Know Thyself
Chapter Fourteen
I missed Eric.
"You miss Eric, don't you?"
Amelia's question barely registered.
"Huh?"
My roommate laughed. "Sookie, you've been staring into the refrigerator for about five minutes, do you even realize that?"
I blinked. I had come into the kitchen to look for something, preferably something chocolate. My mind was elsewhere tonight, though. It had taken a vacation to Shreveport and left my body behind.
Three nights. It had been three solid nights since I had last heard from Eric and I was starting to get concerned. No, scratch that. I was concerned after the first night, the second night I had moved on to worry and now I was just downright annoyed.
I kept telling myself I had no reason to be upset. It wasn't at all unusual for Eric not to contact me, and in the past we rarely saw one another unless it was for a specific purpose. But, I lamented, that was before.
Before what, exactly?
Before he had come to me and told me he wanted me, before I had decided I wanted him, too. Before we had made love and held one another and spoken so tenderly. The part of my heart that belonged to that big Viking was aching with curious abandonment.
I had been trying to keep myself busy as much as possible, and that hadn't been to hard until tonight. The past several days I had fallen into a strange sort of routine. I had worked every day from four thirty until close at Merlotte's, and each night Bill would be waiting for me by my car to drive me home. Then I would get ready for bed, read a chapter or two in my new romance book, check my cell phone for missed calls and messages - again - and be disappointed when there weren't any. Then I'd turn off the lights, cuddle under the covers and wonder what the hell was going on.
I had been pretty tough for a few days. Eric was a vampire Sheriff, I told myself sternly, and I shouldn't expect him to drop everything just because we had spent a wonderful night together. I knew what I was getting myself into, right? This was exactly why I had pushed him away for so long, because he was immersed deeply in vamp politics and that came first for him. Yes, I had finally stopped fighting it and admitted I cared for him and needed him, but did that mean he was going to change overnight? Is that what I was really expecting to happen?
Yeah, I thought sadly to myself. That was exactly what I was expecting on some level. And how was I handling reality when it stared me in the face? I was standing in front of the refrigerator looking for comfort food - for five minutes, apparently. That explained why I was chilled, at least. I puffed out an exasperated sigh and slammed the door much harder than was necessary. Amelia snickered.
"Why don't you just call him?"
Oh, wow! As if I hadn't thought about doing that a hundred times.
"He knows my number," I said tartly.
"Yeah, and you know his."
I started to argue, but stopped. The witch had a valid point. Why was I waiting around for him to contact me, anyway? I was an adult. Why was I moping around acting like some helpless Disney princess, waiting for her prince to come and save her from overdosing on chocolate?
I turned to my roommate. "You know what? I am gonna call him, right now." I turned and marched purposefully out of the kitchen, saying Hello to Tray on the way to my room. He was sitting on the sofa waiting for Amelia; they had a stay-at-home date night planned, from the looks of things. There was a bag of take-out and some rental movies sitting on the table and Tray had kicked off his shoes. Octavia had already retired for the evening.
I shut the door to my bedroom and sat down on the bed, phone in hand. I dialed the number to Fangtasia and it only rang once before a female voice answered I didn't recognize. I asked for Eric and my heart sped up when the female put me on hold and went to see if 'the master' was available to take a call. Minutes passed and I got an uneasy feeling. The last time it took him this long to answer the phone Eric had told me he was 'having supper'. (in more ways than one, no doubt) It had merely irked me before, but now...well, I wasn't sure how I would respond. Or how I should respond, for that matter. More minutes passed and just as I was about to hang up in a huff the phone clicked back over.
"I'm sorry Miss, but the master has stepped out. Could someone else assist you?"
Hmph, at least she was more polite than most of the people they got to answer the phone. I sighed, told her 'No, thank you' and flipped off the phone. I flopped down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I was off work tonight and it wasn't late, not even ten o'clock yet, so I was wide awake. I wondered if Bill was hanging around outside, or if he had gone home. He was still under orders to keep an eye on me, he said, so I assumed he was close by. I briefly considered going out to talk to him but I was too depressed. Yes, I missed Eric. Very much.
