"What is this?" Lena asked, holding up the tests.
"A drug test." Stef answered softly.
"For you." Lena stated.
"Yes." Stef said.
"Why?" Lena asked.
But Stef remained silent. She was nervous and still trying to wrap her mind around everything she'd just learned from Harry.
"Why?" Lena asked again, more firmly this time.
"Because I just couldn't believe that I just cheated on you." Stef explained.
"Only one is positive." Lena said, looking back down at the sheets in her hand.
"Yes." Stef said.
"But they are all the same drugs." Lena pointed out, confused about why they weren't all positive for this GHB or whatever.
"They are." Stef answered. "But the two negative ones are because drugs don't show up in the blood or urine after a few days but traces remain in the hair for weeks.
"So you were drugged." Lena finally said, though she already knew the answer.
"Yes." Stef said, her face showing absolutely no emotion.
"Which means you were raped." Lena stated in the same tone, though much softer in volume.
"Lena..." Stef began but then stopped, trying to find a way to explain to her that she didn't really care about anything except the two of them and their marriage. She hadn't done this for sympathy or to prove she was a victim but solely to understand how and why she had done what she'd done and hurt the one person that meant more to her than the entire world.
"What is this anyways?" Lena asked, not ready to deal with that just yet. "What is GHB?"
"Gamma Hydroxybutyrate." Stef answered. She knew that it wouldn't clear anything up for her wife so she explained what she knew. "It's a common date-rape drug known as Cherry Meth or Fantasy on the streets. Unlike Roofies it doesn't make you blank out completely but instead lowers your inhibitions even though you know what's happening and remember almost everything afterwords. It's why I didn't feel guilty even when I saw you standing there."
"When did you find out?" Lena asked.
"This test came back positive yesterday." Stef said. "I had the first tests done on Tuesday."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Lena asked.
Stef wasn't sure how to answer that question simply because she was afraid of Lena's answer. Having Lena mad at her for something she did that hurt her was one thing but knowing that she didn't forgive her after learning the truth was a whole different story.
"Why?" Lena asked again, aware that Stef was avoiding saying what she was thinking.
"I wasn't ready yet." Stef answered honestly. "I couldn't deal with you still being mad at me."
"So you just kept it to yourself?" Lena asked, the annoyance at Stef's secrecy evident in her voice.
"I wasn't looking for an excuse, Lena." Stef tried to explain. "I just needed to understand. I just couldn't believe that I'd done that to you. I love you far too much for that."
Lena couldn't help but think back to the conversation that she had had with Brandon just a short while ago and felt just a momentary pang of guilt that she had ever doubted Stef. She realized that the reason she was so hurt and angry was because she'd never, even in the slightest measure, expected Stef to do this to her. She had been living in a bubble where she though Stef would never hurt her and when that bubble had burst she was more hurt than ever. Even Stef had believed it for a while so why was it wrong for her to be angry?
"When were you planning to tell me?" Lena asked, wondering if she even though about it.
"When we had more information, I guess." Stef answered as honestly as she could having no definite answer to that question.
"It was that girl?" Lena said, almost knowing it had to be here.
"She was the bartender." Stef explained whatever Harry had told her just a few minutes ago. "Apparently she's been a closeted gay for years and wanted answers and saw an opportunity when that masseuse told her I was gay. They found two more pills in her locker and she finally admitted to putting it in my drink. She said she'd gotten them from some guy they had frisked earlier in the week and just kept them. She claims she hadn't planned to go that far and only did because I made the first move."
"And you remember it all." Lena stated, remembering Stef telling her what it was like.
"Most of it." Stef said. "It's not a complete blank."
That was the part that seemed to keep Lena from just forgiving Stef instantly - Stef knew what she was doing, she was aware of what was going on, she had seen her standing there but still just continued. Lena understood that it was the drugs but still it hurt her more than she could imagine.
"What happens now?" Lena asked, wondering what would happen to the girl.
