Everyday Chapter 14, an evangelion fanfic

EVERYDAY

CHAPTER 14

BY WONGA316

EMAIL
wonga316(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au

MSN
wonga316(at)hotmail(dot)com

PROOF READING
Lord Raa

DATE POSTED
20060503

AUTHOR'S NOTES
This is an AU fic where Shinji has the normal yet dysfunctional family. No EVA or Angels and I've decided to include almost all the characters from the anime. There is no real point to the fic. It's just some fun and a creative outlet. Hopefully it'll spark some better ideas for my other stories.

"…" Normal speech

'…' Thoughts

(…) Computer / phone / other chat (you will know what I mean…)

TOKYO 3 – CITY STREETS

"Man… Ikari is running late." Touji looked at his watch again as he and Kensuke waited for the last member of stooges' trio to arrive at their usual meeting point before heading off to school together.

"He probably slept in again or may be the red devil finally did him in," Kensuke offered a reasonable answer.

"Why are you so anxious to get to school anyway?" He asked his sport fanatic friend. Kensuke had noticed an uneasiness and restlessness in Touji this morning. It was unlike Touji to be in a hurry to do anything, let alone want to be on time for school.

"What! Ah… No reason!" Touji was quick to give the impression that nothing was bothering him but it only made his friend morecurious. The computer geek decided not to say anything at first and rummaged through his school bag for his diary.

"AH HA! I knew it!" Kensuke dropped everything and accused his companion. His school diary falling to the ground on today's date.

"You wanna get to class early to see if the class rep has any chocolates for you! You are some piece of work."

"WHAT! NO WAY!" Touji venomously denied the accusation. He tried miserably to hide the deep shade of red coming across his cheeks. Touji was painted in a corner. Kensuke was pointing and laughing at him in the middle of an open street. Passer-by would focus on the pair and Touji was starting to feel even more embarrassed. So he acted the only way he knew how.

"You better shut your mouth!" Touji reefed Kensuke's pencil neck into a headlock and began to squeeze the life out of him. The light around Kensuke's field of vision started to go dim and if it wasn't for familiar voice it might have spelt the end for computer nerd.

"For the last time, he can't give you a piggy back ride!" the pair looked down the street to see Shinji flanked by Asuka and Mana coming down towards them.

"Shut up I wasn't talking to you!" Misato spat back at Asuka. After all, who was this little girl telling her what to do with her Shinji.

"Misato-san!" Touji instantly flung his friend to the concrete and rush to the older woman who had plagued his dreams and thoughts since first laying eyes on her.

Not waiting for an answer from Shinji, Misato leapt up on to her so called fiancé's back. The poor lad struggled with her weight and his legs began to wobble.

"Look he can't even support your fat arse!" Asuka said as Shinji fell face first into the sidewalk with Misato still on top.

"You know what I think, you're just jealous that Shinji prefers a full bodied woman like me instead of a toothpick figure like you!" The purple haired woman fired back with an insult of her own.

"Bitch! Now you die!" As Asuka was about to lunge forward and beat the life out of the woman in front her, she was unexpectedly shoved out of the way.

"Good morning Misato-san! How are you this fine morning?" Touji said while bowing to her who was still on her knees on top of Shinji. From his position he got a prefect view down her shirt.

"Oh, good morning. Who are you?" she asked like she had never seen the boy before. Touji instantly clutched his chest as the imaginary pain of his heart broke into a thousand pieces.

"Shinji! Are you okay?" Mana asked full of concern as she checked for any signs of life from the young man on the ground. Her apprehension began to fade away when he slowly turned his head towards her.

"Why is she still on top of me?" he asked her.

"BAKA STOOGE!" Asuka had figured out that it was Touji that shoved her to the ground and for the moment all her rage was focused on the sport jock. She lunged forward again but to only be shoved aside once again.

"Good morning Misato-san! How are you fine this morning?" Kensuke had quickly recovered from his near death experience at the hands of Touji when he heard Misato's angelic voice call for him from the other side. He bowed as well and was rewarded with the grand view of Misato's cleavage.

"Oh, good morning. Who are you?" she repeated from her conversation with Touji.

"I know! You guys are Mormon. Sorry but we are not interested. My Shinji and I are very happy the way we are." She had mistaken the stooge pair as the religious head cases wanting to recruit more feeble minds for their cult.

"I wonder where he is?" After mentioning his name, Misato began to wonder where her favourite man was. She scratched her head and looked around the street. A low groan from underneath her made her look down.

"GAH! SHINJI!" In all the excitement, she had forgotten that she had pinned him to the ground after wanting a piggy back ride.

"QUICK! MEDIC!" she screamed on the top of her lungs. Ritsuko Akagi trotted up with her first aid field kit at the ready.

"You have to fix him Ritsu! That love hotel room I booked tonight is not refundable!" Misato grabbed her friend by the front of the coat and began shaking her.

"Quit that! And it would help if you got off the poor boy." The blonde quickly slapped Misato's hands away. Her amethyst haired friend looked puzzled.

"How did a piggy back ride hurt my Shin-chan?" while still thinking on an answer to the riddle that beleaguered her thoughts she climbed off and Ritsuko was able to help Shinji back onto his feet.

"Oh I know how to fix this!" Suddenly the answer hit her and she quickly ran off in the opposite direction. Everyone let Misato go on her own as they focused on Shinji for the moment.

"I'll be fine Ritsuko. Thanks for the hand." He said using her to steady himself. The blonde doctor watched Shinji reassure Mana that he was fine and calm his friends down who were jabbering off words a million miles an hour about the goddess Misato Katsuragi and her famous cleavage. She couldn't explain the feeling she felt while watching him. It wasn't respect; she already had that for him. Anyone who can survive the day to day antics of his family and friends deserved more than just respect. It wasn't quite love, yet it was more than a platonic friendship.

"Ahem! Excuse Shinji." She decided that now was the time. She didn't know why she had made him some Valentine chocolate, after all she wasn't renowned for her culinary skills and she thought the idea of Valentines Day was dated and useless in modern Japan. But something in her told her that it was the right think to do.

"I know that I'm not much of a cook but I was wondering if you…" She reached into her hand bag to pull out the wrapped gift but was interrupted.

"YIPPEE! GIGGYUP! GO PIGGY GO!" Misato hollered on the top of her lungs as she rode piggy Naoko Akagi down the street like a cowboy would a rampaging bull at a rodeo. It was now evident what Misato was meant by fixing the piggy back problem.

"Was that a…" Touji and Kensuke looked on in amazement a grown woman rode a bucking giant pig down the middle of a busy street, causing coming traffic to swerve and dodge out of the way.

"Okay everyone! Let's get focused again!" Yui spoke over the mayhem occurring in the street from behind her camera. After she had everyone's attention she continued giving directions.

"Let's get this wrapped up! I have only one day and hours of footage to shoot so Ritsuko I want you to repeat your last line and then hand Shinji the chocolates then take things from there. Where's Kyoko? We need that clapper board."

"Sorry! I just had to update the scene details on the clapper." Ms. Sohryu appeared in front of the group with a movie clapper.

"Okay! Shinji and Ritsuko. Act 1; scene 2; take 2." She clapped the black and white board and quickly got out of the camera's view.

"You're killing the mood! What sort of sick freak tapes their son receiving Valentines Day gifts!" the blonde doctor yelled back at both mothers. Yui's bottom lip began to tremble and tears started to well up. Kyoko response was quite the opposite. The black and white clapper flew through the air and slapped Ritsuko right in the face.

"WAAAAAA!" The Akagi daughter's shouting had the unexpected and undesired result of making Yui cry like a six year old.

"You're right! I'm a freak! I don't deserve to live." Yui made a beeline for the road in an attempt to throw herself in front of a moving car. Shinji and his friends pounced on the crying and sobbing woman. While they wrestled with her supernatural strength, Kyoko used the opportunity pinch back the remote control to the electronic dog collar.

"Time to dance piggy!" she snickered and then pressed the button.

"EEEEEE!"

WHACK

Naoko and Misato simultaneously let out a high pitch shriek as the high voltage current ran through their bodies. Naoko's pace went from a steady run to break neck. Misato lost control of her ride and they both slammed into a nearby dumpster. They hit the steel so hard that their facial details could be made out from the metal.

