Redemption
When you make a mistake, the first thing you look for is forgiveness…
You turn into an apologizing mess, you try to pay due.
But there are people who are not cut for this: they just go on living their own life, pretending nothing occurred, they go into denial.
And leave sorrow behind them.
It's early morning and Cristina is changing into her scrubs. The locker room is desert, she is the only one in there. Her pager beeps, she reads the message on the screen. A frown appears on her forehead and she walks down the corridors quickly to the indicated place. She arrives in front of Sheperd's Head of Neurosurgery office. Bailey is on the door.
Cristina: Dr. Bailey… (Bailey gestures her to drop her voice)
Bailey: Meredith is in here. She is sleeping.
Cristina: didn't she go home yesterday?
Bailey: no… we told them about Kepner yesterday evening. And it was a really painful process.
Cristina: what do you mean?
Bailey: Derek had a really hard time, he started hyperventilating. He passed out several times before we could finally sedate him. And Meredith was very upset too. We decided to give her a sedative and let her sleep here. She didn't want to go home, she was worried about Derek. I think you should keep an eye on her (the door opens to reveal Meredith. She has dark circles around her eyes, they are still puffy and red)
Meredith: I don't need that (both Bailey and Cristina look at her)
Cristina: Mer… how are you?
Meredith: I'm fine… How is Derek?
Bailey: still resting. The Chief is with him.
Meredith: I need to go change into my scrubs
Bailey: Grey…
Meredith: I'm fine and I need to work.
Cristina: you look like crap.
Meredith: I'll take a shower in the resident's lounge (she goes back in Derek's office to pick her things up. Bailey and Cristina follow her)
Bailey: Meredith… I can prevent you from working if you feel up to. But use this as your private locker. You could meet her (Meredith lets out a tortured gasp without looking up) and I don't want you to make something stupid (Meredith breaths out). I know she deserves it, and you'll have justice I promise. But you need to keep calm, for your safety and for the baby. And for Derek too.
Cristina: she is right Mer… You need to take it easy (Meredith throws all her things on the couch again)
Meredith: fine… I'll play the good girl. But if she dares to approach me again… or better…. To approach Derek again… I won't promise you anything.
Bailey: I'll make sure this won't happen. Derek will never be alone in his room.
Meredith: he won't. His mom is coming back today.
Bailey: good… get ready. You're on the same cases of yesterday. But I'll meet you in front of Derek's room. We are going to cheer him up.
Richard is lying on the couch near Derek's bed. He hears him stirring and stands up, getting closer to the bed. Derek's eyes are fluttering and finally he opens them. Light hits him and he tries to protect his eyes with his hands. He lets out a groan.
Richard: Derek…
Derek: what time is it?
Richard: almost eight… You slept all night.
Derek: my head is pounding…
Richard: we had to sedate you. You'll be fine in some minute.
Derek: Meredith?
Richard: she slept in your office, she is fine (Derek looks up at him, Richard reads a question Derek is afraid to ask). It was hard on her… Derek… But it was harder to see you fainting out of pain (he sits on his bed). I know you're worried about her… you have a right to be. But she is strong. She can take care of herself. And her friends are doing too. You need to focus on your own health.
Derek: how can I? She is still out there… She had the nerve to come into my room yesterday… She already went to Meredith's…
Richard: what?
Derek: she stole my coat and my keys. I was sure she went there. I had no evidence but…
Richard: ok, Derek.. listen. Today the cops will come here. And you'll tell them everything. They'll run their investigations and we'll get rid of April Kepner in a blink.
Derek: I'd like to be that optimistic too.
Richard: you'll be…. After my cheering committee will come here…
Derek: excuse me?
Richard: I've decided to insert you in the round. You need to see people… you need to see how much they love you… how much they respect you. How much they miss you.
Derek: you're saying like you mean it.
Richard: I do (he squeezes his hand and stands up. See you later)
All the residents are in the locker room. They are changing into their scrubs. Bailey appears on the door.
Bailey: Kepner… (April turns around to face her. She is wearing her coat) Hunt is waiting for you in the ER. The others… I wait you in five minutes for rounds (she goes out. April breaths out and leaves the room without saying anything. Reed follows her with her eyes)
Reed: she had a break down yesterday…
Avery: who? April?
Reed: yeah… we were talking about Sheperd and she couldn't hear about it.
Avery: she has a big crash on him…
Alex: how do you know?
Avery: it's written all over her face. And Meredith told me too.
Reed: she doesn't look pissed off…
Alex: she had to deal with a wife for a couple of years… she is used to half hospital having the hots for him.
Reed: what I don't get is why all seem to be mad at her (they exit the lounge and find Bailey, Meredith and Cristina already there. Alex looks at Meredith and realizes she is not good)
Alex: hey… are you fine?
Meredith: kind of
Alex: I didn't hear you to come back yesterday.
