Chapter 14

Buttercup can smell the turkey roasting in the oven and he reminds Katniss over and over again that he wants to partake in the feast, too. Earlier, she offered him the turkey liver to do with what he pleased. He immediately snatched it up in his mouth and began prancing around the kitchen making a funny almost proud purring sound from his throat. Katniss opened the door and let him prance with it outside. What happened to it next, she doesn't know. Now, Buttercup has come back for seconds. He sits in the middle of the kitchen howling every once in a while to remind Katniss that he's still there.

"You're going to have to wait! It's still in the oven!" she says to him, half expecting him to understand.

It was still too early in the season for fresh vegetables, so Katniss had to be creative about what to make with the turkey. She was able to find a few potatoes and some parsnips. It was times like this that she wished she had some of those canned vegetables that she found in one of the apartments they used as a temporary shelter during the revolution. She knew she could make a good gravy from the turkey drippings and the sage and onion that was at her disposal. She scrubbed the potatoes and put them in the oven next to the turkey. The meat smelled delicious. Katniss spooned some of the drippings over the breast to keep it moist. She had seen her mother do this whenever they had the good fortune to have something like a turkey to eat. That didn't happen very often. Katniss felt almost guilty that she had all this good meat from a successful hunting trip and the only people that were going to eat it were Peeta and her. She promised herself that she would offer some to Haymitch tomorrow on her way to see Greasy Sae. Katniss shut the oven door and realized that time was moving very quickly. She ran up the stairs and jumped in the shower washing off the remainder of her hunting excursion and getting ready for supper with Peeta.

Peeta opened the kitchen door after his knocking went unanswered. The smell of the turkey was absolutely intoxicating.

"Katniss?", he called out. "Katniss? Are you here?"

There was no answer. He began to become fearful that something had happened.

"Katniss?" He shouted this time.

"Peeta?" he heard her reply.

"Yea, it's me. Are you ok?"

Katniss came running down the stairs, her hands busy braiding her hair as she went.

"I'm fine. Time got away from me I guess. I just took a shower."

Peeta could smell the scent of her shampoo and soap wafting off of her. It was everything he could do to keep from grabbing her and just holding her, breathing in her scent and locking it away in his memory.

"No problem. I brought a goat cheese and apple tart for dessert."

Katniss stared at the tart. Her memory flashed to the two of them hold up in the cave dining on the gourmet feast Haymitch and their sponsors had sent them. A wave of feelings and deeply hidden emotions quickly surged up to the surface. Katniss must have shown some of it on her face because Peeta's expression went from a smile to one of concern almost immediately.

"We don't have to eat it if you don't like it."

"No, no…..of course I'll like it. I just feel badly that you went to all that trouble, especially after making me the cheese buns this morning."

Katniss was a terrible liar and was sure that Peeta saw through her. He gave her a quick nod and asked what he could do to help. She asks him to take the turkey out of the oven while she mashes the parsnips and prepares the onion and sage for the gravy. When all the preparations are done, they sit down to eat. It feels very formal at first, like the first night on the train when they met Haymitch and Effie for the first time. They talk about their day and have a little fun at Haymitch's expense, but they shy away from any meaty conversation. Buttercup also chimes in and reminds them that he would like to be fed as well. Both Katniss and Peeta slip him pieces of turkey skin and bits of meat under the table. That evening, the cat is fed very well.

"Katniss, that was amazing." Peeta said pushing his plate away.

"Thanks….I guess it was a lucky shot getting that turkey."

"Lucky? Who are you kidding? There was no luck involved. Only skill. Don't forget, I've seen you shoot."

"I know you have," Katniss says with a half-smile. "It's been a long time since you and I ate together at the table. I kind of feel like we should be eating on the floor or something."

"That's what didn't feel quite right! I wasn't sitting on the damp ground eating my food while people tried to kill me." Peeta says trying to lighten the mood.

Katniss laughed for a moment and looked into Peeta's eyes. He smiled back and began to reach for her hand. She quickly pulled it back and leaned back in her chair.

"So, Peeta….when are you leaving?" she asked abruptly.

"When am I leaving?" Peeta asked in a very confused manner. He looked around for a clock to see what time it was exactly. "Did you….I'm sorry…did you want me to go?" He said as he started to stand.

"No, Peeta…..sit down. I meant when are you leaving District 12."

Peeta looked at Katniss even more confused than he was a moment ago.

"Katniss, I'm NOT leaving District 12. I have come back to District 12 to rebuild myself and make a home. Why would you think I am leaving District 12?"

