Bellamy comes into Clarke's room after episode 04x03 when she writes the list of 100 people in Arcadia, Luna survives radiation and they decide to make Nightblood. Please review! Leave comments and if you have anything you'd like to read about them, let me know! Enjoy.
I tilt my head into her room and see her sitting with her head in her hands. I knock once and then lean on her doorframe.
"I thought I told you to get some sleep," I say with a smile so she knows that I am only partly joking. But when Clarke looks up at me, she has tears on her face and her lower lip is trembling.
"Clarke," I say.
She doesn't respond. She puts her head back into her hands. I take that as an invitation. I enter her larger room. I close the door behind me and sit beside her. My instinct to comfort her overpowers any other thought in my head as my arm goes around her shoulder.
"What is it, Clarke?" I ask.
She shakes her head but I nudge her. She finally looks up at me and I take my thumb under her eyes to brush away her tears. I hate to see her cry. I know she has every right to be upset. She just wrote down a list of 100 people to save. The list she didn't write was that thousands that would die. But those are who she is thinking about now.
"Those people," she says.
"Which people?"
"Floukru. They came here for our help. We couldn't help them. We couldn't help anyone. This problem is worldly and completely out of our hands," she says.
I nod, understanding, dropping my arm from her back. I rest back on my hands and look at her sad face. She looks so broken, like a woman with the weight of thousands of lives on her shoulders. In the light, she is brave and selfless. In the dark, she is dangerous and cruel. She can only see that darkness now.
"There is hope, right?" I ask.
Please agree with me, Clarke, I beg in my head. I am not sure how much more pain I can take for one day.
"We've failed a lot. I don't know how many more times we are going to fail. But we aren't going to succeed any time soon. It seems like everything we do has fatal consequences."
"Either way the world ends, Clarke," I tell her.
"Either way people I choose, die," she says. I want to comfort her, to tell her that is not true but I have nothing. I stare at her without an expression. I can't give her one right now. I can't find an emotion that isn't curling into a ball and forgetting the world. But I am not Jasper. I will prevail. I will be brave for her. She needs that.
"I heard about Nightblood," I tell her. "There is hope. If we can synthetically make everyone into Nightbloods, we might be able to save everyone."
"Might," she says again. Her smile is sad and desperate. I haven't seen a real smile out of her in a long time. "Everything that we do always comes with might."
"Well we don't have any other options. We can hope this one turns out," I tell her.
"We can but I don't think it will right now. I don't have enough faith in anything to think that we are going to survive this. There are too many variables to everything we are doing," she says.
Her face is scared and tearful again. More tears fall down her cheeks. I can't handle seeing her like this. She doesn't deserve to be so upset. I brush them away and then put my hand on her shoulder.
"Hey, I don't want to see any more tears on that pretty face, alright Princess?" I ask.
She manages a nod but her lower lip still quivers. It breaks my heart. I put my arm around her body to pull her close. She rests her head on my shoulder without my prompting. I want to lean over and kiss her forehead, do anything to make her more comfortable. I remember that she kissed me once. It was a long time ago. But she did do it. I could do it. But the last time she kissed me it was because she was saying goodbye. I am never going to say goodbye to her again.
"We'll figure this out, princess," I assure.
I can feel her nod.
"For now, you need to sleep," I tell her.
She slips her arms around my waist. It makes me feel almost instantly warm. I can't help but smile as I feel her comforting embrace better than any arms anyone could imagine.
"Just a few hours," she says.
"They aren't going to make Nightblood right this second. They are going to make it. You will be there. But right now with the scientists and the doctors trying to figure it out and Ice Nation on our heels, you and I have a few hours to do nothing," I tell her. It is convincing me as well since I want to rest just as much as her body does. I can already feel her leaning onto me, resting her body weight on me. She is so tired that she cannot even hold herself up anymore.
"Come on, Clarke," I tell her, nudging her body to lay down. She turns to the bed and then back to me.
"Bellamy," she says, shaking her head. "We should be—"
"Sleeping because there is nothing else that we can do," I promise her, taking her hand when my arm drops from around her shoulders. Her scared face looks even worse when I stand up. I don't let go of her hand for fear of seeing more of those tears.
"What is it?" I ask her, realizing that something I said or did must have scared her. I feel that realization like a pang in my chest. A knife going directly into my heart. I hate it. It hurts.
"Are you going to sleep?" she asks.
"If you are," I say with a nod.
She looks down at the bed, biting her lip and then back to me. She looks over at the door and starts slipping her shoes off. Clarke climbs under the sheets toward the side of the bed and keeps one side open, staring at me. I look to the door and then back to her, making the decision in a nanosecond. I don't want to be alone either.
I take my shoes off and then my jacket, laying down beside her. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to. We never do.
Sometimes I wish we would say something to make this act of comfort honest. But then I think that if we do, we will never sleep together again. And I can't have that. Then I would never sleep.
She nods at me and then curls close to my chest. I wrap my arms around her. The world is coming to an end. But if Praimfaya hit us right now, I don't think I would care. I would rather die in the arms of the woman I love, then live without her.