(Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she rocks.)

I wonder how far he is willing to go with this. He doesn't have a choice, but is that really so true? Is there anything I could do, any level I could reach that would disgust him so much that he would rather break than look at me? It's that fear that makes me cower into a ball of myself. He says - he shows me - that all of my fears of his rejection are illusions. That his bond is unbreakable and eternal. I want to believe him. I need to.

I watched as my deep red blood filled the small tube. I couldn't help but find it strange how my own body produced the same thing that I ingested to sustain me. If I was ever starving somewhere with no animals around, could I feed on myself? Those were the types of things I pondered as Carlisle and Esme took samples from my arm. My thoughts could be quite morbid at times. I glanced at my father and he caught my eye. I smiled a secret smile and he narrowed his eyes at me which only made me smile more.

My Jacob was at my side as always. He looked pained as the needle initially slid into my vein. I'd had so many tests in my eight years of life, it was nothing to me. Jacob couldn't quite get used to it.

When it was over, I sat back and hugged myself. I didn't want to look like a sorry, small creature, like a victim. However that was exactly what I was, as much as I wanted to rise above it. The past night had been good after Jacob helped to soothe me to sleep. I managed to sleep for five straight hours since then which helped to give me back any strength that I'd lost.

"How long will it take to find out what's going on with her?" Jacob sounded demanding. He could be like a firestorm when emotionally charged. Whenever he got nervous or scared, the energy practically snapped off of him. He was such a defender for whatever he believed in and felt strongly about that I was loathe to try and stop him.

"I have to look at the sample and I'll have more of an idea, Jacob," Carlisle said calmly. He walked with the tubes of my blood out of the room in the direction of his office. Jacob stood up and started to pace. He glared at Rosalie when she sat down next to me. My aunt ignored him and took interest in looking at my eyes. She stared for a few seconds which was just a little unsettling.

"You know, they aren't exactly blood red," she said thoughtfully. "More of a rusty shade. Your brown is peeking through."

I frowned and searched for a mirror to see the eyes that I had a difficult time looking at. Rosalie picked up the one from the previous night that was still laying on the coffee table and handed it to me. I let myself see the reddish irises. I recalled the red of the vampires that did feed on humans and tried to compare.

"Hmmm, I guess so. Like cherries and chocolate," I said as I mused at my strange new trait. "Maybe the venom only went halfway or something."

My parents were staring at me critically. Actually, everyone was. I suddenly had six sets of eyes staring into mine. I took hold of the nearest throw pillow and slammed it into my face, holding it as a shield against the fishbowl metaphor that I found myself a part of. I felt someone try to tug the creamy colored pillow away but I tugged back.

"Nessie. Baby, let me look," Jacob said. I refused, shaking my head.

"I'm not a sideshow," I said, my voice muffled.

"We won't look at you anymore," Alice said. "Well, you know, at least I won't stare at your eyes if you don't want me to."

I realized I was being a little silly and wouldn't be holding up the pillow all day. So I lowered it and glowered. Jacob was on the floor and he was staring up at me, unabashedly.

"I make no promises. You know me," he said, shrugging as he reached up to stroke my cheek. A tear ran down that cheek and he swiped at it, wetting the skin. "Aww…don't do that. It'll be okay."

"We don't know that for sure."

"Either way, it doesn't matter to me."

"Yeah," I said offhandedly. What was taking Carlisle so long? I hated waiting. I could stand in a line all day without a problem, but I hated the waiting.

"Do you want to get away for awhile? We could go do something," Jacob said, trying in vain to cheer me up.

"I think it'd be better if Renesmee remained here today," I heard Edward say. Jacob turned to look at him and Bella. He was obviously not in agreement with my father's decision. I didn't want to have to tell Jake the real reason I couldn't go into town. That I'd try to kill the first human I came in contact with. That he wouldn't be able to keep me from doing it without hurting me.

"Why? So she can be miserable while we wait for the doc to come up with an answer?" Jacob stood up, towering over my father. I sighed. Edward merely looked at him, unflinching.

"Edward's right, Jacob. I want Renesmee close to us for awhile," Bella said, trying to calm the riled werewolf down. "Can't you guys do something fun here?"