Meredith: I didn't…
Alex: is Sheperd fine?
Meredith: sure… (Bailey picks the charts up and gestures them to follow her. Meredith is the first. Alex takes Cristina's arm and pulls her close)
Alex: what's wrong with her?
Cristina: I'll tell you my secrets when you're up to telling me yours (Alex looks at her puzzled). Owen already did. With Webber's placet. You can do it too.
Lexie and Mark are walking into the hospital. Mark is silent and hollow. He has been this way the whole morning and the previous evening.
Lexie: ok… enough with the crap… What's wrong with you?
Mark: nothing…
Lexie: are Little Sloans ok?
Mark: yeah
Lexie: her mum?
Mark: good
Lexie: are you going to break up with me? Because if you want to, just do it. I'll take you out of your misery.
Mark: Lexie.. I'm not (they arrive in front of the elevator and Mark pushes the button)
Lexie: so? (Mark looks around and he sees they are alone)
Mark: you'll hate me for this. Everyone will.
Lexie: why? What did you do?
Mark: I stabbed my best friend's back. For the second time. And he really didn't need it (Lexie is puzzled)
Lexie: what? What the hell are you talking about? (horror paints in her face). Oh my God… You slept with Meredith?
Mark: no! (the elevator opens and they go in) Ok… I deserve this… I told Derek I knocked Addison up… in New York.
Lexie: excuse me?
Mark: after he left… we lived together for a while and she ended up pregnant. But she didn't want a kid from me. She wanted Derek back. And she aborted.
Lexie: wait a minute… All this time… when she came down here to win him back… Didn't she say anything to him?
Mark: apparently not.
Lexie: and why didn't you do it?
Mark: we weren't friends for a lot of time. We didn't talk to each other. And I thought she had told him.
Lexie: and how did he react?
Mark: he already has the world on his shoulders right now… What do you think? He kicked me out…
Lexie: you were lucky it's all he did (the doors open and she storms out of the doors leaving him there, alone)
Teddy is raising the steps to the surgical floor. She nearly bumps into Owen sitting on the stairs, his head down.
Teddy: hey… what are you doing here?
Owen: taking some relax before jumping in another hard day's work. And you?
Teddy: trying to keep in fit… and avoiding elevators… (she sits near him)
Owen: yeah… that's wise….
Teddy: so… you passed Arizona…
Owen: it was not the moment to leave… with Sheperd and everything…. But I'm better.
Teddy: I see it… better I saw it…. Now… for a couple of days, you look haunted again.
Owen: haunted?
Teddy: yes… like something is bothering you… crushing you… You are harsh with residents and sometimes to nurses too… It's not your habit…
Owen: why? Are they complaining about my manners now? (he stands up leaving Teddy stunned)
Teddy: no… but I heard you with Kepner yesterday… The whole floor heard you. You were really harsh. And she looks so defenceless…
Owen: she looks… you said it.
Teddy: excuse me?
Owen: you went through a war Teddy. You have learned to know on your skin that the worst dangers hide behind the most innocent people.
Teddy: I'm sorry… but are you comparing Kepner with some random and fool kamikatze?
Owen: you'll tell me…. (he goes up leaving Teddy alone)
Bailey and all the residents but April enter Derek's room.
Bailey: finally… here is the last patient (Webber is in there too)
Derek: hi
Avery: welcome back (Meredith gets closer to the bed. She looks down to Derek for a moment to make sure he is fine. Then she kisses him on the lips)
Bailey: Dr. Grey… do you kiss patients now?
Derek: I hope she doesn't…
Meredith: just one…. Don't be jealous (the residents laugh, Derek too. A sharp pain shots though him and Bailey notices it)
Bailey: well… Yang…. Talk to us….
Cristina: talk about what?
Bailey: about the patient, maybe?
Cristina: ok…. (she takes the chart). Dr. Sheperd is back from…
Derek: you couldn't use a better word
Cristina: from two surgeries because of the piercing of a lung, heart distress and internal damages. He has to be monitored to check the pulmonary functionality and rest.
Bailey: so… (Cristina stares at her not getting what she means. All residents are smiling. After some seconds Bailey points to the stethoscope Cristina has around her neck)
Cristina: sure… I visit the patient to hear possible murmurs to the lung (he gets closer to Derek, he looks amused by the scene and she lays the sensors on his chest. She checks her clock) Breathe in (she can't hear anything) you have to breathe in full lung, sir (Derek looks up at her not believing what she has just said)
Bailey: Yang… he was already doing it
Cristina: oh… (he turns to Derek again looking at him like she expected him to get cyanotic in a matter of seconds) A lot of rest and you should wear the oxygen mask for some day (she goes hiding behind Alex)
Bailey: Grey, the patient is yours if you want him. If he doesn't obey, doesn't cooperate and sucks like I'm pretty sure he will, don't wait to inform me (Derek smiles at them both)
Derek: I feel better. Maybe I could lift up a little bit.