TOKYO 3 – HIGH SCHOOL

Eventually the party did arrive at school and surprisingly on time. Misato, Asuka and Naoko did have to be piled onto of Shinji's chocolates in the shopping carts and be pushed along but they still made good time.

"Look!" Shinji turned around to the group following behind him to address them with a stern voice. They were just outside the main gates of the school.

"As soon as we walk through these gates, there is to be no nonsense or monkey business of any kind. And if there is anything I swear…"

"Please don't be upset sweetie. We promise to be on our best behaviour! Isn't that right Kyoko?" Yui followed up with swift elbow to her friend's mid section.

"What the hell was that for?" Asuka's mother wasn't prepared for the shot and quickly took offence to it. She returned the favour with a slap to the back of Yui's head.

"HEY! Watch the hair!" the two grown women latched onto each other's cheeks and began to pull side ways.

"That's what I'm talking about! You can't do that here! One more time and all of you are going home!" Shinji berated them like a parent would a misbehaving child.

"Awww… But Shin…" The two mothers stopped trying to tear each other's faces off to complain about the rules Shinji have set down.

"But nothing! Now, hand over the remote control." The young man held his hand out. He knew that having the remote in his possession would go a long way to keep the mayhem to a minimum or so he thought.

"Ha! Kyoko is in trouble!" Yui sang as she wheeled her shopping trolley of chocolate and Misato into the school. Then from behind Shinji, the fleeing mother turned around and gave a quite unladylike gesture to her friend.

"Bitch! I'll show her…" Kyoko muttered under her breathe.

"I'm waiting. Hand it over Kyoko." Shinji said one more time, starting to get impatient waiting.

"Sure you can have it Shinji." The woman pulled out the remote from her handbag. She was about to drop in his hand when she quickly snatched it back.

"You just have to get it yourself." She pulled down her blouse enough to show her well endowed cleavage. She then dropped small hand held device between her massive breasts. The little box caused her fleshy mounds to jiggle a bit as they disappeared within her folds. Shinji just gulped as he began to wonder if it was a good idea to take the controller back.

"Well… come on. What are you waiting for?" she said in a sultry manner and gently swayed side to side causing her melons to have a hypnotic effect on the young man and as well as push the device deeper.

"BAKA! If you stick your hand in there…" the low and feral threat that Asuka growled broke Shinji from his trance. She had recovered with her little break on the shopping trolley.

"Well, how else do you expect me to get it out?" It was a simply question and reply but unfortunately things were never simple with the fiery red head.

"We'll volunteer!" Shinji two friends, Kensuke and Touji quickly stepped forwarded and were willing to put there bodies on the line for the greater good.

"HENTAI STOOGES!" Asuka followed up with two king size upper-cuts which sent our brave, yet dim-witted heroes over the school fence and into one of the buildings. She then grabbed Shinji by the wrist and began hauling him away from her mother and her tempting dare.

"But the remote…" he protested.

"Look baka, as long as I'm touching you then those old hags won't dare zap their precious little Shinji." Asuka's reasoning was sound. While in constant contact with Shinji the mother's wouldn't dare try to activate the collar or so she hoped. But deep down she was using the collars as an excuse to just be close to the Ikari boy.

"Touching?" Shinji repeated while his mind constructed a scene of a barely clothed Asuka clinging onto him. Her clothes would have been melted always from the electric current coursing through her body. It was funny that Asuka had a similar picture in her mind. Except that she would be on the run with Shinji flung over one shoulder and others quickly chasing after them.

"Hey! You can't fool me!" Mana objected to Asuka's idea of hanging onto Shinji for the whole day, especially on Valentine's Day. The green eyed girl grabbed onto Shinji's other wrist.

"You just want to be around him all day today." The two class mates began glaring at each other. Shinji quickly ducked as the lightening from their death stares intensified and caused a spark.

"Hey! You girls are pretty. I'm Yui Ikari, Shinji's mother. Do any of you happen to be single? Oh, are they chocolates for my little Shinji? Have any of you ever thought about having children?" Shinji watched on helplessly as his mother continued to drill each and every female student about him as they passed her by with camera in hand.

"God… Please kill me…" Shinji sighed in despair.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL – CLASS 2A

"Stand. Bow. Sit," Hikari instructed as per her role as the class representative. The other students followed suit. At the end there was a loud clatter of boxes from the back left corner. As Shinji had gone to sit back down he had knocked over his tremendous pile of Valentines chocolate gifts had he had accumulated on top of his desk. It was just the morning and he was already exceeding last year's collection.

For the moment his mother and the others were with the principle. He had some how convinced them that they should go to the administration office first. This would at least give him some time away from the walking insanity delivery machine that was his mother and friends.

The female class mates looked on and giggled at his little misfortune while the boys just glared at him and cursed his name under their breathes. This was why he hated Valentine's Day: treated like an object by the girls and despised by the guys because of the attention he was getting.

"Sorry everyone," he quickly apologised and began to pick up the fallen boxes of sweets around his desk. To his surprise another set of hands began to help.

"You have always been a klutz," Asuka said as she helped him collect the fallen boxes of chocolates.

"Sorry…" he said to her again feeling a little embarrassed.

"Stop apologising!" Asuka lightly scolded and whacked him with one boxes on top of the head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Shinji-kun." Shinji turned around to see Mana also helping him pick up the fallen boxes.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Shinji-kun," Asuka squeaked in a high pitched sarcastic tone that was obviously making fun of her arch rival.

"Oops!" Mana threw the largest of the boxes she picked up and it smacked Asuka right in the face. There was little effort from her to make it look like an accident. Asuka had snapped and she was about to cause grievous bodily harm on the Kirishima girl when a familiar voice caused Shinji to stand and thump his head on the bottom of the desk.

"This is highly unusual but due to changes beyond my control, we will be having some visitors today…" the elderly teacher of class 2A announced to everyone. To the teacher's side stood what Shinji feared most in the world. All his nightmares were occurring at once. He stood up dead straight and all the blood from his face drained from his face, leaving a pale ghost like feature.

"Good morning everyone, my name is Yui Ikari." She followed up with a deep bow. When the name Ikari was mention, it caused a ruckus whispers between the students.

"That's right. I'm Shinji and Rei's mother and the new owner of the high school." The whispers began to grow louder as she announced that she had purchased the school.

"Sensei? Is this true?" Hikari asked fully surprised by the news. The old man just nodded in the affirmative.

"Don't worry Hikari. My role is purely a financial stand point. I have no intention of taking over the school from the current headmaster and teachers. I'm just here for my baby's Valentines Day. I'll also like to take this opportunity that say that my Shinji is currently single and available. So if any of you pretty girls fancy yourself as Shinji's girlfriend please come and see anytime. Thank you for listening." She finished with a bow and walked up the aisle of desk to where the ghostly Shinji stood still. As she walked up she could hear the whispers going around the classroom

"Did you hear that? Ikari must be rich to buy the school." One student said.

"I know and he's single. Those rumours about him, Sohryu and Kirishima aren't true then." Another said.

"What a mummy's boy Ikari is… Do you believe that guy?" one of the boys said.

"Man… his mother is pretty hot for an old bird…" the punks comment caused a vein to pop up on Yui's forehead as she struggled to remain calm. But seeing her Shinji and Rei smoothed the savage beast within her. She kissed Shinji on the cheek and pulled a chair next to Rei. Still Shinji remained statue like.

"Is he okay?" Yui whispered to her daughter while pointing to her son.

"Brother is just in a state of shock, mother. But I can sense that his vital signs are all within normal range," Rei replied as casually like she always did.

"Hi everyone!" Misato was next to announced herself to the class and her bubbly personality was evident to see. She quickly bowed and stood back up which caused her assets to jiggle and bounce, much to delight of the male students. It was followed up by a few wolf whistles.

"My name is Misato…" she continued with her introduction. The woman was sporting a number of band aids on her face from her run in with the city dumpster earlier on.

"Please God… Don't let her…" Shinji whispered under his breathe as he sweated bullets.

"…Katsuragi…" Shinji watched in slow motion as her pink lips moved as she said her name.

"Please don't say it…" he prayed to the heavens again but it was useless.

