"I think you are," Selene stared at the sheets she had just straightened to as close to perfection as possible.
"You are wrong."
"If I'm wrong, why are you throwing them away?"
"You have plenty of flowers. These are unnecessary and you do not like yellow – "
"How do you know?"
"And if you need more than I can easily obtain them for you –"
"But I didn't ask you to and those are gifts."
"He gave you dahlias thinking it was clever because your name is Delilah," He rolled his shoulders to ease out the frustration that was boiling inside of him.
"I think that's sweet."
"I think it's stupid."
"Well, like I said, I think you're jealous."
"Selene – "
"If I ever have a daughter I'm naming her Dahlia." He turned then to look at her.
"What?"
"I like the name Dahlia, so…" She tugged at the corner of the blanket. Lord knows for all of his meticulousness, if he didn't consider it important he would not care. Straight blankets were not high on his list.
"Because he gave you flowers?" His tone was a bit higher with both offense and incredulousness.
"No, because I like the name Dahlia. And the fact that Jay attempted to connect with me using a flower that I just so happen to like makes me like the gift itself. He tried."
"I try."
And then she said nothing and Khan began to regret saying that. He obviously wasn't trying hard enough if she preferred some cheap flowers of some stranger over him or maybe it did not matter if he tried. Maybe she just preferred things for no reason? And maybe he should say something else instead of smooth over the edge of the blanket that she won't stop fiddling because now she's looking at him with an indescribable look in her eye, and he thinks he made a mistake in claiming to try. In fact, he knows he has.
"I love the name Dahlia."
"Alright," And he says that because he thinks she's giving him a way out. He thinks that they'll pretend that he had not just lied to himself and her and that he was not making a mess of whatever their relationship was.
And as he's thinking this he realizes that he's staring at her and when she starts to move, even his increased hearing can barely make out what she says.
"It's my mother's name."
"Selene?" There was a beat of silence.
"Yes." Affirmation of her existence was followed by a sigh of relief.
"Where are you?"
"In the house."
"No sh-"
She peeked her head in the doorway so aggressively that Khan couldn't finish his moment of sarcasm.
"We have a baby on the way so fix your mouth," Slowly she made her way into the living room to meet him. Curls were piled on top of her head and rays from the fading sun spilled over her from the window. To Khan she was the most beautiful thing he had seen in all of his years, standing before him with her stomach extended with their child.
But it wasn't quite like he could just say this to her. Not when he was pretty sure that she wanted very little to do with him. Not when they had yet to speak about everything that had happened. So then what was supposed to be said?
"I'm sorry," was the only thing that seemed appropriate to say to her ever at this point but Khan immediately realized that that must have been the wrong response based off the frown that pulled lines into her cheeks.
"Can't you stop apologizing?"
"Don't you deserve an apology," Now he bristled at her. Could she be just a bit appreciative that he was trying? He understood nothing was just going to snap back to normality but he was trying for her. "You want me to ignore what I've done?"
"I didn't say that –"
"No, what you did say –"
"Don't interrupt me," she said lifting a hand to her belly. "If you're trying to start over then you shouldn't start like this."
Start over? Was she trying to cooperate with him? Khan could not tell if Selene wanted a relationship or if she was fed up with the situation in general and wanted less stress. And how was he was supposed to take care of her if he did not know what she wanted? Would it be better if there wasn't a relationship? He had gone out of his way to give the impression to others that he did not care for her on a one-on-one way and he could tell that it was working pretty well.
Kirk could barely hold onto his thin veil of disgust that covered his face whenever Selene was brought up during their work which had happened a surprising amount of time. Khan was perfectly fine with not talking about her – it made it easier for him to keep up pretenses – but somehow she had been the topic of the conversation 4 times before Spock had briskly cut in about how "discussion of Ms. Warren is not conducive to tactical planning in regards to battlefront on Kasheeta."
Kirk was entirely convinced that Khan viewed Selene as nothing more than a vessel for his spawn and Spock kept up a front of indifference that Khan could easily see through. But if he went out of his way to try and fix their relationship would he be able to keep it together and hide his emotions from the world? And did she deserve to be put through a relationship with him again? He could very clearly remember the toxicity that he had stained their time with and he could not bring himself to lie and pretend that he absolutely would not do that to her again. He could only try and trying did not guarantee success. As not only the mother of his child, but the woman he loved, did Selene honestly deserve what his love brought?
Could he stop himself?
No, he could not. But he could love them from afar. Is that not what he would have to do anyway? Selene was operating under the vague implication that he would be put back in his tube – not that he had agreed to that. However, if that was what she wanted, if it would ensure his family's safety, he was faced with the fact that it may be the right choice. Yet if he was in a cryogenic tube he could not physically be there to protect them and watch over them. If he fought the circumstances and made arrangements to leave with her and the child, it was not a question of where they would go or even how they would get there. Selene's and consequently the child's happiness was the deciding factor. Too many options and very little time to decide. A little more than a month at best.
And as all these thoughts flew through his mind, Selene stood in front of him observing his face. What was he thinking about? The moment she opened her mouth to call him out of his reverie he abruptly brushed past her.
"I need to think."
Author's Note: I'm back. I've graduated. There are about 5 or 6 more chapters left if I can stay on track including an epilogue. Expect action in the next chapter.