Corso woke up with a sinking sensation in his stomach. Today was something awful, but he couldn't quite place it. Oh right, we're going to visit Jenra's grave. Ryli didn't talk about her old crew much, but he knew that Jenra had been a sort of teacher to her. A member of the family Ryli built for herself. A family you're now a part of. He blinked and rolled out of his bunk, running his hands over his hair to tie it back. He'd only spent two mornings waking up beside her, but the bunk still felt empty. Get your head straight, Riggs. Today is not a mooning type of day. He sighed and headed down the hall to shower.
Sometime later, he, Juran and Geotre stood on a plain, the green land of Balmorra stretching away before them. Speckled with bombed sites, the land was nonetheless taking back over. Behind them was a small settlement that had been the frontline of a skirmish against the remnants of the Imperial invasion. In front of them was a line of crude graves. The whole scene felt out of place, the deaths of people who'd just been fighting for their own planet hung like constellations over the blue sky and warm air.
The three of them were silent, but tears were rolling down Juran's face. He stood a bit apart from Corso and Geotre, not bothering to hide his face. Corso felt distant from this moment, as this wasn't the first time he'd stood in front of graves and he was trying very hard not to flash back to what it felt like. He had to keep this moment separate from himself. He wished Ryli was there, because then he could just focus on being there for her and not having to deal with the fact that there were graves like this of people who had been loved on every planet across the galaxy. His mouth filled with blood and he realized he'd been chewing his tongue. The emotions that lead Ryli to such rage against the Empire had never been more clear to him. All this death, the people suffering as slaves, to fund a corrupt madman who had no greater goal beyond conquest was how Corso saw it. His planet, this planet, how many others would there be?
Without a word, the three of them turned and walked back to where they'd parked the speeders. Juran was leaning against Geotre now, their hands clasped tightly.
He wanted Ryli there so badly in that moment. He wanted to bury himself in how much he loved her, in how hard she worked to do good for the galaxy. He clung to his memory of her to keep the sorrow from being overwhelming.
He called her as soon as they were back on the ship. He could tell when she answered that she hadn't slept. His heart sank.
"Hey, Captain," he swallowed.
Her smile was different, more intense and he found himself responding with a brilliant smile of his own. They stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.
"You don't look like you slept much," he said, not caring that it was none of his business.
She ran her hand over her face, "I was thinking about you," she admitted.
Every inch of him electrified and the ship could have fallen into the sun without him noticing. "Ah, so you were alone?"
She giggled, "No, Risha was up with me for some of it." Her face grew serious, but she spoke shyly. "She wants me to tell you something, but I want to wait until you get back."
He was pretty sure everyone on the ship could hear his heart beating. "I could take a shuttle back tonight," he managed to get out. "Unless you're kicking me off the ship for good, in which case you know my thoughts on that."
She giggled again, "No, you'll always have a home here."
"So, what is it?"
Her hand went up to one of her careful buns and nervously ran over the comb in it. "I feel like a jerk," she admitted. "But I've been thinking about it all night and I'll just..." she shook her head.
His heart stopped. "Why do you feel like a jerk?" Please don't tell me you changed your mind about us.
She squared her shoulders in that way he found adorable, despite knowing she usually did it right before she went into a fight. "I... ah," she looked down at her feet, "I was kind of hoping you could not let Juran show you a good time. Anymore." She kept going as his body flooded with adrenaline and a raging, overwhelming desire to have his mouth on her right then. "I mean, if you have... already, it's fine, I can't... but hopefully not after now, because I haven't, ah, since you left... and I'm not going to..."
Is that what I sound like? All fumbling and nervous? His voice sounded rougher to himself, "I hear you, Captain."
She shifted nervously, shaking her head. "Okay, so... are you going to...?"
"There was a bad incident, but I haven't either," He tried to smile reassuringly, but knew that it mostly looked hungry. "You're all I'm thinking about, Captain."
A slow smile started over her face and she opened her mouth to talk, just as Juran came around the corner.
"Ry!" Juran smiled weakly.
She tore her eyes from Corso with an obvious effort and he couldn't stop his heart from pounding so hard it became hard to breath.
"Juran! How bad was it?"
"It was rough," he admitted. "I understand why you didn't want to come." He glanced at Corso, "Could you give us a moment? I'll come get you when I'm done."
Corso nodded; he could use a moment to collect himself as well.
As soon as he got out of earshot, he leaned against the wall, practically panting. How many weeks have I been away? Two? I don't think I can hold out away from her, knowing she's thinking about me, not wanting me to be with anyone else... Volunteering to not be with anyone else herself... He took a long shuddering breath. Get a grip, see this through. She'll be there when you get back. His thoughts drifted. Maybe Juran will have us finish up early...