Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom. Butch Hartman does.
Of the number of History teachers that had taught at Casper High, the current one definitely took the cake for being the weirdest one. Both the student and the teachers agreed on it (not that any of them could really talk about the weirdness levels of someone else when theirs was so high).
Example 1: The First Day of School
As the bell rang for second period, a man somewhere between his late twenties and early thirties wandered into the room. His long brown hair was tied in a loose ponytail that fell between his shoulder blades. He was wearing jeans, tennis shoes, and a slightly faded Pink Floyd t-shirt. A black sweatshirt was looped around his waist, the knot tied to the side instead of being on front.
"Hey, class!" he greeted them cheerfully. The class noted with some bemusement that his ears were pierced; small silver hoops dangled from them. "I'm Mr. Quasenberry, but you can call me Mr. Q, Mr. Quasenberry, or Berry Man!"
Crickets chirped.
"Or," he continued on. "If you've seen Dead Poet Society and thus get the reference, feel free to call me 'Captain.' Of course, I'm the History teacher, not the English teacher…" he mused. "Oh well. Let's get started!"
Example 2: The Pledge of Allegiance
On the second day of school, after the announcements came on and everyone recited the pledge, the students all sat down. Danny had actually managed to make it to class in time, with no interruptions from ghosts. However, he had missed second period the first day, and hadn't been introduced to Mr. Quasenberry's weirdness.
Thus, he was completely unprepared for the History teacher's special way of bringing insanity to the classroom.
"Hey! The pledge rhymes!"
Team Phantom, sitting in the back, exchanged glances. Several other students around them did as well.
What? they all wondered.
"No, see, look!" Mr. Quasenberry said. He recited the pledge. "Hmm…" he said. "Well, not very much of it rhymes. 'All' and 'God' kind of do, though."
What? was the prevailing thought of the class. 'Indivisible' and 'all' rhymed better. How did 'all' and 'God' rhyme?
Example 3: The Hand Sanitizer Incident
"Mr. Q?" Mikey asked hesitantly. "Why are you putting hand sanitizer on your sleeve?"
"Hmm?" the History asked, looking up. "Oh, I got some spaghetti sauce on it during breakfast."
Silence. Spaghetti + breakfast =? Does not compute.
Turkeys that attack you don't really make sense either, though, thought Danny to himself. He'd heard of weirder things that spaghetti…for breakfast. How does he do that?
"But surely your shirt doesn't need hand sanitizer on it," Mikey said.
"If it wants to be clean it does," the teacher said.
Example 4: The Salem Witch Trials
"Right, so, the Salem Witch Trials!" Mr. Quasenberry said, clapping his hands together. "Okay…what do we know about them?"
"Witches were burned?" Paulina said vaguely, slyly glancing in Sam's direction.
Sam winced, thinking of when she had been captured by the villagers and nearly burned alive. It was only thanks to Danny and Tucker she was still here.
Then again, it had been mostly their fault in the first place…
"Um, yes, except they weren't really witches. There were these girls, the head honcho's daughters, who were accusing people of being witches, and then the accused were put on trial. There were all sorts of tests to see if you were a witch or not, like if you sank in water with stones tied to your ankles. If you sank, then obviously you weren't a witch. Too bad you just died." Mr. Quasenberry shrugged. "If you floated…well, you were a witch.
"Some people confessed to being witches. But it basically went like: 'Yes. I am a witch. I admit it.' 'Oh. Really? Hey, that's cool! Let's hang you.' And so on and so forth. Fun business, huh?"
Several of the students were starting to get vaguely creeped out by their teacher. His carefree attitude about teaching and the way that he blandly talked about death, destruction, and mayhem were disturbing.
Example 5: Trios
"I can't quite figure it out," Mr. Quasenberry said, looking at Sam, Tucker, and Danny. They had been caught in a fit of hysterics after Danny had reenacted a recent fight with the Box Ghost. "You guys are either the Three Musketeers or the Three Stooges. I'm just not sure which one yet."
They stared straight back at him, nonplussed.
"Yeah…I'm leaning towards the Musketeers."
Example 6: Colorado vs. Pizza
"So why, exactly, would you choose the Rhode Island colony to live in over the other colonies, Miss Sanchez?" Mr. Quasenberry asked.
"Because it's warmer," Paulina said after a moment's consideration.
"Warmer than what?"
"Colorado."
Mr. Quasenberry nodded. "Yeah, Rhode Island is warmer than Colorado. Of course, it's also warmer than cold pizza…"
The class: "…"
Yes, Mr. Quasenberry was definitely a unique teacher. But the students wouldn't trade him for any other teacher in the world.
Probably.
A/N: I had quotes that were just waiting to be used, and this was an awesome chance to do so. Most of the quotes are from my actual History teacher - he doesn't look or act the same way as Berry Man at all, but he did say a lot of this stuff.
OhigoshI'mscared. I'm doing NaNoWriMo, guys. It starts on Monday. I'm going to pants it. This is going to be my first year to do it. Wish me luck.
This will probably explain why I won't update very much in the next month. You know, just in case any of you care. At all.