Early post this week and a longer than usual chapter. Thanks as always to the brilliant Prothrombintime for so graciously providing feedback and encouragement.
Chapter Fourteen
Ianto stared into the darkness, unable to sleep. He'd tossed and turned for the best part of an hour, his mind consumed with thoughts of Jack.
After two nights of sleeping with his flatmate, he'd thought that a night alone in the comfort of his own bed would be a welcome and necessary reprieve. Instead he felt restless and lonely, his treacherous mind conjuring up lurid, tantalising images. He imagined Jack sprawled out and naked, that stunning body eager and inviting, like some sort of obscene all-you-can-eat smorgasbord – one that Ianto had gorged himself on several times already. And like a true glutton, he craved more.
Jack was like an addiction, and a dangerous one at that. Ianto recalled the time when he was battling through nicotine withdrawal, when his every waking thought was of the need for just one cigarette to satisfy that desperate, inescapable craving. This time no amount of gum or patches were going to help him. Even the idea of a solitary wank to take the edge off seemed unappealing.
He spent another fifteen minutes staring up at the ceiling before he sighed and climbed out of bed. Remembering that he was again wearing his cartoon sheep pyjamas, he quickly changed into a pair of plain dark blue pyjama bottoms and a grey t-shirt. He noticed the glow of light from beneath Jack's door as he headed towards the kitchen and wondered if Jack was also having trouble sleeping.
After lunch with Tosh, he'd returned home and spent the afternoon and evening working on his book, taking a break to eat a hastily prepared dinner and tend to Moses. Jack had worked late at the studio and eaten with Rhys, which had seemed fortuitous given the current circumstances.
Jack had arrived home a little after nine. Ianto had taken a break to make coffee as Jack had excitedly produced his laptop, showing him the new Welsh Tourism Board website showcasing Jack's photographs. He'd smiled and interjected the occasional comment or question, caught up in Jack's infectious enthusiasm and remembering that day they'd spend together with fondness. Although Jack had bemoaned a couple of the choices of photographs the designers had used, he seemed happy with the end result, and Ianto thought that each and every image was incredible. In an odd juxtaposition with the rest of his life, Jack was a perfectionist when it came to his work. He could be a harsh critic of his own efforts and obviously took a great deal of professional pride. It was a trait that Ianto both understood and admired. Afterwards, he'd continued to work in his bedroom for the rest of the evening, leaving Jack to his own devices.
Returning from the kitchen with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate in hand, he crossed the threshold of Jack's bedroom after a tentative tap on the door, biting down on his lower lip and feeling completely ridiculous.
Jack was sitting up in bed, his laptop perched in front of him. The broad expanse of his upper body was bare, the bed covers resting low enough across his hips to reveal that his lower half was equally unattired. The hideous television stand was gone, the small television looking forlorn where it now rested on the floor amidst a tangled knot of cables and Jack's DVD player. Jack had even done his laundry earlier, much to Ianto's amazement. Given that Jack seemed to be an advocate of the adage 'out of sight, out of mind', he'd half expected that Jack would shove the untidy pile of clothes into the bottom of his wardrobe and consider it a job well done, leaving Ianto to deal with it in due course.
Ianto cleared his throat. "I made hot chocolate. Thought you might like a cup."
Jack looked up, his eyes bright with interest. "I'd love some." He closed the laptop, putting it on the table beside the bed.
Moving into the room, Ianto leaned over the bed and passed one of the mugs to Jack. "Careful, it's hot. And don't spill it on the sheets."
After taking the mug eagerly with both hands, Jack blew across the top and took a cautious sip, his eyes sliding closed for a moment. "Mmm, that's delicious. Thanks."
Ianto stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed. He took a step back, readying himself for a hasty retreat.
Jack took another sip, then looked up at Ianto with a frown. With his spare hand he tossed back the covers on the unoccupied side of the bed and patted the empty space. "Care to join me?"
"Yeah... um... all right." Ianto hoped that he'd managed to maintain an expression of casual indifference. He began to climb in beside Jack, still clutching his untouched drink.
Jack made a noise of disapproval, then flashed him a grin. "Don't you think you're a bit overdressed?"
Although unsurprised by Jack's predictable admonishment, Ianto suddenly felt self-conscious. There was nowhere to hide, and Jack's intent, unflinching gaze was watching his every move.