"Oh, I'm sorry my mistake. It's Ikari. Misato Ikari. I'm Shinji's wife." It was too late.

"I am truly screwed now…" Shinji muttered before collapsing on the floor with a hollow thud.

What followed Misato's revelation was absolute chaos and anarchy. A mixture of disbelief and jealous ran through all the students of class 2A. The male students couldn't believe Ikari's luck. Not only was he rich but he was supposedly married to a gorgeous beauty like Misato. The girls weren't too impressed either. They were intimidated by Misato's looks and some secretly did have crushes on Shinji.

"Quiet down! This behaviour is not acceptable!" the teacher slammed his fist on the top of his desk. It had the desired effect and the commotion slowly died down.

"Well technically, Shinji and I are not married yet but it's a long engagement. And that doesn't mean he's back on the market! So you hussies stay away from my man!" She finished with a warning to the female population of the class and then walked up the back to her collapsed fiancé.

"'Fiancé' my butt. You're so dumb you wouldn't even know how to order a man from the internet." Asuka said in disgust as Misato walked passed her. She had said it loud enough for the purple haired woman to hear. Misato wasn't disturbed from the comment. She sat down in Shinji's seat and picked up the unconscious boy from the floor. After placing him in her lap, she wrapped her arms around him which only infuriated Asuka even more.

"Don't worry about her… if any of you girls are still interested in my Shinji then let me know," Yui whispered to a group of girls in front of her.

Asuka was about launch herself and tackle the Misato when another familiar voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Good morning, my name is Kyoko Sohryu and I am Asuka's mother." But before she could continue someone interrupted her.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" the daughter screamed on the top of her lungs at her mother with knuckles popping and veins pulsing.

"Damn… Sohryu's mum isn't bad either…" The same perverted male student that commented on Yui was now expressing his views on Asuka's mother.

"HENTAI!" She grabbed the kid and with one mighty heave tossed him out the window while he was still sitting at his desk. Glass piece flew everywhere as other students opted for the duck and cover position underneath their own desks.

"Asuka! You apologise this instant!" from the front her mother pointed and began dressing her down. But it did little as the human volcano stalked towards the front of the classroom.

"I'll teach you for not listening to your mother!" Kyoko quickly pulled down her blouse and reached between her melons for the remote control. Most of the boys in the classes collapsed with nosebleeds as the sight of a heavy breasted beauty playing around with her chest sent their hormones into over drive. Even the teacher found it hard to not stare.

"BITCH! DIE!" Asuka snarled before leaping onto a desk and vaulting herself like a human missile at her mother.

BUZZ

"Take that!" Kyoko had found the remote in the nick of time and activated it. Asuka's body lit up like a bulb in mid air as the non lethal current run through her body. Soon it was over and she fell to the floor smoking and twitching involuntary.

"Thank Ms. Sohryu. Please take a seat," the teacher said trying to regain some control of the class and clear his mind of Kyoko bouncing breasts. Kyoko nodded and grabbed Asuka by the ankle as she stepped over her daughter. She dragged Asuka's well done carcass towards the back where Misato was with Shinji.

"Okay, now that we are done. Please open your science books to page…" before the teacher could finish someone interrupted him.

"AHEM! I think you are forgetting someone!" Naoko stamped her pig trotter on the floor. She was upset that she was left out.

"Oh!" the teacher didn't know what to make of a grown woman in a bright pink pig suit and was lost for words.

"This is discrimination! What type of class are you running here!" Naoko stomped over and poke her piggy fore-trotter into the teacher's chest.

"That's it piggy! Fight the power!" Misato shouted and pumped a fist into the air, encouraging her friend's actions.

"That's enough, piggy. Now, let the teacher continue with the class," Yui said from the back while writing down the details of Shinji's female class mates. She wasn't going to miss this opportunity to collect valuable data.

"SHUT UP! I'm sick of this suit! I'm suit of this collar! And I'm sick of y…"

BUZZ

Just like Asuka, the human size pig fell to the ground convulsing as Kyoko flicked the switch on the remote. What made things even funnier was Naoko make a high pitch squeal, almost like a real pig would.

"How does everyone like their bacon?" Kyoko shouted above the electrified oinks from Naoko.

"Extra crispy, please!" Misato said as the distinct scent cooking pork products began to fill the air.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL – NURSES OFFICE

Ritsuko Akagi had resigned herself to the currently vacant nurse's office. The real school nurse was on maternity leave to give birth to her first child. Ritsuko had no intention to be involved in Yui's grand Valentine's Day master plan.

"WARK!" Behind her were the two shopping trolleys of chocolate for Shinji and Pen-pen in his little cage. His flippers wrapped around the bars of his portable cell, try to shake them loose.

"Sorry Pen-pen. You're not getting out any time soon," Ritsuko spoke while leaning back in the chair and placing her hand behind her head.

"WARK!" the warm water bird complained once more before flipping off his human companion.

"Sniff… Sniff… You smell that? Smell's like ham." The whiff of the tasteful meat was in the air and didn't go undetected by the blonde scientist.

"It must be coming from the canteen… It's making me hungry…" She continued to talk aloud unaware that sensation she smelt wasn't coming from the canteen but classroom 2A down the hall. The sound of the door to the nurse's office opening got Ritsuko's attention.

"Oh I'm sorry. But should you be here?" the woman's voice was surprised to see someone in the room. Ritsuko turned around and was about to say the same thing when she recognised the young woman's face.

"Don't I know you?"

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL – CLASSROOM 2A

"Is she dead?" one of the students asked as everyone crowded around a smouldering and twitching piggy Naoko Akagi and Asuka Langley Sohryu. Kyoko prodded one of bodies with her feet and a small whimper came out.

"Nah… Do you guys want to see far we can push them?" Kyoko asked the group with an evil glint in her eye.

"Hikari, would please go get the school nurse?" the teacher said trying to regain some sort of order to his classroom.

"What do you think Rei?" Yui asked her daughter as held the ledger of names and details of school girls interested in pursuing some sort of a relationship with Shinji. "Any of the girl's in here you would like as a sister in law?"

"As long as he is not harmed in anyway I don't have a preference," the albino twin said stoically and then turned to face Yui. "Do you have any intensions on gathering such information on my behalf?"

"Of course not, sweetie," Yui patted her daughter on the head. "I know of a certain Nagisa boy that has feelings for you and that wouldn't be fair."

It was difficult if not impossible to make Rei blush. But Yui had managed to do it with the greatest of ease. The mother has distracted while talking to her daughter and consequently the ledger she was holding was snatched from her grasped.

"Don't worry Shin-chan," Misato said while still cradling the paralysed boy in her arms and holding Yui's ledger, "I'll make sure no one breaks us up."

The purpled haired woman proceeded to rip pages from the book. She scrunch into little balls, tossed them into her mouth and began chewing. There was no way she was going to let this sort of evidence see the light of day.

"ARE YOU INSANE!" Yui screamed at her adopted niece as she watched Misato devour through the pages like a plague of locusts through farmer's field of crops. In desperation Yui lunged at her but surprising Misato was one step a head. While still ploughing through the pages of data Yui had gather on prospective suitors for her son, Misato made a break for the door. She cleverly used the crowd gathered around Naoko and Asuka as obstacles and was nearly out when she ran into someone coming in.

"So that's what I smelt in the nurse's office?" Ritsuko mused from the hallway looking into the classroom with Pen-pen's carry cage in her hands.

"Give that back!" Yui snatched back what was left of the half eaten Shinji's little black book. She collapsed onto her knees almost crying at all the data she had lost.

"What the hell…" dazed and confused from the knock, Misato shock the cob webs from her head. Then her eyes lay upon the person that had foiled her escape.

"YOU!" Misato shouted and pointing a finger.

"Oh yeah! You remember Saki Ninomiya from the Hanamaki Hot Springs? She's the new school nurse." Ritsuko said almost happily, knowing that Saki's appearance would well and truly piss off her old college friend. The former model and pin up calendar girl showed no signs of her broken nose she suffered at the hot springs and somehow managed to look even more beautiful then before.

The students looked over the newest member to the school staff. The fair-haired model was already winning approvals from the guys and many of them had started to fake illnesses in an attempt to gain her attention.

