"There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life."
― John Lennon
After the sealing with Sai I teleported back home. It was around midnight, but I didn't really feel all that tired. The wolf instinct in me wished to hunt during the night. I couldn't exactly go around town and kill anyone I saw. That would be highly inappropriate, seeing as how I wanted to protect the village.
Going to the front yard, I went under the weeping willow. Feeling the tree's life energy. I could tell it had seen many things in its lifetime. Stretching my new jacket out, I used it as a blanket and took off my mask. It was dark enough that no one could else my face unless I allowed them too.
"Guys, what do you think of Sai?" I asked Soubi and Arawn. They were still in wolf form and laid at my feet.
"You are curious about him. I myself do not trust him. He is too unpredictable." Soubi was wary of anyone he couldn't read.
"I think you like him," Arawn said, chuckling. I choked on my own spit and coughed. The night no longer had that comforting silence. Instead I felt awkward and the silence only intensified it.
"Why the fuck would you say that?" I mentally screamed at Arawn. What the hell was he smoking?
"You were embarrassed at the sealing and you want to help him," he said while he looked at the moon.
"We made it our purpose to help others and especially ROOT. I was embarrassed because I had to take off my clothes in front of him. If I wasn't embarrassed that would be abnormal." Arawn was going crazy, if those were his reasons.
"You wait and see. I will be right and when the time comes, I will say 'I told you so'." I snorted out of my nose and laughed.
"Arawn you are crazy. What do you say Soubi," I asked looking at the golden wolf. He looked like he was thinking and I looked back up at the moon. It was especially beautiful today.
"I don't think you hold feelings for the boy. I think you sympathize about his lack of emotions, and that you see what others saw of you. You think that at the heart of his emotionless mask is fear."
I thought about what Soubi said. Maybe there is fear in the depth of his heart. I buried my emotions because I was scared and to some degree lonely. Maybe Sai was lonely and was afraid of what the future held for him. This all is speculation because I don't know what he went through. But I will and I will know if he has fears or doubts. There was this need in me to help him, and I couldn't just stand by doing nothing.
I looked to the crescent moon and saw the clouds roll over its face. Sometimes I wonder how the sky here could look so similar to the sky in World C. The whole universe was so confusing. Sometimes I could do normal things and wonder how there could be so many different worlds while I'm just here. I guess it's all a matter of perspective. Where you stand, you will always think you are at the center of the universe. Your sense of self will always have you in the middle, and you can't really be anyone else. What a weird thought: you are you and can never be someone else. There were worlds where the life forces didn't have a sense of self. Maybe they are all each other, and none of them are truly one.
Sighing, I smelled the air. Naruto was fast asleep, his chakra already half replenished. Then there was Kakashi, who was actually just leaving the village for a mission. I concentrated a little harder and could smell Sai behind the house concealing his smell and chakra heavily. He probably figured out I could smell him and figured he would keep some distance. And that's when I felt it.
At first it started out like I could feel the entire village. It was hyper-awareness of people, and I stopped breathing. It was so powerful, and I was panicking. The wolves looked to me and tried to get me to calm down. My breathing steadied and I forced myself to pinpoint the points. They were people, but then I became even more aware of Sai.
"Focus on him," Soubi ordered me. I focused on him and it was like I was him. Our senses almost were the same, but weren't. His mind was like water and I was like oil, neither mixing together but both liquids were highly aware of one another. The calm which I had gathered left me once again and I became totally hysterical.
"Sai," I choked out. My breathing was stopped once again and I clutched my head. I could feel others, what they were doing. What is this? I felt Sai come to me, and I covered the scarred side of my face with my hand.
"Morrigan-sama, are you alright?" he asked, his face lined with what would be emotionless concern. I looked to him and felt tears of pain. This was all too much, and I began to think that Sai really did put a death seal on me.
"What?" I said raspy through breaths.
"It is the seal. You have activated it. Danzo-sama knew it would take some time, but this is earlier than expected." Sai crouched down and looked into my face. I still had my left hand covering my cheek and I looked back at him. "You must calm down. Danzo-sama said that you would have to accept the minds you are conscious of. We will not hurt you, but if you appear to be in danger everyone will come."
I nodded stiffly and tried to breathe again. The wolves were next to me trying to rub my back comfortingly. The rubbing was helping but I was still afraid of this feeling. I looked to Sai, when Arawn pushed him into me. Arawn led his hand to my back using his mouth, and grabbing his arm mimicked an up and down motion. Through my fear, I glared at Arawn. He was trying to play damn matchmaker when I felt like I was dying!