"She goes before a judge and can get anything from twenty years to life in prison." Stef told her.
"Do you have to go?" Lena asked, wondering how involved Stef had to be now that the girl admitted.
"I'm not sure." Stef said. "Maybe just once or twice to tell them what I know."
"But you don't know when." Lena stated, understanding that Stef didn't know much more than she'd told her already.
"No." Stef answered. "But not for a while I'd guess."
Lena nodded as she glanced back down at the papers in her hands, still trying to process everything she'd learned so far.
"I need some time." Lena said softly, aware that it wasn't fair to Stef but she needed a little space to just deal with it all.
"I understand." Stef said. She was a little hurt that Lena couldn't just forgive her but she knew that she had hurt Lena more than anything and she herself needed some time to just process it all.
Through the day both women were in their own worlds thinking about what Stef had found out. Stef had given Lena the envelope and Lena was up in their room reading everything about it. She didn't understand most of the stuff but was only really interested in the effects when used as a date-rape drug. Stef got the occasional phone call from Harry giving her an update on what was happening but they had found out all the information they were going to so really he had nothing to say.
The kids for their part didn't really notice anything strange between their parents simply because the distance had become the norm lately. Mariana and Brandon were out most of the day and even Callie and Jesus went out in the evening once the movie was over. Jude spent his evening in his room playing games on his iPad.
"Are you okay?" Lena asked Stef when she finally came downstairs to start dinner.
"Yes." Stef said. "Are you?" She asked, worried about the baby as she glanced down towards her wife's belly.
"I'm okay." Lena promised, a hand protectively over her stomach.
"Okay but if you need anything or you just feel something let me know." Stef told her. "We'll take you back to doctor Hillcroft. She said that you needed to stay stress-free and take things easy.
"I'm okay but I'll let you know if I need something." Lena said again, knowing that Stef had a lot to deal with without worrying about her.
"Okay." Stef said satisfied. Lena wasn't the type to put any of her kids in danger just because of her anger or mood.
"What would you like for dinner?" Lena asked. It was the first time in two weeks that she had consulted her wife about something so trivial as dinner and Stef knew she was trying to make an effort not to blame her for what she'd done.
"Anythings fine." Stef said, thinking that Lena could make whatever she fancied.
Lena nodded but looked away and Stef instantly knew her answer had been wrong. Lena was reaching out in just a small way and Stef hadn't done the same.
"How about roast beaf with vegetables and potato salad." Stef suggested and saw the faintest of smiles creep up Lena's face as she nodded in agreement.
Lena was just about to head to the kitchen to start dinner when Stef stopped her once more.
"I want to tell the kids." Stef said softly afraid of what Lena's reaction would be.
"Okay." Lena said cautiously. She figured Stef wanted them to know that she hadn't done this on purpose so that they would forgive her but she should have known that that would be the last thing Stef was worried about.
"I want them to be aware of what's out there. It's apparently far easier than even I thought to be drugged and tricked and I want them to know how to be careful." Stef said, a concerned worry evident in her eyes.
"We'll talk to them." Lena agreed both for Stef's sake as well as the children.
"Tonight." Stef said, thinking back to the night Mariana had come home drunk - how easily it could have been her. The thought made her physically shudder causing Lena to look worried.
"Are you okay?" Lena asked as she took a step towards Stef.
"Yes." Stef brushed her off. "I just want them to know what to be careful of. I want them to know so it won't happen to them."
For the first time since Lena found the tests she saw a lone tear slide down Stef's cheek and with a long, uneven breath she took two steps towards Stef and reached out to brush it away gently with her thumb. The action, however, resulted in more tears cascading down her face.
"I don't want this to ever happen to them." Stef said softly, but with a strong determination in her voice. "To any of you."
"We'll talk to them." Lena assured her. She would have liked to say that that it wouldn't but how could she make a promise like that - after they never expected it to happen to Stef either.