Falling
"Jareth,"
Here she paused, affected by the upsetting déjà vu. What more was there to say that she hadn't already said several times over?
"You can't avoid me forever," Sarah heard herself saying, the sound breaking discordantly somewhere in the middle. Too often she was overwhelmed by all the complicated emotions.
She sighed,
"Well I guess you could, but don't, please? It would be so much easier if you would just talk to me…"
Her voice trailed off, unsure why she'd done this again.
She sighed, talking one-sidedly into her mirror had become a bad habit.
It was a good thing that her bedroom had automatic wards whenever she did that. A clever protection that he had put in place against accidental or simply nosey listeners. Otherwise there would have been some difficult questions long before this.
It was genuinely ridiculous to think that it was two years since the night when everything had changed.
Since that kiss.
And the beginning of his unnecessary distance.
That man was infuriating.
Sarah considered it the kiss to end all kisses which might be melodramatic, but she felt it was justified. She knew that nothing with anyone else would ever compare to that. They certainly hadn't so far and most definitely hadn't the first timeline around.
Was it love?
No.
Yes.
Possibly.
Sarah was still unsure of the real answer to that, but she knew hiding was never going to solve this problem.
She was well past curious, she needed to know. She'd certainly spent a good deal of time dwelling on him over the last two years which felt beyond depressing.
There had been no more dreams. Though he featured often in hers, none of them were true meetings of souls as they had previously experienced. Sarah guessed that he must have found a way to block them, there was no other explanation. It was with more than a little bitterness that she had come to that conclusion.
She missed her best friend like it was a physical ache. But she carried on, as anyone does, as everyone does, because it was necessary. It didn't feel brave, or strong, it just was.
And so, Sarah lived, and enjoyed it. Mostly.
She loved her family and their life together. It was how she'd always thought a family could be which had previously been out of reach. All that hurt and misery had made it impossible.
Her Dad was happy, perhaps as happy as he'd been once, a long time ago.
She tried not to think about her Mother. The lack of any real relationship still stung but it wasn't as raw. Her Mom cared in her own way, but it had never been enough, and that was that. She was who she was. It was unfortunate that it had meant hurting a daughter she hadn't been equipped to raise and love.
Irene was a good wife and yes, step-mom. Sarah had been able to accept and bond in a way her petulant teen ways had prevented the first time around. It was a nice bonus that this too had made her Dad happy. She was still a slightly petulant teen, but her older psyche was able to curb a lot of the sillier behaviour and things were calming down now thank God.
Being friendlier with her step-mother had also healed some of the wound that her Mother's leaving had caused. Irene cared more in many ways. She'd married her Dad and taken on a teenager and it was a bit of a revelation to Sarah that Irene wanted to be there for her. Sarah had finally been able to dismiss the wicked step-mother trope.
Then along had come pesky but adorable Toby. Sarah was no longer jealous and resentful but instead filled with joy. She was pleased that their little family was as it should be. She doted on him as big sisters do, content to babysit on occasion and share her love of fantasy and stories with a very receptive little brother.
Toby never tired of her storyteller ways often asking her to tell him a story and tuck him in at bedtime, instead of one of his parents. It fostered in him a wild imagination and he loved dressing up too; a pirate, a fairy, a prince, a monster, and even a goblin once or twice. Though Sarah hadn't really approved, and it had sobered her on the details she included in some stories. But she'd been hard pressed not to smile and laugh at his antics.
And then, just that year, a surprise baby sister had joined them. Sarah tried not to read too much into why the little one had been born this time when she hadn't in the original timeline. It was too complicated a feeling to contemplate reasons that possibly ran from her own differentiated actions.
She knew she should be living a life that was parallel to the original but in many ways that was impossible. She wasn't the same person anymore. How many people in their twenties could go back and act the same way they'd done a decade beforehand? Probably none.
It was also hard to swallow when she considered her family's different but happy circumstances. Surely being a better person couldn't cause much damage? Unless something had to redress the balance?
She elected to hope for the best.
Baby Emily was cute and smiley and loved by all. Well perhaps not all. Toby, now the middle child, was a jealous pre-schooler who wasn't quite as thrilled as everyone around him. Though occasionally, when he thought no one was looking, he would stroke her soft wispy baby hair and smile at her.
He was more annoyed at the idea of Sarah going away to college in the fall and reminded them daily.
"But I don't want you to go! You can't leave me!" He would shout and stomp his feet, curling his little hands into fists; frustrated and sad and struggling to contain his feelings.