Richard: Derek…
Bailey: don't you even think of it. Today and tomorrow you'll lay perfectly flat (Derek is going to answer back). Be a good boy or Webber authorized me to kill you without leaving evidence behind, cutie
Derek: seriously? You call a no evidence murder cutting into me in strict alphabetical order with all the surgical instruments?
Bailey: what a cruel thing! And why wasting the holy surgical tools? To tell the truth I thought I could kill you telling you a pretty, unbelievably funny and hilarious joke (Derek stops smiling and closes his arms around his sides)
Derek: no please… not laughing….
Bailey: will you be cooperative then?
Derek: just lifting up a bit…
Bailey: two kids walked towards the market….
Derek: ok, ok! I give up
Bailey: let's go then. Everybody out. Meredith… Sloan is waiting for you after your visit… (all the residents, Bailey and Webber go out. Meredith sits on the bed and takes Derek's hand. Derek's eyes are fixed on her face)
Derek: you look tired…
Meredith: I'm fine… And you? (she strokes his cheek) You scared me yesterday…
Derek: I'm sorry… I had promised, I know… but…. It kills me to know you could have been hurt….
Meredith: I'm fine… And you need to take care of you, ok? (Derek nods) Your mum will be here in a while (she strokes him again and then kisses him on the lips. She then takes the oxygen mask to put it on his face)
Derek: Mer…
Meredith: ah… you heard Dr. Yang's prescriptions… (she lays it on his face). I still miss you… (she stands up and leaves)
Cristina joins Teddy in the laboratory.
Cristina: Dr. Altman… I'm here
Teddy: good timing Cristina (Cristina gets closer to the table)
Cristina: what are you doing?
Teddy: Webber asked more investigation on that med. I think Tappeley asked it. Anyway… we have to inject the active ingredient of the med in a heart and see the effects it produces.
Cristina: but won't this take a lot of time?
Teddy: seeing the cases we have analyzed yesterday, not that much. Stats worsened really quickly, it seems in a few hours form the administration.
Crsitina: but…
Teddy: say it…
Cristina: how can we analyze the consequences if… I mean…
Teddy: the heart isn't beating?
Cristina: yeah…
Teddy: we'll have it beating artificially….
Cristina: are you saying that we'll do…
Teddy: right. I see your interest has grown, Yang (she handles her a list). That's what we need. Can you take care of it?
Cristina: sure. Thank you
Teddy: thanks to you.
April joins the ambulance bay and finds Owen there.
April: dr. Hunt…
Owen: dr. Kepner….
April: what have we got?
Owen: car accident. Abdominal trauma (the ambulance stops, the door opens and the paramedic jumps out)
Paramedic: male, 36. A truck hits his car from the side. He lost consciousness on our way here. We had to intubate him (Owen helps him pulling the stretcher out)
Owen: relatives?
Paramedic: he took his bag from the car (the other paramedic handles April a bag)
Owen: ok… I'll take care of this. Thank you, guys (the paramedics go back to the ambulance and Owen pushes the patient into a visit room. April comes in, the bag still in her hand. Owen notices it). Give that to a nurse, she'll take care of calling relatives… (April goes out and comes back 2 minutes later. Owen has cut the patient's clothes away. He is touching his abdomen, a frown on his forehead). What the hell….
April: what?
Owen: it looks like… the spleen is not there….
April: what? (she gets closer to the stretcher)
Owen: take a look yourself (he puts his hands away and April touches the patient)
April: I can feel something… but the size is…
Owen: small… it looks like a liver… We need to bring him to a CT. Move (April opens the door and Owen wheels the gurney away. They go down the corridor and arrive at the CT. There are two patients outside waiting) Wait here… (he leaves April with the patient and then comes out) Let's go (the other doctors look at them annoyed)
Lexie enters the scrub room. Arizona is there washing her hands.
Arizona: good morning, Dr. Grey
Lexie: good morning (she looks sad)
Arizona: are you ok?
Lexie: fine, thank you.
Arizona: good… because Ben is ready and this is going to be a great surgery (she goes in the OR. Lexie takes some more minutes and then goes in. She notices Callie in the gallery and smiles). Good… scalpel (a nurse handles her what asked and she makes the first cut). So… are Litlle Sloans fine?
Lexie: yes… the baby doesn't sleep that much at night… but it's normal.
Arizona: you know… I always call them Little Sloans… but…. What's the baby's name?
Lexie: Michael.
Arizona: it's nice.
Lexie: yeah… and he's really cute. And much more good than my niece.
Arizona: you are good with kids. And teens. I've worked with you a lot of times and… you create a good bond with them.
Lexie: maybe because I'm a kid myself after all… we are emphatically closed but…. I lack of experience and touch. All things you could sell to everybody.
Arizona: maybe… but that doesn't make me good with them in my private…
Lexie: why?