Jacob narrowed his eyes at her. "She's perfectly safe with me Bella. You do know that."

Bella stood up as tall as she could and looked up into his face. She put her hands on his shoulders and I could see him flinch just a hair. "You've proven that over and over since she was born. You don't have to try so hard to win us over anymore. We're won." She let her hands drop and crossed her arms as a gesture of her unwillingness to budge in her parental decision. "She stays here."

Jake balled his fists and fought to remain calm.

"Jacob, it's okay. We can watch movies or play games or something," I offered, reaching out to touch him, my fingertips brushing his jeans. He was going through one of his struggles for control. Once in awhile, my parents and Jacob went through a moment of tension that usually had something to do with me. Their history tended to haunt the present at those times. I had a way of calming the wolf within Jacob when those time would arise. I motioned for Rosalie to move over some and she did as I made room for Jacob to sit at my right side. I leaned against him as he usually liked.

It was that moment that Edward looked toward the back hallway as Carlisle quickly came into the room. He was holding his phone and stopped when he could see that he already had our rapt attention. I could hear my father exhale and look back at me. I was nervous and unconsciously reached down for Jacob's hand. He took hold of it and held it tight, his body heat a comfort that was always ready for me.

"There's good news. Alice thought to contact the Amazons - to see if anything like this has happened to the others like you, Renesmee," Carlisle said, looking to Alice. My pixie-like aunt was anxious to hear the news, ever the clever one. "While I was beginning to process your blood work, I received a call back from them."

"It was Huilen who called," Edward said and Carlisle nodded.

"She said that something similar happened just several years back. One of Nahuel's sisters was bitten by an enemy of his in an attempt to anger him. She reacted similarly to our Nessie."

"They didn't think to let us in on this information?," Rosalie asked, clearly irritated. Bella looked as if she was in complete agreement with my aunt's state of agitation.

Raising a brow, Carlisle sighed. "They were most likely focused on the problem at hand. She did agree that we should remain in contact over any future incidences from now on."

"Incident? So, this won't last?," I asked, timidly.

He smiled and looked down at me in that way that justified why he was the most requested doctor in a hospital. It was trademark Carlisle Cullen. Full of hope and compassion. "No. It won't last. At least it shouldn't last. It didn't for her."

Jacob sharply sucked in a breath and quickly pulled his hand back. I realized I had squeezed it too hard. I could crush him easily if I wasn't careful and I hadn't been paying attention. I looked at his face, but he just shook his hand quickly and took mine again, ignoring any discomfort.

"How long?," both he and Bella asked at once. I stared at the doctor's perfect face and waited anxiously. How long was important. What if it took as long as a normal newborn? I wasn't sure if I could stand being sequestered away at home for that long. But even if I was made to hide away from humanity for years, it was not permentant. I would go back to normal.

"Well, in that case it was almost two months or so. The newborn hunger will fade, Nessie. You won't have to stay away from civilization for too long," he said, sounding optimistic. "From what I can theorize, the venom that created you is fighting off the invading strain. In the next several weeks, the extreme thirst should start to fade and will eventually mellow back to your normal level."

I could feel tears in my eyes and I brushed them away with my free hand. Bella hugged Edward and Alice to her. It was going to be okay. I thought of my red eyes and wondered if they would go back to their chocolate shade as well. I had a flicker of hope in that it was probably why they looked rusty. The venom that was part of my DNA was burning at Malcolm's poison. I suddenly wanted to hug my father who provided me with my natural immunity to vampirism. Not that being a vampire wouldn't be fantastic, but Jacob liked me best the way I was meant to be and his opinions mattered.

I could feel those dark eyes staring into me and I turned to look at him. I was feeling rather vulnerable, but Jacob was narrowing his eyes at me. Not in a way that expressed anger, but a sense that he was trying to make sense of something that was senseless.

"You can't go downtown, can you?," he asked, cautiously. He was speaking like I've never heard him speak to me before, as if he was sitting crouched on the edge of a knife. My heart felt like it was freezing over.

