CHAPTER THIRTEEN - The First of A Million Kisses

If I stay it won't be long

Till I'm burning on the inside

If I go I can only hope

That I make it to the other side

If you want to get out alive

Hold on for your life

- Get Out Alive by Three Days Grace

Please be advised that there is explicit content in this chapter, of the M/M persuasion. If this is not your cup of tea, please don't read.


~ Three Months Later ~

"Unbelievable!"

Rodney threw up his hands and whirled around, pacing to one side of the lab and then back again.

"You are being unreasonable Rodney," Radek said, from his perch on his stool, watching calmly with his chin in his hand.

"I am not!" he retorted, rubbing his belly as his side twinged again. "If they'd only listened instead of automatically assuming that I was wrong because I'm not thinking straight..."

"But you're not, Rodney. If you'd take just a moment to actually look at the calculations you'd see that...."

"Of course you would take their side," Rodney muttered, shooting him a dark look. "You think that they need to be coddled because they deserve to work in an easy environment, but let me tell you, if that were the case then we'd all be resting at the bottom of the ocean by now...."

"Is he giving you trouble again, Doctor Zelenka?" an amused voice asked from the doorway.

He turned to see Sam standing there watching with a smile on her face. He scowled at her.

"What are you doing here? Some people are trying to get some work done you know...."

"Work? More like acting the terrorist," Radek muttered from behind him.

"Work Rodney?" Sam asked sweetly. "I think I remember Doctor Keller ordering you to take a rest day today?"

"Er...."

"In fact, I specifically remember telling you that you were going to take the day off and do something relaxing. If I remember correctly, relaxing doesn't involve yelling at your scientists and terrorizing the Marines, who, by the way, are acting very edgy around you."

"Yeah well, somebody's got to yell at them or the next thing you know they'll be setting fire to a lab somewhere on the East pier." He didn't need to turn around to see Radek wince at that particular remark.

"And now I've got a handful of upset scientists on the verge of breakdowns from the sheer stress of having to work with you," Sam continued as if he hadn't said a word.

"I'm sorry, was there a reason for this visit?" Rodney demanded. "Not that it isn't lovely to see you down here looking over our shoulders...."

"Why yes, in fact there is," Sam replied sweetly, wandering over to a bench and picking up an oval shaped artifact that they had determined was long past dead. "I believe you have a check up with Doctor Keller....starting half an hour ago."

"Crap...." Rodney muttered as he looked over to the multitude of computers that were running various simulations on all of the experiments that he was supervising.

"Yeah crap. I can imagine that she's not very happy with you right now, but I'd get moving if I were you," She said casually, as if they were discussing the weather rather than something he considered life-threatening. He'd been at the hands of Keller enough to know that when she felt slighted in anyway, she tended to get out the very big needles. "Of course that's just me. If you'd rather stay here and continue to fire your poor scientists, then it's you life."

"I get the point. You know, you can be a real..." he grumbled as he downed the remains of his tea (tea for Christ's sake) and stood up.

"If John were to hear about this of course, I know exactly what he'd be saying right now..."Sam continued as she ambled over to one of the computers.

Rodney stiffened in alarm. "You can't!" he squeaked, scandalized. "You wouldn't! Why would you even suggest something like that...."

"I didn't say that I would," Sam glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "I can't speak for what Keller will do if you keep her waiting any longer though."

"Okay, Okay, I'm going already," he grumbled as he hurried out.

The corridors of Atlantis were busy with scientists and soldiers alike as they went about their daily duties. Rodney navigated his way around people rather easily considering his preoccupation.

It had been almost three months since his last mission and he was half way through his fourth month of pregnancy.

At first, it had been relatively easy to lose himself in his work after he had been grounded to Atlantis. He hadn't been obviously pregnant and he looked much as he had before. It had been easy to forget as he immersed himself into the busy schedule that the upkeep of Atlantis demanded. Keller had been keeping a close eye on his habits and routines, and had even recruited a close network of his colleagues and friends to keep an eye on him and make sure he ate and rested regularly.

The worst of these had been John. He was a no-nonsense, tight fisted control freak when it came to keeping Rodney in line and following Keller's orders. It was almost comical the way he had a habit of turning up whenever Rodney felt a rebellious streak coming on. But Rodney, grumbling and grousing, put up with his OCD tendencies, because he knew that John had his best interests at heart, and he really was worried about what happened to him.

Perhaps the strangest thing of all was the enthusiasm John had infected all the soldiers on the base with. They were perhaps more protective of him that they were of anyone else, keeping a close eye on him at all times. Rodney still wasn't sure if he believed all the hype that Keller was spouting (and he still wasn't sure if he did) that the early months of his pregnancy were important in establishing routines and building his strength for the more stressful months to come.

And he had noticed that his body was starting to slow down. As he had gained weight and his waist expanded, he found himself tiring more easily, and he was ravenously hungry at strange times of the day and night. Thankfully, his mood swings had quieted down a bit and he had buried himself in the daily problems that Atlantis presented to him. If he noticed that people were a little nicer to him, and a bit more patient then he didn't say anything about it, mostly because he wasn't sure what to say. He hid his discomfort by ignoring it completely.