I spent the next hour or so reading, then I took a long shower to relax and got ready for bed. I pulled on my favorite nightgown - faded and frayed, but oh so soft and comfortable. I checked my phone just once more for missed calls, turned out the lights and closed my eyes. I could hear the television, could heard Amelia and Tray quietly talking and sometimes laughing, and I had a pang of jealousy. I sat back up and clicked on the radio on the alarm clock and adjusted the volume so it was just loud enough to distract me from happy date night. It took a bit, but after a while I was asleep and dreaming.
My dream was a nice one. I was wrapped in warmth and safety, and I felt strong hands stroking my arms and kissing my cheek, my neck, my shoulder. I smiled, knowing even in sleep it was my Eric. I could almost smell his unique scent it was so real. I released a contented little sigh, hoping never to wake.
After a few moments, the feel of hands on my skin became stronger, the smells were more real, the feelings more intense. I stretched a bit, arching my back and then rolling over onto my side. I felt my hair being pulled away from my face and then I felt lips right at my ear.
"Wake, my lover."
The voice was soft and full of warmth and I smiled. This was no dream.
Eric draped his arm around me so his hand was near my face. I snuggled into him, my back to his chest, and eventually my eyes opened. The first thing I saw was a strong forearm and thick wrist. I placed my own arm near his, laid my hand on top of his, and had a rosy, half awake moment of amusement when I saw how tiny mine looked compared to his. I giggled.
"Hi," I said sleepily, still in that hazy half-awake state.
Eric chuckled quietly, kissed my neck just below my ear and nuzzled his face in my hair, breathing in my scent. He moved his hand to my hip, then to my leg. He pushed up my nightgown and stroked the outside of my thigh slowly a few times, then moved up and ran his hands along the curve of my hip. Yes, I was definitely starting to wake up now. I rolled onto my back and looked up at him, and he rested his hand on my belly. He was propped on his side, his hair was falling forward and he had a gentle smile on his face. He kissed my lips, parted them and moved his hand down to my undies.
"I want to be near you," he said quietly, as he tugged gently at my panties. I raised my hips and wiggled, helping him as he slid them off. He sat up some and I saw his chest was bare, which made me smile. Somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered I was irritated with Eric, but I decided I would just be angry later. My eyes were adjusting to the darkness in the room and I admired his body as he raised me to a sitting position. Mmmmm. The rest of him was bare, too. I lifted my arms and Eric silently pulled my gown up and over my head and tossed it away, then he looked at me and did a little admiring of his own.
He pulled me close to him and laid me back down, keeping my body pressed against his. I could feel the curly blond hair on his chest, and I liked the way it felt against my breasts. We lay on our side, facing one another. He ran his hand up and down my back as we kissed, over and over.
"How did you get in here?" I asked him quietly in between kisses.
"The witch let me in."
His fangs had run out and I felt my own body responding to his touch. I molded myself against him, and stroked his arm, kissed his shoulder and then brought my leg up and hitched it around his hip. Eric made a happy noise as part of my body, the soft and wet and warm and inviting part, lightly brushed up against part of him. He reached his arm around me to cup my bottom, he adjusted his position slightly and in one swift movement he was inside me. I gasped. He smiled.
We stayed like that for a moment, not moving, just laying there, joined. I had to raise my head to look him the eyes now. My lips parted and I sighed, then he rolled a bit so I was almost fully on my back, but not quite. I kept my leg up around his hip, and he kept one hand under my bottom and kneaded it as he started to move slowly in and out. I could feel every inch of him.
"I was told I had to be nice," he whispered, never taking his eyes from my face.
He thrust into me, paused. Pulled out, paused. Every movement was torturously slow.