"Why don't you watch where you are going?" Saki said in an annoyed manner while dusting her newly purchased nurse's uniform she was wearing.

"Why don't you!" Misato fired back.

"That's really mature behaviour for someone of your age." The new school nurse stated as a matter of fact. "How old are you? The adult community college is the next block up. You must be enrolled in the course introductory computers for seniors."

Misato began to seethe. Her blood boiled and face turned red then purple almost matching the shade of her famous locks. Steam began to bellow out from her ears as the students milling around what soon to be Ground Zero quickly cleared the area.

"I seems like you are showing the symptoms of high blood pressure. It's not uncommon in older people of your age." Unfazed by Misato's rapid build up of otherworldly fury in front of her, she inspected the two almost charcoaled bodies on the floor. That was when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted another student feeling quite unwell.

"What happen to you Shinji?" She changed direction and walked quickly to the statue like teenager. Showing a little more concern for him instead of the others who were obliviously more injured.

When Misato saw this, she hit critical mass and her brain had only one program… OBLITERATE SLUT. But before she could execute the command her brain was telling her to do, someone jumped on her back, sending her face first into the ground.

"Excuse Ms. Ninomiya! Would you mind answering a few questions!" Yui squealed in almost delight as she held up what was left of her little black book for her Shinji. The mother liked the way she showed concern for her boy over the others. Saki's prettiness would also be helpful in providing cute grandchildren.

"Ah… Okay… Just let me finish up here." The new school nurse said quite unsure what to make of the Yui's requested.

"Sure thing! You come and see me when you are done." Next the mother of two proceeded to crank open Misato's jaw with her bare hands. "Now you open up and give me back those pages."

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL – NURSES OFFICE

"I think he's coming around." It was a distant but familiar voice that Shinji heard while between the worlds of consciousness. His eyes slowly open and recognised that the voice belonged to Ritsuko Akagi.

"I had this really weird dream." He mumbled to her while sitting up. "It was Valentine's Day. Mum and the others had invaded the school. All hell broke loose. It was really scary. Oh, and there was this really big pig. I don't know where that came from."

"Wow… That's a really weird dream…" Ritsuko replied trying not to snigger. Then other person walked up behind her.

"Welcome back Mr. Ikari. You slept for quite a while. Now hold still." Saki sat down on the bed and quickly popped a thermometer into his mouth. She next grabbed his hand and began to check his pulse.

"Don't I know you?" Shinji mumbled with the glass thermometer.

"My name is Saki Ninomiya. We met at the Hanamaki Hot Spring Resort, that's where I first found you unconscious. You seem to have a habit of fainting. I'm the temporary school nurse, by the way," she said with a smile.

"Okay… What happen to me?" he mumbled again.

"Try not to talk." Saki told him again.

"He should be fine," Ritsuko said standing up and stretching. "We better hurry before lunch is almost over. I can't believe they made me wait by your side until you woke."

"You watched over me?" Shinji asked Ritsuko innocently as Saki pulled the thermometer out of his mouth

"It wasn't like that!" the blonde doctor was quick to deny anything but the light shade of red on her features was telling something else.

"But didn't you say Shinji looked really cute when he's sleeping?" Saki said trying to have a little fun but Shinji didn't know that she wasn't lying.

"That's… What! … I don't…" Ritsuko was caught on the spot and began waving her arms around in an incompetent attempt of covering up what she really said. She didn't know that if she played it cool them Shinji wouldn't have known any better.

"Why are you at school, Ritsuko?" Shinji asked her, ignoring what Saki had said. The blonde's presence was puzzling Shinji. Still in the midst of regaining her composure she just pointed towards a window. The student got out of bed and walked over. The windows over looked the school yard the large cheery blossom tree where Shinji and his friends would normally have lunch. He didn't believe what he was seeing.

(GATHER AROUND GIRLS! DON'T BE SHY! COME ON! REGISTER YOUR NAME IN THE SHINJI LITTLE BLACK BOOK! WE HAVE RANDOM PRIZES TO GIVE AWAY CONSISTING OF VERY RARE SHINJI ITEMS!) His mother was in the middle screaming into a megaphone. A polling desk was set up nearby with Rei manning and taking the details from the surprisingly long line of female students.

(WE ARE ALSO A COLLECTION POINT FOR VALANTINES GIFTS! SO ROLL UP! HEY WHAT ABOUT YOU GIRLS! DON'T RUN AWAY FROM ME!) Shinji watched in horror as his mother ran off to chase down a group of girls.

"Shit! I have to stop her!" With a flash, Shinji bolted from the nurse's office. He moved with such speed that the rushing air blew Saki and Ritsuko skirts up.

When he reached the school yard, things were getting worst. In the background, he could hear his mother shouting various obscenities at someone who obliviously did want to leave their details in her little black book.

Misato was making her way down the line with Asuka and Mana. It was clear that they objected to what Yui was doing and were trying everything within in their power to persuade the girls to not line up. Things would have gotten physical a long time back if it wasn't for Hikari performing her role as class representative and keeping some sort of order.

Occasionally, gaps in the line up did appear but they weren't caused by Shinji's adopted cousin or his two class mates. A giant pig would barrel its way through the line followed by a horde of junior students lead by Kyoko.

"YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER! COME ON KIDS IT'S HUNTING SEASON!" She screamed back at her little troop of lunch time hunters while swinging a spear and holding the collar remote in the other hand.

"I wasn't dreaming…" Shinji placed his head in his hands in disbelief. He could close his eyes but couldn't block the sounds of total pandemonium happening in the school yard. Because he wasn't looking, someone ran into him with great speed and force. They both fell straight to the ground.

"Shinji? There you are! You have to help me!" Naoko Akagi complete with pink pig costume had collided with him. She didn't wait for a response from the boy to wrap her arms and legs around his torso.

"Out of the way, Shinji!" Suddenly he was staring at the tip of a spear which on a closer inspection was one of the school's javelins from the track and field store room. At the other end of javelin was a hand belonging to Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu. Soon he was surrounded by his the junior school mates as they formed a circle around him.

"GET OUTTA THE WAY!" Suddenly a couple of the would-be hunters were flung aside by a very pissed off red head.

"BAKA! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" she screamed at him while pointing to the continuing growing line of interesting females wanting to leave their details.

"What did I…" but before he could finish another pair of arms and legs wrapped around his torso from the other side. It was followed up by a big wet kiss planted on his cheek.

"SHIN-CHAN!" Misato squealed with delight. "You still think I'm pretty! Everyone has been making fun of me. But I told them that we were married and nothing was going to change that. So everything is alright? RIGHT? RIGHT!" Towards the end of her ramble she was more telling him how it was and not really concern about his answer.

While trying to defend her most worldly procession, that being one Shinji Ikari, from the hordes of interfering females; numerous harsh words were exchanged between those that thought that Shinji should be with them. The majority of them directed at her battered and bruised face from the morning encounter with a dumpster and Yui.

(HI SHINJI!) Yui amplified voice came blaring out and everyone covered their ears. It didn't occur to her that she was shouting at everyone through the speaker when it wasn't necessary.

(MUMMY IS NEARLY FINISHED SO WE CAN ALL HAVE LUNCH SOON. HEY! GET BACK IN LINE! ONCE YOU LINE UP YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT!) With the megaphone in hand, the grandchild obsessed mother resumed her round up of suitors for her only son.

20 MINUTES LATER

Eventually order and some civility was restored to the school yard and it resembled something like a normal lunch time at a normal Japanese high school. The enrolment table for Shinji's girlfriend contest in Yui's little black book was gone and great wild boar hunt was over

Shinji and his friends had sat down under their usual cheery blossom tree with his mother and her friends. They where all in a circle with Yui's special Valentine's lunch spread out in the middle

"We have to get back to class now." Shinji said tiredly to everyone. Shinji had felt that they had spend enough time fooling around lunch was over but his mother had other plans.

"But you haven't eaten any of your special Valentine's lunch," Yui said to her son. Another chocolate feast lay on a picnic blanket before everyone which rivalled her morning's effort.

"Lunch is over. We have to get back to class," he deadpanned.

"Don't worry about that! I've changed the whole school time table for the rest of the day." She said cheerfully before shoving a spoon of her rich chocolate cake in her son's mouth.

