Also, I'd like to note that I do not own ABC's One Life to Live or the characters and I will NOT be receiving any payment whatsoever for writing this story. It is intended for entertainment purposes only.
This story takes place BEFORE Marty attacked and killed her psychiatrist, stabbed Kelly, and pushed Natalie from the roof at Angel Square. In this story, those events will not happen. This is my take on the two-Todds story including Marty and with an eerie or supernatural twist. Hope you enjoy the story...
~*Chapter Fourteen - Strength*~
"Todd, I need you. Please come over," Marty said to him on the phone. She sounded like she was choking on her tears. He rushed over, wondering why she sounded so upset.
When he got there, she pressed herself against his chest, holding onto him so tightly while she cried. Todd wrapped her up in the strength of his arms, looking down at her with tenderness and concern. "What is it? What's wrong?" he questioned.
"It didn't work," she told him sadly. "I'm not pregnant..."
"You're sure?" Todd asked. Several days had passed since the insemination, but to him it hadn't seemed like all that long. Surely it was too soon to tell.
"Did you go to the doctor and get a blood test?"
"I could have... but I didn't. I decided to wait instead," she answered as she struggled to calm herself and stop the flow of her tears. "I got my period so there's no need for a test now."
"Damn... I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted-."
"What if it doesn't happen? What if something's wrong with me, and I can't get pregnant again?"
"I don't think anything's wrong with you. Sometimes it just takes more than one time," said Todd as he lead her over to the couch. He eased Marty down onto it's surface as he continued to hold her, stroking her hair in a soothing gesture. He wished he knew some words to make her feel better. She was crying as if her heart was breaking.
"Don't cry, Marty. We'll try again. As many times as it takes," he assured her.
"I don't want to go through it again. The disappointment is too much."
"Maybe next time you won't be disappointed. Maybe next time, it will work."
"Are you sure?" she asked as he snuggled her against his chest.
"Yeah, I am sure it will happen when the time is right," Todd responded as he kissed the top of her head. "No more tears. We have our counseling session later today."
"I've missed you, Todd. I haven't seen you much these past few days."
*Since the insemination,* she silently added.
"I know, babe. I was busy at The Sun. And I..." His voice trailed off. It had been difficult for him, because he knew how much Marty wanted a baby; and to have seen day after day, the longing in her eyes and her excitement would have been agony him. Especially now, knowing there wasn't going to be a baby. He tried to hide it, but he was just as disappointed as she was. He wanted Marty to be pregnant with his child.
"You were avoiding me," she said softly. "Why? Was it something I said during our last counseling session?"
"No. Absolutely not," Todd responded. "It hurts me, too... knowing that it might take several attempts for us to get pregnant. It makes me wish I..." Once again, his voice trailed off, and he couldn't get the words out.
"Makes you wish what, Todd?" she prompted.
"That we could do this the ordinary way. That I could make love to you and just be done with it," Todd stated as he looked into her eyes. "But I can't. I just can't."
"Todd, I don't blame you for this. I understand why you can't... and I'm not pushing you," Marty assured him. "Do you truly want a baby just as much as I do?"
"Yes," Todd said in a voice heavy with longing. "I can't wait till that moment when you tell me the news - you're carrying my child... and I'm going to be a dad again."
She gave him a little smile. He leaned forward, gently kissing her lips. "I love you," she said to him in soft whisper as she caressed his cheek. He didn't say the words, but she could see the love shining in his eyes.
~*~o~*~
A few hours later, they were at their counseling session. "Last time we were planning to talk about the past. Marty, would you like to start?" Ray offered. "What would you like to talk about today?"
"I'd like to talk about Megan," responded Marty.
"Who's Megan?" Ray asked.
"Megan was our daughter," Todd answered.
"I didn't know that you and Marty had a daughter," Ray said to Todd.
"No one knew, except my doctor and a couple of very close friends," Marty spoke up. "I kept my pregnancy to myself, because I was fragile emotionally and not prepared to deal with the constant stares and comments should anyone discover I was expecting my rapist's child. Megan was conceived the night Todd and I had consentual sex."
"I had a very difficult pregnancy. I nearly lost Megan several times. I made it to my sixth month, then I had an accident. I slipped on the staircase, and Megan was born far too early. She only lived a short while," Marty explained as tears stung at her eyes. "After she died, I dealt with a great deal of guilt. I felt as though it was somehow my fault, because I was under so much stress. I thought that if maybe I had taken better care of myself, Megan might not have died."
"I also suffered from intense guilt for not telling Todd about our child. Instead of dealing with my grief and the feelings of guilt, I locked it all up inside. I thought if I didn't talk about it, then it wouldn't hurt so bad. I realize now that I was wrong. Years later, when I lost the child I was carrying with John, the pain of losing Megan crept up again. I was so traumatized that it lead to me kidnapping Natalie's baby."