"No. But I just won't," I said, resting my hand on his arm. He felt like he was strung tight and it was upsetting. "Better to be safe, right?" I could see his eyes glance to look at Bella and Edward and they looked sad when he looked back at me. I could feel the tears I'd held back fall. "Jake? What's wrong?!"

"Nothing," he said, and I felt him suddenly relax as if he realized he was stressing me out and had to remedy it. "You just have to stay here. You'll stay here." He said this as if it helped to give him some kind of control over the situation. He was beginning to understand what the venom had done to me - how it was different than how it affected Bella. I always had some hunger for humans, but it was something I was born with and as easy to control as holding my breath. This new venom that invaded me increased the bloodlust to terrifying levels. Now that he fully understood, Jacob was struggling to handle that fact.

"Jake? Maybe you should get some air. Get outside and run around for a little while?" Bella looked concerned and was trying to help him. She knew him really well - that his first instinct when stressed out was to become a wolf and run.

"I can handle it, Bella." His eyes were set and they almost seemed to darken somewhat. Being so next to me, the one who apparently can't control herself, was turning on his werewolf need to fight. But he fought it down because the one he was itching to fight was me.

"Jacob, your stress is practically tangible. You need to shake it off," my mother said, voicing her concern for him. "I can go with you if you want company."

"Don't bother. I'll be fine." He then stood up and smoothly walked out of the room. I could hear the front door open and close before I turned to look at my parents.

"Is he okay?," I asked and looked at the one person who would know for sure. I asked Edward the questions I knew he probably wouldn't answer. "What does he think of me? He's pretty freaked out, huh? He's disgusted, right?" My father crossed the room to stand next to me. He perched on the arm of the couch to be closer to my level.

"You know his thoughts are personal, sweetheart."

"Except to you…" I felt his hand in my hair and suddenly wished I had the ability to read minds. Sometimes my father infuriated me to no end and as much as I loved him dearly, I wanted to throw him across the room. I reached up and touched his face lightly, sending an image I'd conjured for him. It was a scene of me dressed like red riding hood - all ravenous - attacking a random village like something out of my book of fairy tales. Jacob was a big bad wolf, standing shocked as he watched me mutilate the townspeople. I could see that Edward was trying not to laugh, his lips smirking the way they did when he was highly amused but still trying to be dignified. "That's what he thinks I'll do, I bet. Except for the setting and fairy tale part."

"A fairy tale, Nessie. That's all that this is, running through your head. Talk to Jacob. He won't bite."

I then noticed that everyone in the room was looking at me again. Being the only child of a family of vampires led to a life of being stared at. Not just the normal way humans stared at people. Humans knew to break eye contact once in awhile - to be polite even though it wasn't polite to stare. My family had no such reservations. They all looked like statues of white marble that had just been moving about and suddenly settled into position.

That position was to stare unblinking at me.

I passed my pillow to Rosalie and stood up. "I think I'll go hang out on the roof. Maybe Jake will find me when he's ready to chat." The statues broke out of their stillness and a few of them moved off to do other things. Now that we knew what was most likely going to happen to me, they weren't quite so worried. A weight had been lifted off our house.

"Just don't go too far," Bella said as I reached the entrance to the hallway. I called back that I wouldn't. The roof was on the house. How far did she think I'd go? I'd already hunted the previous night and had no need to run around the woods like my werewolf did. She was just very protective. With all she went through to bring me into the world and keep me safe, I could understood her behavior. I tried to be a patient girl. I tried very, very hard.

I'd forgotten that it had snowed the previous night and when I opened the door, the world was awash in white. I breathed in the cold, crisp air and looked around for footprints but there weren't any to be seen. Frowning, I looked around, trying to solve the puzzle of where Jacob must have gone. When I walked across the yard, the sun was brilliant without a cloud in the sky. A day for the Cullen clan to stay indoors. At the edge of the yard, I stopped and inhaled the air in an attempt to catch his scent, to at least know what direction he had run to. I could smell him clearly - and the pack. I looked around and could hear a faint growling coming out of the brush in the woods that surrounded the grounds. I crept closer, scenting the area. Seth. It was him and I could feel my heart stabbing with pain as I thought that he might possibly want to attack me. He was good friends with my parents, and Carlisle and Esme practically looked at him as another of their own. I couldn't believe that he would hate me. Or that my sweet friend could hate anyone, for that matter.