His stomach was noticeably rounded now, but he wasn't huge which was a relief. It wasn't too hard to move around and bend to do things, but it was getting a little trickier to stand up from a sitting position. There was no denying that he was pregnant though.

Keller seemed pleased though, because he hadn't presented with any problems, and he was still strong and powering on despite the obvious hindrances.

Surprisingly, despite his pregnancy, he was content. No one sought to exclude him from anything, and everyone treated him with dignity and respect. Whether this was because John, Sam, Major Lorne and Keller were keeping a close eye on the residents of Atlantis, he didn't know. Or maybe it was because Teyla and Ronon were constantly checking up on him, and eyeballing anyone they thought was treating him differently. Rodney found himself oddly touched by their protectiveness. It should have made him feel claustrophobic and irritable, but it hadn't seemed to affect it as it normally would have. He blamed it on hormones.

He was still allowed to do as he liked, within reason. He wasn't allowed to roam into unexplored sections of the city without an escort, but he was still allowed to do his experiments, provided they didn't involve dangerous chemicals, or radiation.

Rodney heaved a sigh as the infirmary came into sight, and rubbed a hand across his pleasantly rounded abdomen. His thoughts turned briefly to John, who was off on a mission with Teyla and Ronon, and he wondered how things were going.

The jealousy and anxiety that he had felt when they had started going on missions again had faded somewhat, and was replaced by the fear that one day their luck would run out and they wouldn't come back. He felt helpless, not being there to watch their backs and save them from a dozen potentially ridiculous or deadly situations.

And the frustrating thing about John, Rodney thought to himself annoyed, was that he acted like Rodney would break underneath his hands. As if he was fragile and fleeting, like he would slip away at any moment and John would be left alone and wondering again.

Sure, Rodney was slower moving these days and sometimes he needed help doing the easiest things (like tying his boots, how ridiculous was that?) but that didn't mean that he was going to shatter. And he still had his doubts, about himself, about John and the whole shebang, but he was feeling a little stronger each day, a little more stubborn and more resilient.

The thing was, he could look back at his captivity and the atrocities he had suffered, and he could say to himself that he had survived. He had made it through something that threatened his very existence, and he had come back stronger. It had taken awhile, but as he made it through another day, he could smile to himself and be satisfied that he had defied the odds and made it through. He liked to think that he had come through a better person, but that was still up in the air.

Besides, he had another ordeal to get through, and that was the messy business of pregnancy and babies. He found it best not to think about that too much though.

But John had played a big role in his recovery. He had provided all the support that Rodney could need. He'd been a strong and silent shadow at Rodney's back, always ready for him to fall back on during his bad days, but far enough away for him to find himself again.

He had provided physical comfort. He held him when the nightmares made him shake and tremble, kissed him when he needed to forget and escape. John looked after him when he was feeling sick and miserable, and he made sure he ate and slept and kept away all the curious onlookers.

Despite that though, their relationship hadn't progressed past first base. Sure, sometime John slept with him, soothing him through the night terrors until the morning. And sometimes they sat on the couch and just kissed because they could. But despite Rodney's desires to take it further, John always carefully withdrew, and it was frustrating the hell out of Rodney,

Still, that was something to think about later, he decided firmly as he squared his shoulders and walked into the infirmary. No need to be thinking about John touching him and....doing things to him when Keller was going to have her hands on him. She might get the wrong idea.

"Rodney...." Keller greeted him with a little frown on her face. "I take it you know what time it is?"

"Yeah Yeah I've already had this lecture from Sam," he mumbled as he slid up onto the bed.

Keller had set up a private room for their meetings and it was always ready for him should he need it. She was deeply unhappy that whenever John was on a mission or on duty, Rodney was left alone. For awhile she had insisted that he spend those nights in the infirmary, in case something happened.

Rodney had eventually put his foot down and declared that he had had enough. John had, rather reluctantly let him stay in their rooms.

"Have you had lunch yet?" she demanded as she pushed up his sleeve and attached a blood pressure cuff to his upper arm.

"Yes of course. One of your minions made sure of that," he snorted, enjoying their familiar bickering. Keller was easy going and hard to bait, so he had taken it on as his own personal mission to get a rise out of her. He'd even gotten close once, but then John had walked in the room and his attention had immediately zeroed in on him, and it had been an all out war of the wits.

"Well someone has to," she grumped as she pressed her stethoscope to the crease of his elbow. They were quiet for a few moments as she listened and he watched as she frowned slightly. She had a multitude of doctors monitoring his vitals and doing his blood work constantly, as she was convinced that something would go wrong at any moment. Rodney knew the probability of that was pretty high, but he hadn't aborted in the first months as they had thought he would, and he was feeling energetic and strong.

"You're blood pressure is slightly elevated," she said finally, pulling the cuff off. "Take your shirt off."

