Hey everybody! You guys were SO close with the reviews Sunday night! It was crazy.
Hope you all had a wonderful Halloween! And if you don't celebrate it… A wonderful Monday!
Thanks to: Farah, MaryMary123, dazzleglo, kembie, kelliekinz, Catbratty, devilelf, melissamary55, vampirelove11, alc1002, dr. meow1234, totes. mah. Gotes, crazy-chick-4life, Twifan1986, ADADancer, BelovedSunshine, Lone-Angel102693! You ladies are the best! (P.s. I was told by klutz not to assume everyone was a lady… so if you aren't of the female gender lemme' know!)
Standard Disclaimer Applies
…JCE…
"What are you going to be for Halloween, Mommy?" I shrugged as I sat on the couch, resting my head in Edwards lap, Ellie sat against the footrest that rested in the couch.
"I don't think I am going to dress up."
"No, you gotsa dress up! Daddy is going to." I looked up at Edward who just shrugged.
"What're you going as?" I asked him.
"Polly Pocket." Ellie screamed
Edward shot her a side look, his lip curled, "A pirate. Ellie, Polly Pocket? Really?"
"I think you would be pretty, Daddy. " she stated, turning from her spot, blinking innocently at him.
"I think you don't realize I am a man." I let out a snort and adjusted my head in Edwards lap a
"Real men wear pink."
"Real men don't dress up as Barbie's. "
"Real men know the difference between Barbie and Polly Pocket."
"You know what? The fact that you're here proves that I'm a real man."
Not true. But okay…
Baby Momma drama.
"The fact that I can listen to you two bicker like proves that I'm a real man." I muttered rolling my eyes.
"That's uncomfortable…" Edward muttered rubbing at the passion mark I had left on his neck earlier, I just grinned.
"So what are we watching?"
"Beauty and the Beast." Ellie squealed. "It's my favowite movie eva'! I got an idea, Daddy! You can be Beauty!"
Edwards head dropped against the back of the couch and I rubbed his knee soothingly, my body filled with laughter. "What is your obsession with dressing me up as a woman."
"Polly is a doll, silly." Edward sat up and stared at me.
"Will you stop molesting my knee?" I blushed and let go, the rubbing had gotten a little excessive. "Ellie? Explain yourself."
"Ever seen Rue Paul's Drag Race? That show is too funny! All of the boys dress like girls. They look pretty, and I think you'd be prettier than all of them." I think that was meant to be a compliment… I looked up at Edward.
If his chin wasn't so broad… and he were a girl… He would be a hot chick.
I nodded along with Ellie, "You would be," I reached up and stroked his chin, he captured my wrist and kissed my palm. "Ellie if you want, I will be Belle and Daddy can be the beast."
"What should I be, Mommy?"
"Cookie monster." Alice sung, as she pranced into the room, her hand was tightly gripping Jasper who was blushing. Alice plopped down onto my stomach and I let out an 'oomf'. Ellie just turned around and glared at her.
"Last I checked you aren't my Mommy." She bit out, Alice turned up her nose at Ellie and muttered.
"Last I heard she wasn't either." She jerked her thumb at me, I lifted my hand and swung it into Alice's stomach, she let out a noise similar to the one I made earlier.
"So.. Cookie monster?"
"Yeah, I see the resemblance. Paint yourself blue and you could be twins." Jasper rolled his eyes and swung Ellie up into his arms.
"Well you look like Oscar the grouch! Cause you're so jealous that I gotcho' man, you're green!" Jasper laughed so hard that he almost dropped Ellie and she kissed his cheek. "That and you smell like garbage!" I was laughing so hard I could barely breath.
Or maybe it was Alice, crushing my lungs.
"God! You're heavier than you look," I sat u and pushed her off of my lap. "How did you even get in here?"
"She picked the lock." Jasper answered as he and Ellie mock danced along with Beauty and the Beast.
"How about you be a gypsy, Ellie?"