"May I, Morrigan-sama?" Sai asked, emotionless as always. I nodded stiffly once again and Sai started to rub my back sitting next to me. The seal hurt when he touched it, but I slowly became calm. Soubi left my side and got my mask, which I promptly put on. I turned my face upwards and concentrated on the moon and the night air. My breathing was once again normal, as I could feel the ROOT members in the village.
"Is this what Danzo feels?" I asked softly, my voice raspy and dry. I looked at Sai and saw his face was contorted in different emotions. He couldn't understand what he was feeling. His own emotions being so alien to him. I had been the crack in the dam of his façade and the dam just broke, flooding his senses.
"What happened Sai? Are you okay?" I gently coaxed him. He looked to me with confusion, not having removed his hand from the small of my back.
"I don't know," he admitted quietly.
"What does it feel like?"
"I feel…," he struggled for the right word as I patiently breathed in and out. "Warm."
"Warm? Where do you feel warm? Is it like a fever or sickness warm?" He needed to be a little more specific.
"In my chest. Here," he gestured to the middle of chest and continued, "it happened when you were getting better and calmed down."
I was a little confused. I didn't know exactly with that description. Looking to Soubi, I found him staring at Sai.
"What did he feel?" I asked the demon, knowing he had a hunch.
"He felt relief. He was relieved that you felt okay." I sent him thanks and turned to Sai who was looking down. He was scared. This was one of the first emotions he felt in what I would assume was a very long time, and he hasn't read up on how one would feel yet. Lightly putting a finger on his chin, I raised his face so he would look at me.
"Relief. You felt relieved I was unharmed. It happens when the person worries you, but everything turns out alright." I smiled reassuringly at him when he tried to comprehend my words. Purposely I didn't tell him that the person had to be important for you to worry. That would only confuse him, and I really didn't want to know why he saw me as important when he was so emotionless to me.
Sai nodded slowly and took his hand back. He stared at his hand and I almost asked him what was wrong, but thought better of it. He could only handle so much in so little time. I turned back to the sky and laid down on my soft grass. The moon was past its peak and I could see it was around four. With a breeze through the trees Sai left and I was alone. Closing my eyes I felt the bond with ROOT. I could feel all the members and they were alert and on guard. Thinking of a solution, I tried to send a calming feel through the bond. The consciousness of others threatened to once again over run me, but I forced the calm to wash over me and everyone.
"This just got a lot harder for me to keep my sanity. I can only take so many people in my head." Looking into the sky, I put my hands behind my head and fell asleep.
"Oi, Morrigan why are you out here?" asked an all too perky voice. I groaned and noticed light through my closed lids.
"Go away," I replied, feeling the wolves sandwiching me. Must have been cold and they warmed me up. Wait where was my jacket? Oh, well, I don't really care right now.
"But's it's time for me to start training."
"Go make clones until you drop." The voice was going to complain but I opened one yellow eye and glared. Naruto quickly shied away and went to make clones in the backyard. I closed my eye and tried to get more rest. I fell back asleep, but was woken up by Naruto poking me.
"What do you want now?" I asked grumpily.
"I just wanted to make sure I could still wake you up." Still wake me up? Then it hit me. I had told him that should I ever not wake up for him to write an SOS. I quickly sat up and felt my head rush. The feeling of the ROOT members came back to me and I almost choked.
"Breath in slowly," Soubi said as Arawn went to distract Naruto. I breathed in slowly, calming my beating heart, while watching Arawn drag Naruto away.
"That's going to take a long time to get used to."
"Yes, the seal is very powerful and makes a connection with everyone with a matching seal. I don't think the connection lets them feel you as much as you feel them." Soubi wondered what the nature of this seal really was. I just hoped that they wouldn't know too much about me.
"Make some clones. Let's see how good you've gotten," I said getting up and walking to Naruto's side.
"I've gotten really good! I am gonna be the best Hokage yet! Believe it!" I rubbed my temples feeling a migraine coming on. Naruto began doing handsigns and a perfect clone was made. Getting a kunai from my pouch, the clone barely dodged. For Naruto to make the clones without being exhausted was a real improvement. I looked to Naruto and grinned at him.
"Good job bub. Now try to make more than one," I went to the backyard and took up a space in a tree to watch Naruto. "By the way, how long have you been making clones?"
