A few days later

I once again woke up by the feeling of sickness assaulting me. When I tried to stand up everything felt like it was spinning and I ran to the bathroom. After a few hours of throwing up and not being able to move to call someone I started to feel really sorry for myself. Which was stupid..
It took about three hours after that and I was able to crawl back in bed. Instead of calling Jacob who was working night I fell asleep. But at least I woke up in his arm.

"Jake?" I mumbled as he stroked my forehead.

"Are you alright? Have you been throwing up all night or something?" he asked with worry.

"Something like that," I mumbled and cuddled up closer to him.

"Why didn't you call me?"

"What were you going to do? Stick a cork down my throat?" I muttered and sat up. "I just had to get it all out.." as I tried to stand up I crumbled down in pain. I clasped a hand over my stomach and held back a scream. Jacob got me right back up in bed where I squirmed in pain.

"I'm calling Carlisle!" he shouted and ran out to the phone. I bit my lip till I tasted my own blood and let the scream out. It felt like someone was twisting a knife inside my stomach. I wonder..

"Hey, Carlisle.. It's Jacob. Something is wrong with Nessie.. Oh okay. See you soon," he hung up the phone and ran back to me. "..he will be here soon."

"Jacob," I whispered and he held my hand. "I'm late," I whispered and his face went blank.

"B-b-ut thats impossible," he stuttered and I twisted in pain. We heard a knock on the door and Carlisle was inside.

"What's wrong Renesmee? Explain the pain," he said and wiped away the blood on my lip.

"I think I'm pregnant," I stuttered and Carlisle froze. When I muffled a scream he was brought back to reality and checked my pulse.

"Does it hurt here?" he moved his hand over my stomach and I nodded. "..here?" I flinched in pain and he got something out of his bag. "..take this and we might have some answers in a few minutes."

I nodded and Jacob helped me in to the bathroom. The tension could be cut with a knife.

"Jacob," I began.

"Please just take it," he muttered and walked outside. I felt so alone in this. I knew he was hoping that it would be positive but that the pain would go away. With the test in hand I took it and put it down on the counter. My eyes caught my own reflection in the mirror. It was a rare sight to see myself looking sick. But my stomach and cheeks seemed diffrent..

"Renesmee?" Carlisle asked and I walked out. I handed him the test and we all sat down. "..a few seconds left. Are you alright?"

I nodded and sat down with my hand covering my stomach. What if? Could it be? Would it be as hard as my mothers pregnancy? I felt what I now assumed was a kick and held back a scream. It was easier to take the pain when I imagined a little Jacob and me in there. Jacob stood frozen looking at me as he leaned against the wall. He texted someone real quick and threw the phone on the bed. What is he doing? Who is he texting? Not dad.. please. I felt the tears coming but held it back. I would fight for it. But what if I died like my mother? Could Jacob stay with me if I had to be changed? Could I be changed? Would I die...

"It's negative, you are not pregnant.." Carlisle's voice brought me back to reality as he handed me the test.

It's true. It was negative but..

"Why am I getting sick? Why does it hurt?" I muttered.

He slowly walked over to me and sat down beside me on the bed.

"It might be that you WERE pregnant.." he began and I heard an 'Oh' escape my lips. "..but your body can't take care of the fetus."

So he is saying that I just had everything I had ever dreamed of but it slipped through my fingers just like that?

"So WE CAN get pregnant?" I asked to assure myself some hope.

"It seems that way," he said and put a hand on my back. "..but your body isn't a..." he searched for words. "..friendly enviroment."

"What are you saying?" I whispered. "...I'm killing my baby?" I cried. And it was MY baby. Jacob didn't seem to want any part of this. He just seemed to want to get rid of it now that we HAD it.

"No of course not," he said right away. ".. no one would ever think that. But your body and the fetus aren't compatible."

"Could you..." I motioned towards the door and Carlisle kissed my forehead before he walked out. I wanted to cry as soon as he left.. but I was mostly mad at my stupid body. I looked over at Jacob to find some comfort.. sure he was the beautiful and loving man I had fell in love with but there was something new with him.. hate.

"Jacob I'm sorry," I whispered and he walked over to me. "..I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Ness," he murmured and I broke down in his arms. "I love you no matter what Nessie."

"Even though I am killing our child?" I hissed in anger.