"Who told you that?" I breathed, but I knew it had to Amelia. My voice was a little ragged, my body more than a little excited. Eric kept moving, keeping that leisurely pace. His eyes were full of heat.
"I was told I was being a jerk," he continued quietly, smirking. He pushed into me deeply, held it. I tried to move my hips, but his grip on my bottom was too strong so I was at his mercy. I wanted to cry, I was so on fire for him. Finally he started moving again and I closed my eyes in ecstasy. Thrust, pause, repeat. It was agonizingly perfect.
"Look at me," he instructed, and I did. It was hard to keep my eyes open. He felt so good I just wanted to lose myself. But still, looking in his eyes when we were like this was incredibly intimate, very erotic, like nothing else I had ever experienced.
"So tell me, how am I being a jerk, lover?" His voice was husky with his arousal. He pushed hard, ground his hips into me. Oh God, did he really want to have a conversation about this now?
"You...haven't called me," I answered, gasping. Thrust, hold.
"You have been working, have you not?" He looked down, and so did I. My breasts were pressed up against him, giving them a very full, cushiony appearance that Eric seemed to really appreciate. A groan rumbled in his chest. He started moving again, and I could swear it was even slower than before.
"Yes," I finally answered, breathing heavily. I could feel my release building up deep inside me. He felt so wonderful, part of me was aching for completion while part of me never wanted this to stop. He pushed in deeply, slowly, and then pressed against me a few times, pulled back, paused. Did it again and again until I thought I would go insane. I tried to close my eyes a few times but each time he would kiss me and let his fangs scrape against the inside of my bottom lip, just enough to get my attention so I would look at him again.
"You would like this," he asked and I was glad to hear the slight shake in his own voice. "If I called you, even on nights you work?" Thrust, hold.
"Yes," I said softly. "I would like that." He started moving again and he was gripping me even harder. He kissed my lips, moved his mouth to my neck.
"This is important to you?" he asked. His lips brushed my skin as he spoke and I couldn't tell if he was teasing me. He pushed into me again and stopped, ground his hips against me, making me gasp.
"Are you making fun of me?" I asked breathlessly.
Eric kissed my neck one last time, then looked at me, his face very close to mine.
"No," he said. "It's been a long time since I've any sort of....romantic entanglement." He pushed hard once again, held it. "I might be a little out of practice." He pulled back, almost out of me and I whimpered a protest. He paused again, hovered right at my entrance. He smiled down at me. "I don't wish to cause you distress..." He pushed back into me fully and I exhaled contentedly. "...so you must tell me if I've done something to upset you."
"I wasn't...really...upset," I managed to say. "I just missed you." I was having some trouble forming coherent sentences now. He moved again, so slowly, and he ran his hands along my backside from shoulders to thigh, pausing to squeeze my bottom firmly, pulling me even closer to him. This slow pace was maddening.
"You are always in my thoughts," he whispered, his eyes searching my face. "Even when I try to banish you from them, you're still there, inside me, taunting me." He thrust again, even harder, once, twice and then again in rapid succession and I almost went over the edge but then he slowed again. I wanted to wail with frustration.
"You want to forget me?" I asked in a quivering voice and I ran my nails along his back, found my favorite part and did a little squeezing of my own. His expression turned wild for a moment, then he recovered.
"No, my lover," he answered thickly. He pushed into me deeply and held it. "I want to possess you. Every part of you." He pushed again, held it. "I want to claim you as mine and keep you by my side. I want to kill anyone who dares to lay hands on you." He was nearly growling the words and he was thrusting hard inside me now, over and over. I strained my neck, trying to reach his lips. He met me halfway and I felt his tongue dance in my mouth. I felt him shudder a little with unmistakable need. Our kiss broke and we looked at one another. He licked his lips, slowed down again, even slower than before. I was ready to burst into flames, every nerve ending I had was flashing and I knew my body couldn't take much more of this. It was painful. It was exciting.