Putting his drink down, he turned away and quickly undressed, fumbling as he folded his clothes before placing them on the floor at the foot of the bed. He knew it was absurd to feel bashful around Jack when the man had touched and examined just about every inch of his body. He almost envied Jack's shamelessness, admiring the way that Jack was so comfortable with himself and his physicality. He couldn't quite imagine ever being like that. It wasn't that he hated the way his body looked, he quite liked some parts of it, but he knew that there was significant room for improvement, if he was so inclined. He'd never been one for sports or excessive amounts of exercise, always preferring more intellectual pursuits. It still surprised him that someone with Jack's enviable looks could find him physically appealing.
He slipped into the bed, pulling the covers over his hips and retrieving his mug. He waited, half expecting Jack to make some smug remark about being unable to resist him. Instead, Jack shifted closer, bringing their bodies together so they were touching from shoulders to hips to toes. He gave Ianto's knee a nudge with his own. "You okay, tiger?"
Ianto rolled his eyes and took a steadying breath as his body responded to Jack's proximity. A shiver of anticipation ran down his spine, and he felt himself begin to harden beneath the bed covers. "I'm fine. But do you think we can drop the nicknames? I happen to like my actual name."
"I do, too. I like tiger as well, though." Jack's shoulder moved against his in a shrug. "It suits you."
Ianto decided that he didn't need to know why Jack thought the common name for the species of huge, carnivorous, striped felines suited him. He supposed of all the nicknames that Jack had used in the time they'd known each other, it was the one he disliked the least.
They drank their beverages in companionable silence, and Ianto took several deep breaths as a sense of calmness that had alluded him all day settled over him. Jack's nearness was arousing, but it also felt comforting and safe. He still couldn't understand the effect that Jack had over him, especially when the man was equally capable of enraging him to the point of wanting to inflict bodily harm. He wasn't sure if he ever would understand it. He supposed it was just nice not to be alone.
It was Jack who broke the silence first. "I love the hot chocolate, but you don't need an excuse. We're both virile young men with healthy libidos, and we enjoy being together. There's no shame in that. You don't need to be shy about what you want."
Ianto sighed and shook his head. "I'm not... it's just that... I don't know how things work with two men together. Plus, this is a unique situation. For both of us, I assume." He turned to look at Jack and raised an eyebrow. "Unless you make a habit of sleeping with your flatmates?"
Jack chuckled. "Well, no, not so much." He paused, his expression turning serious again. "I know this must be kind of weird since it's all new to you, but there aren't any rules. One of the nice things about being with another guy is that there are lots of possibilities." He sipped at his drink for a moment. "You can ask me about anything. You know that, right?"
"I know." Ianto lowered his eyes, unable to hold Jack's penetrating gaze. Sometimes it seemed like Jack could see everything he was feeling, as if it was written plainly on his face. For an intensely private person like himself, it could be unnerving at times. He wasn't sure if anyone else had ever looked at him with such unconcealed desire and curiosity.
When Jack spoke again, he was staring down at the bed, his words soft and uncharacteristically tentative. "The guy I was seeing a while ago... I've mentioned him before. His name's Tommy. I left him when I realised we wanted different things. I hurt him badly. He deserved better." He exhaled an unsteady sigh. "You're the only person I've been with since him. I thought you should know that. I'm glad it was you... I'm glad it meant something."
Ianto watched as Jack drained his mug and put it on the bedside table. He finished the rest of his own drink, and Jack took the mug from him, putting it aside as well. He wasn't sure if he was surprised by Jack's admission. On one hand, Jack seemed to have an voracious and insatiable sexual appetite, and he wasn't shy about it, but on the other hand, Jack had lived quite an insular existence in the time they'd been living together, much like Ianto himself. He wondered if Jack had been different before Tommy came along.
"Same for me," he admitted, studying the profile of Jack's face and feeling a tightness in his chest. "I've only been with you since Lisa. Despite the whole you being a bloke thing, I'm glad it was you, too."
"Yeah?" Jack lifted his gaze and looked into Ianto's eyes. A hint of a teasing smile softened his features. "You don't secretly wish I was female?"
Ianto shook his head, both amused and more than a little horrified as he tried to imagine a female version of Jack. "I like you the way you are. Besides, you'd make an ugly woman. Seriously, you'd be repulsive."
Jack huffed indignantly, but he gave Ianto a playful nudge. "Hey! I'd be gorgeous. A total knock-out."