"Yeah! We can spend the rest of the afternoon together!" Misato looped her arm around his and placed her head on Shinji's shoulder like a love sick teenager.

"GACK! I think I'm going to be sick…" Asuka voice her obvious disgust at her long time rival's actions.

"I think someone is getting a little jealous," Kyoko teased her daughter between bites of Yui's rich chocolate mud cake. Asuka just flipped off her mother. She was tired from trying to fend out the girls registering their interest and details in Yui's book to actually really care now.

"There you all are!" everyone turned around to see Ritsuko standing. She was followed closely behind by a badly bruised and battered Touji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida. After Asuka's drop punt, they had landed someone on the other side of the school and have only now made it back.

"I found these two while looking for you guys," Ritsuko motioned back at the two stooges. Kensuke was worst of the two and aimlessly stumbled into the middle of the circle where Yui's special lunch was setup. His injuries and exhaustion had caused him to loose all sense of what he was doing or where he was going.

"DON'T YOU…" before the mother could finish her line. The bespectacled boy fell and collapsed face first into her special chocolate cake she had made for Shinji. Pieces of cake and icing flew everywhere making a big mess.

"AHHH! MY CAKE!" She cried out at first but then anger quickly set in as usual for the mother of two. Out of no way she pulled out her favourite weapon of mass destruction: her patented wooden cooking spoon.

"Thou have no fury like a mother with a busted CHOCOLATE CAKE!" she lunged forward with demonic eyes burning but stopped when Shinji stepped between her and his collapsed friend.

"MUM! It's alright!" Shinji didn't want any more blood to be shed today. So far things were going well considering what had happen. The body count was still at zero and the day was nearly over.

"Hikari, can a person breathe through chocolate cake?" Mana asked after she was a little concern that Kensuke had not moved an inch about falling face first into the cake.

"My Shinji… You always had a soft heart…" Yui changed instantly from berserker to loving mother when confront with her son.

"But you have to understand that… NO RUINS MY BABY'S VALENTINE'S DAY LUNCH!" just easily she changed to her loving herself she reverted back to the monster that even the underworld of hell would banish. This was the side of Yui had even frightened Shinji and cowered shielding his eyes.

"Mother, it is time for your presentation at the school auditorium." Rei had interjected just in the nick of time. She had the uncanny ability of doing this and if she didn't use it, Tokyo-3 would have had to have been rebuilt several times already.

"You are right, Rei sweetie! We have so much to setup." Yui said normally and snapped her fingers making her wooden spoon disappear. Shinji face faulted as his mother began leading away his sister towards the school hall.

"That's right! I nearly forgot about that! I better hurry if I want a good seat!" Misato said before quickly getting up and running after Yui and Rei.

"We better get going as well piggy." Kyoko said to a curled up sleep Naoko. The funny thing was that the grown woman in the pig suit was actually asleep and snoring like a real pig. She even had the occasional hind leg twitch.

"I said get up piggy!" Asuka's mother followed up with a swift boot up the rear end of the resting woman. This did wake Naoko. She instantly turned and clamped her jaws around her attacker's leg. Kyoko tried desperately to shake her off but Naoko just bit down into her friend's flesh, snarling more like a wild boar.

"DAMN IT! SOMEONE SHOOT IT!" Kyoko screamed running in the direction of Misato.

"What the hell are they up to?" Asuka asked no one in particular while still trying to get some of the chocolate out of her school dress.

"Who cares as long as they are away from me for a while?" Shinji said while enjoying the peace and quiet for the moment.

"They're not that bad Shinji-kun," Mana said smiling while in the distance they could see Kyoko slamming her leg against the side of the school building in an attempt to shake the jaw lock Naoko had on her. "I find your mother and her friends very funny."

"Oh Shinji-kun, I find your mother and her friends very funny." Asuka rolled her eyes and mimic Mana in a sarcastic manner.

"Let's go, baka, before they burn down the school or start revolution or something." Asuka didn't stay around for Mana to return an insult and stated dragging Shinji towards the school hall.

As everyone slowly disappeared, it just left Ritsuko and Shinji's two idiot friends. She looked at Kensuke who was still not moving after falling face first into Shinji's chocolate cake. Touji had collapsed to the side and making various groans and moans.

"Screw this! I'm going home." She huffed and began walking out of the school with everyone gone she was free to what ever she wanted and hanging around a high school wasn't one of them.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES – CEO OFFICE

"What are you doing?" Kaji said as he stuck his head into the Gendo's office. He was looking for Fuyutsuki and heard some strange noises come from within the room. When he peeked in, the man he was looking who was rummaging through the CEO's things like a pack rat.

"Don't just stand there. Get in and help me look before someone see us." The old man shouted to him in a whisper.

"If you are looking for Ikari, I don't think that he'll be behind his liquor cabinet," the pony tailed main said before stepping in and closing the door behind him.

"I couldn't care less about that fool. I'm after the switch to his secret safe." Fuyutsuki had known Gendo for a long time and realised that a man like him wouldn't put up with Yui or her friend's stunts just because he liked the heart ache. Old man Ikari must have had some sort of backup or plan B. Fuyutsuki was hoping that it would be a small fortune.

"What ever we find we spit fifty – fifty." Said Kaji before he started helping ransack the office.

"Seventy – thirty." Fuyutsuki wasn't going to be swindled out of his big pay day.

"Sixty – forty." Kaji wasn't a fool and didn't want to be cheated out of a possible fortune.

"Sixty five – thirty five is my last offer or I'll email everyone in the company certain pictures of an employee getting a facial and pedicure." Fuyutsuki knew that hiring that private detective to spy on his colleagues would prove handy.

"Fine! But it's the trend now for men to do those sorts of thing. Plus it's a great place to pick up lonely women," Kaji tried to justify his metrosexual behaviour.

"Whatever pretty boy, just keep looking." The two men continue to look. When they didn't find anything they started to loose their patience and started to really trash Gendo's office.

"Hey! Over here!" Kaji had found a hidden switch underneath a lamp that was on a corner table on the over side of the room. Fuyutsuki went over and the both of them looked at each other before he pushed it. The corner table sunk into the floor leaving a prefect square in the floor. A sturdy steel box rose up in replacement. It had a hinged door protected with a number pad.

"Great. What do we do now?" Kaji tapped the sides and top. There was no way that they could break into it with their bare hands.

"Do you actually do any work around here? The safe is manufactured by NERV. There is an override code for all models" Fuyutsuki began pressing a combination of keys which made beeping sounds.

"I knew that…" Fuyutsuki's younger partner in crime said but the older man just shook his head as the override programming was top secret and Kaji wouldn't have had clearance to read the memo in any case. Fuyutsuki was amazed that Kaji just didn't admit that he didn't know about it.

"I'm in." After a few combination changes the locking mechanism disengaged and the door swung open. When both men looked in there was nothing but an envelope. Fuyutsuki quickly grabbed it and tore it open. Inside was a single sheet of paper. He folded it and begun reading.

"This is awesome… I'll be so rich that Misato won't be able to say no to me again…" Kaji said in a dreamily voice while drooling. "HA! Screw Katsuragi! I'll be able to have any women in Tokyo Three."

"That… That…" Kaji noticed that Fuyutsuki was beginning to shake while the gripped the open letter.

"What is it? What does it say?" Kaji snatched the letter from the older man's hands which remain in their position and still shook with rage.

"My silly baka Gendo. If you think you can hide anything from me, you are sadly mistaken. Do you really think I am that naïve? Ha! I even figured out that you had those honey pot accounts and safes you thought you could trick me with.

But don't worry, I've clean them out as well. I can now take the all girls shopping. Plus Pen-pen needs some more nicotine chewing gum. Better luck next time.

Love,

Your super beautiful and super intelligent wife, Yui Ikari."

Kaji read aloud the letter which only seemed to infuriate Fuyutsuki.

"For nearly thirty years, I've work for them… and… and…" words couldn't express the anger and anguish Fuyutsuki was feeling. Today he had thought he could retire with be rid of the Ikari's and everyone for the rest of his natural life.

"I know. I'm surprised that Pen-pen use to smoke as well." The old man face faulted at Kaji's remark.