"Why Jennifer," Rodney mocked as he did so. "I thought you didn't put out on the first date."

"This is more like our hundredth Rodney," She replied wryly. "Don't worry, your virtue will remain intact."

She paused for a moment to press her hand against his belly, before she put the stethoscope on his chest. He flinched back and scowled at her.

"Cold!"

"Sorry," she apologized, warming it for a moment between her hands before putting it back where it had been.

"Anything?" he asked after a moment.

"It's relatively normal."

"Relatively? What do you mean 'relatively?" he demanded. "Is there something wrong with it?"

"No Rodney. Its normal for pregnant women's heart rate to increase during pregnancy. It's nothing to worry about," she explained with exasperation in her voice as she hung the stethoscope around her neck. "I want to do another blood work up and I'll need a urine sample."

"Again? You doctors really are ghouls. I'll be sucked dry by the time you're finished with me..." he muttered.

"I'm sorry. What was that?" she turned around, smiling sweetly with a nasty looking needle in her hand. "I didn't quite hear what you said..."

Rodney swallowed and eyed the needle in her hand.

"N-nothing," he stammered quickly, feeling an unexpected wave of nausea.

"That's what I thought. I'll be back."

~ * ~* ~* ~*

"Rodney."

He looked up from picking at the remains of his dinner to see Teyla standing before him. She was dressed in a long skirt, made of shimmering, flowing fabric that fell to the floor, and one of her usual tight vest tops. She looked serene and relaxed and she smiled at him warmly in greeting.

"Hey!" He sat up a little straighter. "When did you guys get back?"

"We finished the debriefing with Sam half an hour ago. Ronon and John are down on the peir. I was wondering if you'd like to accompany me down there?" She tilted her head in invitation. "Unless there is a reason you are sitting out here all by yourself?"

Rodney glanced around at the balcony just off the mess hall, and noted that it was deserted apart from himself. It was late, almost eight o clock Atlantis time, and most of the other personnel had eaten already. He'd been caught up in his reading of the ancient data base before discovering that he was starving. Luckily, he hadn't missed out on his favorite dishes, and was feeling full, content and rather mellow.

"No reason, no," he replied as he stood up.

She stepped closed and gestured to his stomach.

"May I?"

Teyla always asked permission before touching him, since he had revealed that he was pregnant, and it was something for which he was extremely grateful. He knew there were days when he was irritable and couldn't stand to be touched, and Teyla seemed to understand that innately. Perhaps it was because she was a woman herself, or maybe because she had seen many of her friends fall pregnant and knew the complicated emotions and urges that went hand in hand with pregnancy. But whatever the reason, he was always glad she asked.

He nodded his consent and watched as she laid a hand on his belly, stroking gently for a minute.

"You had your weekly checkup with Keller today, yes?"

"How is it that you always remember and I never seem to?" he complained.

She merely smiled, and patted his stomach gently, before looping her arm through his and drawing him away.

"How did it go?" she enquired.

"As well as can be expected, I guess," he huffed. "Any problems on the mission?"

She shook her head with a smile. "No. John was rather...irritated with the new scientist that you assigned to our team. In fact, I was rather afraid that he was going to suffer from an....what's that term you use when he's annoyed?"

"An aneurysm?" he supplied dryly.

"Yes, one of those."

She regaled him with tales from their three day long mission, and Rodney tried his best not to show how much he had missed them during their time away. Sam tried to limit them to single day missions, but it wasn't easy considering that their team was the number one team for meeting and greeting new peoples.

Teyla strolled down through the levels of Atlantis until they were out on the west pier. The night air was cool, but not unpleasant, and a gentle breeze caressed them softly. They paused for a minute, and Rodney tilted his head back to stare at the sky above them.

The stars were shining so brightly, a multitude of jewels set against an inky black night sky, and Rodney was startlingly glad that he was alive and breathing to witness such a magnificent night.

"Breath taking isn't it?" Teyla asked quietly from beside him, following his gaze upwards. "It brings a sense of peace, does it not?"

He nodded his agreement.

"Speaking of which, I wanted to offer my assistance to you," she said as they continued their slow stroll towards the end of the pier. Buildings surrounded them, but they became more scarce the further out they went.

"Assistance? What kind of assistance?"

"I am very apt in my practices of meditation and relaxation," she said slowly. "I have often used my skills to aid expectant parents within my own people. I have been told that the techniques I teach that help a person to bare pain have been very useful when it comes to childbirth."

"But I..."

"I understand that no one knows exactly how your labor will come about, Rodney," she continued smoothly. "But I do not believe that it will be without pain. I have spoken to Doctor Keller, and she agrees that it would be useful. She likened it to some practices within your own people, I believe. I can't recall what name she used."

"Lamaze, I think," Rodney told her glumly.

"You don't have to give me an answer now. Just keep in mind that my offer always stands if you should ever decide to accept. I spend an hour in the north east practice room at five o clock every afternoon should you ever wish to join me."

He thought about it for a minute. "Thanks Teyla," he managed eventually. "I'll think about it."

