Who I am…

Chapter 13

By: teal-lover

Summary: How Chris learned the cunning and duplicitous behavior we saw for over a year. Alternates between the past, unchanged future, and the changed future.

AN: Background in previous story is that something terrible happened to Chris and changed the way he saw things and learned to survive. This is the prequel/sequel to "Do You Really Want to Know", but can stand alone. Spoilers for all of season 6.

Sorry for the long long wait on this one. It took a little longer than I thought, but I finally have it finished. The next 2 chapters should be out soon. I just need to write a few clarifying sentences, and review what's written so far. So, I hope you like it—and if you're still reading, please let me know what you thought. Thanks!

Rating: PG-13, T

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed or any of the characters or get any money from writing this fiction.

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(continued from previous journal entry.)

Chris didn't have to pretend to scowl as they black orbed to the apartment after the game, the stack of papers carrying the identities of his master' new recruits firmly in hand.

Wyatt was patiently waiting for the two when they arrived. Already incensed by his brother's actions, his demeanor pushed the younger witch over the edge and Chris threw the stack at Wyatt's feet in a fit of rage.

The action had little effect on the Twice Blessed Witch and he barely glanced at the papers littering the floor. He sat back on the couch with his legs crossed, his expression radiating pure calm and confidence. He wasn't the least bit surprised to see them, or bothered by their obvious anger. "Welcome home. My, don't you two look stunningly evil together."

Since Chris couldn't do anything but frown due to the potion, he glared at his sibling. "You set us up!"

The blonde shook his head slightly, but the amusement was evident in his barely cracked smile as he pretended to take offence. "I did no such thing."

Bianca clenched her jaw at the obvious lie, but wisely kept her mouth shut and decided to let her charge do all of the talking. At least if he talked back to Wyatt, he wouldn't get vanquished on the spot.

Chris shared a disbelieving look with the woman and shot back. "Are you really going to sit there and lie Wyatt? You gonna' pretend that you didn't know what was going to happen? Like you didn't know we were all playing for ownership—of us?"

With a smirk, he sat up slowly, drawing himself to full height and towering over his younger brother. "I never said I didn't know what was being played for. But do you really think that I'd take a risk like that?" Wyatt actually looked honestly offended this time. "Unfortunately, you are still family. I put a spell on both of you to ensure that you wouldn't loose. You were never in any danger."

"You expect me to believe that you weren't completely willing to risk my life again? That you wouldn't just sell me off to the highest bidder if it suited your needs?" Chris said heatedly, referring to his time in Valhalla.

Wyatt's smirk vanished as quickly as it had come. He grabbed his brother's arm roughly. "I did that to save your life, you ungrateful little brat!"

Chris snorted sarcastically. "Yeah, thanks. I needed that."

Wyatt shoved him angrily and stalked over to the Phoenix, spinning her around roughly.

Chris panicked slightly when he grabbed the shorter witch by her waist and yanked her blouse up, exposing her back. "Wyatt stop!" He protested and moved to stop him.

Wyatt merely waved him off and pointed to the small of her back where a tiny tattoo rested. Examining it closer, Chris noted that she bore his familial crest. Each point of the triquetra ended in an initial – W.M.H. He cursed under his breath loudly as he repeated the name in his mind, Wyatt Matthew Halliwell. Chris' wide-eyed look of surprise made the Phoenix witch panic. "What? What is it?"

Chris could only stand there and gape with his mouth hanging open as Wyatt placed his hand on the small of his back. He pulled his shirt out and already knew what he would find if he were to look in a mirror.

Wyatt confirmed it with one of his arrogant smiles again, "Turn around and show her, Christopher. Show her who you both belong to…"

Reluctantly, he turned and held up the back of his shirt. He glanced at her over his shoulder. One look at her surprised features that quickly turned to anger told him that they both felt the same way.

Chris dropped the hem of his shirt and spun around to face his brother angrily. "Well why didn't you just finish it off with 'property of…' "

Wyatt snapped his fingers with amusement. "That's a good idea, Chris. I hadn't thought of that one. Now you know why I keep you around. You're so full of ideas."

"And you're so full of sh—"

Bianca cut him off with an elbow to his ribs. He may not get vanquished, but he would probably be in for punishment of some sort if he finished that sentence.

Wyatt looked entirely too pleased with himself. "The mark is actually just a side effect of the spell to ensure that no one else could claim you."

When he felt the anger flush his cheeks brightly, Chris stormed off petulantly, unwilling to say anything further that would cause him to loose his powers again.

He slammed the door to his bedroom, unaware that the Phoenix was directly behind him.

That didn't deter her because she shimmered right through the door and watched him pace like a caged animal. "I can't believe him!" he ranted.

Bianca tilted her head and scoffed at the remark. "I don't know why not. He's a power-hungry-control-freak."

"Yeah, and now that power-hungry-control-freak owns us. I really am his lapdog now, aren't I?"

She leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. "We'll just have to figure out a way to undo it."

"And how do you suggest we do that?"

"I don't know. Yet. But we will. It's just going to take time."

He stared at her thoughtfully as he processed her words and filed them away in his memories for later use.

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Journal entry #4. March 16, 2003

It was that conversation, in that moment, that I would look back on a few years later. I remembered what she said, "It would take time." 'Time' repeated liked a mantra in my head, over and over again until the rest of the phrase – the rest of the idea came to me. Time is the only thing that will fix this. The answer rang as loudly as a church bell in my ears.

I had to go back in time.

And so I plotted and planned against my brother to do just that – to save him. Bianca was right by my side doing it. We had become close in our years of service for Wyatt, even beginning to date. I couldn't have made it back here without her. I guess it's one of the reason's I fell for her so hard. She could have taken that fact and used it against me, but she didn't. She loved me right back.