"Seth?" I asked cautiously. The growling grew louder and more threatening before it was joined by two other throaty growls. I smelled Embry and Leah. Oh, great. Well, there were a family full of vampires in the house behind me just in case things got too rough.

I could hear Alice's tinkling laughter and turned to see her along with my parents on the front porch. It was enough of a distraction to give the pack time to bound out of the brush. I found myself flattened to the cold ground by a set of huge wolf paws and felt a wet tongue lick my face. I reached up and pushed at the tan colored wolf head that was snickering in it's wolfish way. I grinned, my fears abated.

"Seth! Get off me," I said, relieved to not be the pack's pariah. He leapt off me and woofed a short sound that seemed friendly enough. They must have known. Their minds were connected to Jacob's and so they would have found out about me - all the gritty details.

"So, you don't think I smell too bad? I still get licks?" I grimaced and wiped my hoodie sleeve across my wet cheek. I looked to the other two wolves a little more warily. I was still warming up to Leah, though the shopping trip before my attack seemed to help our friendship along. I hoped my condition wouldn't destroy what that had achieved. Embry was a really good guy and very loyal to Jacob. I knew he only had his best interests in mind - which I was a huge part of.

"Can you guys tell Jake that I'll be on the roof?," I asked them and Seth nodded. Embry seemed to give me a wolfish laugh and I was glad for his good mood. "See you later, then." I turned to walk back to the house, noticing that Alice and my parents had gone back inside. I raced across the grass and jumped into the tree next to the house, catching onto a higher branch than I'd ever been able to reach before. I only had a little further to climb before leaping over to the roof, landing softly on my feet.

I could sense him immediately. Snow had dusted the roof's surface and I saw melted tracks that formed a trail.

"You knew I'd come up here."

"What can I say? I've got a high amount of Nessie experience points." he said and looked over as I walked over to stand next to where he sat. I looked out at the scenery. The snow made everything look clean and fresh. I sat next to him, careful not to touch him.

"A couple of months isn't long," I reminded him, looking at his profile. I thought of how far he'd come since I'd met him on that fateful day, years ago. Back then, and sometimes now, he could be arrogant and indignant - so sure of himself. He was my Jacob then as he would always be. Always mine. On the roof covering in snow, even though he was as frozen in time as I, it was obvious to me that he had grown up. We had grown together. I seemed to have been born with unnatural intelligence which put me ahead of him in some ways. Looking at him I realized that in the past eight years he seemed to have become more in control of himself. Now, his jaw was set and eyes focused. I found myself admiring those traits - and his marvelous bone structure - in a way I'd never really cared to before. All those things now made him beautiful to me.

"I know," he smiled and I felt my heart give a little jolt. "The guys really got you good down there. That was pretty good." He glanced out the corner of his eye at me and reached out to take hold of my shoulders, pulling me against his warmth.

"Yeah. Nice one." He wasn't afraid to be so close to me so I let myself snuggle into his body.

"You know I only want to keep you safe. If that means from yourself, I will." He looked down at me and I made a point to look straight ahead unless my resolve to wait to take the next step with him should falter. Besides, it was possible that I could have venom. That hadn't been ruled out yet.

"Yeah. I get it. You and everyone else. It's not a big deal, Jake. Really." I tried to downplay his show of protection. He could get really heavy handed with the guardian aspect of his imprint sometimes. Though I appreciated it, I was trying to firmly establish us as "best friends" and not so much the protector and his charge. He was quiet after I said that and I felt a little guilty but let my arm circle around him to show him I still thought he was the best guy in my world.

"So, what's it like?," he asked after a little bit of silence.

"What's what like?"

"The thirst."

Oh. That.

"Well, you might have caught it some when I've shared thoughts with you'" I said, turning in his arms to look him in the eye. "Haven't you ever felt it before?"

"Yeah, sure. Except that was just normal levels for you. Not that it wasn't still weird for me."