Arizona: I don't know. But this scares me (she looks up at Callie and then still at the patient). I'm ready to cut here but… Grey…. It's up to you….
Lexie: excuse me?
Arizona: you found out his problem, you convinced his father to let him have surgery, you'll make the final cut (she handles her the clamp. Lexie seems doubtful). One, clean cut… (Lexie breaths out and then cuts) Done. We were lucky…
Lexie: about what?
Arizona: great problem, easy solution. Not every problem finds a solution like that (she looks up at the gallery again)
Derek is in his room with his mum. Richard knocks and goes in with two people.
Richard: Derek…
Derek: yeah?
Richard: these are inspectors Lewis and Donner. They were and are responsible for the investigations (Richard gets closer to the bed, he's playing with his hands nervously). They'd need your deposition.
Derek: ok… but (his eyes lock with Richard and Webber gets Derek doesn't want his mum to stay)
Richard: Mrs. Sheperd… (she stands up understanding)
Mrs. Sheperd: no problem… I'll wait out (she bends to kiss her son's forehead and then goes away. The two inspectors approach Derek's bed and Lewis shakes Sheperd's hand)
Lewis: it's good to see you're fine… I've just heard a lot of good things about you. From everybody (Derek is silent). So… I know Webber has already told you something about our investigations, about the person we have arrested and about Dr. Kepner's… doing. Anything else?
Richard: no (he breaths out sitting near Derek's bed. Lewis and Donner do the same at the opposite side of the bed)
Lewis: that's why we are here… So… we can get started if you feel up to…
Derek: ok…
Lewis: tell us about that day… your day…
Derek: nothing special…. I was paged in the early morning for a couple attacked in the park. I came here and visited them. I got the visit from Mr. Greene's lawyer. He wanted to tell me that his client has decided to sign in our rehab program. I found the report of Mr. Greene's autopsy on my desk, there was a page lacking and I asked the expert to mail it to me.
Donner: did your office look different… in disorder or something?
Derek: no… but I'm not very ordained so… it's always a mess in there… (Lewis laughs)
Lewis: my desk is too. Then?
Derek: I left my office at 6 more or less.. I wanted to be home early. Dr. Kepner stopped me on the door. She wanted to tell me something… I got that…. But she didn't. She just apologized for the stalking thing…
Donner: Dr. Bailey told us about that… She said there were many episodes…
Derek: she stole my coat with my keys. And I'm pretty sure she went to my house.
Lewis: how can you be?
Derek: one evening there was a strange smell in my bedroom… the following day she had the same scent on her…
Donner: did you face her?
Derek: yeah… I got afraid for my wife. But she denied everything.
Lewis: could we take a look there?
Derek: I'm sorry?
Donner: at the house…
Derek: why?
Lewis: Mr. Greene made very heavy statements on Dr. Kepner. Legally she can't be charged of anything. But if we could show that she was stalking you… it'd be different.
Derek: I… Meredith doesn't know anything about this…. I don't…
Richard: I get that Derek. But it's the only shot to have her pay. And to have her fired. I'll explain Meredith (Derek nods)
Lewis: so she let you go away without saying you were in danger… And then? (Derek closes his eyes, sweat appears on his forehead)
Meredith and Avery are waiting for Sloan. It's afternoon but they haven't seen him yet. They are playing with the models of Silvia's nose.
Avery: you're silent today…
Meredith: I'm just tired… I slept here but I didn't rest that much.
Avery: something you want to talk about?
Meredith: I'd like, but I promised not to. And Derek had a really hard time yesterday (Mark is on the door). He fainted a lot of times out of pain before Webber decided to put him under without his consent.
Avery: I'm sorry…. This morning he looked… in a good mood
Meredith: he tries… but… (Avery lays his hand on Meredith's arm)
Avery: he's badass. He will jump out of this.
Meredith: I hope you're right (Mark clears his throat and the guys turn around, a puzzled look on their face)
Sloan: hi everybody (he keeps his eyes down). I'm sorry I didn't show up before but… I had stuff to do.
Meredith: ok… we finished all the tests and the exams. She is ready.
Sloan: ok… I've booked an OR in an hour. If you still want to scrub in… (he looks up at Meredith, a guilty look all over his face)
Meredith: Why shouldn't I?
Mark: I thought you couldn't stand seeing my face after what happened yesterday….
Meredith: what are you talking about? (Avery is embarrassed as he gets the conversation is going private)
Avery: I wait for you out (he stands up but Meredith pulls his arm and he falls back on the chair)
Mark: it was my fault… I was the reason of Derek's outburst…
Meredith: why? (her eyes are full of anger)
Mark: I told him… something bad…. I didn't mean to hurt him… I thought he still knew it…. (Mark swallows)
Meredith: my patience is over here…
Mark: I told him I knocked Addison up.
Meredith: you what?