Sometimes this would result in kicking, throwing whatever random toys were scattered around and lying on the floor refusing to get up.
"But Tobes you can come visit me all the time," Sarah stretched the truth a little, trying to placate him.
"And I'll come home when I have a break."
She had wondered on more than one occasion if telling him so early to get him used to the idea had been helpful. But they'd all agreed that the shock of her suddenly disappearing would probably have wrought a worse reaction. He'd been through a big transition already that year, going from the baby to a big brother and that had been difficult enough without any additional trauma.
Unfortunately, Toby hadn't been appeased by her promises and Sarah too felt horribly sad to be leaving him again. She was sad to be leaving the whole family but excited to finally branch out on her own. Being sentenced to re-live her childhood and being sequestered in that way had been suffocating at times.
Though perhaps she was not so elated at the prospect of repeating all that work. She'd been here before after all. But knowing the subject and the coursework already would probably work to her advantage. She had toyed with the idea of trying a different major or picking another period in history, but she hated the thought of wasting more from her previous existence. She'd worked damned hard on that degree, against the odds, and she was determined to reap the fruits of her labour.
So, in general Sarah was happy and fulfilled in a way she hadn't managed in the past.
In all but a couple of areas.
One was the gaping hole that should have been filled by her best friend and the other was the distinct lack of any significant love life.
Sarah often refused to consider these as connected issues but knew deep down that that was a distinct possibility.
What good would it do to keep going over the same thing when he was still as stubborn as ever and she was going away? She was off on a coming of age adventure. Pretending of course that she hadn't already been on this adventure before but so much was different now. There was no point in further obsessing about the most painful thing in her altered timeline.
Oh, the irony, it was like their messed-up relationship was destined. They just couldn't escape it.
The stark truth was she missed him and the potential of that which was unspoken.
He was still refusing to talk to her, or even acknowledge her existence. Aside from remembering her birthday.
How many years was it now for him? Was he determined to play the martyr? He probably had several lifetimes worth practise of melancholic brooding. And what a silly childish reaction, his centuries clearly hadn't done much for his maturity.
Her Dad and Irene had wondered loudly for some time just where Jay had gone. Sarah had wavered between telling them he had moved away again, to something closer to the truth; that they had fallen out over a misunderstanding. She went with the latter in the end, it silenced most of their enquiries and telling them one less lie was a great relief.
Though there was still the occasional question. Generally, it came from her stepmother. Sarah knew she had good intentions, but she could have done without the attention to this detail.
"That's a beautiful bracelet Sarah," Irene had noticed one day. It was over a year since that forsaken night. She was newly seventeen and amid a great pile of homework.
She'd nodded and smiled a little sadly which had obviously told her stepmother far more than she'd intended.
"Was it a gift?" She prodded, though the soft tone she was using suggested that she already knew the answer. Sarah's Dad had probably told her long before this.
Sarah glanced at her warily.
"Yes, from Jay. He gave me a charm every year on my birthday." She sighed, which was mostly frustration with him. She didn't mind sharing with Irene, provided she didn't pry too far. In other words, she didn't mind unless Irene's questioning skirted too close to the truth.
"How lovely, they're so unusual. He's added one every year?"
"Pretty much," Sarah replied, she'd been less than impressed with the last charm which he'd seen fit to add to her bracelet without her knowledge.
On one hand he cared enough to continue giving her a meaningful gift. But on the other he had been in her house without her knowledge or consent and messed with something very close to her heart.
At least, it had been very special. These days the feelings that it stirred up were complicated and she veered between keeping it close and cherishing the memories. And finding the sight of it completely unbearable.
"Did he send you one for your birthday last month?" She asked. It could have been an innocent question, but Sarah suspected she saw something in her eyes that said otherwise. Irene was clearly trying to say something.
Sarah nodded slowly, resigned. It had been an unsubtle silver clockface with thirteen numbers. That last declaration of 'Time,' had echoed in her head.
"Yes, he sent me one."
"Even after you'd fallen out? That's nice of him." And with this she went back to clearing the kitchen, apparently satisfied. She'd made her point.
But what of it? Jareth might still care about her, but he had a funny way of showing it. Apparently happy to stay away no matter how close they'd been or how close they could be…
Just don't.
Pah.
Funny how an ancient fae king could have the emotional maturity of an amoeba. Which amused her for a second and then made her cross just as quickly.
All he had to do was talk to her. She'd have been happy to have their friendship restored. Things didn't have to be more complicated. At this point she'd be content with a tiny smidgeon of his time.