I pulled my arm from around him and stroked his hair, his face, then put my hand to his mouth. He kissed my fingers, his tongue darting out a few times to give a quick lick, his eyes never leaving mine. There was a desperate hunger in those blue eyes that I recognized immediately. I rolled my head back slightly, exposing my neck in offering.
"Take me, Eric" I whispered the command, then even more softly said "I'm yours."
Eric was silent for a moment, then made a long, groaning sound that seemed to come from somewhere deep inside him. He released his grip on my bottom and grabbed my hand that was at his mouth and held it above my head. He repositioned his weight and rolled onto me fully, using his knees to open my legs wide, our bodies still joined. I raised my hips, and he pushed deeply into me, still moving slowly, still looking in my eyes. Then he took his hand and raised my chin, moved my head to the side and bit. I gasped and I could feel a powerful wave of ecstasy roll over me through our bond as he drank from me. He didn't take much, just drew on the wounds a few times before licking them and licking his lips, then he was kissing me with a crazed fervor.
His movements were coming faster now, my blood seemed to be driving him, and I felt my body start to shake with imminent release. He broke off our kiss suddenly, and his eyes were excited when he looked down into mine. He pressed hard against me a few times and I was just gone. My entire body clenched, my back arched, and I wailed as I was lost in an explosion of pleasure.
Eric's moment was right behind mine. He buried himself inside me and cried out in his ancient language, closing his eyes. He collapsed on top of me and I nuzzled my face into his shoulder as our bodies trembled with aftershocks. I was so relaxed and content I was almost purring.
We stayed like that for a few minutes, then Eric pulled out and away from me slowly, and I felt a momentary sadness at the loss of our physical connection. He shifted back to lay on his side, keeping one arm across my waist. He was so beautiful, I thought to myself. He was strong, and powerful and he was mine. Well, technically, I was his - at least that was what I had just told him. Then I cringed. Did I really say that? Did I really mean it? Want it? I had a moment of pure panic. Maybe there was an escape clause for this in the relationship manual - you know, things said while on the verge of orgasm don't really count. Or maybe he'll just forgot.
"Did you mean it, Sookie?" Eric asked me after a moment, very gently. "Are you giving yourself to me?"
So much for Eric forgetting. I should have known I wouldn't get off that easily. But, he was asking me now - now that we were sated and thinking more clearly. He was giving me an out if I wanted to take it. But my heart spoke before my brain could catch up.
"Yes," I murmured "I guess maybe I am."
Eric reached over and put one big hand on my cheek. He smiled, a real smile without the fangs.
"I would want to claim you as my own now," he said, his eyes boring into mine. "You understand what that would mean for us?"
Something in his voice gave me pause. My eyes narrowed.
"No," I said slowly. "Maybe you should explain what that means, exactly." I sat up a bit, propped myself on my elbow. Eric did likewise.
"I am Sheriff. Those that owe me loyalty would be required to show respect for things I deem to be dear and valuable. And even those to whom I owe fealty would have to honor our relationship according to vampire tradition."
"Okay," I said, feeling a little better. "That doesn't sound so bad." I hesitated, and my brow furrowed. "Except that part about showing respect. No one would have to bow to me or anything, would they?"
Eric laughed and kissed me. "No, dear one. You are not vampire. What I want you to understand is that you would be considered one of my personal possessions."
I groaned. Here we go. "Eric, come on. Do you know what century this is?"
"I do," he said, and there was no amusement in his voice. "You told me just this evening that certain things are important to you, did you not?"
I must have looked confused because Eric prompted me. "You said you would like me to contact you more often, now that we have a more...personal relationship."
"Well, yeah," I admitted "It would be a nice gesture. But what does that have to do with.."
"And I will do that for you," Eric interrupted "because it's something you deem important, even though I personally think it's ridiculous."
I opened my eyes wide, offended. "You think it's ridiculous that I would want to see you and hear from you more often than just when....well, when you decide you want to have sex and dinner?"