Weeks after we made our final plans to go back to the past, I asked her to marry me. If I made it back, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But now that she's gone, I don't have that to look forward to anymore. I don't even have Wyatt anymore. He's dead now too, right along with anyone who has ever meant anything in my life.

All I can do now is hope that I somehow manage to save Wyatt. Maybe by saving him, I can save everyone else too. It's all I have left.

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Chris slammed the book closed heavily. He was anxious to find out what could have led his brother to doing any of that, but he was stiff from sitting in the same position for so long. He glanced at the clock, only to find that he had spent the last several hours entranced in the words. He stood up, mumbling to himself, "I can't believe Wyatt would do something like that…"

Rubbing his eyes sleepily, he put the book down for a while and decided to see what his family had been doing the whole time.

He slowly made his way out of the room and down the stairs, smiling at his older brother that looked up at him anxiously from the bottom of the landing. "What are you still doing awake?"

Wyatt rubbed the back of his head and smiled back shyly, "I was worried. Are you ok?"

"Um…Yeah," he answered hesitantly, then amended his statement when Wyatt's brow furrowed even more. "It's just a lot to take in—you know, what Phoebe's—I mean—Aunt Phoebe—has been helping me with."

"Oh," Wyatt nodded politely, but his expression suggested that he didn't understand what Chris meant. He gestured to the kitchen, "It's practically morning anyway. You want some breakfast?"

Chris had to smile at the protective and nurturing instincts that ran rampant in his older brother. He couldn't reconcile that behavior with the behavior the other Chris described. That Wyatt had seemed so callous and calculating. He wanted to dismiss the writings as that of a disgruntled younger brother, perhaps one that was jealous of Wyatt.

Growing up, he himself had felt that way from time to time, living in the shadow of the Twice Blessed Witch. He only became more confident in himself as he grew older, finally coming to realize that those feelings were completely unfounded. Wyatt had never made him feel any less important or powerful. In fact, his brother had always played down his status, and had gone out of his way to live an exceedingly normal life. Jealously certainly played no part in their relationship anymore.

Wyatt seemed to make it his personal responsibility to watch over and protect his sibling. To find now that the same man, in any lifetime, would risk his little brother's life like that was almost inconceivable. Almost, because the further along that Chris read, he found his memory beginning to recognize the events. He could almost predict the outcome before he even finished each entry. These things had happened, and there was no denying them. Chris had lived another life, and he accepted that.

Though after hours of reading, he had yet to discover what had set the chain of events in motion. There was something in that life that was causing him problems in this one. The nightmares were becoming unbearable, and he didn't have a clue of how to stop them.

Chris was anxious to read more, but the early morning hours always made his stomach growl. He patted his belly in anticipation. Wyatt was almost as good a cook as his mother, and the idea of breakfast sounded like music to his ears. "Only if you're cooking."

Wyatt practically bounced into the kitchen, glad to finally be doing something useful after hours of pacing the floor or sitting anxiously at the insistence of his mother.

Chris was a bit surprised to find the rest of his family still gathered around the sun room, each one sprawled out in uncomfortable positions as they tried to get a few hours of sleep.

Leo immediately stirred, sensing the young witch-whitelighter as soon as he stepped into the room. His movement and question woke the others. "Chris, are you ok?"

The young man glanced around, ensuring that Wyatt was busy making breakfast and far out of earshot. "I will be. I've got more to go through."

Leo frowned in confusion, so Phoebe took the opportunity to clarify. "In order to fix the problem, he needs to understand the root of it. I gave him the other Chris' diary to read over."

"Ohhhh," Leo drawled out. "So do you think there's really a part of him in you?" he tried to ask casually, but the anxiousness and worry in voice were still apparent.

Chris shifted uncomfortably as all eyes watched him intensely. He didn't have to think about his answer as he blurted out firmly, "No."

The relief in their eyes annoyed him and he clarified harshly, "Not a part. All of him. I am him. He is me. I feel it more and more with every word written in one of those pages. It's familiar somehow. Not like I remember writing it, but like I remember being there when it actually happened. So if you have a problem with him, then you have a problem with me." He finished sharply.

Piper rose quickly to assuage his anger, taking his face in her hands so that he could see the truth in her eyes as she spoke. "No, sweetie, that's not it at all. We loved him, just like we love you. We're just worried. We were all just kind of hoping that you wouldn't remember any of that, because we know of some of the terrible things he had to experience. Chris, baby—come on. No mother wants that for her child."

He eyed his mother warily, not sure if he wanted to believe her. After a few moments, he did, but he still wasn't anxious about letting her off the hook so quickly. He shook her off and made his way over to an empty chair sullenly.

Everyone but Piper seemed to be amused by the familiar attitude, unmistakably reminiscent of their time-traveling whitelighter.

Paige covered a matching grin with her hand before nudging their middle sister. "Definitely one in the same."

Chris rolled his eyes when they started giggling and asked them, "Can't you guys ever be serious? What is so damned funny?" he asked his mother and father when even they joined in the muted laughter.

Piper answered for all of them. "I'm sorry, Chris. It's just that you sounded exactly like him just now. I mean, I don't know if you remember yet, but he—I mean you—used to hound us constantly about hunting demons 24-7 and that was one of his favorite phrases to say when we told him no more."

The young brunette folded his arms defensively, "Well, I must have had a good reason."

"Of course you did, son. You saved your brother." Leo told him proudly.

"Yeah. I guess I did. But I still don't know why he needed saving in the first place. Why did I?" he mumbled distractedly as he contemplated the answer. "I'm gonna' go find out," he said and jumped up, pausing in the doorway. "Uhm…After I get some breakfast from the second best cook in the house."

TBC…