John and Ronon were stretched out lazily on the very edge of the peir. John's long legs dangled off the edge, and Ronon was lying on his side with his head propped on one fist.

John looked up and smiled as they approached.

"Hey!" he got up and caught Rodney in a tight hug for a moment before he stepped back and looking him up and down swiftly.

"How've you been?"

Rodney rolled his eyes but couldn't keep the smile from tugging at his mouth.

"Despite your paranoid tendencies, Sheppard, I am able to cope by myself," he said, letting Teyla help him sit down when John had been previously. "Besides, Keller had her watch dogs nearby at all times, so there's no need for you to worry your pretty head about me."

"Yeah well, you know what they say about old dogs and new tricks," John replied ruefully as he sat back down beside him. "And your check up? Sorry I missed it, by the way."

Rodney shrugged uncomfortably. "It was fine. Keller wants to do an ultrasound at my next check up. She says she'll be able to tell if it's a boy or girl."

"Really?" John smiled, and looked out over the water. "Wow. What do you think it'll be?"

"Don't be fooled by him, Rodney," Teyla cut in dryly. "People are already placing bets. John's got the most money on it at the moment."

John looked slightly apologetic. "Well...some healthy competition isn't bad for moral."

"You're taking bets on this?" Rodney asked incredulously, not sure how he felt about that. "On me?"

John's head shot up, surprised. "Well, yea but I didn't think...."

"That's just the problem, isn't it, Colonel?" Rodney snapped, before he had a chance to think about it. "You didn't think how I'd feel about it did you?"

Before John could say anything, Rodney started struggling to his feet, inwardly cursing his body and the baby for slowing him down and making him so awkward and clumsy. He shook of Teyla's steadying hand and walked away from them, towards the other side of the peer, trying to rein in his spiraling emotions.

It wasn't fair. None of it was fair; people taking bets on his own misfortune, and looking to profit from his misery?

"Hey Rodney, wait up," John jogged to catch up with him but Rodney kept walking towards the railing in front of him, ridiculously envious of John's ability to move fast.

Unlike John, Rodney was starting to slow down, the added weight and his expanding stomach weighing him down a little more each day. Even his walking gait had changed, becoming more ambling than its usual fast, business like stride. There were some times he felt ridiculously glad that he wasn't going on missions any more.

"I didn't mean anything by it, Rodney," John said when he caught up. "I'm sorry."

They stopped at the railing and he leant his elbows against it. Behind them, Teyla and Ronon were distant figures shrouded in darkness, but the quiet rise and fall of their voices carried on the breeze. He couldn't make out the words but the cadence of their voices relieved him. They had privacy but help wasn't too far away should they need it for any obscure reason.

"No I'm sorry," Rodney hung his head tiredly for a moment. "I shouldn't have snapped at you. It's just these hormones, though that's really not an excuse for acting badly. Forgive me?"

John smiled at him, the dim lighting running along the edges of the pier casting his face into ghostly, ethereal light.

"Only if you'll forgive me," he replied.

"Deal." Rodney accepted gratefully. There were times when he was glad that John's easy going personality provided the perfect counter point to his own more abrasive and obtrusive personality. It was often the case that John was forced to make amends for Rodney's difficult ways, and while that always made him feel guilty, having John there always provided a certain sense of security for him.

"So, hormones huh?" John leant on the railing beside him. "Have you had any rest today?"

Rodney shook his head. "I haven't had the time. I've been running simulations with Radek for maximizing the ZPM's power out put, and before I knew it I lost track of time and had to rush to my appointment with Keller. After that, she practically frog marched me to the mess hall for dinner and that's when Teyla found me."

"Ah. Keller's gonna start nagging you to stop working soon, you know that don't you?" John glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"Really?" Rodney half turned to look at him in surprise. "I would have you thought you'd be all....forbidding and stuff when it comes to me following the doctors orders."

"Forbidding?" John's brow crinkled in confusion. "Seriously?"

"Well, while you've been doing a fair impression of Florence Nightingale, I'm not so sure she went around bearing arms and threatening people with bodily harm if they didn't follow her orders. You've been pretty strict when it comes to me doing what Keller recommends."

John straightened at that. "I'm not...I don't mean to push you around or anything...."

"No I know that," Rodney said quietly, looking down at the waves breaking against the pier. The noise they made as they pushed against the solidity of Atlantis was like music to his ears; it was a sound that he had missed sorely during him imprisonment, and it soothed his worries considerably.

"You're only looking out for me, I know," he said. "It feels...good, knowing that there's someone who cares about what happens to me."

"I do you know," John returned to his resting post and shifted a little close, picking up Rodney's hand and stroking it slowly. "If something happened to you again...I think I'd go out of my mind. When you were gone the first time, I just...it was like a bad dream. I kept hoping I'd wake up and you'd be back. It was like something had been stolen from me that I hadn't known I'd miss until it was gone."