I knew I had made a bad, bad choice of words as soon as they left my mouth. Eric's face went hard and he sat up against the headboard and looked down at me.
"First of all," he said, and his voice was fiery "I can easily have sex and dinner any night I like without coming all the way to Bon Temps."
I winced. I really, really didn't need to hear that. But it was my own fault; I had opened that can of worms myself. My face must have revealed my hurt, because he lowered his voice and his tone softened somewhat.
"What I think is ridiculous is the notion that the quantity of my contact with you- either through a phone call or a personal visit - in some way has the power to define or determine the extent of my feelings for you." He paused to let that sink in, then he smiled a bit. "But since this is something that is important to you, I will make an effort to accommodate your request."
I knew exactly where he was heading with this now, and I knew right then I had been out-maneuvered. Never, ever play chess with a thousand year old Viking, that's all I'm going to say.
I sat up. "So what you're saying is, just because I think this 'personal possession' concept is ridiculous and demeaning and a complete throwback to the dark ages, since it's important to you, I should just accept it."
Eric beamed at me. "Yes."
I shook my head, fell back onto the pillow. Eric leaned over me, his blue eyes blazing.
"Say you will be mine, Sookie."
I looked at him for a long time and he didn't say a word, just waited. I hated this crap, I really did. She is mine; he is mine, mine, mine, mine. Like a two-year-old's dream. But darn if I didn't want to say yes to him, crazy as it was. My inner cave-woman was ready to kick the crap out of me but, I decided, if Eric and I were going to give this a serious go, there were a few things I was just going to have to get used to. Compromise is at the heart of a relationship, right? Oh, hell.
"Alright, Eric," I said finally. "I will be yours." I smiled, just a little, but rolled my eyes to show him exactly how not thrilled I was with his quaint little vampire tradition. Eric didn't care, though. He kissed me for all he was worth - which was quite a lot - and when he pulled away his eyes were shining with victory.
"My Sookie," he said quietly, but he wasn't really addressing me. It was like he was trying out the words, seeing how they fit. He looked pleased and for whatever reason- blood bond, true affection or both- I was happy that he was happy.
Eric's head turned suddenly. Clearly his vampire hearing had picked up something mine hadn't.
"What?" I asked and he just shook his head.
"My phone."
He must have it set to vibrate because I sure didn't hear a ring. "You need to get it?"
"No. I already spoke to the other Sheriff in the chain tonight, and Victor. Whoever it is can wait."
I sat up, pulling the covers up around me.
"You talked to Victor?"
"He checks in every night, as always."
"And...?" I prompted. This was kind of important, wasn't it?
Eric's face got that vampire look and I had no idea what he might be thinking.
"And," Eric stated slowly, "Victor is being Victor. He's being overly polite, not unusual. And he's revealing nothing, also not unusual. I've been keeping watch on him and his dealings very closely. He has not approached the King about you as far as I can tell."
"That's good, right?"
Eric paused a moment. "If he was planning to tell Felipe' he would have done it already. If he were to go to the King now, it would not be good for him. The King would demand to know why he kept such important information to himself for so long."
"And Victor wouldn't risk the King's suspicion?" I asked and Eric nodded.
I brightened. "So that narrows things down then. That's one route you know he won't take. That's progress, correct?"
Eric nodded, looked at me, amused. "You have developed quite the devious mind."
"Too much Eric blood in me, I suppose," I said with a smile and Eric grinned hugely. Then, without warning, he moved at vampire speed and lifted me up and pulled me onto his lap. He kissed me tenderly, then looked at me with quite a serious expression..
"I want to tell you something, my Sookie." He sounded like the Sheriff just then, but he was stroking my back in a soothing way.
"Okay," I said warily, and I nodded at him to go on.
"I'm going to travel to Nevada, to talk to Felipe' DeCastro in person."
"About what?"
"Do you remember what I told you, about having an ace in the hole?"