Ianto laughed, rolling his eyes and enjoying the moment of levity, but then the humour left Jack's eyes again. Thinking back over their conversation, Ianto reached for Jack's hand and intertwined it with his own. Jack looked at him with obvious surprise.
"When Lisa left it hurt like hell, but I wouldn't have wanted her to stay with me when she wasn't happy. She probably should have left sooner than she did. Looking back, I know it was as much my fault as hers. I suppose I'm trying to say that you can't take all the blame." Ianto squeezed Jack's hand, hoping to impart a small measure of reassurance. "Whatever happened with Tommy, it sounds like you did the right thing. He probably realised that, given time. In the end, you wanted different things, like me and Lisa." He shook his head slightly. "It's weird that we're each other's opposite in such similar situations."
"Yeah, it is," Jack agreed, seeming lost in thought for a few moments. Then, in a sudden movement, he wrapped his arms around Ianto and pulled him closer, giving his lips a surprisingly gentle and tender kiss. Returning Jack's embrace, Ianto kissed him back, keeping the contact soft and undemanding and allowing Jack to take whatever comfort he needed.
Jack pulled back far enough to look into his eyes. "You understand that I don't want to risk making the same mistake twice. The last thing I want is to hurt you."
"The circumstances are different, Jack." Ianto realised that at least one of the emotions he was seeing in Jack's eyes was fear. "But I'm not under any illusions about what this is and what it isn't."
Jack nodded, although he didn't look particularly reassured. Then he claimed Ianto's lips again, this time with an intensity that left Ianto stunned and short of breath. He reciprocated with all the passion he possessed.
Jack smiled when they finally pulled apart, his mood seeming lighter again. He brushed his thumb over Ianto's chin and scratched at the light stubble as a devilish glint appeared in his eyes. "You know, I think it's sexual frustration that makes you so uptight. Luckily for you, that's a problem I'm more than happy to help you with."
As if to prove his point, Jack pushed the bed covers away and fondled Ianto's crotch, squeezing a little before giving him a slow, teasing stroke.
Ianto's breath hitched and his toes curled inwards. "I'm not uptight," he protested weakly, groaning as Jack stroked him again. "All right, fine. Maybe I am... just a bit." He closed his eyes, losing himself in the sensations that Jack was coaxing so effortlessly from his body. He would have said just about anything as long as Jack didn't stop touching him.
"Think of it as character building." A playful grin was evident in Jack's voice as he repeated Ianto's words from the day before.
Ianto opened his eyes, but any retort he might have made died in his throat as Jack kissed him. "Stay with me again tonight?" he murmured against Ianto's lips.
Ianto nodded before Jack rolled on top of him and they kissed again.
###
The following evening, Ianto was once again wide awake, except this time he was sitting up in bed, pen and notepad in hand as he worked on some ideas for the last part of his book.
He'd realised for a while that the story was too large for a single novel. Jack had suggested a series of books, possibly a trilogy. While he liked the idea in principle, the first book still needed to stand on its own. He couldn't allow himself to get his hopes up over the possibility of securing a multiple book deal. At heart he was a pessimist, and a dream like that seemed too much like tempting fate. He just wanted to get this one book finished and hopefully published, then he'd see what happened after that.
Jack had proven himself to be a valuable asset. Beneath that ostentatious exterior lurked a sharp intellect, and Jack's questions were insightful and thought-provoking. He somehow always managed to provide an unexpected and challenging point-of-view.
Jack had been reading a draft of the latest chapter earlier that evening when he'd announced his next idea.
"Cade needs a romantic interest by the end of the story, or at least the possibility of one." He'd tapped a finger against his chin and looked thoughtful. "And he needs a sidekick. All the best heroes have a loyal right-hand man. Like Batman has Robin... or Alfred." He'd snapped his fingers. "That's it! He could have a butler. Well, not a butler exactly, but someone who looks after him and takes care of all the day-to-day stuff at their secret base. But not an older guy... a sexy, young stud who's quiet and enigmatic and has a mysterious, tortured past. They could meet when the sexy guy rescues Cade from one of those weevils. Cade doesn't trust him at first, but the guy's persistent and eventually Cade gives in and offers him a job."
He'd paused and given Ianto an appraising look. "He has to be Welsh, of course, and cute as a button. He looks good in a suit and makes fantastic coffee. He could be the sidekick and romantic interest all rolled into one delicious package." He'd given Ianto a gleeful grin. "What do you think?"