She'd love to tell him about Toby and Emily. Or the colleges she was applying to, again. Or the novel she was planning to write that was inspired by her visits to a certain magical land.
But no. He'd rather hide himself away.
Occasionally she entertained the idea that his friendship had all been a smokescreen for revenge. A long time ago he himself had admitted that he'd been angry with her after the whole Labyrinth debacle. After all she'd destroyed many things and beaten him at his own game; that had to sting.
She sighed and tried to concentrate on the text in front of her. This was not a good time for anymore introspection or depressing reflections.
She considered calling on Hoggle again or one of the others through the mirror. She was thankful the silly man hadn't rescinded the enchantment that allowed her to communicate with the Underground.
It was something he'd done for her fifteenth birthday by which time she'd solidified a funny kind of friendship with the friends she'd made all that time ago. It was such a comfort to know she could chat to them like she had before. It also allowed her to talk to Jareth when the need arose.
Well that was before she'd asked him to kiss her and it had all gone to shit. She fiddled with her bracelet for a second. That same year he'd given her a charm in the shape of her mirror.
As usual it was difficult to think about the memories of the years just prior to that moment. She and Jareth were as close as they had ever been. Though there were times the awkwardness surged to the fore, Sarah managed to largely ignore it.
She was often still under the influence of all those irritating things and didn't want to create something from nothing. However, she was certain she hadn't imagined his stolen glances or the way her heart sped past its usual rhythm if he brushed past her or casually took her hand.
It could be that her traitorous heart had entertained there could be something even when she thought she'd hated him.
The hours they spent together in his Kingdom were amongst her favourite memories. They found conversation easy, even when they didn't agree. In fact, that only made it more fun. And the times they spent quietly together in the gardens or woods (when permitted) or the library were when she'd found a kind of peace. Though obviously her connection to the Labyrinth, though muted, also had a significant impact on her attachment to the whole place, and to him.
As much as she'd initially resolutely refused to think about anything of the sort, there had been no real choice anyway, those precious times together made it impossible to ignore.
But had she blown it out of all proportion? Perhaps he had simply been a lonely King enjoying some companionship and then understandably mortified when things veered off course?
Ugh, she also disliked thinking in endless pointless circles.
It was a blessing that she hadn't heard anything more from Ara or the Council. Dealing with that by herself would be tricky. As it was the worry of that ongoing threat bubbled away in the background and she attempted to ignore that too. Perhaps since she no longer had contact with him, they were content to sit back and watch and wait?
She was so caught up in the whirlwind of college preparation that it was a bit of a shock when she next entered her room to finish packing to find a bundle on her bed. The only evidence of who may have deposited it there, was a small amount of shimmering glitter like bits now adorning her carpet.
Her heart leapt and immediately plummeted. He'd been here, but not to see her, not to talk to her. The resulting anger that rose within her was disturbing and palpable. The pretence of continuing to consider him her best friend began to further crumble away in her mind.
Pushing all that aside she forced her focus back to the object in question. It was a flattish parcel wrapped in a delicate midnight blue tulle and pale blue ribbon. The colour was not lost on her, and it was so pretty she almost didn't want to spoil it by opening.
Almost. After a minute of staring, curiosity got the better of her and she carefully pulled the ribbon and wrapping to reveal a beautifully bound book entitled,
'The Labyrinth and The Goblin Kingdom – A History.'
By Jareth of Alpha, King of Goblins, Keeper of the Labyrinth and Outlands.
A perfectly preserved rose dropped onto the floor, released from the wrapping as she'd put it down.
Sarah marvelled at both gifts. It was a departure from the charm bracelet, but she supposed this was more fitting for someone on the verge of further study.
She had begun to read it the last time she'd been in his library and left in such a hurry that she'd left it open on the table. She'd always regretted not taking it with her. And here it was, but this one was different. It was not the version she'd read in the library. This was bound in some incredible dark blue dyed leather and embossed in gold. She goggled at it, was that gold leaf?
Had he had this made for her?
As she processed this the feelings that it stirred up almost simultaneously fell away into a chasm of hurt. Why must their relationship always be the cause of such pain?
The rose was incredible, its scent had also been preserved somehow and it reminded her agonizingly of the time she'd spent in the castle gardens.
Despite this she felt the overwhelming need to thank him. Reflecting that it was a damn shame she couldn't do whatever she liked in that regard. The kiss sprung to mind, it often did, there was no getting past the damn thing.