Katniss feels a lump building in her throat. It will be almost impossible to speak without breaking out into tears. She looks away from Peeta and shrugs.

"Katniss, why do you think I am leaving?" he asks again.

The lump begins to close off her breathing. Hot tears begin to well up in her eyes as she bites her bottom lip which is now starting to quiver.

"Because" she squeaks out as he voice begins to break. Tears begin rolling down her cheeks. Peeta cups her face in his hands and brushes the tears away with his thumbs. She looks into his eyes and sees such concern there. "Because you left me before…and if you leave me again, I won't be able to handle it. So please just tell me now."

Peeta holds her face in his hands more firmly, but still gently.

"Katniss, I didn't leave you by choice. I was taken. But now I'm back and I promise you I am not going anywhere, ever."

Peeta stands up and pulls Katniss up to him. He wraps his arms around her and holds her tightly against his body. His chin rests on her shoulder and his lips place gentle kisses on the side of her neck.

"I'm not going anywhere, Katniss….you can let that fear go."

"I never thought I would see you again, Peeta." She says through her sobs. "I missed you so much….it hurt so much…I wanted to die."

Peeta could feel Katniss tremble as he held her. He guided her back down to her chair and released his grip on her. He pulled his chair over next to her so they could be eye to eye. He slowly wiped away her tears with his napkin and began brushing her hair back with his fingers. He offered her a glass of water which she sipped slowly. As she calmed down, he began to speak.

"I…am so sorry that I hurt you so much, Katniss. I would rather die than have that happen, and I think you know that. I didn't leave you by choice, but I did come back to you by choice. You are the only reason I came back to District 12. I have nothing else left for me here. My family is dead; I have a big house- a big empty house, but so what. I didn't come back for the beautiful scenery."

Katniss let out a small laugh. "No, I don't suppose you did."

"I came back for one reason, and one reason only. You, Katniss. You."

Katniss looked into Peeta's loving eyes. He placed his hand behind her head and slowly drew her to him, pulling her into a long, deep kiss. As their lips met, Katniss felt the stirring again, the hunger. She put her arms around Peeta's neck and kissed him back passionately. The two reveled in their freedom to express how they were feeling with no cameras watching or threat of death hanging over their heads. Peeta slowly began to pull back from the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers.

"Believe me now?" he said taking her hands in his and smiling.

"Yes" she said, "but I still might need some convincing."

"Tell you what, why don't you go splash some cold water on your face and I will start picking up the kitchen. Then I have an idea that I hope you will like."

Katniss looked at Peeta in a different light. She was trying to not let her feelings get the better of her but she was doing a lousy job. She had been afraid to hope for a moment like this, yet here it was. She began questioning herself as to if this was a good idea, if she should let her heart be exposed, if she could trust that he wouldn't leave. Katniss washed her face and attempted to fix her braid, but it was a lost cause so she let her hair just hang loose. When she came back downstairs, the food had been put away but Peeta was nowhere to be found.

"Peeta?" Katniss called out.

"In here," he replied.

Katniss followed his voice down the hall to the den. She could count the times on one hand she had ever been in this room. It is not as formal as the formal living room, but not as large either. Peeta sat on the floor in front of the fireplace building a fire.

"What are you doing in here?" Katniss said.

"I thought it might be fun if we enjoyed our dessert on the floor." He said with a smile.

"And this is the most cave-like room you could find?" Katniss said as she sat on the floor.

"No, not at all. I just love this room! I use mine all the time! Don't you?" He asked. Both his and Katniss' houses had virtually the same layout, thus the reason that he knew the rooms in her house so well.

"It's not that I don't like this room, I have just only ever set foot in here once or twice before. We tended to do all our gathering in the kitchen. I think that's why I stayed in there for so long when I came back. In fact, I only started sleeping in my bed a few days ago. I guess I went up there one night in my sleep because when I woke up, there I was, in my own bed and not on the floor where I had remembered falling asleep."

Peeta looked at Katniss kind of sheepishly.

"It WAS you! You moved me up to my bed, didn't you?"

"I came over to talk to you and I thought something was wrong when I saw you on the floor. I came in and realized that you were just really asleep so I brought you up to your bed. I didn't know you hadn't been sleeping there until just now."

"It's ok," she said. It was time to move back up there. She thought back to throwing the rose left by President Snow in the fire and airing out the room of its putrid stench. She was quiet for a moment, lost in her own thoughts. Peeta handed her a piece of the goat cheese tart which she eagerly accepted. "Thank you…..How are the nightmares?"