"When it was discovered that I had kidnapped Liam, I ended up in St. Ann's. The doctors there helped me to see that I needed to deal with the pain and guilt head-on. I had to put the past to rest, so I could concentrate on the future," Marty stated.
"You were recently hospitalized at St. Ann's?" asked Ray.
"Yes, I was sent there for care after Liam's kidnapping. I was there for a few months until Todd helped me escape," Marty explained.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Ray. I did help Marty leave the institution before she had been released," Todd spoke up. "I was hoping you could speak to Marty's doctors there and tell them that Marty is getting counseling here at your practice. I wouldn't want John McBain or anyone else to say Marty needs to be returned to St. Ann's for further care."
"I'd be willing to do that as long as Marty continues to attend her therapy sessions. I don't feel that she needs the ongoing care she'd receive at St. Ann's at this time," responded Ray.
"Thank you, Ray," Marty said with relief. She didn't want to have to go back to St. Ann's. She wouldn't want to be separated from Todd. Especially now when they were in the process of trying to conceive a child. She cherished her time with Starr and her little granddaughter. She was also looking forward to visiting Cole in prison. She couldn't do that if she was hospitalized at St. Ann's.
"Marty, is there anything else you'd like to say about the past?" Ray questioned.
"Yes," Marty responded as she turned to look at Todd.
"Todd, I am sorry."
Todd looked at her searchingly. "Why are you apologizing?" Todd asked her.
"For not telling you we had a daughter. For keeping it from you all those years..."
"Marty, you did nothing wrong. I wasn't capable of being a father then. I was totally messed up... and I hurt you terribly. I don't blame you for anything that happened back then," Todd told her. "Maybe if things had gone differently..."
"But they didn't go differently," Marty said sadly. "I lost our child."
"It wasn't your fault. It was a terrible accident. You're not to blame. If anyone's to blame, it is me," Todd responded sorrowfully.
"Why do you feel you are to blame?" Ray questioned.
"Because I wasn't there for Marty. Because I put her through so much stress and nearly destroyed her life," answered Todd.
"So now we are back to that again," Ray said to Todd. "Todd, do you believe that Marty has forgiven you?"
Todd looked at Marty and slowly nodded. "I believe that she has."
"Can you try to forgive yourself, knowing that the one you hurt has granted you forgiveness?" Ray asked.
"I'd like to, but I don't know how," Todd stated. "I'm not sure I can do it, but for Marty, I can try."
"Don't just do it for Marty. You gotta do it for yourself. Because you have become a better person. Because you've gone through hell, and you're trying to make something of your life. I know you have the strength and the courage to do this, Todd. Marty and I are going to help you," Ray promised.
Marty reached out and took Todd's hand. "I want a future with you, Todd. And we can't have a future until we can put the ugliness of our past behind us," she told him.
"Alright, let's end the session right there then. You are both making wonderful progress. Thank you for sharing with me the loss of your daughter," Ray expressed.
"We appreciate all your help, Ray," Marty told him.
"Next time we'll talk about what strides Todd is making so he can begin to forgive himself," Ray said before they left.
*Ohhh great,* Todd thought to himself as he and Marty left Ray's office. Ray thought they were making progress, but it really didn't seem like it to him. He never realized how much the counseling sessions were helping him until they got in the car and he asked Marty if she'd like to go out for lunch with him before their next insemination appointment.
"Todd, did you just ask me out on a date?" Marty asked as she gave him a beautiful smile.
"Yeah, I think so," he said with a small chuckle. "You'll have lunch with me, won't you?"
"I'd love that," she told him as she reached across the front of the car to give him a soft, lingering kiss.
~*~o~*~
Several days later they enjoyed lunch at the Palace Hotel before their appointment at the Fertility Clinic. Todd knew that Marty was upset and uneasy about going through the procedure again, so he tried telling jokes to make Marty feel better. After awhile, she broke down and told him how nervous she had been the first time.
"It was all so cold and sterile... and afterwards, I had cramping for a long while..." she told him.
Todd reached over and took her hand into his, giving it a soft squeeze. "I know this sucks, baby... but you just gotta try to relax during the procedure. Try to think pleasant thoughts. Maybe you could think of the reward we're going to have. The baby we both want," he encouraged her.
She nodded, thankful that he seemed to understand. She found herself wishing he could be there with her, holding her hand. She didn't want to ask it of him though, considering he had his own part to play when it came to the procedure.
"It'll be alright, Marty. You'll see," Todd promised as he raised her hand to his lips and gently kissed it.
Feeling reassured, Marty made it through the rest of lunch and the second insemintation procedure. As Todd sat in the little room at the clinic, doing his "part," he thought of Marty's disappointment and all of her tears. He decided right then and there that if this attempt wasn't successful, he'd have to go to drastic extremes to make sure that Marty's dreams did come true.