"Don't say that," he almost growled and looked at me. "Don't you ever dare to say that again. We both know you aren't killing the baby."

"You know what Jacob?" I hissed and pulled away. "Just say it."

"Say what? I'm not upset. I love you no matter what!"

"SAY IT!" I hissed. "I CAN'T HAVE KIDS. I'M RUINED! I CAN'T GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT!"

"Stop it!" he pointed at me and his body was shaking. In anger or sadness? I don't know.

"Say it Jacob. Say it!" I yelled. "..I have now forced you into a life without the one thing you want the most!"

He threw his fist into the wall and yelled. "..stop." he pleaded.

"THEN SAY IT!" I cried.

"NO!"

"WHY NOT?!" I shrieked.

"BECAUSE IT'S NOT TRUE!" he yelled louder than I have ever heard before. "..I AM NOT GIVING UP ON YOU, US AND WHAT WE HAVE BECAUSE OF ONE STUPID THING!"

"It's not stupid! You want kids!"

"BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I WANT YOU MORE! HOW CAN I GIVE UP THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, THE REASON I'M STILL LIVING, THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER LOVED MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF, FOR SOMETHING I HAVE NEVER KNOWN? FOR SOMETHING THAT I DON'T NEED!"

"Jacob, I'm ruined. Dead inside," I hissed and he threw his arms around me. "STOP!" I pleaded through my tears and tried to get out of his arms. His precense soothed me but I didn't want to calm down. I could feel I was crying, I was screaming something. But I heard nothing. Jacob's warm body convulsed with tears around mine and I finally gave in. He was hurting. With me.

"I'm sorry Jacob," I cried and he hugged me tighter.

"Shh, don't. You have nothing to be sorry about," he murmured and I felt his tears fall down on me as he nuzzled his cheek against mine.

"I can't keep doing this to us. To you. It's unfair Jacob," I mumbled and put my hand on his cheek. It felt like I wanted to claw myself closer to him. I was afraid that if I let go he would run.

"Don't be like that," he whispered and kissed my tears away.

"I'm dead inside Jacob."

"You have more life in your thumb than I have in my whole body," he lightly smiled and made me look at him. "..you are a true miracle."

"Can you really live with just me forever?"

"I think I'd be fine with that," he lightly chuckled and kissed me softly.

"I wish I was human sometimes," I carefully cuddled my head into his neck.

"Sometimes you wish you were fully vampire, I think its safe to safe that I wouldn't leave you no matter what you were."

His words warmed my heart and I gathered a handful of his shirt to pull him closer. Why did I have to do this to him? Isn't it enough that we will never have kids, I have to push him to the edge and almost force him to leave me? Sometimes I'm as stubborn as my mother..

For about a week I was just numb. Jacob was wonderful as usual and cared for me the whole time. I ony had time alone when I was in school and even then I was surrounded my Lynn and Kyle. Those two were always all over each other and I was truly the third wheel. Plus it only reminded me that Jake and I were pretty much like brother and sister again. We haven't been intimate at all. No kissing even.. which was highly unusual for us.

"Are you okay Ren? You seem sad," Lynn asked with concern and I snapped out of my day dreaming.

"I'm fine," I shook my head and plastered on a smile. "I promise, nothing is wrong." I gathered my books together a few seconds before the bell rang and walked out with her. "..but how are you?"

"I'm fine. Kyle and I celebrated my sister this weekend. Nothing fun. Just a boring old kids party pretty much," she shrugged her shoulders with a sigh.

There it was, kids. AGAIN.

"Well kids can be great sometimes," I sighed and saw Jacob pull into the parking lot with our car. "...but not all people are meant to have them."

"Guess so," Lynn seemed a bit confused by my words and I tried to steer the conversation away from kids again.

"Want a ride home?" I couldn't stand another silent drive home with Jacob. Everything reminded me about what I can't have.

"That would be nice," she took my hand as we walked over to Jacob. "..are you sure everything is okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry." I assured. When we came up to Jacob he went in for a hug and I dodged a kiss. I still didn't feel ready for it and poor Lynn.. She tried to look away but I knew we were like a train wreck right now. You couldn't look away. "..can we give Lynn a ride?"

"Yeah," he muttered and slammed the door once he was in.

"I can walk home you know," she suggested and I shook my head.

"Please don't," I opened her door and she sighed before she got in.