I nodded, tried not to grin. I still thought that phrase sounded funny coming from Eric. "I remember."
"I want to explain that to you, and I want you to try to understand. I'll need you to trust me."
His emotions were all over the place all of a sudden, I could feel it through our bond, too many to decipher. Hope was there, excitement and something else. Fear, maybe? But that seemed unlikely coming from Eric.
"I trust you," I said and his eyes turned soft, and more emotion flared through our bond.
Before he could begin his explanation though, his phone vibrated again and he cursed in another language - at least I assumed it was a curse. I still couldn't hear the phone - it must have been in the pocket of his jacket, which was lying in the chair across the room along with his clothes. Eric glanced over and then looked at me apologetically.
"Maybe you should just answer it," I suggested and Eric agreed. He tossed back the covers and stood up. Moonlight was coming in from the windows and bathed his impressive form with a soft glow. The view as he walked across the room was spectacular and I leered at him openly.
Then all at once there was a frantic pounding on the door of the bedroom, and Amelia was yelling at me to open up. My heart leapt, Eric froze and I fumbled out of the bed, telling Amelia to hold on for just a minute. I pulled one of the sheets clear off the bed and wrapped in around me hurriedly. I opened the door, Amelia was standing there and her face was horrified. I put my hand to my mouth and gasped, hearing her thoughts before she spoke. I looked back at Eric, who had already managed to pull on his jeans.
"What's happened?" he demanded and Amelia stepped into the room.
"It was just on the news," she nearly screamed. "The Fellowship are attacking vampire businesses all over the state! There are fires and some bombs..."
Amelia didn't get a chance to say another word. Eric grabbed the rest of his clothes and pushed by us, his cell phone already at his ear. I ran down the hall, not caring a bit that Tray was still here, and Octavia had woken up with all the commotion and I was standing in the middle of them all, wrapped only in a sheet.
Eric watched the television for a few moments while talking to someone on the phone - Pam, I assumed. There was footage of police cars and fire trucks, people on stretchers, buildings and vampires burning. Some of the places I recognized. Eric had never looked more dangerous, and his fangs had descended. I heard him say he was on the way, and he flipped his phone shut, turned to me, kissed me fully on the mouth, then turned to leave.
Amelia opened the door for Eric, and when she did I saw Bill standing on the porch, looking just as dangerous as Eric. He glanced at me, took in my haphazard appearance and then looked at Eric, who was still half dressed as well. His expression never changed.
"Was Fangtasia hit?" Bill asked, the question we were all wondering.
"Not yet," was Eric's reply and we all relaxed marginally.
Bill nodded. "Do you need me?"
"Can you drive?" Eric asked and Bill pointed to my driveway. His car was already there and it was running.
"Good," Eric said and he and Bill headed to the car and in seconds they were flying down my drive.
After they left, we all spent a little while watching the news (I changed back into my nightgown and donned a robe first) There wasn't much in the way of real information yet, just an endless loop of witness accounts and speculation and protesters on both sides making a lot of noise. I never heard anything about Fangtasia being damaged and for that I was grateful. There were, however, a lot of Fellowship people ranting and raving, saying that tonight's attacks 'were only the beginning.'
I watched until I was sick of watching, then said goodnight to Amelia and Tray and retreated to bed. I stripped the sheets and tossed them in a pile, remade the bed and crawled in.
I lay there for a bit, my mind spinning. My blood-bonded lover, the one I had given myself to this very night, was dealing with things right now I could barely imagine. I was worried for him, and worried for myself. There was always something, some new drama or tragedy lurking around the corner it seemed.
I flipped over my pillow after a while and repositioned myself. I tried to think on other things, pleasant things. I tried to remember the feel of Eric's strong arms around me, the warmth and safety he always provides, but I had a terrible noise in my head I couldn't ignore. It grated in my mind, like nails on a chalkboard, full of pain and warning and foreboding. And it was a long, long time before sleep finally took me.
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To be continued
xoxo