Rodney looked down at their hands and interlaced their fingers. John's hands were rough and worn from years of warfare and hardship, but there was an elegance there, and a gracefulness that years of death and endurance couldn't steal. Even in the blunt, nails, and tapered fingers and the broad palms, which were just about as masculine as they came, there was something indefinable about them that had him fascinated.

He rubbed his fingers over the smooth skin covering the back of John's hand and smiled, loving the warmth that engulfed him because of John's words. It felt good to be needed.

"This was what I dream about, you know?" he said in reply, finally looking up and out towards the dark horizon, where the sea met the sky. "I'd be drugged out of my mind and hurting from what they were doing to me, and I don't remember much, but I do remember dreaming about Atlantis, about being back here. With you."

John moved even closer until his shoulder bumped Rodney's companionably.

"I'm glad I helped you get through."

"I'm glad you rescued me."

"But still, I couldn't stop them from experimenting on you, could I?" John asked, a slightly bitter quality to his voice. "I couldn't stop them from putting that...thing in you."

"I don't blame you for any of this John. All that matters is that you got me out. And that I'm still alive."

"Yea well, I blame myself enough for the both of us, I guess." John replied, his eyes trained on the horizon like Rodney.

He turned to face John at that, forcing him to face him as he used their joined hands to pull John out of his slouch.

"Don't," he told him seriously. "Don't do that. Don't punish yourself because of this. I'm trying to put all of this behind me, and I can't do that if you're constantly beating yourself up because of something that couldn't be prevented."

"But I just..."

"No, John. Just...no. You did everything you could, and that's more than enough for me. Please, just...try to forget about it, okay? For me?"

John stepped closer and raised his hands to Rodney's face, framing it with his large, warm hands.

"I can never forget, Rodney. Never." he said, his voice low and rough. "I can try to move past it, and I will. But I'll never forget what they did to you."

Before Rodney could formulate any sort of response, John was kissing him, pressing his soft, warm mouth to Rodney's.

He melted against John's body, feeling hard, warm muscle pressing against his own softer curves. Soft lips parted his slowly and expertly, tasting him again and again before the kiss deepened into something wetter and hotter.

Rodney groaned, feeling unbelievably turned on from all the physical contact. He knew that his heightened sense of arousal was a product of his pregnancy (it was something Keller had warned him about) but none of that mattered when John's arms were keeping him pressed against his lean body, and his mouth was doing wicked things to him.

The kiss ended when John dragged his mouth and down his chin to his neck. Rodney tilted his head back with a gasp as teeth scraped at his Adam's apple. He wanted John with him, in him, and in his bed. He needed John to touch him, to press against his rock hard arousal and grant him some sort of release.

Eventually, John stopped tasting his neck and pulled back slightly to look at him.

"John..." Rodney groaned, pressing his hips even more tightly against the warm body before him. "Don't tease me. If you're not going to help me out then for the love of god, please...."

"I don't mean to tease you, Rodney," John said on an exhale, lowering his head. "I just....it's wrong of me to take advantage of you when you're in such a vulnerable state."

"Vulnerable?" Rodney put some space between them at last. "You think I'm vulnerable?"

"Well, not vulnerable exactly, just...." he gestured awkwardly. "How could we when you're..."

"Fat?" Rodney supplied, glaring at him.

"No, not fat." John rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Pregnant. I meant pregnant. I don't want to hurt you, that's all."

"You won't hurt me," Rodney snapped. "You can't hurt me, Keller says so, as long as it's not too rough. Seriously, that's why we haven't been having hot sex?"

John looked slightly offended. "Well....I didn't know did I?"

Rodney frowned at him for a moment longer, sure that there was more to the story than John was letting on. But that was John Sheppard for you. He had hidden depths that he himself probably didn't even know he had, which was saying something.

"Thank god for that. I was starting to think that you...didn't want me..." Rodney said, deflating.

It was John's turn to scowl. Rodney found himself pulled sharply against John's body once more, before a hard roll of John's hips pressed his hard on against Rodney. His mouth dropped open and his eyes closed at the lightning bolt of arousal it sent through his sensitized nerves.

"Does that feel like I'm not interested?" John growled, pressing a hard kiss to his mouth.

Rodney moaned, loving the dominance that was being asserted over him.

"You're getting off on this aren't you?" John's voice was filled with wonder, and Rodney opened lust heavy eyes to try and scowl at him, but it was hard when John was still pressed so intimately up against him.

"You're a kinky bastard Rodney," John laughed, affectionately pulling him close and pressing a kiss to the top of his head before dropping his mouth next to Rodney's ear.

"Don't worry," he murmured, making Rodney shudder as hot breath brushed his neck. "We'll finish this later tonight."

Rodney swallowed, trying to calm himself down. They still had friends close by after all, and he had no intention of letting them know how aroused he was. He could feel the lust and the need thrumming through his veins like wild fire, but it would have to wait for a little bit longer it seemed.

John was hugging him now, his face pressed into the side of his neck.