Mark: right before she came down here to take him back (Meredith is breathing out loudly. Mark looks down)
Meredith: wait… so she won him back playing on his sense of duty and obligations and the ring and all this crap… and she didn't bother to tell him that she aborted your child the week before she brought her freaking stilettos in Seattle?
Mark: yeah (she stands up and closes the distance between them. She slaps him and Mark doesn't move)
Meredith: just for the record, this wasn't why he passed out a lot of times… (Mark looks up at her) but you're a whore (she storms out of the room, she nearly bumps into Callie. Avery stands up and then goes out following Meredith. Callie comes in)
Callie: Mark… what happened?
Cristina and Teddy are still in the lab. In front of them, a machine acts the cardio – circulatory system.
Teddy: now we just have to try to have the heart beat.
Cristina: will it work?
Teddy: we'll know it in thirty seconds (she settles the last connections, the mechanism starts to move. Some seconds after the heart starts to beat)
Cristina: it's unbelievable
Teddy: the heart is a perfect engine, the most perfect organ of our body
Cristina: how this test is going to work?
Teddy: the med is in the artificial blood pumping. We just need to wait it works its effects. The ideal solution would be checking on it minute after minute.
Cristina: I can stay… if you want (Teddy turns around to look at her) … yes… if you think I'm capable of understanding the eventual changes (Teddy bursts out laughing)
Teddy: I was just thinking that it's a very boring job and it will take the whole night.
Cristina: I have nothing to do
Teddy: really? No one is waiting for you?
Cristina: not tonight
Teddy: ok… I go away now. Then I come back and you'll be free.
Cristina: ok
Teddy: that is the form. You need to take notes every hour about the heart's conditions, even if there is no change. If something happens, page me.
Cristina: ok
Teddy: see you later (Teddy goes away, Cristina crosses her arms on the table and lays her face on them. She looks at the artificial system in front of her)
Owen and April are at the OR. Bailey has joined them too.
Bailey: it's like you thought… Liver and spleen are at the opposite sides… How did anyone ever notice it?
Owen: it can be asymptomatic…. Anyway… it saved his life…
Bailey: you can say it loud…
April: why?
Owen: do you know how long it takes to a man to die if the spleen ruptures completely?
April: ten minutes?
Owen: yeah… but if it's the liver to suffer the same injury…. We can fix it. If his organs were at the normal place, he would have died before the rescuers had the chance to take it out of the wreck. Nature can be a bitch but sometimes…. This saves you (they go on working)
Bailey: so, Dr. Kepner, have you cleared up your mind about your specialty? (April looks at unease)
April: not yet… I had an idea but…. I don't know.
Bailey: share it… maybe we can give you a suggestion…. (she meets her eyes and April immediately diverts them). Ok… no advises for you…
April: it's not that…
Owen: and what is then? The Chief gave you one more month to make up your mind. I've never received a resident asking me for suggestions.
Bailey: me either…
Owen: maybe Bailey they are so sure of themselves they don't need anything from us.
Bailey: no… they are not like me…
Owen: excuse me?
Bailey: I've always known which was my path. I was the best, I was talented. I was good. All things these kids are not.
Owen: I wasn't so self assured. But my mentor gave me a light to follow. And I think I did it good. It's not a fault to know what you want. It's a fault not to ask for help when you know you need it (he says the last sentence looking directly in April's eyes).
Bailey: stubbornness should be a sin…
Derek is still silent. He is rubbing his eyes like he could push remembers away.
Richard: Derek… I know it's hard…. But you need to do this…. Nothing you're going to say can change what you are… and nothing can…. (Lewis clears his throat getting Webber's attention, he shakes his head)
Lewis: Dr. Sheperd… I know it's painful. But we need your version (Derek clears his throat)
Derek: the elevator opened and I saw a man inside. He looked up at me when the door opened but… I wasn't looking at his face… and then he turned around again. He was dressed like a stuff member…. He had a tool case… I had forbidden maintenance works in the working hours but… I thought to let it go. I gave my back to him. The elevator moved down… then it stopped… and he attacked me behind my back. I haven't realized anything… I have only felt the knife piercing my back… I couldn't breathe… my legs failed and he knocked me against the wall… I tried to see his face but… he hit me again… and I fell on the ground… I could hear him walking around me… his steps were near… but all I could think about was the knife sank till the handle in my stomach… I couldn't stand the pain anymore… and…. against all my medical skills… I ripped it off… (Richard swallows hard). He kicked me and kneeled astride me… I recognized him then… He kept saying senseless things… and then he told me about Meredith and…. I…. he….. (he breaths out. Lewis and Donner share a look and they decide to tell him the truth).
Lewis: why didn't you try to defend yourself?
Derek: how? I couldn't feel my legs… I hardly could move my arms…. I was just trying to keep breathing… and I chose not to (Derek is looking at the ceiling)… I was afraid he could go on and looking for Meredith… so I let him… do whatever he wanted….