When we all sat in the car and started driving I could tell how uncomfortable Lynn was. Didn't need Jasper's gift for that one..

"I got an A in math you know," Lynn said randomly and when I looked in the mirror I saw her blushing at the stupid comment. But Jacob and I chuckled.. until we looked at each other.

"Guess you aren't so dumb after all," I teased her.

"You are the dumb blonde here!" she snarled playfully.

"I'm not even blonde. I have my dads hair," I giggled.

"Oh my god I can't believe how good your dad looks! I mean he looks like twenty five or something!" she sighed.

"Please don't say that," I made a barfing gesture and Jacob laughed.

"If you wanna see someone hot you should take a good look at her mother," Jacob teased and I playfully hit his arm.

"You are just the worst!" I chuckled and we finally smiled AT each other.. and it didn't go away.

"Can't help it!" he smiled. When I looked back I saw how proud Lynn was for making us talk. Gotta love her!

"But come on, your whole family is like full of models! and that Uncle of yours.. Emmett," she dramatically fanned herself. "..DAMN!"

"Guess you haven't been getting any for a while," I giggled and Jacob almost snorted.

"Look, Kyle is hot. But Emmett," she took a dramatic pause. "..is on FIRE!"

"That's like incest! You are like a sister to me," I laughed.

"He aint my uncle," she raised her eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes and projected to Jacob how much Emmett would enjoy hearing this and he laughed.

"Well maybe you should make a move Lindsey! Go for it," Jacob joked.

"Oh yeah, like he woud ever like me. Plus he must be like a hundred now right?" she chuckled and for some reason Jacob and I panicked. ".. I mean he is your uncle. He must be old. Or am I wrong? Maybe I should go for it Jacob!" she laughed and we joined in.

"PHEW!" I whispered so only he heard it.

When we arrived at Lynn's we dropped her of and said our goodbyes. Jacob and I sat quiet for a while before I gathered the courage.. I projected everything I wanted to do to him. Now. He smirked at me and drove the car into a little path that led into the forest and stopped right away. We looked at each other and breathed heavily. He took his hands around my waist and lifted me over to his lap. As we kissed it was almost painful. I couldn't be close enough to him right now. It felt like my body was screaming for him.

"I've missed you so much," I mumbled into his mouth. It was stupid because he haden't left my side but it still felt like we had been a million miles apart.

"I've missed you too," he moaned as I kissed his neck. I pushed myself against his chest as he slid his hands under my dress. His big hands roamed over my back and went to grab my rear. He started to move himself and my body against his lap in a rubbing motion and I felt all of him. My hand caressed its way down to his pants and I pulled down his zipper. He kissed my neck as I rubbed him in my hand. After a while he ripped my stockings off and pulled my panties aside to start to finding the right spot. I gasped and leaned back to gasp for air. He made sure I was ready and positioned himself at my slick opening. When I slowly slid down and took in all of him he let out a loud groan and relaxed completeley before he grabbed my hips to quicken the pace.

"Oh god, Jacob!" I moaned and he murmured words of encouragement. He quickly found the right spot and I almost threw myself back in pleasure. My elbows accidentely honked the horn and we burst out in laughter.

"Shhh!" he chuckled and pulled me away from the horn. We both smiled as we kissed but it quickly went away as my tongue slid inside his mouth. "Oh fuck," he mumbled as I went down harder on him. I pulled his hair and pleaded for more. His hands tightly gripped my hips and I knew I would get marks again. But I didn't care.. I released on him with a loud cry of pleasure and shortly after he filled me up. We slowly stopped moving and I kissed him.

"Thank you," he murmured and I laughed.

"You are welcome," I giggled and kissed him again. "..I'm sorry for how I have acted."

"Don't be. It's not your fault, Nessie."

"Yes it is. I have been acting like a kid," I giggled and he nodded.

"We should probably start using condoms," he mumbled and gave me a careful look.

"Yeah," I nodded quickly and moved over to my seat with my torn stockings. I felt a bit gone again. I didn't want to let go of trying to have a baby. But I knew we had to.. I couldn't get sick every other day here and there.

Now all I had was dreaming of our two golden boys.

/ So now it is decided! haha. A kinda sad chapter but everything isnt sunshine and giggles! Hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment or review about it :)

And thank you to C.A.M.3 for helping me make this choice :)