"Six hours. I tried to wake you up at nine," he yelled making two incomplete clones. Watching him for a couple of hours, when my stomach began to growl. I hadn't eaten dinner yesterday or breakfast today, and it was already three. I walked into my house and grabbed the last onigiri. Naruto probably saved it for me. I smiled at his kindness, going to walk to the backyard.
"Someone's here," Arawn told me. I knew there was someone near the house and I knew them, but they were fast to make it to the house in such little time. Going to the front door, I opened it to Kitty cat.
"Hey there Kitty cat? How ya fucking doing?" I asked eating my onigiri. Man do I love these balls of rice, especially the plain ones.
"You are to report for a mission assignment," he said before disappearing. I smiled and wondered how much trouble he would get into if I showed up before him. Then I frowned realizing the Hokage probably wouldn't punish him. I popped the rest of my onigiri into my mouth, I teleported to the backyard. I called Arawn to weapon mode and grabbed my ROOT jacket which was strewn on the floor near Naruto's jacket. He must have taken it off of me this morning.
"Hey I gotta go get a mission. I'll probably leave tomorrow early, so I'll get us some dinner now. You keep working on making multiple clones, then get the kunai. Got it?" I looked to Naruto who had two clones both a little imperfect. He nodded and went back to making clones. Grinning, I teleported directly to the Hokage. I was surprised that he wasn't alone in his office, and had to dodge multiple objects upon arrival.
"Fuck you guys are jumpy," I said after I finally stopped dodging objects. Looking to the Hokage, I saw he had a large smile on his face. I grinned back and made my way to stand on his right, Soubi in tow.
"How ya doin old man? Missed me?" I asked sitting on the open window to his side. I looked to his guests and saw that I recognized one of the three.
"What's up Iruka?" I looked to the instructor and he flinched at me saying his name. Is everyone in this village not used to blunt and insulting? Looking to the other two, I felt their chakra. They were both Jounin in rank, though they were young. One was a woman with red eyes, long wavy hair and a bandaged red dress. The man wore a flak jacket, was smoking and vaguely reminded me of the old man.
"Morrigan, I'm glad you came so quickly. Though it would be more preferable if you used the door instead of whatever it is you do." The old man took out his pipe and I immediately had Soubi take it.
"No smoking when I'm in here old man. It gives me such a fucking migraine you wouldn't imagine," I said to him tossing the pipe out the open window. Looking to the unknown Jounin man, I said "you too buddy. It ain't any different cause I don't know you."
"Cheekily little brat isn't she?" the Jounin remarked. "What are you here for your D-rank or are you here because you want to get hints on the graduation exam?"
"Cheeky bastard ain't he old man?" I remarked sarcastically to the Hokage. He looked a little sad at having his pipe thrown out the window. "Besides, why does he look like you old man? Some bratty relative of yours here for his allowance?"
I looked to the old man to see his eyes widen ever so slightly. He didn't think I would see it. Maybe he wasn't. Quickly smelling the air, I could tell that the old man and this guy smelled extremely similar. The only explanation would be brothers or father and son.
"He's your son." I looked to the man, who still had the cigarette in his mouth. I quickly teleported to him and yanked it out of his mouth. Teleporting back to my window sill, I immediately burned the cigarette to ashes with blue fire. The wind promptly took the remnants away, as I looked to the three Jounin. They had awe on their faces, but also a certain anger for me.
"Morrigan, would you wait outside so I could finish here?" the Hokage asked, trying to coax me into leaving.
"Naw, I don't mind old man. Carry on." I waved my hand dismissively while Soubi took up post as my guard.
"How dare you speak to the Hokage like that, you are only a mere child," the woman screamed at me. How very unladylike, I snickered to the wolves. Soubi growled at her as she stepped forward. I had to admit a wolf almost as tall as you when he sat is very intimidating to adults.
"Oh Soubi stop. You know she would never reach me," I reprimanded aloud. I looked to the Hokage and saw that he sighed.
"Very well, I guess the information would be better through me as mediator, but since you insist. Morrigan, these are Iruka Umino, Asuma Sarutobi and Kurenai Yuhi. They just informed me that a certain kunoichi from our village has escaped." The three looked at me in awe. The old man didn't tell them who the Hunter-nin was, and was going to retell the information to me. I sat at my window and looked at their gaping mouths.
"Close your fucking mouths. Your high-ranking ninja for fuck's sake." I growled out at them. Sometimes this village just seems like a bunch of recluses who've never seen anything. I turned to the Hokage and saw him grinning. "Do you want me to kill or capture? I normally don't capture, but for you old man I'll do it this once."