Ianto had responded by rolling his eyes, unsurprised by Jack's complete lack of subtlety.
However, Jack's suggestion wasn't without merit, and he'd started to think about introducing this new, mysterious character in the last part of the book, where Cade was living in Wales in the early twenty-first century, heading up a secret organisation known as 'Torchwood'. He liked the idea of having a Welshman the same age as himself in the story, and he smiled to himself as he imagined a character with a penchant for tailored suits and who was always on hand with a deadpan remark and a pot of perfectly brewed coffee. In a moment of whimsy, he thought about the handsome young man having a pet dinosaur. A pterodactyl – a pteranodon to be precise – which had fallen through time and been given sanctuary by Cade and his small team of alien hunters. He rolled his eyes, admonishing himself for being ridiculous. He wondered if Jack's flights of fancy were beginning to rub off on him.
Working on his book and thinking about his protagonist inevitably led his thoughts back to Jack. The two had become irrevocably intertwined in his mind since the night when Jack had donned the greatcoat and everything had changed between them. He'd even tweaked his descriptions of Cade's appearance to match Jack's.
He pulled the bed covers up higher around himself. He'd dressed for bed in a pair of pyjama bottoms, leaving his upper half bare. It was entirely out of character since he'd never been one for having his body on display, even when alone and in the privacy of his bedroom. He refused to admit that it was for Jack's benefit, should his flatmate join him at some point. Jack had him acting like an insatiable, lascivious teenager, but in an attempt to reclaim a modicum of his self-respect, he'd decided that the next time anything happened between them, it would be Jack's turn to make the first move. He was determined not to break his resolve.
It turned out that he didn't have to wait very long. Twenty minutes later, there was the sound of movement in the hallway, then the door opened just far enough for Jack's head to peek through.
Jack's eyes widened as they fixed on Ianto. "I was going to ask if you wanted some company, but it looks like you're planning to start without me."
"Nope." Ianto put his pad and pen aside and sat up straighter. "At least, not yet." He pushed the covers away from the empty side of the bed as a silent invitation.
With a flash of his trademark smile, Jack slipped inside and closed the door behind him. Ianto felt his mouth become dry as he stared at the other man. Jack was dressed in the greatcoat. It was buttoned up in the front, but judging from Jack's bare legs and neck, and knowing Jack as well as he did, he didn't doubt that the man was wearing nothing else.
Jack leaned back against the wall beside the door. "I know how much you love this coat."
Ianto was momentarily lost for words. He climbed out of bed and moved towards Jack, his body responding with a surge of arousal.
Jack began unfastening the coat's buttons, taking his time and making a show of it. Ianto stopped a couple of steps away and watched, utterly transfixed. Finally the thick folds of wool parted, revealing Jack's naked body, his erection jutting out lewdly from between the edges of the dark fabric. With his gaze locked on Ianto, he slowly stroked himself.
Ianto inhaled a sharp breath, wondering if he'd ever seen a more erotic sight. This time his self-consciousness didn't get the better of him. Almost without thinking, he dropped his pyjama bottoms and kicked them away, giving Jack an unobstructed view of his own aroused condition.
He took a step closer as Jack's eyes raked over him. "Seems like the coat did the trick." Jack stroked himself again. "Touch yourself, Ianto. I want to watch you."
Jack was staring at him, his eyes dark with desire. It still amazed Ianto that he could have such an effect on the other man. Lifting his right hand, he slowly caressed his chest, teasing one nipple and then the other until they hardened. Continuing to look into Jack's eyes, he slid his hand downwards, tracing over his abdomen. Finally he stroked himself with deliberate slowness, letting out a soft moan of pleasure.
Jack had stopped touching himself, appearing mesmerised. "Do you have any idea how exquisite you look right now?" he murmured. "I love seeing you like this. So gorgeous and uninhibited."
They stared at each other, neither of them moving, as if they were frozen in time. Finally Jack reached forward and pulled him in, wrapping Ianto firmly in his arms and surrounding them in the heavy fabric of the coat. Ianto pressed himself against Jack, relishing the feel of Jack's bare skin against his own, joined by the counterpoint of the rough texture of the coat's wool. Their lips met in a kiss that began slowly, but quickly became more urgent.