They stood there for a long time, just holding one another as their erections faded slowly. It felt amazing just to be held by someone, let along someone as amazing as John. Rodney had been on his own for many long years, and while he had been able to lose himself in his admittedly very important work, there was always a part of him that wanted someone to share his discoveries with.

He had that now, had John and he was smarter than anyone he had hoped for. Rodney had always tried to push away the part of him that craved human touch, and he had mostly been successful. But he was a very tactile person, and liked being able to touch and learn and explore, and it seemed that maybe now he could stop denying himself and start indulging the desire. It didn't seem like John minded in the slightest.

"I missed you the last couple of days," Rodney whispered into his hair eventually.

"I missed you too," John replied. "All the time I was stuck babysitting that idiot Stevens while he jumped at every little noise and all I could think of was that I wished it was you back with us."

They separated a little, putting some space between them at last, and Rodney found himself missing John's heat. He had to smile as John grumbled about the new scientist assigned to his team.

"Yea well, I'm not sure how much better I would be, given my current state," Rodney looked down and touched his protruding stomach gently, alarmed by the feeling of warmth that flooded his chest.

John had followed his gaze and splayed his own hand over Rodney's belly.

"I can't believe..." he began before shaking his head.

"What?" Rodney asked curiously.

"I can't believe that there's a real baby in there," John seemed amazed as he stroked the baby bump slowly. "Can you feel it moving yet?"

Rodney shook his head. "No, nothing. But Keller said that it's in this second trimester that I should start to feel it kicking."

John nodded. "Do you want a boy or a girl?"

Rodney shook his head and tried not let the wave of sorrow overwhelm him.

"John, I....I try not to think about it like that because...the odds of me keeping this baby are...pretty slim at the moment."

John's head jerked up at that and he stared at Rodney searchingly.

"What I mean is....Atlantis is no place for a baby, and I'm not fit to be a parent, so when it's born I'll probably put it up for adoption. I-I can't keep it, John. I couldn't..."

And that was perhaps the worst part of it, Rodney thought. Because he knew what it had been like to not feel like your parents wanted you, he knew that kind of pain and he wouldn't wish it on anyone. He just hoped that if the pregnancy progressed that far, that the baby would get a good home and people who would love it as if it were their own. He felt ashamed because of his own weakness, and he hated his own cowardice, but he just couldn't see a way to make it work, even if he did want to keep the baby.

"Hey," John lifted his chin gently and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "It's okay. We'll work something out. Just...don't close yourself to all of the options okay? You're a good man, Rodney Mckay, and I'm sure you'll do what's right for both you and the baby."

Rodney nodded, feeling stupidly reassured by John's words, even if it wasn't as simple as he said it was.

"Hey!" Ronon's bellow rang out across the pier and echoed slightly off the distant buildings. "Your beer's getting warm Sheppard!"

"Beer?" Rodney perked up.

"No beer for you, I'm afraid," John grinned wrapping an arm around his shoulders and guiding him back towards Teyla and Ronon. "Doctor's orders."

~ * ~* ~* ~

Unfortunately for Rodney, John was called away as they were heading back towards the warmth of Atlantis; something about an altercation between two marines that needed to be sorted out, and with an apologetic smile to them all, and a fleeting touch to Rodney's hand, he was off. He tried not to be too disappointed, but he was afraid he failed miserably.

Still, he thought perhaps that he had maybe over done it a little today. He could feel the exhaustion tugging away at this body, making his movements sluggish and his ability to follow conversation practically nil.

Teyla saw him to the quarters, and with a squeeze to his arm she bid him a good night. He sighed in relief as he closed the door behind her and toed off his shoes. The lights in their quarters were glowing brightly, making the place feel welcoming and homey. Random possessions of his and John's were scattered around the common area; a magazine here, a jacket thrown haphazardly over a chair there, several Physics journals and power bar wrappers littering the place. He couldn't be bothered to make an effort to tidy the place (it had been a bit tidier before John had left as he was the cleaner of the two) and he didn't think that John would mind too much.

With a jaw creaking yawn, he stumbled towards his bedroom, stripping off his jacket and his oversized t-shirt as he went before shucking his trousers and socks and kicking them towards his laundry basket.

And there was his bed, waiting for him patiently. It was larger then the average Atlantis bed, more like a king sized earth bed, and he had no idea why that was but he couldn't care less as he pulled back the covers and crawled in. Mashing his pillow into a comfortable shape, he curled up and pulled the blankets over himself in a warm cocoon.

It didn't take long for him slip into sleep.

What seemed like moments later, he was woken abruptly by a muffled thumping noise near his door and he was half sitting up already before John's voice emerged from the darkness.

"Easy, Rodney, it's just me."

He groaned sleepily and he collapsed back down and pushed his face back into his sleep-warm pillow. He drifted in that pleasant realm of half sleep half wakefulness as he listened to John fighting his boots, then his trousers before he finally felt the covers being moved back on the other side of the bed, and the dip as he slid onto the mattress.

Then a warm body was pressing up against his back, and John's face was pressed into the soft hair above the nape of his neck.