"Why?"
"Because I hate you."
"Come on, Alice. She's eight." Edward defended.
"She told me I was a whore, then took my Jasper. She's not exactly my BFF."
"You hate gypsy's?" Ellie asked holding on tighter to Jaspers neck as he twirled her around, obviously oblivious to the conversation.
"Nope. I was a gypsy back in the day."
"No you weren't."
"I went around furniture store yelling 'Fuck yo' couch!'" She claimed like that made sense.
"Language!" Jasper scolded.
"What? Did that make sense in your head, Alice?" I murmured I straightened myself on the couch snuggling into Edward's side.
"Yes. It. Did."
"Whore."
"Bedtime!" Edward exclaimed standing up and taking Ellie from Jasper.
"I'll come with you." Jasper muttered walking out behind Edward.
"Jazzy, you should be a princess with Mommy and Daddy, you would look so pretty." She giggled as they walked out.
"You Ali-pie are very mature." I said cocking an eyebrow.
"So… you and Agent Sex get it on yet?"
"No unlike you I don't tend to put out on the first day. I would like to keep the word 'Ho' from being associated with my name."
"Girl please you know my motto. Give a blow you a hoe. So just have sex with him."
"What the hell is wrong with you? Blow jobs define someone as a ho? But sex doesn't? Okay so if we had sex, in your mind, then…"
"Uh oh, you a ho." She said like it was the most sensible thing in the world.
"And goodnight, Alice." I said pulling her off of the couch and towards the door.
"Yeah, I should have known this night wasn't going to last when she said she hated the kid." Jasper whined.
"Hey! She said I was a whore! What kind of world do we live in where that's just overlooked?" She shrieked, Jasper just picked her up bridal style and took her out of the house.
…JCE…
"Mommy is we leaving soon?" Ellie asked, she had taken Alice's advice and was a gypsy, saying that in her defense she hated Alice too. I was dressed in the long yellow ball gown that Bella wore in the movie, and Edward wore the same ensemble as the beast minus the animal face… thing. He actually looked quite handsome. I also wore a wig in the same hairstyle as Belle, and it was itchy as a crack heads banana.
"Yeah, just let me check something." I dialed Jasper's number.
"What's up, sweetie of my sweetie pie? What can I do for you?"
"I just wanted you to know that I got everything set up, I got them as close as possible and Edward set up the microphones so you should be able to set up the system."
"Cool, that's great. Thanks for letting me know,"
"No problem, chocolate locks,"
"How do you come up with all of these nicknames?" I asked.
"It's a gift, anyway I should get going. So talk to you soon?"
"Yeah of course." I heard the click on the other line and he was gone. I turned around to face an upset five year old.
"Who was that?"
"Just a guy I know, why?"
"Are you cheating on daddy?"
"What? Why would you think that?"
"Answer my question," she stomped her foot and rolled her head. She went from crossed arms to hands on hips and leaning on her left leg.
"What's going on?" Edward walked in from the back room with his jacket and the car keys in his hand.
"Sherlock Holmes here thinks I'm cheating on you."
"Are, you?"
Dumbass.
I rolled my eyes, "I was talking to Jasper."
"Then see Ellie, mystery solved. Now let's go."
"I'm watching you," she looked at me with dagger eye
"And I will be watching you walk yourself out that door, before I make you."
"Oh, no you're not."
"We'll see about that." I picked her up over my shoulder and carried her out.
She started screaming, "LET ME DOWN, THIS IS CHILD ABOOS! You have a huge butt." She reached down and smacked my ass.
"Okay, Ellie."
"I wanna' play!" Edward muttered slapping my ass right after her. I put Ellie on the ground and smacked the back of his head. He just chuckled and offered me his arm I took it and lifted up the skirt of my dress so that it didn't drag the ground.
Ellie took off to Leah and Jacob's, jingling all the way. She rang the doorbell and I noticed something. All of the lights were off but there were still bumping noises and thumps echoing from the house.