TOKYO 3 HIGH SCHOOL – AUDITORIUM

Shinji was dragged along by Asuka and Mana to the school hall to see what the mothers and co were up to. When they got there, a large crowd was already starting to build. Shinji thought it was strange that it was all female students in the crowd.

Asuka and Mana looked at each other and nodded. In a rare sight of co operation both girls pushed through the crowd while still hauling their passenger Shinji along for the ride.

"I'm so sorry. Excuse me. Sorry!" Shinji apologised every time he accidentally bumped into someone. He thought their reaction was strange. At first they would be really annoyed but when they saw it was him, their looks soften and became almost embarrassed.

Shinji could also hear a few of the girls starting to whisper and look in his direction. Some of them would giggle while others just whispered and stared intently in his direction. The almost hungry look in their eyes made him more uncomfortable than he was.

"Move, baka!" Asuka complained as the task of hauling Shinji's ass was starting to get on her nerve. She had forgotten that it was her idea in the first place.

(Excuse me everyone… Hello… Can I have your attention?) Suddenly Yui's voice echoed out of the hall P.A. system which got everyone's attention.

(Thank you for being so patient. We are having a little technical difficulty with the projector but it won't be long now. What's that?) Our trio had made their way close enough to the front of the crowd to where they could see the stage. They could now see Yui standing behind a podium and addressing the students. It looked like she was taking to someone to the side of the stage.

(It looks like all the little bugs have been worked and so we can begin.) The main light went off and a spotlight shone over Yui who stayed at the podium and continued addressing the crowd.

(I'll like to thank everyone for coming to the first annual Shinji Ikari information seminar.)

"WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING!" Shinji yelled in disbelief but it didn't deter his mother from continuing.

(Now I know many of you may not know my son personally or didn't get a chance to register your interest. After the demonstration please feel free leave your details.) At that moment a second spot light shone over a desk with Rei sitting behind it. A sign hung on the front – "Shinji Ikari Love Interest Registration".

(I decided that a slide show about my little Shinji would be a good idea to start things off for those just curiosity and those genuinely interested will gain a better insight in my baby boy.)

"Oh good God…" Shinji muttered as the immediate girls including Asuka and Mana around him giggled at his expense.

On projector screen the twenty foot wide and ten foot high was the first photo in the slide.

(This is the first picture of Shinji and Rei. They were only a couple of hours old. Shinji was first by only few minutes) Yui continued with a running commentary to go with the slides. The picture was a young Yui with longer hair holding her two bundles of joy in a hospital room.

"AWWW…" The crowd reacted.

CLICK

She clicked the next slide which showed Shinji smiling with his gorgeous baby blue eyes looking up at Yui. A younger Kyoko and Naoko were in the back ground holding Rei.

"AWWW…" As the audience reacted positively, Shinji huddled close to the ground and covered his ears in a vain attempt to block out what was happening.

"You look so cute Shinji! You were such a beautiful baby!" Mana was a little too excited and didn't realise that she was pulling his hair out from the roots.

CLICK.

(Shinji was always an inquisitive baby and often getting himself into all sort of mischief) The next couple of slides showed a year old Shinji with a mop of messy hair and rosy cheeks rumbling around some empty boxes. He had a grin from ear to ear. In one of the photos it showed him upside in one of the cardboard boxes with his little bottom sticking up in the air. This caused a mixture of giggles and awws from the crowd.

(I really like that one as well.) Yui said full of proud.

CLICK

(This is Shinji when he was almost four and the first time we went to the beach.) The first photo of this set showed the Ikari twins sitting on the beach with Rei putting some floppy seaweed on top of Shinji like it was wig. Yui was also in the picture helping them build the sand castle.

"I have to stop this before it gets any worse!" From somewhere Shinji found the courage to make a stand. It was probably adrenaline, but he didn't care what it was. As long as it helped him stop this circus it was a good thing. Shinji began pushing and shoving his way towards the stage. But he didn't reach the stage before the next couple of slides.

CLICK

A toddler Shinji was standing under a public shower with Yui washing away the salt and sand from the beach. And Yui being a caring and thoughtfully mother had pulled his adorable swimming trunks down to give him a thorough wash. Warm laughter mixed with a few wolf whistles filled the auditorium.

"THAT'S ENOUGH! STOP THIS!" Shinji had made it to the front and managed to climb up onto the stage. He was standing in front of the projection screen shouting and waving his arms around like a lunatic in a useless attempt to block the image being displayed.

"Hey down in front!" A familiar voice shouted at him. Shinji shielded his eyes from the projector slide machine and just made out the image of Misato. He wasn't sure but it looked like she had a bag of popcorn with her.

(Well isn't this a surprise? Everyone, this is my Shinji.) Yui grabbed the microphone from the stand and walked over to her son.

"What are you doing!" he asked her mother while grabbing her by the shoulders.

"GET OUTTA OF THE WAY!" Misato yelled again with a mouth full of popcorn. She was starting to lose patience with the delay which was beginning to stretch out. She wasn't alone and soon others started heckling the mother and son.

"They look like a tough crowd today… Why don't you sit next to your sister while mummy finishes the seminar?" Yui proposed to her son.

"This is not a seminar. THIS IS NOT NORMAL!" he shouted back at her.

"Awww… My little baby is a little grumpy…" She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a motherly hug.

"Why me…" Shinji sighed with tears of despair rolling down his face.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" one of the side entrances flew open with great forces and the outside light streamed into the darken hall. A grown woman with auburn hair came screaming in with something attached to her leg. Kyoko had tried everything rid full size pig biting into her flesh but failed.

Everyone crowded around her as she tried slamming her attacker against the side of the stage. But every time this happen piggy Naoko just sunk her teeth and claws deeper into her thigh.

"Kyoko this is no time for games! I'm in the middle of the seminar and…" Yui let go of Shinji went over to berate her screaming friend but was cut off middle sentence.

"SHUT UP AND HELP ME!" Yui's neighbour screamed back. As the bizarre scene continued to unfold, Yui notice that a few girls in the back of the hall began to leave. This set off a trend for the others which began to follow their lead. The sight of losing her audience just infuriated the mother of two even more.

"YOU TWO ARE RUINING EVERYTHING!" In her fits of rage Yui drove off the stage and tackled her two friends. In the melee, the remote control to the obedience collars in Kyoko's procession was crushed under the mother's weight. This some how sent all the collars out of control. Naoko lit up like a Christmas tree as well did Misato and Asuka. Yui and Kyoko received a severe shock as well.

The massive jolt of electricity was enough for Kyoko to free herself from the rabid pig. A last ditch effort sent Naoko sailing into the air. For some reason, Naoko's collar set her costume on flames and a human dressed as pig looked like fiery meteorite rocketing through the atmosphere.

Shinji knew that there was a good joke here about flying flaming pigs but didn't have time to really think of it as he had to dive for cover as screaming ball of flame was heading his in his direction. The projectile barely missed him as it bounced off the stage floor where he was standing. Naoko's screaming stopped and she rolled towards the back of the stage where she ended up against the projector screen which slow began to catch alight.

"Brother, it is not safe for us to remain in this structure," Rei advised Shinji as she grabbed him on the shoulder.

"What?" Still a little disorientated from the dive Shinji failed to understand what his sister was saying. Rei knew better than to stay and explain the situation to her some times dim-witted twin brother. So she picked him up in a fireman's carry and quickly made her way towards the nearest exit. As they were leaving Shinji could she her mother and the others.

"YOU BITCH! YOU WRECKED EVERYTHING!" Yui had her hands around Kyoko and was choking the life from her. A second set of hands were around Kyoko's neck which belonged to Asuka. The malfunctioning collar was no deterrent for her as she helped Yui throttle her mother.

Misato was running around glowing like an electric eel because of the current coursing through her body. Unpopped kernels from her bag of popcorn were now exploding around her and she left a trail everywhere she went.

The chaotic scene unfolded with a border of smoking and flames as Shinji slowly began to lose consciousness.

NERV HEAVY INDUSTRIES – HEADQUARTERS

Gendo trudged his way towards his office. Workers would stare at him as he went by. The sight of their ruthless CEO looking dishevelled, dirty and half staving was extremely unusual. They began gossiping among one another. Some of it was loud enough for him to over hear.

"Is that Ikari? I don't believe it."