Lewis: it's the first time I see someone taking stabs without lifting an arm to protect himself… (Derek turns to look at him)
Derek: what do you mean?
Lewis: I'm sorry I had to make you remember those moments… but I needed to be sure you were saying the truth.
Derek: I don't understand…
Lewis: what Dr. Webber couldn't tell you… what I asked him not to tell you… is that there was a camera in the elevator… and it recorded everything… but Mr. Greene's face. It was thanks to your colleagues we could reenact everything. And finally get to him (Derek turns towards Richard but he immediately avoids the glare. He closes his eyes. A tear roll down his cheek). I know this is incredibly hard on you… but I'm also sorry to tell you that you have to be ready to say this in front of a court. There will be a trail. You'll have to witness. And this tape will be one of the main evidences. It's not going to be now but…. Everything will come out. We need to show this was a premeditate attack and it won't be easy.
Richard: why not?
Donner: first of all the place it took place. If Dr. Sheperd had taken the other elevator…
Derek: I never do it. Even if I have to wait… even if it's there… I always wait for the left one.
Lewis: why?
Derek: it's where I proposed to my wife. I always take that. And everybody knows it.
Lewis: it will be easier then to undo the defence line (the two cops stand up). Thank you Dr. Sheperd. Let Dr. Webber know when we can arrange the visit to your house (Donner is already on the door). I know you'll hate me for this but… I'm just an ambassador here... Mr. Greene has already expressed his repentance, more than once… And he would like to apologize to you…
Richard: what?
Lewis: personally… He has asked a lot of times to meet you (Derek breaths out, he stares directly at Lewis's eyes). He knows you are still in hospital and… in bad shape…. Just think about it… (Lewis turns around to leave)
Derek: tell him… (Lewis turns around and Richard looks down at Derek stunned) I'll go to meet him… when I'll be able to stand and walk…. I'll do it….. Just…. It will take a lot of time…. (Lewis smiles at him and goes away. Derek's mum enters the room and Richard leaves her his place. She wipes Derek's tears away)
Alex opens the lab's door and sees Cristina.
Alex: what are you… Frankenstein?
Cristina: I'm not. You shouldn't be here. This is a top secret test… (Alex sits on the chair near her)
Alex: have you seen Meredith?
Cristina: not since this morning… I've been stuck here the whole day… (Alex throws her a look). So… it was the tape which shook the ground under your feet… (he looks dully at the machine)…
Alex: yes…
Cristina: Hunt was really upset too…
Alex: we are doctors… we are used to see injuries but…. I had never seen something like this… I was like watching a movie… but…
Cristina: it was not…
Alex: I hope it won't become an evidence in the trail… Meredith…. shouldn't know. So… what about your secret?
Cristina: a resident knew Sheperd was in danger… and even tried to divert Greene's rage towards Meredith… so that she became his target.
Alex: what?
Cristina: think Alex… you are smart… Who is the person who worships Sheperd, who would jump into the fire to be noticed? (Alex seems to be clueless) Ok… who's the person attendings are treating like crap and never let go in these days? (Alex finally gets)
Alex: Kepner?
Cristina: bingo!
Alex: what are you talking about?
Cristina: it's a long story. But she knew Greene could hurt someone. She just tried to have Meredith killed instead of Sheperd.
Alex: does they know?
Cristina: why do you think she looked like a ghost this morning and Derek had to be sedated yesterday?
Alex: I just don't get why she is still working here. What do they wait? That she tries again?
Cristina: they need evidences before charging her of something. But we need to take care of Meredith (Alex is thoughtful). What?
Alex: nothing… I've just found the last piece of the puzzle (he stands and leaves)
Sloan and Avery are already in the OR. They hear a noise and look up to see Meredith scrubbing in. She approaches the table.
Meredith: I'm sorry Dr. Sloan… I'm late.
Sloan: never mind… We've just started… How do I proceed, Avery?
Avery: we make an incision on the nasal, free the bone. And then we break it (Mark has already made the cut and shifted the skin. He handles the surgical hummer to Meredith). Do you want to do it?
Meredith: no thank you. I'm too mad to handle a hummer… (Mark looks at her and then gives the tool to Avery)
Avery: me?
Mark: what? Did I piss you off too?
Avery: no, sir.
Mark: so do it. One blow (Avery seems to take aim and then hits the nose with the hummer. The bone breaks immediately). Ouch… it hurts just to watch.
Meredith: it will hurt more tomorrow… and the day after tomorrow when her stupid boyfriend will dump her.
Mark: how do you know he'll do it?
Meredith: she's 23 and there's nothing original in her. She looks like an air doll. Only plastics surgeon like bubble boobs. I think they are not so good to touch.