"Mmmmm," he shifted sleepily, pushing back against John.

John shifted a little in response, pushing closer until his hips cradled Rodney's ass, and a warm arm slid around his middle. Rodney reached down and intertwined their fingers over his stomach.

"Is it time to finish it?" Rodney mumbled into his pillow.

"Finish what?" John warm breath washed over his neck, his voice a low rumble at his back that was pleasing and soothing all at once.

"What we started earlier."

There was a huff of air that indicated silent laughter before a chaste kiss was pressed to his shoulder.

"No. Sleep Rodney," John whispered, kissing his neck. "There's plenty of time for that later."

Rodney thought he grumbled something under his breath but he did remember pulling John's arm around him more tightly before he slipped back into sleep once more.

~* ~* ~* ~* ~*

Rodney woke slowly wrapped in a warm embrace and looking out the his bedroom window. It wasn't yet light, but there was a pre-dawn glow falling over Atlantis and the ocean beyond. For awhile, he just lay there quietly, breathing the wonderful smell of John and fresh, morning air.

They'd shifted during the night so the Rodney was facing the window, but John was still pressed up against his back, a warm, solid weight behind him that made him feel protected and hot in the depths of his stomach.

Never in a thousand dreams had he imaged that he would one day end up in such a manner with John. Granted, in his dreams the circumstances that had led to where they were drastically different (and certainly didn't include him being pregnant of all things) but that hardly mattered at all to him

Countless people would tell him that he wasn't worthy of John. Just looking at him could melt the eyeballs out of any one who had been sex starved for any length of time, and besides that he was a decent human being, with a questionable need to save anyone and anything from certain doom, even if it meant his own demise. His hero complex was something of a concern to Rodney, but he tried not to dwell on that too much.

But besides being a good man, he was a soldier through and through. He thrived on routine and despised being inactive for any amount of time, no matter how laconic he appeared. He had a distinct disliking for following orders that he felt put people in danger, but he was as loyal as anything and he inspired such loyalty in his men, who looked up to him with a respect that sometimes took him by surprise.

Sometimes it was hard to reconcile the person John was outside of the soldier and the soldier part of him, but other times they were indistinguishable.

John and Rodney were two completely different people, and while they shared some common interests, they were polar opposites of each other. The odds were stacked against them being compatible, but for some strange, unknown reason, they were.

But when they got right down to it, none of that petty bullshit mattered when it was just the two of them. When they were alone together was when Rodney felt completely overwhelmed with the love he had for John. It wasn't hard to be attracted to him, after all.

Sometime during his quiet contemplation of their relationship, John stirred, as if sensing that he was the subject of Rodney's thoughts.

Rodney smiled as a sleepy kiss was fumbled to the back of his neck.

"Morning...."

"Hey." Rodney shifted from his position, and John loosened his grip long enough for Rodney to wiggled around so they were facing each other before he dropped his heavy arm back onto Rodney's waist. John blinked slowly at him, obviously still waking up and Rodney's heart melted annoyingly in his chest.

"Hi...." John mumbled, closing his eyes again.

Rodney brushed a kiss across John's forehead before sliding upwards into a sitting position. John's arm dropped around his legs and he pouted sleepily.

"Where're you goin?"

"Bathroom," Rodney smiled at him, and awkwardly scrambled off the bed, cursing his stomach for getting in the way.

"You gonna be sick?" came the muffled question from behind him.

Rodney looked over his shoulder to find John had stretched out on his stomach with his arms hugging the pillow and his face half buried in it. The blankets covered his lower half, but he was still a vision hotter than anything in a porn magazine.

"No," he replied gruffly, trying to hide his sudden arousal. "Just gotta pee."

After attending to his bodily needs, he returned to the warmth of he bed, where he curled against John's sleeping side and laid his head on his shoulder blade, listening to the steady thump-thumping of his heart beneath his ear.

A sense of peace unlike any other claimed Rodney's soul, and as he listened to John's steady breathing, he realized that he was right where he was meant to be, no matter what anyone said or thought.

He pressed a reverent kiss to the golden skin beneath him and swept a hand down the length of his back.

John shifted at that, and Rodney moved so that he could lie on his side facing Rodney once more, looking more aware than before.

For a moment they just looked at each other, before Rodney moved in to press a chaste, close mouth kiss to that pliant mouth. John groaned and opened immediately, granted entrance, and their tongues curled in a dance they both knew off by heart.

John was pressing against him closely once more, his hand stroking his side rhythmically in a way that was getting him all hot and bothered beneath his skin, like an itch that he couldn't scratch. He was pretty sure that he was making desperate, needy noises, but it didn't matter. He needed John closer, needed to feel him, to feel alive and to burn under his touch.

Slowly, too slowly, John moved his mouth down his neck, scattering kisses across his shoulders and collar bone.

"God, Rodney, your shoulders....you drive me crazy, you know that?" John spared his a glance as he rolled Rodney onto his back. "And your nipples..."

Hot, wet suction enclosed his left nipple and Rodney arched under the pressure, whining as pleasure shot straight from his nipple to his cock.