"Looks like Vice President really put him through the ringer this time." Some offered a suggestion that his current state was the doing of his beloved wife Yui. Gendo's eyebrow twitched at this moment. The employee was right on the money.

"What sort of example is he setting for the junior employees?"

"This isn't good. What would our competitors think?"

The comments continued as he reached the door of his office. Through the frosted glass he could make out the shadowy figures of two people. They seem to be arguing about something.

"This is not an issue about a stupid penguin trying to quit smoking!" Fuyutsuki was almost pulling his own hair out. He should have known better to try and explain to Kaji what they have missed out on.

"Actually, a warm water penguin puffing away on a cigarette is pretty funny. I reckon if we took this idea to the toy department it'll have a hit. It'll be a success. I'll get a promotion and more money. Then Katsuragi will have not reason to ignore me!" Fuyutsuki slapped his forehead in frustration.

"What's going on here?" Gendo demanded in a hoarse whisper. His two subordinates were too busy debating to realise the he had appeared in the doorway. The President of NERV looked around his trashed office and then spotted his secret safe.

"Oh no!" Panic set in and blocked out the exhaustion he was suffering. Gendo rushed over to the safe to check its contents. When he found it was empty, he turned back at Fuyutsuki and saw the letter still in his hands. Before Fuyutsuki could say or do anything, Gendo had snatched the letter from his friend and began reading.

As Gendo read the cheeky letter from his wife, he began to involuntary shake with rage. Veins in his arms and forehead began to pulse.

"Ikari! We can explain!" Fuyutsuki quick said as relised that he had been caught red hand in the proverbially cookie jar.

"Yui…" Gendo hissed through his teeth.

"Yeah that's right! We came here to investigate a strange noise and found everything like this." Kaji made up and then delivered a swift elbow to his partner.

"Yeah! This was all the Vice President's doing," Fuyutsuki followed up and hoped that Yui didn't found out that they had used her as a scapegoat.

"Yui… Yui… YUI!" Gendo bellowed his wife's name in an animalistic roar that tore through corporation headquarters.

TOKYO THREE HIGH SCHOOL

The sounds of fire engine sirens and smoke in the air woke Shinji from another one of his trademark faints. As he sat up a yellow fireman's coat draped over him as a blanket fell off him. The sight before him was something from a scene of a disaster.

His high school was a blaze. The flames from the buildings licked the now orange sky accompanied by the thick black smoke. Numerous fire engines and fire fighters were deployed and try to hose down the inferno. Shinji wasn't an expert on these sorts of things but he knew that the school was too far gone to be saved. Right now the fire department was just concentrating on stopping the flames from spreading to surround areas.

"Hi Shinji sweetie! Did you have a good nap?" His mother startled him from behind. He turned around to see that she was covered in soot and ash from the fire.

"Are you okay! What about everyone else? Is everyone alright!" Shinji's mind then instantly thought of his family and friends. Somehow the sight of an entire high school burning to the ground before didn't seem to worry the mother.

"Everyone is fine." She said with one of her usually warm smiles.

"I managed to save the slide show and my little black book." She held up both items in each hand. "Do you wanna see all the pretty girls that like you?"

"Ah… Not right now…" Shinji politely refused his mother's offer.

"You're right. When I get into the office tomorrow, I'll put these in the MAGI and ask Naoko to run some match up scenarios with you and the girls. I'll also give you mummy's top five picks."

"What ever makes you happy…" It had been a long day and Shinji didn't have the energy to argue or to try and talk some sense into this mother.

"You are such a good boy!" Yui pulled his boy into a giant bear hug.

"Hey baka! This is your entire fault!" Asuka stomped over, cover in soot and ash as well. She was holding the end of you long red hair. "I can't go anyway with singed hair like this!"

The tips of Asuka's famous crimson locks had somehow been burnt in the fire. Yui let go of his son and he quickly went over to the enraged red head.

"Asuka! Thank God you're alright! Are you hurt?" He ignored the complaints about her damaged hair. Shinji had his hands on her shoulders and was staring intently at her. The look in his eyes made Asuka complete forget about her hair. Rare moments like this were when the real Shinji that Asuka really loved came out of his shell. It was a compassionate yet strong person that put other's wellbeing before that of his.

"Asuka!" Shinji called her name out again when she didn't answer because she was still lost in his eyes.

"Yeah… baka…" she mumbled aimlessly. Asuka didn't know what came over her but she pursued her lips and leaned foward a little. She closed her eyes in anticipation for Shinji to take the initiative and kiss her. But the moment was unceremoniously broken.

"SHIN-CHAN!" Misato's voice rang across the yard where they where standing. She ran towards the couple and shoulder-barged Asuka out of the way. The older woman was too quick for the red head and she went flying the other direction.

"Shin-chan! I burnt my bottom! Can you kiss it better?" Misato spun and bent over to show a scorched backside.

"But Misato…"

"It hurts so much, Shin-chan!" Misato cried out with fake tears running down her face. She had watched the scene unfold with Asuka and Shinji from the other side of the yard and had to do something to stop her. Unfortunately, a burnt bum was the best she could come up with.

"I believe I may be able to assist here, brother."

Misato looked between her legs to see Shinji's twin sister Rei holding a fire extinguisher.

"Rei?" She gave a small smile before spraying and blanketing the bent over Misato in a cloud of CO2 gas.

"You're getting really good at that Rei sweetie," Yui commented as white cloud began coughing and sputtering before the mother and her children.

"Thank you, mother," Rei said before hosing Misato once more just to be safe. They were too busy to notice a fireman walk to them. He appeared to have something in his hand.

"Excuse me ma'am. But I think we have found the source of the ignition." He held up the object which was a barbeque crispy chibi critter of a pig. Yui poked the still smouldering chibified piggy Naoko while the fireman held it up.

"That explains everything. Something with such a high fat content is bound to be a fire hazard," Yui mused as the fireman placed the carbonised carcass on the ground and went back to his team trying to contain the flames.

"I guess Naoko doesn't have to spend that money on the liposuction and face lift now…" Yui said while making the symbol of a crucifix in the air for her deceased friend.

"I'M NOT FAT!" The carcass came back to life with a tremendous roar and attacked the person who had insulted her. Few things really annoyed Naoko Akagi and she was normally calm and level head person but mention anything about her waistline sent her into berserker mode.

"AHHHHHH!" Yui screamed while running around the yard with a Naoko latched onto her behind. She was like a blur trying to shake off the thing that was biting into her self-confessed catwalk supermodel bum. Occasionally she would stop at a fire engine and slam her ass against the side in an attempt to dislodge her friend with jaws like steel bear traps.

"YOU BITCH! WHAT HELL WAS THAT FOR?" Asuka's rage had peaked again and this time it was all aimed at the suffocating Misato Katsuragi. She didn't hesitate in diving head first into the cloud of CO2 in order to inflict some pain.

Shinji sighed and let his shoulders slump to the ground again as yet another round random catfights involving his family started up again.

"Father? You are alive?" Rei's word caused Shinji to look up from the ground. A NERV company limo had pulled up without them knowing and man that most intimated Shinji in the world was walking towards them. Behind him were Fuyutsuki and Kaji with stunned and shocked faces. They too couldn't believe the amount of destruction and anarchy that was happening before them.

"Rei… You and your brother get in the car." Gendo spoke in a voice that was not to be argued with. Rei complied with her father's orders. She dropped the red fire extinguisher and lead Shinji towards the car.

"YUI IKARI!" he yelled loud enough get everyone's attention in the immediate area. Firemen stopped what they were doing. Asuka and Misato stopped trying to tear each other's limbs off to see what was happening. Only Yui remained activate.

"Damn it! Open up!" She had managed to get her hands on a crow bar and was trying prise piggy's jaws open.

"Woman! You have some explaining to do!" Gendo made a beeline over to his wife.

"First of all you destroyed the heritage listed Hanamaki Inn! Signed off on a purchase of twenty million Yen on fish and left the tins in the nature park! I have over thirty messages from the environment minister, wildlife officers and environmentalists about the illegal dumping of trash! You ransacked my office and stolen an undisclosed amount of company funds for you own pleasure! I have a minister of education asking why NERV would buy a high school, the minister of defence, the governor general of the JSSDF, US military contractors; all wanting to know where are their VTOL units, the mayor of Tokyo-3 harassing me about two explosions in his city and the chief of the fire department wanting to know why the only high school in the city is now a giant bonfire! And I haven't even started on everything I had to do to get back here! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!"