Mark: they feel natural… Avery… (Avery looks embarrassed)
Avery: I have never touched… them… (Meredith giggles) but I think Grey is right… I prefer natural girls…
Mark: I don't get why you are so old-fashioned. If a girl wants to correct her defects to feel better… why not?
Meredith: because plastics is useful to correct the blows that life gives you… for hurt people… not a girl like this. She is beautiful. The only thing she should correct is her brain.
Avery: it didn't seem she had one to me…
Meredith: I guess you were all busy to stare at her ass….
Avery: hey… that was mean… I'm not that kind of guy…
Mark: we are all good guys… till the day we are not anymore… and you find yourself in your best friend's bed, fucking his wife… till he opens the door and finds you there… You should apologize… but you can't. Because apologies mean that you did a mistake. And you prefer lying saying that it was not. Don't play the good guy, Avery… Did you look at her ass or not?
Avery: I…. did…. (Meredith looks at him amused) I am a man after all…
Owen is sitting at Joe. A glass of rum in front of him. Teddy arrives at the bar and sits near him.
Teddy: a bear, please (Owen notices her presence). So I heard you had a mutant today…
Owen: yes… tricks of nature saved his life… And you? Still running top secrets exams?
Teddy: it looks like they are not top secret anymore. The whole hospital is talking…
Owen: are you done?
Teddy: not yet… I left Cristina to check on the machine. I came here to grab something to eat and drink… Then I'll go back.
Owen: but you know the suspects are true…
Teddy: results are crystal clear till now. That med is harmful. I don't get how it could pass tests and experiments.
Owen: do you still think only harmless meds are sold or used?
Teddy: I'd hope so… When I give a med… I'd really want not to kill the patient.
Owen: it's just a matter of policy and marketing. Pharma don't care about people's life. If they did… many illnesses would be over right now… (he drinks a sip of his bear)
Teddy: haunted Owen is still here… (her pager beeps) It's Cristina. I need to go back.
Owen: can I come with you?
Teddy: sure…
Derek's mum is stroking his son's forehead. They haven't shared a word since the cops went away.
Mrs. Sheperd: you need to stop avoiding me… (Derek breaths out and finally looks up at her). What's wrong?
Derek: nothing… It was an exhausting day. And yesterday didn't go any better… I'm just tired of lying here… My life seems… I'm in some kind of Truman's show. My sisters knew Addi was screwing Mark and they didn't say anything… Now it turns out she was also pregnant with his child and… nobody ever bothered to tell me…
Mrs. Sheperd: Derek…. You are over this now. You are with Meredith and you're going to have a wonderful child. Addison had to tell you… I'm sure Mark thought she did… There is no reason he told you that… now then… The two of you made up… I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you…
Derek: I know that… and I'm not mad at him… not anymore at least…
Mrs. Sheperd: so I can tell him to pass in later? I saw him in the corridor and he had a puppy face. Plus I heard a mad wife of yours slapped him… (Derek laughs, pain hits him and a grimace paints his face). But I have the feeling this is not what is haunting you right now…
Derek: mum… please…
Mrs. Sheperd: I know you're trying to protect everybody here but… this isn't doing good to you. Do you think you can spare Meredith any pain like this? (he keeps avoiding her glare). Unlike me… you'll have to face the trial… the man who did this to you… you need to open up or this anger will eat you…
Derek: there's no rage in me, mum. Not to that man… I have already accepted to meet him once on my feet. I want to look him in the eye and get why he did this. I… (she looks down at him, a frown on her face). What?
Mrs. Sheperd: nothing… I didn't expect you to do it so quickly… I was sure you'd have but… not now. So… what is torturing you like this? (Derek closes his eyes)
Derek: I don't want Meredith to face this… I don't want her to see what happened in there, to hear it from me. Police wants to go to our house and… (he breaths out). I just want all this to be over. We need to start new with our life… to think of our kid…. But we can't do it till everything will be clear. And I can't protect her from this.
Mrs. Sheperd: do you know what your dad told me once? (Derek shakes his head lightly). You had just started to date Addison and I…
Derek: didn't like her…
Mrs. Sheperd: true… he told me that we can put our loved ones under a bell jar. We need to let them know the world. The good part of it. But even the bad. Under the bell… you'll see the bad anyway but… screaming… not that good. Let Meredith be here with you. Don't be afraid to show her your scars… you'd hurt her more.
Meredith is in a supply closet. She is picking up things for Silvia. The door opens and she looks up to find April in front of her (she lingers on her for a second and then looks away, she keeps putting stuff in her basin)
April: hi… (she comes in and talks shyly. She notices the unease in Meredith's behavior). Are you ok?
Meredith: don't pretend you care.
April: I do… How is Dr. Sheperd?
Meredith: my husband is fine. Despite you.
April: I'm sorry?
Meredith: stop the charade… I know everything. I swore not to beat you, not to look for you. But this doesn't mean I have to be nice (she keeps ignoring April)
April: what did they tell you?