John switched his attention to the other briefly, before moving in a broken line down over the bulge of his growing stomach. He rested between Rodney's spread legs, propping his weight on his forearms on either side of Rodney's hips, he looked up with a wicked smile before switching his attention back to Rodney's stomach.

"Hi," he said to his belly, pressing a wet kiss to his navel. Rodney resisted the urge to roll his eyes and slap him over his head. "I bet it's pretty nice in there huh?"

"You realize it can't hear you right?"

"Of course she can, right baby?" John lowered his head and pressed another, longer kiss to the skin beneath him. "You look after your daddy okay? Be nice to him because he's very important."

Rodney shuddered as his hot, intense gaze shifted to his face once more before moving lower. Hot kisses trailed down his hips leaving fire in their wake. He was shaking with need when John stroked his legs, encouraging him to spread his legs a little wider. He did so without fuss or argument, wanting to submit everything to John and give him anything he wanted. His body was all that he had to offer, and he did it freely.

But the torture continued as John caressed the insides of his thighs.

"Please...." he begged shamelessly. "God, John...."

"Shhh, its okay. I'll get you there," John whispered against the skin of his thigh. He was slowly licking a path towards his groin, taking his sweet time. John could be frustratingly patient when he wanted to be and it really didn't surprise Rodney that that applied in bed as well.

John's mouth was skilled though, there was no denying that at all, and he cried out as his cock was engulfed all of a sudden and deep throated. John pulled back slightly and sucked on the tip for a moment before sliding back down. Rodney was shaking and moaning uncontrollably, unable to hold the force of his reaction at bay.

John made contented noise then swallowed as Rodney's cock hit the back of his throat and Rodney's hips jerked and he arched off the bed as he cried out and came in John's mouth. John just took it all, stroking his thighs throughout and licking his clean as Rodney shuddered through the aftershocks.

Once he was licked clean, John released Rodney's length and crawled up to rest beside him, careful not to put any weight on his stomach. A soft kiss was pressed to Rodney's shoulder, and he pried his eyes open, his body feeling liquid and loose from the incredible orgasm that John had drawn him to. He turned his head to look at John, who was smiling at him with his head propped on his hand.

Rodney glanced down to where John was stroking himself leisurely, and he reached out and encircled John's impressive length with his own hand. He was long, but not as thick as Rodney was, and Rodney felt a particular stirring in the base of his stomach. He entangled his fingers with John's and together they stroked him slowly. Rodney watched as John's eyes closed and he swallowed jerkily.

"John..." he whispered, waiting until his lust heavy hazel eyes opened and focused on his with difficulty before he continued. "I want you in me."

"Rodney..." John's voice was choked, and he closed his eyes for a second as he fought to control himself. "I...I don't know if I can be gentle. We can wait to do that...."

"No..." Rodney leaned forward and kissed those generous lips, sucking on the lower one for a moment before drawing back to look into John's desperate gaze. "I've waited long enough. You won't hurt me. Please."

"Fuck, Rodney, you don't know what you do to me." John kissed him brutally, taking possession of Rodney's mouth, turning the kiss hot and wet and dirty, and Rodney was getting hard again, shivering with anticipation of having John's beautiful cock inside of him.

Rodney dragged himself away from the kiss and rolled onto his side away from him, bending his knee to give John the access he needed to make him whole.

"Have you got any...."

"In the draw beside the bed," Rodney murmured, pillowing his head on his arm and listening as John fumbled around in the draw.

It wasn't long before John was slowly pressing a finger into him, stretching him slowly and carefully and finding that sweet spot deep within him, stroking it until Rodney was whimpering and shaking with need. Then the fingers were withdrawn and replaced by John, and he was slowly rocking in being so very careful and patient and Rodney had never felt something so poignant and sweet as the moment John buried himself completely in him, hot and hard and ready to make Rodney his.

He started to move slowly and evenly, stroking his prostate with steady thrusts, making Rodney shiver and moan as his hands traced the length of his body. All the while John was whispering in his ear in a deep, rough voice, telling him how beautiful he was, how much John wanted and needed him, how much he meant to him.

John slowly sped up his thrusts, carrying them both swiftly to the brink and then pushing them over into a wonderful freefall that had his toes curling and he cried out, gripping John's forearm as he shook with the force of his orgasm.

He felt John biting his shoulder and shaking against his back as he shuddered with a deep groan and came inside Rodney.

He didn't remember much after that, just the feeling of loss as John carefully withdrew, and he floated on the pleasant waves of exhaustion as John carefully extracted himself from the bed and left, returning with a warm, wet wash cloth and carefully cleaning him off before crawling back into bed with him. By the time John had pulled the covers over them and settled against his back. Rodney was asleep once more, his body still humming from John's attention and from his own deep feeling of content.

TBC

A/N: Sorry for the long delay in updating, but holiday season is usually a pretty busy time! Thanks for your patience and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. As usual, I welcome questions, comments and constructive criticisms. Take care!