"Still there. I would love to say not as often but that's not true. Maybe not as gruesome most of the time? So I guess that's an improvement. I don't sleep much anymore. I go to bed late and am up before the sun on most days."

"That's the baker in you. You are used to getting up that early to make the bread."

"True. Only now, there's no bakery." Peeta's face turned sad. Katniss realized that in all of her talking about people leaving her, she never considered how Peeta must be feeling after all the losses he has endured, too. She suddenly felt very selfish.

"Oh, Peeta. I am so sorry. The bakery, your family. We never really talked about it."

"No, we haven't….. and when the time is right, we will. But not tonight. I have done a lot of talking about it with Dr. Aurelius, and I've come to terms with most of it. He wants me to go visit the remains of the bakery, but I don't think I am ready to do that just yet."

Katniss reached out and took his hand. "Well, when you are, I will go with you…if you want."

"I would like that," he said as he took a bite of the tart. Katniss followed suit.

"Oh, Peeta! This is delicious! Better than I even imagined when you first described it."

Peeta gave her a half smile in return. "Glad you like it."

Katniss continued to savor her tart. Peeta became lost in thought.

"Peeta?"

"Hhmm?" he said looking up at Katniss.

"I asked you if you were ok."

"Yea…..I'm fine. Just thinking about my family. When we left for the Quarter Quell, I never expected to see them again, but then I figured it was me that was going to die, not them. It's…it's just so senseless, Katniss. All the death and destruction. And for what?"

"I've been trying to figure that out, too. I feel like it should have been me that died. If I had, none of this would have happened. Your family would still be alive, Prim…it just should have been me."

"No, Katniss!" Peeta barked. "No….it should not have been you. You can't think like that. The revolution was coming with or without you. None of this was your fault."

Katniss looked at Peeta and tried to let his words penetrate her shroud of guilt and shame. She wanted to believe that all the deaths were not on her head, but she couldn't seem to let go.

"How about a cup of tea?" She said as she stood up and walked towards the kitchen. Peeta followed close behind.

"No tea for me. It's late and I think I should head home."

Katniss was both disappointed and relieved. She wanted desperately to go retreat to her bed and stop thinking for a while.

"Ok" she said with a soft smile.

Peeta wrapped his arms around Katniss and held her close. He didn't want to let her go, but he, too, needed some alone time. Peeta looked into Katniss' face and smiled. He gently brushed the hair from her face and leaned in to kiss her once more before he left for the evening. Their kiss was much less desperate than the one they shared earlier in the evening. It was pure, genuine and tender.

"Good night, Katniss."

"Good night, Peeta…..see you tomorrow."

Katniss watched Peeta slip into the darkness as he walked to his house. She sat in the rocking chair and warmed herself by the fire for a few moments and then decided to go to bed. Buttercup followed her up the stairs and claimed his spot on her bed. Katniss patted him on the head as she walked by him.

"Did you enjoy your turkey?" she said to Buttercup as she watched him lick his paws and rub his head. "Don't expect that every day….it was a lucky shot."

Katniss slipped between the covers and gently patted the cat between his ears and scratched under his chin. She wanted desperately to believe that Peeta wouldn't leave her and that the deaths of his family and of Prim were not her fault, but she wasn't ready to believe that yet. She closed her eyes and listened to the purring of Buttercup, her new protector. Slowly she drifted off to sleep.

Peeta walked home deep in thought. His mind was swimming with the events that had happened tonight. He felt very hopeful about getting close to Katniss again. It was so good to hold her again and feel her against him. Peeta walked into his house and proceeded to his room. He replayed the passionate kiss that they shared at dinner and the more tender good night kiss. Peeta's heart was thumping at the thought of Katniss. Part of him felt great relief that this invisible barrier between them seemed to be broken, but another part of him told it to take it slow and cautiously. When he first kissed her tonight, she was very vulnerable and was looking for comfort. Peeta knew Katniss well enough that she could regret getting emotional and put a stop to them growing back together again. Peeta put on his night clothes and lay down on his bed. He folded his behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. Tossing and turning, Peeta could not fall asleep. Feeling as if his efforts were pointless, he got up and thought a walk might do him some good in the cool night air. Not bothering to change, Peeta walked outside in his pajama pants and robe. The night air was crisp and the Victors' Village was not just quiet, but silent. Peeta began walking in the opposite direction of his house, thinking of Katniss with each step.