"Thank you…Jareth," She managed to get out softly, and rather shakily. She wasn't quite able to use the nickname she had used so often when things were simple and easy.
He heard her of course, he remained acutely aware every single time she uttered his name. No matter how much he tried to block it out. He breathed shakily, gratified that she had at least accepted his gifts. He had half entertained the notion that she'd refuse them.
The soft thank you had unravelled him. She had meant it and thanks were powerful for his kind. But then the emotion he detected behind her words threatened to break down the walls he had so carefully constructed. And he couldn't do that.
The summer was there and gone in the blink of mismatched eye.
Don't start Sarah
Her birthday had been a quiet affair. Sarah had not felt particularly thrilled about a big party for her eighteenth that wasn't really an eighteenth but a thirty-first. The parents had been disappointed, but they bought her a car instead which was amazing and suited her much better.
As usual there had been a gift from his royal pain in the butt. This time left upon her vanity which was a marginal improvement from placing it directly on her wrist. It was an owl spreading its wings in a flying motion.
She supposed that it was a symbol of freedom, and of course another reminder of him. But as touching as this may have been, she struggled to be anything but livid. For so many reasons; but she was especially incensed that he'd invaded her space again but still resolutely refused to see her face to face.
She'd almost flung it out of her window.
Almost.
The time had come around so quickly and almost before Sarah had time to draw breath it was the night before she was due to leave. She was off to college in the morning and the excitement and anticipation were growing in her belly.
The warmth she felt when she thought of him was a distant hum and she tried not to waste time on it, not tonight. She was all packed and couldn't wait to drive herself there. As much as she'd loved all those train journeys, a car was a whole new level of fun and of moving forward.
The whole family had spent a lovely day together at the fair. Sarah had suggested her Dad and Irene take advantage of her last night at home and a free babysitter and go have a bit of a break. Her parents being who they were jumped at the chance and had headed out to see a movie, a rare thing these days child-free.
She had cuddled and settled Emily down to sleep and was attempting to do bedtime with Toby. To say it wasn't going well was an understatement. Though she wasn't yet tempted to wish him away it was a close-run thing.
He was jumping up and down on his bed, refusing to sit still for a story and screaming at her.
"You can't go, you're my sister, you can't leave me, you stay here!" He shouted repeatedly.
She couldn't tell if he was more angry or sad but either way, he was a very unhappy boy. It broke her heart to be the cause of it.
He was also beginning to give her a headache.
As she tried to control her patience and calm him down, she tried the same offer again.
"Toby how about some milk and a story? You can sit on my knee and choose whichever story you want." She wheedled, hoping to placate him with a bit of bribery.
He just shook his head but the anger which had fuelled his shouts and refusals, was clearly waning finally. He was so overtired from a long exciting day, no wonder this was such a nightmare bedtime.
He slumped a little,
"I want milk," He admitted, finally sitting on his bed, "But no story," He stubbornly threw at her as she left for the kitchen.
It was like an icicle to her heart. Four-year-olds were evidently psychology geniuses. They really knew how to dish out exactly what would be most hurtful.
Forty-five minutes later Sarah was able to tip-toe out of his room. It had taken him a long time to settle, and not without some more outbursts directed towards her. He had calmed down eventually, and she hoped he was finally asleep.
She shook her head; the evening hadn't been without a few honest musings as to whether she wanted any children of her own. She'd witnessed first hand how difficult it could be.
As she padded softly down the stairs towards the kitchen looking forward to a relaxing cocoa Sarah found herself flung forcefully sideways.
She tensed automatically as she anticipated hitting something but instead went into the space where the wall should have been. There was the familiar tell-tale sensation that told her she'd gone from one place to another and she was dumped unceremoniously on a cold, hard and messy floor.
She didn't have to look around her to know where she was.
How the hell had she got here? Her magic remained bound, so she knew it had not been on her power.
Sarah risked a glance upwards towards the imposing dais where a pair of equally shocked mismatched eyes gazed warily back at her.
Duh duh derrr!
Oooo how did she get there I wonder?
It would have been so neat and tidy if it had been done and dusted in 13 chapters but alas that was not meant to be. There are a few more chapters, possibly 20 or 21 in total.
I'm hoping grammar has improved a little now the whole story has been re-edited. I don't have a beta as I don't know anyone who might be interested in that position. Therefore it's always my own checking/mistakes on offer.
Many thanks for any and all reviews. All comments are a great encouragement and if there are handy hints for improvement, and examples, those are good too. I'm open to further dialogue to improve my work.
B x