They traded hungry kisses as they moved against each other, touching and exploring without restraint. Ianto trembled when Jack's fingers delved into the divide of his arse and stroked over the tight ring of his entrance. To his surprise, he found himself pushing back against those teasing fingers, wanting more of Jack's touch on that most intimate part of his body.
Jack backed him towards the bed and began trying to shake off the coat. "Leave it on," Ianto murmured, turning them around and pushing Jack down onto the bed.
Jack grinned, the coat fanned out beneath him. "You really do love this coat, don't you?"
Ianto straddled Jack and kissed him hard, then trailed his lips down Jack's torso. He took a moment to appreciate the sight before his eyes. Jack's straining erection was magnificent, just like the rest of him, and as astonishing as it still was to think of another man that way, he couldn't deny the way that Jack excited him.
He gave Jack a firm stroke, teasing his thumb over the slick head. Wrapping a hand around the base, he took Jack into his mouth, savouring Jack's taste as it burst onto his tongue. Using everything he'd learned, he tried his best to give Jack as much pleasure as possible.
Jack didn't last long. His hips jerked, and he cried out Ianto's name as he pulsed into Ianto's mouth. Ianto consumed every drop, milking Jack until he had nothing left. He'd barely pulled away when Jack flipped them over, pushing Ianto down and eagerly returning the favour. With his eyes squeezed closed, Ianto tried to hold on and prolong the pleasure of Jack's talented mouth, but his body cried out for release. He gasped Jack's name as he climaxed, Jack swallowing greedily and not stopping until he was spent.
Ianto opened his eyes and looked down at Jack. Their eyes met, and they smiled at each other. It was one of Jack's rare, soft smiles, more intimate and real than what he usually offered. Jack pulled off the coat and tossed it aside, then crawled up the bed and pulled Ianto into his arms. Ianto went willingly, meeting Jack's lips in a deep kiss, their tongues caressing as they tasted each other.
The next round was slower, but no less intense. Ianto eased into Jack, relishing the now familiar tightness and heat, the pleasure almost too intense. It was their fourth time being together like this, and he marvelled again at how much Jack enjoyed having another man inside him. He began to move, pushing in deep the way that Jack liked and aiming to stimulate Jack's prostate with each thrust.
Little by little, he found himself wondering what it might feel like and wanting to experience that pleasure himself. At the same time, the notion frightened him. It felt like the final admission that he wasn't strictly heterosexual, even if Jack was the only man he'd ever be with. He conceded that he might not even like it, but he was pragmatic enough to acknowledge that if he didn't try he'd never know. This thing with Jack had an expiry date, and he couldn't imagine wanting to be with a man other than Jack. He decided that he might as well experience every aspect of intimacy between two men while he had the chance, assuming that Jack was willing.
He broached the subject later that evening when they were curled up together, both wrung out from their exertions, the lure of sleep not far away.
"Jack, um... how much will it hurt the first time... er... I mean... if I wanted to try... well... being on the receiving end of things?" Ianto cringed the moment the words had tumbled from his mouth.
Jack chuckled, and Ianto lifted his head from Jack's undulating chest and scowled down at him. "Sorry. I know it's a serious question. I'm just laughing at the way you said it, that's all. Sometimes you're just so..."
Ianto cut him off, his scowl deepening. "If you say adorable, you're going to find yourself kicked out of this bed and sprawled on the floor."
Jack raised a hand in defence. "I wouldn't dream of it." However, the mischief in his eyes betrayed him. Finally he became serious again. "You really want to try being on the receiving end, as you put it?"
Ianto nodded, propping himself up on his side. "I've seen how much you enjoy it."
"I do," Jack agreed with a grin. "Especially when it's with the right person and under the right circumstances. Not all men like to bottom, and it's not the be all and end all of physical intimacy between two men. At least, not for me. But when it's good, it's like nothing else you can imagine."
Ianto considered Jack's words. He couldn't begin to imagine how it might feel to surrender himself in that way. It just wasn't something he'd ever thought about before he'd gotten involved with Jack. "But it's going to hurt?"
"The first time can be kind of overwhelming, and yeah, it might hurt a little, at least to start with." Jack ran his hand gently down Ianto's arm. "But if you want to try, we'll take it slow, and I'll do everything I can to make it good for you." A soft smile crept over his lips. "I could be wrong, but I think you're going to love it."
The following night, Ianto discovered that Jack hadn't been wrong. He hadn't been wrong at all.