"Stupid piggy! Get off me!" Gendo's long monologue went unnoticed by his wife as she continued trying to dig out Naoko from her rump.

"STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND LISTEN TO ME, YOU CRAZY BITCH!" Gendo had reached his breaking point and said something which shouldn't have been said. There was deadly silence only the roar of the flames filled the air. He had Yui's attention now.

Naoko noticed that the prying of the crow bar had stopped. She could see Yui's hand from where she was and her knuckles were turning white. The pressure had gotten to the stage where the reinforced steel on the crow bar snapped in two.

"Piggy's getting the hell out of here." Naoko hot-footed from the scene and was waved downed by Kyoko who was now sporting a neck brace. She was hiding behind the two shopping carts full of chocolate they brought this morning. Misato and Asuka were also taking cover behind the carts.

"Jez… did you hear what he called her?" Naoko said to her friend. The past transgression between the two old friends was all but forgotten.

"This is good. Gendo's is about to get a real ass whooping," Kyoko began laughing but stopped when the sharp pain hit her neck. She was a tough woman but trying to fight off Yui and her daughter at once was too big of a task.

Gendo watched as the halves of the crowbar fell to the ground with a hallow clang. He slowly looked back up at his wife. The raging fire behind her was the prefect setting. It was like the two of them were in the depths of hell. Yui's eyes didn't burn or show any rage. They were just cold and emotionless; quite a contrast to the burning buildings surrounding them. In his almost sixteen years of marriage he had never seen his wife like this.

"What did you call me?" Her voice was ice just like her eyes and with the heat from the fires Gendo still found his blood turning cold and chilling him to the core.

"Ah…"

WHACK. Before he could finish Yui had broken a wooden over his head. She had moved so fast that he didn't even see her move.

"I said, what did you call me!" she asked void of all emotion.

"Wha…"

WHACK. A second wooden spoon was smashed over his head.

"What's happening?" Shinji asked while trying to see pass his sister. They were in the back seat of the NERV corporate car. Rei was about to give him a detailed description when a splash of blood washed over the window she was looking through. It startled her and she thought is wasn't a good idea to let him know what was happening

"Mother and father are discussing something." She couldn't lie to him either. Just then the sounds of more blood splattered against the car.

"Hmmm… It might be raining. This should help the fire fighters." Shinji spoke too soon as something fell onto top of the roof of the car leaving a sizable indentation.

"What the hell was that!" In answer to his question, the passenger door on his side opened.

"Shinji, Rei are you two okay?" Yui asked in a loving and motherly tone.

"You're bleeding!" Shinji quickly noticed that his mother had blood staining her clothes, running down her face and through her hair.

"Oh I'm fine dear. This isn't mummy's blood. I'm sorry to scare you." As she finished talking a hand with a wedding band dropped down in front of her from the roof. It was obvious now that it was a body that slammed into the roof of their car and hand belonged to said body.

"Mummy has to speak to the fireman for a little bit. When I'm done we can go get some ice cream, okay." She closed the door in her son's face and jammed the hand between car and door body. It began to spontaneous twitch. The door reopened and it was Yui again.

"Sorry. I need this." She pulled the squashed hand out of the way and closed the door again.

Soon Shinji could hear the sickening thud of body meeting concrete and steel; bones snapping and muscles torn from their tendons. The noises continued for almost five minutes as the twin siblings sat quietly in the back seat.

"Ah Rei…" Shinji was about to ask what he was thinking but she cut him off.

"What favour of ice cream are you going to have brother?" Rei quickly changed the subject. Then the front doors of the limo opened and two people got in.

"Man… I'll never get these blood stains out of this suit." Kaji complained as he sat in the driver seat. Fuyutsuki sat in the passenger side and ignored him. It wasn't that he didn't disagree with Kaji. He was just too busy try to soak up as much of Gendo's blood with his handkerchief.

"Hi Shin-chan! I heard we are going to get some ice cream!" Misato appeared on Rei's with the others behind her. "I'm coming as well. After all we have that seven o'clock booking at the hotel for us. We can go straight there after ice cream."

"The hell with that! He's not going anywhere!" Asuka pushed passed Misato and quickly scrabbled across to the other side of Shinji.

"Hey! I was going to sit next to Shinji!" Misato objected to Asuka's move and dived in after her. The way she laid across the backseat all Shinji got was a faceful of her chest which was starting to cause him difficulties in breathing.

"Excuse us, Rei," Kyoko politely excused herself and Naoko as they stepped into the car to sit on the opposite seat facing the kids and Misato. Asuka's mother was holding Pen-pen who seemed a lot calmer than in the morning. She had let him out of his cage and the two beers he was holding had a lot to do with his placid nature.

"Okay!" the other door opened and Yui reappeared. "Mummy is done talking to Mr. Fireman. We can now go get some ice cream."

She stepped into the car and sat next to Kyoko and Pen-pen, her clothes completely soaked and dripping with blood.

"Hey, Yui," Kyoko said while pointing to her own hair as to signal something was in Yui's hair. When Yui checked it was the severed finger with the wedding band that hung in the door way earlier on.

"Oh my… That shouldn't be there." She said with a smile and rolled down the window then carelessly tossed it out. Her attention was now on the back seat jostling between Asuka and Misato.

"I know how I can solve this." She reached on a reefed her son out from underneath Misato. Yui knocked on the glass partition behind her to signal to Kaji that they were ready to get going. "My Shinji can ride in my lap while we go get ice cream."

"Don't you think he's a little old to be babied?" Kyoko said pulling Shinji onto her lap.

"I think he'll much prefer a real woman's touch," Mrs. Sohryu said as she purposely placing his head between her melons.

"Are you saying that I'm a bad mother!" Yui grabbed her son back only to have Misato latch onto one of his arms.

"I wanna hold him!" She said as the tug of war started and the limo started moving.

"Oh Kaji…" Yui called out to him while still trying to wrestle her son from the others

"Yes ma'am…" After the vicious display he witness, he wasn't going to address her as anything else.

"Can you take the scenic route to get some ice cream?" Unknown to all of them Yui had tied Gendo's bloody and severely dislocated shell to the back of the limo with some chain. As they moved, his body started to drag along the road leaving thick trail of blood and flesh behind them.

TOKYO THREE – IKARI HOME

When they received home, everyone filed out of the limousine. Misato was still sucking on an ice cream cone and Naoko eating some straight from the tub.

"I guess you guys will have to stay with us for a while." Kyoko said as she kicked a piece of rumble that was formerly the Ikari homestead.

"Come on baka." Asuka grabbed Shinji by the hand and began leading him to her house. She was still hell bent on stopping Misato taking Shinji to any sort or hotel for the night; seedy or not.

"Wait. Does anyone what happen to father?" he asked for the hundredth time since leaving the school. He didn't see Yui at the back of the limo picking up a piece of chain.

"That baka got away…" she said grinding her teeth and the end of the chain into small steel dust particles.

As Asuka lend Shinji on, she noticed someone standing at the front door.

"Who the hell are you!" She demanded the man in a suit outside her our home. The man turned slowly turned around to reveal that he wasn't Japanese. He had dark hair almost auburn in some parts and pale blue eyes.

"What is it Asuka?" Her mother asked coming up behind them. "Oh my God…"

"Hallo tochter. Es ist eine lange Zeit gewesen." The man said in a thick German accent.

END OF CHAPTER

AUTHOR'S NOTES
Hi everyone. Many thanks for positive reviews. Apologies for the delay in posting. This was my longest chapter. For the record – 34 pages and over 13,700 words. For those wanting to know what the mystery man at the Sohryu front door said below is a translation.

Hallo tochter. Es ist eine lange Zeit gewesen - Hello daughter. It has been a long time.

I'm not sure if it's proper German but I got it from www(dot)freetranslation(dot)com. So it's good enough for me :P

Special thanks for Lord Raa for putting the extra yards to proof read this chapter and WickerMan for bouncing idea around.

Thanks for reading, Wonga316