."
She was right. I was going to die if I didn't hunt within the next few days.
"I'll take you hunting" she offered, "Just me and you, like old times."
Please, Edward.
I smiled at her. She knew how to sweeten a deal. I wouldn't have to worry about the thoughts of everyone else, just Alice. And Alice had forgiven me long before anybody else. I don't think she had even been disappointed with me in the first place. Just concerned.
"Thank you, Alice."
"What are big sisters for?"
I chuckled at her as she walked over to me, grabbing my arm and pulling me up. We ran down the stairs and raced out through the back doors to the Forks wilderness.
There was something new inside of me. Something I hadn't felt in a long time, certainly something I had never felt as a vampire.
Hope. I had hope.
Maybe, just maybe, I would be forgiven for the terrible things I had done. Maybe Bella would even see me as a friend, one day. Maybe even more.
I grinned at Alice as I approached an elk, crouched into an attack stance. Alice beamed at me from the other side of the elk, and nodded. We took it down together and she let me have all of its blood, because she was the best sister in the fucking world.
A/N: Who loves Alice? I can see a lot of people may assume that this will go exactly like New Moon, with Bella running straight back to Edward and forgetting everything he has done to her. Trust me. She won't.
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