Meredith: something about you getting into a rehab program without any experience… to treat psychologically the husband of your dead patient… All forbidden things…
April: I was just trying to help…
Meredith: sure… (she is done and turns around but April blocks her way out). Let me go…
April: no… (she stands in front of the door). I really wanted to help… you need to believe me…
Meredith: let me go out…
April: no! I love him… you said you got it… I love him… How could I have harmed him?
Meredith: like you did. You lied, you imposed yourself on him. On me. Even on a sick man who needed help. And you chose to push him on the edge. Your hands are dirty of Derek's blood just like Mr. Greene's. I hope you're proud of what you did. Because you could have really helped him. You could have saved him. You could have saved all this pain. But you chose to risk my life… I'm sorry Mr. Greene was less sick than you thought (April doesn't move even if Meredith takes a step forward) Seriously… Get the hell out of my way.
April: I love him…
Meredith: you don't… You did, you'd stepped in that elevator yourself… how could you look him in the eye and let him go in there?
April: I hoped…
Meredith: hoped? That's how you think love works? That was your pick: safety or harm. You let him face harm. I hope you are aware of this (she pushes her aside and walks out)
Forgiveness is a long path to go…
Because sometimes the offender hurts more than the offended
(Mark enters Derek's room shyly. He sits near the bed looking down. Derek looks up at him, a grin curls his lips when he notices the bruises on Mark's cheek)
Derek: she kicked your ass… (Mark looks up noticing the amused tone in his voice)
Mark: she took me off guard
Derek: sure… but your hard-face… won't be that good for a while (Lexie passes out of the room. She stops abruptly and enters the room, a frown on her face)
Lexie: what are you doing here?
Derek: crying on my wife hitting him.
Lexie: did she?
Mark: yeah… don't be mad at her… She had the right to be mad… (Lexie gets closer)
Lexie: do you really think it's Meredith I'm mad on? (Mark looks up at her)
Sometimes you'd give everything to hear the magic word.
Mark: come on… do you want to punch me too?
Lexie: that would be a great idea. But since Meredith came first and he forgave you I thought of something different…. and better: no sex for you for a lot of time.
Mark: what?
Derek: she's really mad…
Mark: shut up (she looks down at Derek and then looks at Lexie)! You can't do this…
Derek: she can
Lexie: and I will. Tell he won't be out of here and on his feet, till he won't be able to fulfill his marital duties, we'll be supportive and you won't get any.
Mark: you're kidding, right? (Lexie turns around and storms out of the room. Mark is stunned). She was…. (Derek shakes his head)
Derek: I'm afraid of not…. So, if I were you, I'd really start to care about my health. It looks like my recovery will be very long. But you could knit in the while…. We could do it all together.
Mark: shut up! Do you really think she will resist? She won't… I can play ugly if I want.
Derek: that I know… but it will be difficult on you to operate on yourself so… think of it (Mark stands up and leaves meeting Mrs. Sheperd in the corridor)
Sometimes the punishment scares you
Mrs. Sheperd: you made up….
Mark: yes… I'm sorry I failed you.
Mrs. Sheperd: me?
Mark: you raised me like a son and I screwed up…
Mrs. Sheperd: you screwed…. a lot… … that's for sure… But I hope this is the last secret you had and the last blow you'll give him.
Mark: I promise… (he hugs her)
Mrs. Sheperd: go now… You're girlfriend is waiting for you… (he lets her go and starts walking) even if I bet that puppy face of yours is because she is going to deny you sex… not because of guilt…. (she enters Derek's room)
Mark: she won't deny me anything…. (he realizes nurses are staring and goes away)
Meredith is exiting Derek's office. She meets Bailey and Webber.
Meredith: hey…
Bailey: Grey…
Richard: are you ok?
Meredith: yeah… I guess you've heard… (their faces are puzzled) about my meeting with Kepner in the supply closet…
Bailey: no…
Richard: what happened?
Meredith: nothing… I was calm and quite and all the things usually I'm not. But I put my foot down and I hope she won't get closer any more.
Richard: you were wise…
Meredith: kind of…. It's unbelievable how she doesn't feel any regret… It's what hurts more… How did it go?
Bailey: what?
Meredith: Derek and the cops… how did it go?
Richard: hard… but fine (Meredith notices Richard has something to tell her)
Meredith: but….
Richard: they'd like to take a look in your house.
Meredith: what? Why?
Richard: to watch in Derek's stuff… nothing special…. (Meredith is doubtful)
Meredith: if it's necessary…. (she looks in her bag and takes out some keys) These are Derek's. I guess he won't need them for a while (she gives him her keys). Can they go when I'm not there?
Richard: I'll ask them. Don't worry Meredith… Everything is gonna be fine (he rubs her arm)
Meredith: sure…. (she gives a small smile and goes away)
But what really frightens you… is the lack of consciousness.
And of redemption