"Edward-"
"I know. We'll be back, but let's give it awhile. We'll stay close." I nodded and tightened my arm in his.
"Ellie! Next house, and don't forget to say thank you!" Edward called after her as she darted from house to house. We soon came up to a particularly scary looking house, people in devils masks and skeletons masks were passing out the candy, as a strobe light went off behind them, children's screams echoed all around the building and I stood on my tip toes to keep track of Ellie in the chaos. All of the sudden I heard her, my head snapped towards her screams.
"Hey butt-sucker! I've been waiting here forever don't come at me like that!" Her movements seemed stilted due to the strobe lights so I saw her leg up behind her in one flash, and in the next it was between the little monsters legs. "Yeah! Bet you'll think twice about taking candy from a baby next time, huh?" She cackled madly and I rushed towards her catching her running movements only every few seconds.
All of the sudden a face sans skin was a foot away from my own.
"Oh shit!" I screamed, I looked around at all the little faces and immediately felt bad as I scurried back towards Edward. "Sorry, kids!" I clutched on to Edward who was doubled over in hysterics and continued my search for Ellie from there. Then next thing I knew she was standing in front of me with her hand upraised.
"I heard you." She smirked and I wrapped an arm around Edward pick-pocketing his chuckling form and handed her his wallet. She took it and gladly skipped on to other houses.
I yanked at his arm and tugged him along as we headed down the street. All of a sudden Ellie stopped next to me.
"Mommy, there is a guy behind that car." She whisper-yelled. I shrugged and continued to walk only to have the living fuck scared out of me as a man in a mask from the saw movie jumped out.
Shoulda listened, stupid ho. Ellie's voice said to me, from inside of my head.
If there was one thing I couldn't stand it was clowns. My fist darted out this time and I nailed the guy in the shoulder, stepping behind him and throwing him onto the ground.
"Jackass." I gritted out. Edward grabbed my hand and then Ellie's and took us to the side of the street.
"Okay, Ladies. Here is a Halloween rule. You are not allowed to hurt anyone. Okay? We've only been out here for about an hour, calm yourselves." He muttered between laughs. I rolled my eyes and took her hand.
"You just don't know how to trick or treat, Daddy." She said lifting a bitch brow.
*Wipes tear*
So proud.
Tires squealing had everyone's heads whipping towards the next street over.
Our street.
"Fuck." Edward pulled Ellie into his arms and took off through the houses towards the street over, lifting my gown I followed as quickly as possible.
"You don't think they would make a move today, do you?" He questioned.
"I don't know. Neither of them has actually committed a crime before, so they might just be stupid enough to make a move when many bystanders are around. They said they wanted us away from the house. With all these people around they probably figured that there would be more suspects."
When we reached our yard people were crowded around the Clearwater-Black house. Miss Isabella approached us from behind.
"Oh don't look so frightened, newbies. Those Blacks always liked to put on a show on Halloween." She muttered patting my heaving shoulder.
"I'll see what's going on." I whispered and slipped away from Edward.
I had a feeling that this year wasn't all a show.
…JCE…
Hope you laughed and/or enjoyed!
Uh oh show or no show? Tell us what you think.
Okay so since I put a few real events in the story I can't pretend I made them up.
I love gypsy's just as much as the next guy.. I hope no one was offended!
I love ho's too! I don't judge.
When I took my little sister trick or treating this year there was a house like the one described earlier (strobe lights, masks etc.) and I did scream Shit and run like hell but like Bella I also apologized to the children during my sprint
The whole 'Saw' mask thing was true as well… minus the punching and dropping… I wish.
Oh and I find myself saying 'Uh oh she a ho' at times…. And not always the most appropriate times either.
Check out the poll on my profile, too!
Let's try and make it to… two hundred this time? Yeah… ya'll can do it. If you do every reviewer will get the scene where Alice and Bella were banned from the grocery store! So yeah review