"Please Hokage-sama, she is only a young girl," said the Kurenai, interrupting the Hokage.
"And we are just high-ranking shinobi, but with that logic we should be killed because we're dangerous. If she is a threat to this village, then it shouldn't matter. It shouldn't matter even if she's a motherfucking princess," I spat at the woman. Now I know where Danzo is coming from. These people were too soft.
"Morrigan," the Hokage reprimanded. I looked to him and put on a small frown. He looked at me and seemed a little angry. Then he turned to Kurenai and said, "You know we can't do that. She is a danger to the village and must be stopped. Yakumo has given us no choice but to eliminate her. As it is you barely escaped her kekkei genkai, and the sealing failed."
"I agree that she is a threat Hokage-sama though don't you think that elimination is harsh in these circumstances," said Asuma quite diplomatically. I looked to Kurenai to see her eyes soften at the man's words.
"She's in love with him isn't she?" I asked Soubi.
"Yes, you can't smell her hormones, but I can."
"I don't think so. She is too powerful to be sealed again, and already has shown she is willing to kill anyone. Even her former sensei, and it took two of you to save Kurenai. I am sorry to say, but she must be killed." The old man looked solemn and I turned to see Kurenai frown. There was a long silence where Kurenai looked like she wanted to cry or possibly scream, Asuma looked angry at his father, and Iruka avoided eye contact with me. Iruka must be shitting bricks now that he knows who I am.
"Well," I drawled out, "now that we have all that taken care of, can we get to business? I need a scent patch. No scent patch, I will literally throw someone out of this window." I looked to Iruka and saw a bead of sweat roll down his face. I gave him a psychotic grin and he almost fainted. He is just too good to tease.
"Umino-san, if you would please give it to our Huntress." The Hokage was getting a laugh out of Iruka also. I looked to Iruka, scary smile still on my face, while he shakily pulled out a piece of cloth from his flak pocket. I made no move to get up, and he moved shakily to give me the patch.
"Thanks bub," I said to Iruka as he handed me the patch. He quickly returned to his spot as I inhaled the scent deeply. "When do you want her by?"
"As soon as possible, though I wouldn't want you to be out more than two weeks," the old man said. I nodded in understanding, giving Soubi a long inhale of the patch. "Now for her abilities, she has-"
"Don't need them," I interrupted the Hokage.
"What?" Kurenai yelled. I have had it with her.
"Look lady," I growled out getting off of the window sill and pulling Arawn off my back, "are you the Huntress? No. From what I just heard you couldn't even take her and had to be saved. I can see you are the picture perfect representation of 'Save me Saori'. I don't want her skill set, because it would be a waste of my time. She won't see me coming. I plan on decapitating the little bitch before a sweat so much drops from her brow because of fear. So shut your trap and give the old man some respect."
"B-Bu-Bu-Bu-But," she was searching for words while looking at me like a gaping fish. I turned my back to her and looked to the Hokage.
"Dismiss them," I ordered. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I could tell my yellow eyes turned a little more yellow, the demon inside me showing slightly. He waved them out and their retreating footsteps could be heard.
"Do you need me to leave now? It's only just turned dark and I promised Naruto I would get us dinner. He's practicing making clones and I should really be there to make sure he doesn't overdo it."
"Do you really not need the information?" the Hokage asked looking doubtful. This time I sighed.
"You shouldn't worry about me too much old man. You'll start losing your hair." I smiled at him with a small and sad smile. "Besides, you wouldn't really be at too much of a loss if I was gone. Probably wouldn't even see a piece of the puzzle missing."
"I care about you Morrigan. Believe it or not, I see you as one of my shinobi and wish that you wouldn't get a scratch on you when on a mission. You have become a kunoichi here and I will always worry about you too much." The old man said this so kindly I felt my eyes well up. Quickly pushing them back, I smiled largely at him.
"Thank you old man. That means a lot." There was another moment of silent smiling, before I grinned and held out my hand. "Well you got any money? I'm all out and Naruto's almost through too."
"Since I forgot to give you your stipend as we agreed upon, I'll give it to you now." The old man reached into the right drawer and pulled out a roll of bills. I took it gratefully and stuffed it into my weapons pouch.
"Do you need me to leave now? Or can I leave tonight?" I asked, trying to clear up the mission details.
"I would like you to leave tonight so you aren't see. I know you don't want to know much about the target, but she has extremely strong genjutsu, so be careful." I nodded and smiled one last time.
"See you old man. And remember don't worry too much about me," I said to him before teleporting to Naruto.