I frowned and a part of me considered showing him my memory of the previous night. Of the drive back to the house and how I almost didn't make it without someone's blood on my hands. Could Jacob take knowing such a thing? Back in the house just a half hour ago, merely sitting next to a creature with such potential bloodlust seemed to really freak him out. It might have been good to show him exactly what I was going through so he could appreciate what I - not to mention my entire family - had to fight against every day. Well, until it faded to my normal thirst, which was really such a little thing.

"Well, I could show you. You won't like it. It's pretty scary."

He shifted his body so we were sitting facing each other. His eyes were intense and I was suddenly feeling quite nervous, wishing I could take back the idea. However, a bigger part of me wanted him to know what I knew. To feel what I'd feel if I did get near humans.

Since my father didn't come out of the house to stop me, I figured me must not have told Bella or the others my plan. But he knew, which made me feel more secure in my decision.

"Okay, "I said. "So, we'll go through it together, okay?"

He nodded. "Nessie, if it's too hard for you to remember it than maybe we shouldn't."

I didn't give us the chance to back out and reached out my palms to him. I took hold of the sides of his head and closed my eyes. The instant I began to show him everything I'd been through since being carried out of the bank, I wondered if I'd made a mistake. I could feel Jacob tense up immediately. My memories took me to the struggle I'd had with Emmett, then to the jeep. My throat was burning and prickling from the memories - the memory of human blood. By the time the images took us outside of the movie theater when I was desperate for the kill, I could hear myself whimpering.

"Renesmee. Let go of him." Edward's voice was breaking through the vision, but I ignored it. I was able to crack open my eyes and look at Jacob. He was shaking and growling. Panicked, I shut off my mind to him and pulled back as in a furious instant the man who had been sitting before me exploded in a flurry of fur and fangs. The wolf that was Jacob Black snarled at me viciously as he simultaneously backed away from me. He'd torn out of his jeans which were shredded around his back legs. I stared into his black eyes, trying to ignore the teeth that were bared and snapping at me. I felt tears form in my eyes and couldn't look away from him as I felt the thirst from the memory begin to fade.

Edward's arms wrapped around me and he and I faced Jacob as he began to back us away from the snarling creature. "He's just afraid," he whispered to me. "He's afraid he'll hurt you."

"He never would." I said, wishing I hadn't shown him my pain. I looked down to see the pack had gathered on the lawn. They were all looking up at the roof. I could hear them growling and giving forth furious barks now and then. Great. Through sharing with Jacob I had shown all of them. "That wasn't really such a great idea."

"Jacob's accustomed to dealing with the mishaps of my girls. He'll survive." He squeezed me tight and directed me to get down off the roof. I didn't want to leave Jacob and refused to go down. I could hear my mother's plea from the ground as she looked up at me.

"Please come down? I think it'll be easier on him if you're safely inside." I considered my mother's logic and eventually relented. I jumped off the edge of the roof and was met by her and Carlisle.

"I thought it would help," I said, shrugging apologetically.

"It wasn't a bad idea," Carlisle said, handing Bella a pair of Jacob's jeans. She immediately leapt up into the tree with them so she and Edward could get them to Jacob and calm him down. "Why don't you get inside until everyone relaxes a little." I crossed my arms, suddenly feeling colder than I should have.

"Did you find out if I have venom, yet?"

"I'm still testing, but it looks like you might have a little." I must have had a panicked look on my face because he was quick to add to his assessment. "But it should fade with time like everything else. Just be careful." Carlisle walked with me as I passed my wolf friends who just watched me and scratched at the ground. Carlisle put his arm around me reassuringly as we went inside and I was ushered onto a kitchen stool by Esme. I could see that she had started heating milk in a saucepan on the stove. No microwaves for my hot cocoa. She was the best.

"It's too bad Jasper isn't here," I said, knowing he could fix the whole tense situation in an instant.

"Ah, but then what fun would that be? The pack is really enjoying themselves, tearing up the lawn out there," Esme said, but she was smiling reassuringly as she looked at me before going back to the stove.

I let my head fall onto my crossed arms on the counter and groaned. Now I could add to the the growing list of destruction in my wake - lawn wrecker.

Yay, me.