"AAAAHHHH, don't do that Morrigan?" Naruto yelled jumping at my entrance.
"Oh stop it. You should be getting used to this," I whined at him. Smelling him, I checked his chakra reserves. They were a little more than an eighth but not yet a quarter. "Make a couple of clones and if you do well, we'll go to that ramen shop."
"You mean it Morrigan," he yelled. He quickly made two clones and they were perfect. I threw two senbon and they both hit the clones dispersing them. They were really good clones, but I was just quicker.
"Okay come on, let's go get some ramen," I told Naruto. Immediately he began jumping up and down. Walking away, I heard him catch up to me, and we ran to Ichiraku's shop. The store was empty except for a lone shinobi with a brown ponytail and flak jacket.
"Hey Iruka-sensei! What you doing here?" Naruto asked. I bopped him on the head.
"He can come here if he wants to. You don't run the shop." Iruka immediately swung around at the sound of my voice, nearly dropping the ramen. I smiled psychotically at him and sat next to him, with Naruto on my other side. The shop keeper immediately placed two bowls of steaming ramen in front of us.
"Thanks, bub," I told the ramen man. "Thanks for the ramen."
"Itadakimasu!" Naruto yelled.
"Naruto," I said and my only acknowledgment was the nodding of his head. "Why are you always so loud?"
He glared at me slightly and went back to his ramen. I turned to Iruka to see him staring at his full ramen bowl, avoiding my gaze again. I frowned and started to eat. It was delicious and I was halfway through when I noticed Iruka wasn't eating.
"Ain't you going to eat that Iruka?" I asked him. I was starting to feel bad that I unnerve him so much. He really blew a few in his head.
"I-I-I-I," he stuttered nervously not meeting my gaze. At this point Naruto noticed Iruka freaking out. I frowned, thinking how I could possibly unnerve an adult shinobi so much.
"What's wrong Iruka-sensei? You looked scared to death," Naruto remarked. I looked at the man when the realization hit me. I didn't just make him nervous, I made him scared. I was the monster under his bed. He was scared of me and that made me a monster.
"Naruto I gotta go. I have a mission and need to leave right now." I pushed myself off my stool, dropping it. Soubi who was sitting behind me, moved quickly. I pulled out the wad of bills and stuffed it into Naruto's weapon pouch.
"What are you doing Morrigan? You can't leave right now!" he yelled. Iruka's shoulders slumped slightly, relieved that I was leaving. Sadness washed over me, and gave Naruto a sad smile.
"I do Naruto. It's already ten and I have to go now or lose her." I wouldn't lose her. I just wanted to get away from Iruka. Walking out of the shop and standing on the street, Naruto grabbed my arm. He looked concerned and I know I just looked pathetically sad, probably looked like a wet dog that just got kicked.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly. He was loud but sometimes he took on a tone that made me want to tell him everything. I tried to smile reassuringly, but failed.
"I don't want to ruin the meal. I can't help it, it's just what happens when people see a glimpse of the real me." Naruto looked confused and I freed my arm. Ruffling his hair I said, "I'll be back soon. I gave you enough money to eat until I get back. Expect me back in two weeks. Okay?"
"Be safe," he muttered in reply. I took a step back from him and teleported to my room with Soubi.
I was a fool to think that everyone would just accept me. The Hokage accepted me. Naruto and Kakashi accepted me. Danzo accepted me, along with all of ROOT. But there would always be people who saw me as a monster. I was a monster and knew I should expect this. But why then did it hurt so much to think Iruka was scared of me. I clutched my heart and felt like I wanted to cry.
Stopping the pity party I packed a small pack with food, seals, or other things needed for a two week trip. Then I changed into my ANBU uniform, leaving my ROOT coat at home. Packing an extra ANBU uniform, minus the gold armor, into a scroll I put it in the pouch at my back. I went to the bathroom and bandaged my face, taking off my regular mask. I placed my mask on the book shelf and put on ANBU wolf's face. Changing my mind into hunter mode, I thought about my sadness once more.
"He is only one person. Not everyone feels like that," Soubi told me wisely.
"Yah, but that doesn't make it hurt any less."
Is it bad that I am so tired when I slept in? I don't know. My sister is going to go shopping tomorrow and I don't know if I want to go or not. Probably not. Now for the story, I really like where I'm taking it which is really surprising. I'm normally too wishy-washy. Whatever. So for you guys, remember to follow, fave, review, obsess. Loves yous lots. (I do not own Naruto)